As brightly decorated posters advertising the play were spattered around the school, it became more a more apparent just how little time we had left. It hadn't really hit me until then, that in just a few short months, I'd be on my own. Graduated from high school and, I hoped, free. I didn't have any particular plans. I'd applied and gotten scholarships, acceptance letters from colleges, but none of them really pulled me in. There was nothing I was particularly good at except cooking and techie work on stage. Who knew, I might even take a year off. Alice said she'd take me backpacking through Europe, but I sort of had to dismiss the idea as soon as it was presented. While I liked to think that my boyfriend didn't control every little aspect of my life, he was definitely a factor in holding me back. The trouble was, I'd never been very good at making up my mind or taking the lead in getting what I wanted. Apathy was definitely among my flaws. I guess that's why Edward and I worked so well at first. Because he did know how to treat a girl when he wanted to, make her feel like she was the only thing in the world that mattered. He took charge. But now I was afraid that, to him, I really was the only thing he had. It was too much pressure, for at least me if not him as well. Edward was no longer the center of my universe and the shine had worn off fast.

Alice fluttered by me, streamers flowing from her hands, waltzing as she decorated the halls. Could a spark like that ever burn down? She'd been like this forever as far as I knew, as far as anyone knew really. Nothing brought her down. And I guessed that nothing ever would. They, the vampires, were frozen in more ways than their bodies. They could learn all there was to know in the world but still be themselves. Their personality would not change. I thought about that for a long time, and though I tried not to, I couldn't help but compare my best friend and Edward. It wasn't like it was a competition or anything, though any way I looked at it, Alice won. The people you fill your life with should make you happy. When I was with Alice, unless of course I was thinking of Edward, I felt normal at worst, overjoyed at best. The two extremes with Edward were bad and worse. That definitely put things in perspective for me.

So after school I strapped on my armor and went into battle.

I met him by his car, waves of kids rushing past to their own vehicles. It was almost too sunny for the Cullens to be roaming about. But I was glad for the good weather. It gave me just that slight push of energy I needed.

"You don't need to say anything," he told me. "I already know."

"I need to talk with you though. It's really important."

"Why don't you just talk to-?" he started, eyes cold. I knew who he was referring to, but I was glad he caught himself. He was trying.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that, Edward. I've probably done a lot of things that annoy the hell out of you."

"You could never annoy me, Bella," he said. "You just scare me."

A moment of understanding passed between us and he opened the door of his car for me. I got in and we drove to the meadow. We didn't touch except for when I rode on his back to save time, and we sat apart, awkward. The green seemed to swallow us and every possible thought.

"So basically," he said. "You think I'm a cruel monster."

"Absolutely not, you know that. But I admit I am feeling a little..." The meadow was just a little too quiet. This was difficult. If Alice hadn't made me promise, I probably would have backed out like she predicted. "Unsure?"

"Unsure about us?" he looked so sad. Why was I doing this to him?

"No, that's not the right word... um, I'm just feeling..." Why couldn't I think of the proper word? I couldn't tell him I felt trapped. He'd hate himself. "I just think we have some things to work out. As every couple does."

He looked away from me, eyes searching for something in the distance. For a moment I just wanted to smile and tell him I was kidding about everything. He could simply scoop me up and we'd lay there like we used to. I missed him. But I knew I was missing the person I thought he was, not the man sitting before me. First impressions are often always wrong after all.

"Look, I'm sorry about all the horrible things I've done. Like your truck. I guess I should have reminded you."

"It's alright. Thanks." I smiled. Now what? I was no good at this, and my motivation was slipping fast. "Maybe also..." I asked in what I thought was a very gentle tone. "You could trust Alice a little more? I feel almost as safe with her as I do you." I could see him perk up a tiny bit at the word 'almost.'

He nodded. "Like I said. You just scare me when I'm not there to make sure you're safe. I feel like I die a little whenever you're hurt."

"I'm going to get hurt. I'm human." He frowned. "But I'm not as fragile as you think I am." I reached out and gripped his hand as hard as I could. I looked him in the eye, willing him to believe that I wasn't going to shatter and blow away in the wind at any given moment. "Humans all over the world function perfectly fine without the protection of vampires in shining armor."

His mouth upturned at that. "You have such a funny way of looking at things." He gripped my hand back slightly, no where near enough to hurt, pulling me over to him. I smiled and, though I knew we still had a long way to go, felt a little better. It was the first time in a long time that his touch was welcomed instead of ignored or simply tolerated. I tried to forget about the little details for a moment and just let things go back to the way they were.

When he carried me back and we walked a mile or two together before reaching my house, we continued to talk about some of the issues we were having, though I tried not to touch on the big ones just yet. Maybe I wouldn't have to. He did seem to understand that I hadn't been pleased with him and it looked as though things would be looking up. It would have been nice to hear a few more assurances from him, but after all, he was a guy. Call me sexist, but I do believe in distinct differences between males and females. And Edward in particular wasn't the best at relaying his feelings. Maybe we could work on that too.

He left me to myself, mentioning something about sleep but then catching himself.

"Of course you can decide for yourself when you need rest. I just mean-" he went on babbling for a minute before I cut him off with a kiss.

"Good night, Edward." He smiled.

I still locked my window, but things were definitely less hostile. Some more time and who knew? He even invited me over for dinner, saying I could cook it and everything if I wanted to, though he liked the idea of going out to a fancy restaurant more so I could just take it easy. I agreed, actually quite looking forward to it. I hadn't seen Esme for a while after all.

I started on some homework after he left and not long after an excited Alice tapped on my window, somehow not jolting me out of my concentration.

"You left your clothes in my car," she said, carrying several large bags from the trip to the mall. I had forgotten all about them, though acted jubilantly as I hung them carefully in my closet next to my peasant attire. I knew why she was really here, could almost feel the questions radiating from her. It was actually pretty cute, I had to admit. But I was torturing the poor thing, so eventually told her about my conversation with Edward.

"So..." she started.

"I think we're going to be okay," I smiled. It felt really good to say it aloud.

She didn't say anything, just smiled. The silence was too long.

"What is it?" I whispered. I almost didn't want to ask.

"Nothing, really."

"Come on, tell me."

"It's not my place. I'm glad you're happy.."

"You won't be happy if you don't tell me what it is," I demanded.

She sighed. "It's just, this doesn't fix things, Bella. I hate to be a jerk, but..." she shook her head. I sat down on my bed.

"I know we still have a long way to go. But we're going to get there."

"What exactly do you see happening? To where are you going?" she asked. I could tell she was struggling with continuing the conversation. She still felt like she shouldn't give her opinion.

"People do change, Alice."

"Maybe. But vampires don't. Edward doesn't."

I knew it was true deep down but had had too great of a day to accept it. I felt like we'd made real progress. But what exactly had happened? He'd apologized. He'd been courteous. But I couldn't say anything had really changed. He still didn't understand why he'd been wrong in the first place. He didn't understand why I didn't need twenty four/seven protection.

"He wants to change, so he will. He can do it. He loves me enough." But I didn't even sound convincing to myself. And that kind of pissed me off. What if he really couldn't revert back to that amazing person I'd met over a year ago? What if we did split up? It unnerved me how much that thought didn't really bother me.

Alice came over to me suddenly, wrapping her arm around me. Without really thinking about it, I began to sob. I wrapped my arms around her middle and she rubbed my back. She didn't tell me it was going to be okay, or that I was right about Edward and things would work out. That was the great thing about Alice. She never lied. She always seemed so detached from all the drama, indifferent to it. She felt like a safe haven from it all. That I could just let go, take off my armor. Things were manageable with her advice, her friendship. Her refusal to leave my side even when anyone else would have out of irritation. And best yet, I knew she really did love me. It was a powerful, yet odd sort of love. The kind that you couldn't quite put a label on but would easily last a lifetime. She made me feel that I could cry an ocean if need be, though she also filled me with the strength I needed afterward. I was never too sure about any relationship, including Edward. Not even my friends back in Phoenix, though they were all dear to me. But sooner or later they all let you down in some way. Even family. But so far Alice hadn't slipped up once, and if she did, I knew she'd spent eternity trying to make amends. Even I knew that was rare. I felt pretty spoiled. Just considering it alone made the whole situation with my boyfriend rather inconsequential. He was a good person, but Alice was angelic. You know, in that kick ass sort of way.

Anyway, I was glad she'd dropped the clothes off.

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