Much thanks to dedicated reader and reviewer (and partial idea giver!) Mic7K. This chapter is dedicated to you. I don't own TVD, by the way – I just like playing with them!
Song Suggestion: The Script – Nothing (Drinking Version)
I know that I haven't updated recently. I'm sorry, but then again I'm not. The reason I haven't been writing is because I'm addicted to TVD Youtube videos! Unf. If everyone would do me a great favor and watch these amaizng videos by FatallyxFragile on youtube, thanks. Look at her stuff! She's AMAZING. You guys seriously don't even know! Here's three videos that really captured my heart. (PLUS SHE SHIPS DELENA!)
.com/watch?v=Fluk-Om4hJg&feature=player_profilepage
.com/watch?v=Q4PVp3oL7Lo
.com/watch?v=Tdzh9DD1Lio&feature=related
These are just 3 that really tore my heart out. She has TONS of more videos. Just search key words like "Damon" or "The Vampire Diaries" on her profile. Lemme know how you liked the vids!
I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Elena was first to fall asleep. Her words rang in my head. "Because I love you, too." I can't think of anything that was cause her to creep into my bed in the early morning and whisper this to me. Was she playing a game? Was she toying with me? Was this Katherine?
I pressed my nose to her hair and inhaled her scent.
No, this was Elena. My Elena. My human Elena.
She feels so fragile in my arms. So natural. God, I wish she were mine. But she isn't. She's with Stefan. He deserves her. She deserves him. "..you do deserve me." Apparently I deserve her, too. I can't believe that. I can't believe that because she is so innocent and so kind and caring and she cares. I kill people. I've done so much to hurt her. I even killed her brother. Damn it, Damon – why? Why do you choose to hide yourself from her?
Elena stirs in my arms. I don't know how long I can stay like this. I want to stay forever, but her body touching mine sends a shiver down my spine. I feel my own body reacting to her touch. It always reacts this way, but this is different. She's in my arms. She's touching me. She's in my bed. She's on my chest. She told me she loved me. She told me I deserved her.
The instinct to take her now is hard to fight. But I do, because she is Stefan's and I wouldn't invade her like that. I wouldn't hurt her like that. It's funny, in a way – I tell myself I'd never hurt her. But I've hurt her too many times to count. Why does she forgive me?
Kissing the top of her head, I sigh, "I love you."
I half-expect a "I know," or a "I love you, too." to whisper back to me in the darkness. But there are no words from my Elena. She just breathes in rythem, her chest heaving up and down. Her body flinches once or twice and I wonder what she's dreaming about. Who she's dreaming about.
Stefan? Bonnie?
...Me?
I hate the fact that she remembers my confession that night in her room. Yet in a way I am also glad. She deserves the right to know, doesn't she? I just couldn't stand the idea of her hating me for it. I was...afraid. Or nervous to how she would react. I never expected her to crawl into my bed and ask me to forgive her when it was me who should have been begging for forgiveness. I take a deep breath. But it's Stefan she's in love with it. It is my baby brother that will get to hold her forever, kiss her, listen to her problems, make love to her..
and it is me who will watch forever, dying to be in his place. Dying for her to want me. Dying for her to kiss me with everything she has. Dying for her to touch my body with desire.
She makes a light sound and clutches to me harder.
I suppose this will suffice. At least I have this opportunity. At least I have this. At least I have her as a friend. I can't lose her. I can't ever leave her. "So many times I've looked at you and felt like there was something missing between us."
This, I'll admit, stunned me. She looked at me and...actually felt something? Of course I always suspected that she was denying what she felt for me – that there was something there. But she felt that something was missing between us. Did it draw her to me? Did it push her away from me?
This feeling she spoke about was one that I was very familiar with. I have always looked at Elena and felt like we were spiritually connected. She is the only one who could make me feel like this. I've never felt this way with Katherine. My love for Katherine was insane, demented, unreal, and a lie. My love for Elena is passionate, caring, real, and soft.
Sometime counting sheep, I fall asleep.
My arms are around Elena when I wake up. She is facing away from me and I am instantly aware of her back pressed against my stomach. I shift myself, the warmth and touch of her making me squirm. I don't want to leave her. I want to stay, like this, forever. Her pocket buzzes and I reach for her cell phone before it could wake her up.
Three new messages from Bonnie.
I won't invade her privacy. What her and the witch talk about really isn't any of my business. I throw the device behind me and it bounces on the mattress. Taking Elena into my arms again, I snuggle her. This is a jackass thing to do, isn't it? To hold my baby brother's girlfriend while he's out doing god knows what. Jesus, Stefan, why are you such a handful? One day, hopefully soon, I'm going to murder Klaus. Problem is that I don't know how.
But I guess this isn't a jackass move because I know that Elena needs somebody. She has nobody to turn to. In the back of my mind, I hear his words. Promise me, that no matter what happens, you'll protect her.
He whispered this to me that night Stefan was stuck in the tomb with Katherine and I had nodded a "Promise." in response to him. I would always protect Elena. I would always choose Elena. No matter what happens. To me. To Stefan. To her.
My eyes travel her body and rest on that beautiful, angelic face. Why is she so innocent? Why is she so fragile? A monster, I am, holding an angel in my arms. Beauty in the arms of Beast. That's what we are. Because I've killed people, I drink blood, and I continue to hurt her. And she is beautiful, caring, and selfless. She stirs now and I pull my arms back, afraid of what she'll do or say. No doubt she'll wake with regret.
Turning over, she blinks at me and yawns, "Damon?" More awake now, she jolts upright into a sitting position. "Damon!"
I rest my cheek on my hand and smirk at her. "Good morning to you too, sunshine."
She looks around, taking in the scene. "So last night wasn't a dream..." she murmurs under her breath. Her eyes rest on my face and I can't help but feel my face twitch.
"A nightmare, you mean?" I suggest.
"You are not a nightmare, Damon." she scoffs, blinking her brown orbs. "This is good. I'm glad that I was able to...get it off my chest..you know?"
I know what it is but I won't mention it. Speaking of chests, hers is marvelous. I have a delicious view down her shirt but I try to keep my eyes away. You can't blame me: I'm a man.
I nod. "Of course. By the way, your phone has been buzzing. Tell the witch I said hello." I grab the phone in one quick motion and throw it on her lap. In the second she realizes what I've done, I'm already off the bed and walking out of the doorway.
"Where are you going?" she calls. I smile at the panic in her voice.
"I'm thirsty." I call back over my shoulder. She doesn't say anything, but sits on my bed and murmurs quiet words to Bonnie. I can hear her, still on my bed, even after I've poured myself two glasses and drank its contents. Eventually she comes downstairs and finds me sitting on the couch. I press my third glass to my lips and do not meet her eyes.
She sighs. "Bonnie is angry with me."
I still don't look at her. "Because you left?"
"Yeah. She was worried, I guess. But I set her straight."
I shrug. "She'll get over it."
Elena walks over to the couch and plops herself down next to me. I look at her, raising my eyebrows mischievously. I keep her gaze until she looks away. "I know she will. She knows how I feel. She can't blame me for coming back to you."
Bonnie knew about Elena and I? Damn it, Damon. You and Elena aren't anything. You aren't even something. Just two people fighting back the emotions they have for eachother.
Just two people trying to use Stefan as an excuse not to let fate take place where it's supposed to.
"Like I said," I repeat, drinking the rest of my glass and setting it down on the coffee table, "She'll get over it."
Elena sighs. "I'm bored,"
I snicker. "I didn't realize I was such a bore to you. Could of fooled me, though, considering how much fun we were having yesterday." It's funny how, somehow, I'd forgotten the way Elena laughed while I shook my hips to Taylor Swift and Amy Winehouse. I'd forgotton how much she smiled. I'd forgotton how hurt she looked when she remembered what I made her forget.
A weak smile curves at Elena's lips. "Right. You're a bad dancer."
My jaw drops. "Are you kidding?"
"Yes, Damon, I am. I've danced with you before. You can be a..very good dancer, I suppose, when the moment requests it. But most of the time you don't realize what you look like."
I roll my eyes. "You can't dance either."
She looks hurt. "Yes, I can. I was a cheerleader,"
"Cheerleaders aren't dancers. They jump around and have stiff movements. A stripper, now, is a dancer." I smirk. "I don't suppose you'll strip for me, though. None taken."
Elena seems disgusted. Good. "I've never even attempted stripping."
I fake my shock. "Really? Really? The Elena Gilbert: never stripped? How shocking!" She picks up the pillow and hits me with it. I laugh. She laughs, too, a musical sound.
"Shut up!" she demands.
"Lemme take a wild guess here..." I put a finger to my chin. "I'd say out of you, vampire Barbie, and the Witch: Barbie is the stripper."
Elena frowns. "Damon."
"Yes?"
"Caroline isn't a slut. Or a stripper."
I shrug. "Strippers are hot. Classy ones, though."
I'm suddenly aware of the jealousy that is radiating off of Elena. She's..jealous? Of Caroline? Really? Or was it because I stated strippers were hot? Hmm. Interesting.
"So Barbie's the stripper; Bonnie is the virgin."
Elena laughs. "Bonnie is not a virgin."
I look over at her and waggle my eyebrows. "So that would you be you?"
She blushes. "Not me, either."
"Unfortunately I've heard that one, myself." I shudder. In truth, listening to Stefan and Elena was probably the most repulsive noise I've ever heard. It was just so... ugh. I always left the house, unwilling to listen to my baby brother get it on with his girlfriend.
Worse, his girlfriend that I am in love with.
She blushes deeper. "Um," and coughs. She feels awkward and she should. I shouldn't have to listen to her and Stefan's moans.
"Who was the first, then?" I ask.
She blinks, confused. "First what?"
"To lose their precious little girl innocence," I explain. My eyes are staring into hers now. I know she won't lie to me, but I can tell she feels ashamed to admit her answer.
"Well... the first person was me."
Now it's my turn to feel awkward. My Elena? I could only imagine her giggling to her friends about the experience. It makes me want to hurt someone.
She continues. "Then, naturally, Caroline was a bit jealous. So then it was her. Bonnie was less eager and really didn't care but eventually she lost it, too." She shrugs.
"Hmm," I murmur, drinking my glass. I take small sips while I digest what Elena has just thrown at me.
"Who was first?" she asks. My eyes flicker to her.
"What?"
"You o-or Stefan?" I almost laugh when she asks me this. Laugh because the I'm sure the answer she predicts isn't the answer I'm going to give her. Call me classy, and old school, but I had lost my virginity to Katherine. I kept myself pure until the woman I had loved with everything I had came along. At the time, I believed it to be Katherine. And so it was - she took my innocence.
Stefan, on the other hand, was not a virgin when we stumbled across the bitch.
I wink at Elena. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
She shifts uncomfortably. "I'm serious. I do."
"Who do you think lost it first?"
She doesn't answer right away but instead searches my face for an aswer. She gives up, admitting, "You, I think."
Interesting. "And why do you think it was me?"
"Damon-" she begins to complain before I cut her off.
"I'm serious, Elena. I wanna know." I flash her a charming smile. She huffs.
"It just seems like...well, I don't know. That you've...um..had more girls than..Stefan." She admits sheepishly while her eyes rest on the ground. She clutches her knees to her chest. She thought I was more experienced than Stefan? I was, of course, way more experienced than my baby brother and now hearing Elena admit it was like..like...pure bliss. Call me arrogant.
I laugh out loud. "Well you're right about having more women. But it was little Steffy who lost it first. Not me."
She meets my eyes, probably debating whether I'm telling the truth or not. I am. "With who?"
I groan. "Elena, I don't keep track of who my brother has had sex with. Even for the first time. That's repulsive."
She nods. "Right, right. Sorry."
I am enjoying this conversation way too much, I realize. So instead I focus on another point in our puzzle that is life. "You should call back Bonnie. Get her over here and try that spell."
Elena does as told, pulling out her cell phone and dialing the witch's number. I listen to their conversation closely. Bonnie answers on the first ring.
"Elena?"
"Hey, Bonnie." Elena greets, standing up and walking out of the room. A sign that she felt uncomfortable speaking on the phone with me right beside her. How weird, considering the fact that Elena knows I could still hear them both clearly. "You still mad at me?"
"Mmm...yes. And, well, no. I guess I can forgive you. I'm sorry, Elena, but you had me terrified. I didn't know if you were safe. I didn't know who you were with or where you were."
"I know. I'm sorry, I should of left a note. Or texted you."
"What's going on? What happened with Damon last night?" The curiosity in the witch's tone was almost unbearable.
"Uh.. I'll tell you later. I need to ask you a favor. Is there a spell that you could do to try and track Stefan? Katherine gave us some information."
"Katherine did? Are you sure she gave you valid information, Elena? You shouldn't trust her. I don't." Good point, Bonnie.
Elena took a deep breath. "I know, Bonnie, but it's all we have. It's a start, at least. If we don't take Katherine's information then we have absolutely nothing. And I'm not going to sit here and..and..not even try. I owe it to Stefan. We all do."
Bonnie was quiet for a few moments. "Do you want me to come over now?"
"If you can."
"I'm on my way." Bonnie seemed unsure of herself. "Is Damon there?"
"Of course," Elena stated. I smirked.
"Alright. See you soon." the witch hung up with a swift 'click'. I acted natural when Elena wandered back over to the couch and plopped down beside me.
"Bonnie's on her way."
"I know." I press the glass to my lips. She blinks and sighs.
"Should of known you were listening."
"Why?" I question. "Something to hide?"
"No," she argues back sheepishly. "But it's rude to eavesdrop."
I snort and then shrug my shoulders.
It took Bonnie a solid twenty minutes but, eventually, she got here. I folded my arms as she embraced Elena and looked at me with judgey eyes. I just roll my eyes. Bitch.
"So where did Katherine suggest we look?" Bonnie asks when we are all sitting around a table of candles. She has open her little witch book of spells. I put my faith into her, though. I know she can find Stefan if she puts her mind to it. And she will.
Elena shifts uncomfortably. "She told us to try England. It's where Klaus originated, I guess."
"I can't search all of England for Stefan, Elena. It's not that easy."
"Well do something, Bonnie." I groan. She shoots me a death glare and I ignore it. She pulls out a pocket knife – why the hell is she carrying around a knife? - and walks over to me. The look on her face makes me itch. It's smug. She looks me in the eye and says,
"I need your blood." With a quick flick of movement, she has sliced my arm. I growl, a hand instinctively flying over my wound. It will heal in seconds but it still hurts like a bitch. "What the hell!" I snarl, my whole body tensing. Bonnie has her back to me and I prepare to lunge for her.
But Elena steps in my way, a hand on my chest. I hold back the urge to shiver.
"She needs your blood, Damon. Let it go. It's to find Stefan, remember? To find Stefan." She is cautious and it makes me sick. Did she really think I was going to hurt the witch? I blink, my orbs burning into hers.
With a snappy remark I reply, "Of course, Elena." My Elena sighs and turns to her friend, trusting me not to pull anything stupid. God, I wish I could just tear Bonnie up right now. But I can't. Not for everything she's done for my brother and I. Not for everything she's done for Elena.
And certainly because I couldn't put that pain on Elena. Be the better man and all that jazz. Bonnie rubs her hands together, droplets of my blood on the inside of her palms. She whispers words that I can't understand. I assume a spell.
Her book opens up randomly and its pages quickly shuffle amongst themselves. I stay back, watching and waiting. Elena watches Bonnie's face eagerly; looking for a sign that she should stop her friend from hurting herself in the process of performing a spell. I, frankly, don't care. Bonnie's small chants turn into even smaller whines. Her face scrunches in pain and Elena whispers, "Bonnie?"
But Bonnie doesn't notice. She keeps running her palms together rougher and rougher until, finally, she begans panting and crying. Elena shakes her friend yelling, "Bonnie! Bonnie! Damon?" she looks to me now, frantic. I suppose it's time for me to step in. But before I do, Bonnie falls onto the table. Her arms fly out and catch herself before she could smash into it face-first. Blood smears everywhere. Onto her book. Onto my table.
"What happened?" I demand, circling around the two. Elena's hands are gripping Bonnie's shoulders. Bonnie struggles to breathe.
"Bonnie? Did you see him? Are they in England?" Elena presses. Bonnie shakes her head, eyes meeting mine.
"No...they're not in England. My god, Damon...it's horrible."
I blink, eyebrows pressed together in agreement. I know just how horrible Stefan is. I know that this is the worst he has ever been.
"Bonnie? Where .are. they?" Elena asks.
Bonnie swallows heavily. "They're in Mystic Falls."
Thanks for reading. Please review!
~0tter