Song Suggestion: Artist Vs Poet – Miserably Loving You & Broken – Lifehouse

Remember this moment

He could explain? He would explain. I felt as though my head was spinning. I couldn't focus on his face without getting a severe pain in my forehead. "Damon," I whined, blinking rapidly. "What's going on?" I pressed two fingers to my temples and rubbed.

"It's alright, Elena." he soothed.

"Damon, explain!" I demaded.

"You're compulsion is wearing off. Just close your eyes and allow your brain to remember. It will stop the pain." I did as I was told, shutting my eyes and letting my brain give in to the struggle of forgetting. My mind whirled, taking me to another place. I recgonized it at once. It was my bedroom.

Emerging from the bathroom, I prepared myself for bed. I was dead tired. Today had been a long day and I was emotionally exhausted. Brushing my hair out of my face, I looked up to find someone was waiting for me.

"Cute PJ's," he smirked. I blinked my eyes at him.

"I'm tired, Damon."

He didn't say anything, only stood and began to drift closer to me. I recognized the object that he held immediately. "Brought you this." he said and held up my vervain necklace. How did he get that? It was so important to me – a gift from Stefan that kept me safe from the power of vampires.

"I thought that was gone." I stated, shocked. My eyes flickered to his face and then back to the necklace. He shook his head. "Thank you," I murmured, extending my hand to take it from his grasp. He pulled it away. Confused, I stared at him. What was he doing?

My eyes found his and I kept them locked there. "Please give it back." I demanded, now scared. Oh god...what was he trying to do? Why won't he give me it?

"I just have to say something," he admitted.

Now I'm really terrified. "Why do you have to say it with my necklace?" My eyes never left his. He looked rather... nervous. Did Damon ever yet nervous? He was now. Oh no..this was bad. This was going to be very bad.

My question had caught him off guard. "Well..because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."

Selfish? No.. Damon...don't. Don't do it. My heart ached. No, he couldn't admit what I thought he was going to admit. "Damon don't go there." I warned. Please. Don't go to that dreadful place of admitting something that may forever change the way I look at you. Change the way I feel about you. Don't. Damon... no...please...

"No, I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it." He insists. He steps closer to me and I find myself strangely drawn to him. His face is inches from mine. I can't rip my eyes away from his. I am staring at his soul...and he stares back at mine. He searches for something within me while admitting, "I love you, Elena."

I blink, taking a moment to process those words. He..loves...me? Damon Salvatore loves me? But he loves Katherine. For him it always was Katherine. Why me? Why now? Did I love him back?

Stupid Elena. Of course you don't.

He continues speaking and I feel sick. "And it's because I love you that...I can't be selfish with you." I look at him indifferently, seeing Damon as he truly is. Here he was in front of me pouring his heart out – something I had wished from Damon many times. I just wished that Stefan's older brother was more caring. More true. More real. That he would understand that he didn't hide what he was feeling. Now that I know he was feeling THIS, I wanted him to bottle it back up again.

But in a way I am glad. He's confessing to me. He wants me to know who he is and what he is capable of. I do, Damon. I know.

"And why you can't know this." he says. "I don't deserve you." My heart literally reaches out to him. I can't comprehend what he is feeling at the moment. He knows..he's known all along that he is a bad person. He tells me that he doesn't deserve me. That I shouldn't love him back. How selfless, I realize, that he's being. I open my mouth to say something to him, anything, but I have nothing to say and Damon is already speaking again. "But my brother does."

I stare at him, dumbfounded. Damon..you are being so honest with me. This is the Damon I am friends with. This is the Damon I care about. This is my Damon. He leans forward and for a moment I think he's going to press his lips to mine. But instead his lips find my forehead and I close my eyes.

I find myself savoring this moment.

His face is so close to mine that I could feel his breath. Tangy and sweet. Why can't I speak? Why can't I say something? He pulls away and I stare at his lips, trying hard to avoid his eyes now. I can't face him.

He strokes my face with a gentle hand. "God I wish you didn't have to forget this." I could feel my face twitch as I meet his eyes again. Forget? What does he mean by forget? "But you do."

A single tear drops from the eyes that I am now mesmorized in. Damon's eyes.

I gasp, coming back to reality. He is looking at me innocently. He made me forget. He made me forget the kind of person I always wanted him to reveal to me. He made me forget how he felt. He made me feel empty. For all those days I felt empty when looking at him,

Like a piece of me was missing. A piece that belonged to him.

He made me forget.

"Elena?" he asks, watching me intently. "Say something."

I don't say anything. Instead I reach forward and slap him across the face. Hard. Tears form in my eyes and fall down my face. "Screw you, Damon." I cry, spinning around and making my way toward the front door. I did not see what his reaction was to my slap. I could imagine it was hurt. Pain. Loss.

I don't care. He made me forget. I don't care anymore.

I'm so done.

Pushing my way out the front door and into my car, I start the engine. It's hard for me to see through these tears. Even harder, I imagine, it will be to drive. Reaching for my cell phone I dial Bonnie's number and this time, thankfully, she answers almost immediately.

"Hey, Elena. I was just going to call you. Still want me to-"

I interrupt her with a desperate sob. "Bonnie. Are you home?"

"Yes. Elena, what's wrong?"

"Damon."

She is quiet and then panic sets into her voice. "What did he do? What's wrong? Is he okay? Are you okay?"

"I'll tell you when I get there." Tears are still falling from my eyes. God, Damon. Why did you have to make everything so perfect and then destroy it? Why do you make me feel like this?

"OK, Elena. Hurry."

I mutter a quick 'OK' back to her and then hang up the phone. I pound the steering wheel with my fists. How dare he take away my memory. Take away the one thing I've always wanted from him: his confession. The confession that he feels. That he cares. That he loves. Here I thought I was seeing it all for the first time a week ago on his deathbed. No, he had told me it all before and simply wiped my memory clear of it.

How dare he.

When I got to Bonnie's house, she opened her arms for me and I fell into them. She was always there for me. "Oh, Bonnie." I cried. She soothed me.

"Elena. It's OK. Shh," her hands rubbed my back. I looked at her with a broken expression. "What happened?"

"He made me forget." She didn't quite understand, so she sat me down and gave me a tissue to wipe the wetness from my eyes with where I could explain further.
"Damon told me he loved me and then he took it all away, Bonnie." I sniffed. "When I was with Rose and Elijah. That night Stefan and Damon came to get me. He was in my bedroom and told me everything he felt."

Bonnie stared at me with dark eyes of disbelief. "Damon..as in Damon Salvatore? What did he say to you?"

I nodded. "He told me that I needed to hear it: that he loved me. He told me he couldn't be selfish and that...that...he didn't deserve me. That Stefan deserved me. Bonnie, he took it away!"

"God, Elena. I'm so sorry..."

"That's all I wanted, Bonnie. For Damon to prove to me that he wasn't a shell. That he cared. He cared about me. About Stefan. About everything. And when he finally did, he took it away from me." I wiped my eyes.

She looked at me for a long moment and then decided, "Elena...I think you need to make a decision for yourself."

Confused, I looked to her. "What do you mean?"
"Do you want Damon or do you want Stefan? Because you're in love with both of them."

"Wh-what? Bonnie..why would you say that? I love Stefan."

"Are you sure? Because it's obvious about the way Damon feels about you. And..it's obvious that you're fighting the way you feel about him, too." She held her hands up. "Don't get mad. I'm just stating what I'm seeing. What everyone sees."

"Why are you saying this to me?" Katherine's words played through my head. It's OK to love them both. I did.

"Because I'm your friend. I want you to be happy.. and although Damon isn't a very nice person – if he makes you happy, then..." she trailed off, eyes captivating mine. Was that true? Did Damon make me happy?

Here came realization. Damon did love me and he certainly made me happy but Stefan was always on my mind. I loved Stefan and I would do anything for Stefan. Yet hearing those heart-warming, honest words come from Damon's mouth: I don't deserve you..but my brother does and me, protesting, that he deserved me because he was selfless... it was hard to deny that I felt something for Damon. I remember, once, when Damon came to my room drunk and told me that I was lying to myself. That he could prove that I loved him.

He had kissed me and I pushed him away, admitting, I care about you, I do, but I love Stefan.

So what is it, Elena? Do you love Damon? Do you love Stefan?

Do you love them both?

Which do you love more?

"Bonnie...I can't. Damon is just a very good friend to me. I care about him. I'd be upset if I lost him and I value his friendship but..." I shook my head. "I don't love him."

Bonnie nodded slowly. "OK, Elena. I know it's hard for you with Stefan being gone. I don't want to make you question yourself."

I took a deep, shaky breath. Why is it I'm always a mess? Wiping my eyes once more, I decided to tell Bonnie about the night Klaus took Stefan. "The main reason why this hurt me so much is that...Damon admitted he loved me the night Stefan and Klaus took off. The night Katherine brought the cure."

"He did?"

I nodded. "And I kissed him."

"You did?"

I nodded.

"...well, what else happened?" She pressed. I looked at her.

"Nothing. He just told me he loved me and that he was sorry for everything he's done to hurt me." I turned to my gaze toward the floor. "I forgave him, too."

"Elena.."

"What?"

"You two are so..emotional. I can't take it."

I sighed impatiently. "We both thought that he was dying. He was drifting away, Bonnie. I wanted to give him a goodbye. Something that would make him happy. I forgave him and gave him a last kiss."

She gave me a skeptive look as if the things I were telling her made no sense. When , actually, they did. At least they did to me. Damon knew it was a last goodbye kiss, didn't he? Yes, he did. I was certain. He had thanked me for it, afterall. "Listen, can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go back to Damon."

"Of course," Bonnie insisted.

And so I stayed at Bonnie's for the night. We talked a bit more about her and Jeremy, Stefan, Caroline, but never Damon and I was thankful for that. Later that night, laying in bed, my mind was spinning with thoughts of him. I couldn't get him out of my head.

I couldn't get that night he had compelled me to forget. The way the words flowed so naturally from his mouth; I love you, Elena...

What if I said "I love you, Damon."? Would they flow as naturally like his?

And what about his arms? When I was in them, I felt secure and safe. Much safer than I ever did being embraced by Stefan. With Stefan, my heart swelled with love. With Damon, my whole body swelled with so many different emotions. It had become hard to deny. I cared about Damon. I love him – but was I in love with him? I'm here for you, Stefan or no Stefan...

I'm being incredibly selfish, I realized. I didn't just need Damon; Damon needed me, too. It wasn't just my boyfriend I was losing because Damon was losing his little brother. I was letting little, annoying things like my emotions get in the way of making Damon happy and getting Stefan home.

I knew what I had to do. Careful not to wake Bonnie, I slipped out of the house. Upon meeting the Salvatores I had become exceptionally well at sneaking out of houses. Turning on my car, the dashboard blinked the numbers "2:13 AM". It was that late..er, early? Damon was asleep by now.

But I needed to see him. So he would just have to wake up.

When I got there, I took a deep breath and instantly regretted coming. He was probably pissed off because I hit him. What if he told me to get out? What if he completely shut me out? Please, Damon, don't push me away...

Walking through the long halls, I felt utterly empty. I glanced into Stefan's room when I passed it, finding it dark and empty. I shuddered once; as if his presence still clung to it.

Damon's door was closed and it creaked when I opened it. A stream of light shown through the darkness and onto his bed – where Damon's body lay sleeping. I bit my lip. Don't be a coward. You came here and you're going to fulfill the purpose of coming back to him.

Wetness filled my eyes as I slowly walked over to the bed and slid in beside him. He was laying on his back, head toward me. I placed my hand on his arm and felt the eletric currents buzz out of control between us. I couldn't see his eyes and therefore could not determine whether he had woken or not. I didn't care.

"Damon..." I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't of hit you."

He didn't answer me. I waited, just laying next to him, waiting for him to wake up and tell me he accepted my apology. He didn't. I continued, "I was upset. The only thing I've ever wanted from you was for you to prove to me that you cared. You loved me. You loved Stefan... you were selfless when you said you didn't deserve me. How could you take that away?" Tears rolled off of my cheeks. I could taste the salt as they rolled over my lips. I gripped his arm tighter.

And then his husky and thick with sleep voice broke through the darkness and whispered back at me, "I thought it was better that you didn't know how I felt."

I exhaled, quite shocked that he was awake. And rather frightened. "It wasn't better. So many times I've looked at you and felt like there was something missing between us."

I felt him breathe next to me. His body moved now - he was on his side facing toward me. I could see his face. His eyes. They were open, looking at me rather confused. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes." I said honestly. "And..Damon?"

"Yes?"

"..you do deserve me." I pressed myself closer to him and rested my forehead on his chest. He put his arms lightly around me.

This was the second time that I climbed into this big, golden bed with Damon Salvatore.

"I'm so sorry, Elena. I didn't think.. I mean, why would you care that I told you that I loved you?"

Good question, I realized. There was only one answer to that and I didn't know if I would have the courage to admit it to him. Should I? Could I? Yes, I could. "Because I love you, too." He was silent for a few minutes.

"You do?"

"Yes. I'm just...I've always loved you. I just can't determine if I'm in love with you. You are so important to me. I never want to lose you."

He hugged me tighter. "You won't lose me."

"Can you forgive me for slapping you?"

He chuckled. "It's not like I'm not used to it."

I blushed, even though he couldn't see it. "Right. I tend to hit you a lot."

"And I tend to make mistakes. But it works out in the end, I think."

His scent filled my nostrils. It was so heavenly. He was so heavenly. Every part of him. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's alright. I woke up as soon as the front door opened. You're very noisy." Damon smirked. I rolled my eyes. He was totally messing with me. The wetness on my face was being absorbed by his shirt.

"Don't cry," he pleaded.

"I know. I can't help it. I'm just so confused. How do you make me feel like this?" I asked.

"I don't mean to make you confused or make you cry."

"I know you don't, Damon. I meant: how do you make me care about you so much?"

"..gifted, I suppose?" He smiled. I smiled, too.

"Must be."

"So are you sleeping here tonight or are you leaving again?"

I thought about that for a moment and said, "I should go.." and breathed against him; inhaling him. "But I'll stay."

My JESUS FREAKING CHRIST. Excuse my language, but this chapter was so much fun to write. I literally cried while writing it because I got so emotional. DAMON & ELENA Please please please please please review. I took the advice of a certain reviewer and had Elena get super pissed at Damon for compelling her. But we all knew that she'd forgive him.

I know, I keep updating this story quickly..but I just can't help it! I'm so attached! Xoxo.

-Otter