He's written to me, he's actually written to me. I know it's him 'cause his writing is proper neat, and it has that sharp edge to it. And also, he left me a note once on his bed, it read 'I tried to wake you, but yer are like a baby. See ya in work later, BB.'

I sling the rest of the post on to the coffee table and sit on the sofa. I run my thumb slowly over the writing on the envelope before ripping it open and reading it.

/

I read and process every word for at least one hour. I know I'm crying, why? It's not like I care… well, I shouldn't care, should I? I've got my own problems going on, me.

But I feel bad. Is Brendan Brady really capable of murder? I mean, I know there was Danny… but he explained that. He did it to protect me, 'cause he loved… loves (?) me, right?

Then there are the other thoughts. The ones that are making me want to rip the letter up and forget it. He didn't like Rae, he threatened to kill her. I saw how angry he was towards her. In his head he had reason to hurt her, right? She was to blame for the one thing he didn't want to happen; I guess to him it felt like his world had collapsed. And she was my friend, she meant a lot to me. She was the mother to my unborn child; she trusted me and opened up to me like nobody else did. She warned me time and time again to stay away from Bren, that I needed to grow a back bone and not to fall at his feet every time he called my name. I let her down.

I wipe away tears harshly and screw the letter up. Rae was right, Amy was right. I can't get involved again. I lie down on the sofa and tightly hold on to a cushion, my eyes fixed on the scrunched up ball of paper that lies on the floor. My eyes grow heavily and I fall to sleep quickly.

/

15:00. I rub my eyes and stretch awkwardly as I get up off the sofa. I run my hands over my face and head to the kitchen.

Fuck. The noise of paper underneath me stops me in my tracks. I kneel down and open it up slowly. In an instant my mind is changed, I'm gonna tell him straight. I reach for the nearest pen and paper and start writing.

Brendan.

No I've not thrown anything away, though it is all crumpled up. I'm surprised you've wrote to me, tbf. I dunno, Bren, just keep your 'ead down. When I was in young offenders I kept my 'ead down as much as I could. You just gotta take each day as it comes. Do what you gotta do, like you say, if you have to write and it helps then do that as much as you can. Why would I have the answers? I don't know anything, Bren. U go about things diff to anybody else I know, you deal with things in your own way. I dun want you fighting in there; you gotta keep your anger under control. If you want to b free from there then you have to keep outta trouble.

I always new you were a softy, Bren. You are just a cub lion, you have a bite on you but you aren't as scary as you make out. You been inside might teach ya a few things? Bren, there's no need to wear a mask, they r all in the same place as you, they will know how u are feeling. Talk to some1, maybe? You can't fall to pieces in there, you cannot be weak.

You best be kiddin' me, right? I never moan at you like an old woman! And I do NOT have tantrums! Maybe if you weren't a bell end I wouldn't have to talk sense in to u all the time, cause that's what I was doing, talking sense in to you, none of this 'moaning like an old woman.' -_-

Ha! Bren, does everything have to turn in to innuendoes were u are concerned? At least I can cook, and its non of that stuff u stick in microwave. Don't be starvin' yourself, you need your strength up and u need your head focused at all times. I always new ya liked my spag bol! I am a chef after all.

Oh, thanks for clearin' that up. I fort you'd come across some woman that works at the jail and you'd wooed her to be your fake beard. You no, like u did with Lindsay? Ffs, why Brendan? Wud it have been so 'ard for u to just be with me? I'm bitter over that and you are not off the hook for it! I will c it, you get visiting orders, yeah? I can smirk and point at how silly it looks. Cos I bet it does, u aren't Brendan Brady with the moushtash.

The kids r well, just the usual for them. Nursery, tea then bed. Amy's too busy with Lee… she's gon and moved the prick in! I'm sick of seein' 'em all loved up. I feel a bit pushed out, me. But I'll get used to it. No, Bren, stop jumpin' the gun. She's not mentioned you… I won't let her cos it just ends up in me and her falling out. Your only sanity? Bren, please eat something… 'sentimental shit' is not your thing, member? Tho, reading that did make me smile and cry in equal mesure.

Hmm, Cheryl is lost withou' you, Bren. But she doesn't know what to with herself, she's threating over so much. She's lost her big brother, but plz don't worry, I'm looking after her! I dunno what to believe, my heads telling me 1 thing and my hearts sayin' summat else. I'm prayin' you are telling the truth. Lindsay feels guilty, she thinks its to do with that Silas guy? Is it?

You are sharin' a cell with a rapist? Couldn't they have put u wit' some1 less, I dunno… dangerous? Are you 'friends'? I doubt it, u never were one for making 'friends' hehe. Just messin'…sorta.

So when u can, send me a visiting order, Bren. Stay brave, I know u can do it.

Ste xxx 3

Reading it back I see that I haven't set him straight in the slightest. But he says I'm his sanity, yeah? I'm gonna help him through this. We will do this together.

A/N: The spelling mistakes in the letter are deliberate, as we know Ste isn't all that good at reading and spelling. Hope it was okay and not too out of character.