Welcome To My Messed Up Life
Chapter 14
Going Back To Memories
We were sitting in my room. He just stared at me a little. I was about to tell him everything. I started from the beginning. I took in a deep breath and started right from the start.
"When my parents were about twenty and seventeen they got bored at their houses a lot. My grandmothers worked together so they hocked them up. It was going good til about a while later. My Daddy wanted something Momma wouldn't give him. Sex. He got mad broke up with her and went after Lane's mom. Well, he went back after my mother but then got threaten that if he did he wouldn't ever see his child again. Cut it short after not even being together two months he broke up with her and got with my mom. They got married not long after then a little over an year after Lane being born Darcy was born."
"I can't believe your dad would do that to your mom. Some guys are just heartless." Eli said and I laughed. In my thoughts it just made there relationship stronger. That was me though.
"Yea and that's how all that got to be." I told him and he just held me a little longer. "The worst ever was finding out my grandfather had lung cancer."
"How did you find out about that?" He ask me.
"Well." I said going off into flashbacks.
We were on the way home. Darcy had done fell asleep along with Madison and Brianna. Darcy was eleven almost twelve. I was almost ten while Madison had just turned eight. Brianna was almost three. She wouldn't remember much of what was going on.
It was dark and quiet. I hadn't ever heard it this quiet with my three sisters a sleep. I didn't really know what lung cancer was at the time. I had heard my friends talk about it and the school but I knew nothing about it. The grown ups had said so much about it that I didn't know what it was but wanted too.
"Mom?" I said quietly watching the road ahead of us as we were on our way home.
"Yes baby?" She ask me. She sounded like she had been crying but I wasn't sure at the time. I was only nine. Darcy told me we wouldn't have Grandpa much longer but I just told her she had been lying. He would always be there.
"Does Grandpa have lung cancer?" I ask her and she stopped breathing for a minute. I looked at her confused as to why she would stop breathing when I heard that four word sentence.
"Yes sweetie, he does." She said and I just sat back in my seat.
"Oh." Was all I manged to get out. How was I suppose to know the rumors were true. I thought they were all lying and just trying to get me mad.
"They just told you like it was nothing?" He ask me and I nodded my head. "How many deaths have you dealt with in your life?" He ask me and I started counting on my fingers.
"That I really remember real good then there was six of them. My cousin being first, a year later my Grandfather, three years later my Great Aunt, that same year Benny, then about a year later my Grandma and Dad." I told him and he just sat back thinking about it.
"How have you manged to get through all this without just killing yourself? Sorry if I hit a rough spot on you. Your always smiling and putting people before yourself." He said and I sighed.
"Its tough. There have been times I've took a shower seen a razor and just think life would be easier. I don't do it though." I told him and he smiled at me.
"I'm glad you don't do that. If it was me I would've done been gone by now. How do you really do it?" He ask me and I sighed asking him one question.
"Do you really wanna know?" I ask him as he nodded. "I think about all the people that I have to help a day. I think about my family. What kinda example I would be setting for my sisters. Mostly everytime I try I see my Grandpa and Grandma giving me evil looks." I told him and he gave me a weird look.
"Well, I'm glad that's who you see. If it makes you stop and think. Next time, if you think you want to, call me. I don't care what time of day it is. You call me. Got it?" He ask me and I smiled at how caring he was.
"I got it. Dang, now I'm gonna tell you about why we came here." I told him and he moved around to get comfortable. I didn't like what I did, but it will live with me from now on.
"Okay, if you don't want to then you don't have to. You can some other time." He said as he was playing with my hair. I hated people playing with my hair, but, I had to admit, when he did it, it made it feel so damn good. "Clare? Earth to Clare." He said and I jumped up making him laugh. "Enjoying it?"
"Yes, yes I was." I told him and he laughed. I sighed getting ready to tell the story. "What they did to her was just so horrible Eli. I mean it Eli and there wasn't really anything I could do." He just gave me a look. I sighed and with that started my story.
Darcy was on the way to pick up Madison and me. She had been really quiet and it was starting to scare me. What was going on that brain of hers? Did some jack ass try and start stuff again? Here we go again. I pray to god she is okay.
"Maddi?" All I got was silence. Great. Just freaking great. "Maddi how was school today?" I ask her with a smile. They got the biggest smile from her I had ever seen.
"Clare I had the greatest day ever. I got some dudes number today. Can you believe it? I got it today, not you. Wow, it feels amazing. I'm gonna catch up with you on the guys." She told me with a laugh. I just smiled happy for her but then something was bothering me at the same time.
"So are they in your grade? What's his name? Oh, is he cute? You know, you could go on a double date with me and my boyfriend now." I told her with a nudge. She just smiled and laugh.
"Slow down with questions. Let's see if I can answer them all. Um, no he's not in my grade, um, I don't remember what he said his name was, and of course he's cute." She told me, but I paused when she said he wasn't in her grade.
"Is he in my grade?" I ask her and she nodded her head. Oh please no. Hell no don't let it be... "Is his name Austin?" I ask her and she nodded her head egarly. Oh shit no. It can't be.
"Yea Clare that's his name. He gave me his number and said he new you. Something about something. I wasn't listening just staring into his very blue eyes." She said dreamy.
"You can't go out with him." I told her and she got this evil look on her face. I started to explain. "Maddi, they annoy the hell out of me at school. Him and his best friend both. So, just no. Your not aloud to go out with him." I told her and she got even more mad at me.
"Your just jealous, cause a boy actually likes me! For once its not you! I can do whatever I want and your not the boss." She told me walking to the car. I sighed. The rest of the way home it was quiet.
...
I was texting my boyfriend about what all was going on and he told me he'd go kick some ass if needed to be. I just laughed, and then baby Zoey came to the house for me to babysit.
"Mom, I just don't get it. I've known this guy since kindergarten and he's nothing special." I told her and she sighed. She didn't know what to say til Madison came outside wanting to call the dude.
We went to call him just to get his best friends answering machine. I thought that number had looked familiar. It was the same number I had seen on facebook. Ah, so that's how this dude wanted it to be played? Fine, bring it on. I was still mad, more like furious at what was going on.
"You were right Clare. You always are." Maddi told me in a whisper voice. This one thing I didn't want to be right on though. "I don't get why I don't ever listen to you."
"Its okay Madison. Tomorrow he won't know what got him.' I told her with an evil glare. She just sighed going to our bedroom. It being only a three bedroom house and all.
...
The next day at school I went up to the two boys and beat the hell out of them. They didn't see it coming, but the principal's came and took me off the boys. I was kicking and screaming not wanting to let them get away with what they did to my sister. If anybody was gonna stand up for her, it was me.
"Put me the hell down you stupid ass dude. I wasn't done with them yet. I was gonna make sure they didn't have babies once they got older. Put me the fuck down!" I screamed and as a result that got me kicked out of school. Apparently you weren't aloud to cuss the principal's out.
"Wow, that's quiet a story you got there." Eli told me once I finished. He sighed looking at me. This was when he would run, since my anger problems weren't the best in the world. "I would have done the same thing for my sister. You have nothing to worry about." He told me kissing my hair. "Why don't you tell me why your last boyfriend didn't work out."
"He was a jackass." I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was. He just laughed at me making me smile.
"I kinda figured that one out, but what exactly was it?" He ask me and I sighed. I wasn't going into memory on this one. "Well, anytime now Blue Eyes. The floor is all yours."
"He ask me were I shaved at." I told him and he gave me a strange look so I continued. "I broke up with him for it not being use to anything at all with it. He got with another girl the next day. It didn't last long, so after that he got with the girls best friend. They broke up after a while so I got on my friends my yearbook and messed with his head. He found out and wanted to get back with me. I was so angry that I did the first thing to pop in mind."
"And that was?" Eli ask waving his hand in the air. I giggled.
"I had my best friend flirt with him, knowing she would fall for him. My family was already pissed that I couldn't keep a guy for longer than ten seconds so it just seemed easier to do it this way. They talked and everything and she did end up liking him. I new he liked her back when he tried hooking me up with one of his friends. He didn't seem to bad til..." I trailed off not liking this part cause it meant I was right again about something I didn't really wanna be right about.
"Til...?" Eli questioned me and I sighed.
"He ask her to send a picture of her with no shirt or bra on. It angered us both considering we made a promise to our self and each other to not do anything til we were married. Its sad that's what he did, but its true." I told him then had a sad smile on my face. "I miss Bella a lot. She still don't know about my cutting." I told him and he looked at me.
"Tell me the story of it please?" He ask and I smiled and nodded my head.
I was in the bathroom taking my bath one night. It was loud. Brianna and Madison were fighting, while mom did nothing about it. I was always left for that. Darcy was listening to music with her head phones trying to block the little two out. Just then mom and dad started screaming at each other.
I sighed then I got to thinking. How much stress I had been in the last two weeks. Test, school, drama, boys, friends, helping others, Bella's family, my family, and having responsibilities that I shouldn't have. It got to much to bare.
I looked over and saw a razor. I had watched T.V and heard kids talk about it at school. I wanted to see if it actually helped relive the stress I was under that no one new about.
I took the pink razor in my hand and put it up to my right wrist. I let a small rip at it and it hurt like hell. I sighed in pain and panicked when it wouldn't stop bleeding. I cried for my mom.
"Momma! Please come here quick! I'm bleeding!" She ran in the bathroom to help me and sighed when she saw where it was at. I came up with a lame excuse.
"Why would you do this? Do we need to worry about you?" Now I didn't need attention on me so I shook my head 'no'. I just wanted them to stop fighting and it worked.
"I was bored and just saw it laying there. I didn't think nothing of it and put it up to my wrist. I'm sorry to worry you like this. It won't happen again." I told her and she nodded. I smiled one thing going through my head.
It did help make the stress go away.
Eli stayed silent. That made me a little nervous. Was he mad at me for trying something almost a year ago? I hoped not. I had only done that once. I couldn't do it again since I made a promise. I plan on keeping it that way. He looked over at me with his hands together in his lap.
"Your not lying to me when you say you never tried that again. Right?" He ask me and I nodded my head. He sighed. "If I could change your past I would. Believe me. Since I can't I'll just help you out now right in the present." He told me and I smiled. He leaned down and gave me a kiss. "So tell me about your old group of friends. Any good stories?" I just laughed.
"I didn't have any friends." I told him with a little lie, but he saw threw it with the smile on my lips.
"I know you better than that. Besides, you said something about always being at a Bella's house anyway." He told me with a smirk and I sighed. "Ah ha, you do have stories to share. Please do tell." He told me with a huge smirk.
"Well, okay. There was three of us. Its was Bella, Bailey, and me. We went to eat Chinese after our ninth and tenth grade year. To start off summer. Well, I wasn't paying attention and started dropping it like it was hot in the parking lot. We looked over and there was a group of guys from school staring at us." I told him and he had a serious look on his face before he busted out laughing.
"That is the funniest story I've ever heard." He told me rolling on my bed laughing so hard. I just huffed and crossed my arms. I then started laughing with him.
"It was pretty funny. Then, Bella was really bad about not wanting attention while me and Bailey didn't care, so she started doing it with me. Bella has it on video somewhere from when we stayed at her house. Oh my gosh, you get us together and you'll, you know what never mind." I told him. He didn't need to know anything about that kinda stuff.
"Nah, I wanna know. You've got me curious now." Eli said with a smirk. I just slapped him. Just then Brianna came in. She went to where we were and sat right on Eli's lap. He got a better grip on her and rested his chin on her head.
"So what we talking about? Teenage stuff? I can be a teenager too." She said and I laughed.
"Were talking about her two friends Bella and Bailey." Eli said and Brianna's eyes lit up.
"Clare you gotta call Bella. I miss her sooo much." She said and I laughed. She had always loved Bella. Bella didn't like her as much.
"Wait, you have her number and yet, she hasn't ever met your boyfriend. Isn't that against the girl code or something?" He ask me and I sighed. I got my phone out and called Bella.
"Hello?" A voice ask. "Clare is that you? Oh my gosh, me and Bailey had just thought about calling you." She said and I laughed.
"Yea its me. I have my boyfriend and Bria here with me." I told her and she about jumped out of the phone.
"Hey Clare oh and your on speaker phone. Bella just gave me the phone and went screaming something about 'Finally' all the way threw the house." Bailey said with a giggle. I laughed with her. "So, is your boyfriend that picture you sent with something about getting dissed by Madison? If it is then man is he hot. How did you get that lucky?" She ask me and I laughed.
"Yea that would be me." Eli said with a smirk. I just rolled my eyes. Of course he would be so smug at this moment. "Hi, I'm Eli, and which one are you?" He ask and I laughed.
"Oh my gosh, your just lucky Clare has you. If she didn't you would so be mine." Bailey said and I busted out laughing. Bailey only acts like this if she hasn't took her medication.
"You didn't take your medication today did you?" I ask her and she sighed but was still jumping up and down I could tell. You could hear it through the phone. "Bailey? Did you?"
"No she didn't Clare. You need to hurry back home. I thought your mom said it would only be for a little while that you would be down there? We miss you up here. Its so freaking boring." Bella complained. "And nothing personal, but your little boyfriend is so freaking gay looking."I laughed. I new she would say something like this.
"Hey! I heard that." Eli said like he was about to cry. I just laughed.
"You were meant to." Bella said and he sat there complaining for a little while.
"Eli you need to shut up! Its just how Bella and Bailey are. May as well get use to it." I told him while the other two laughed. Just then Brianna took the phone from me.
"Bella you need to get down here. I love all Clare's new friends, but I miss you and Bailey. Its boring without you here. You would put Clare in her place and it was funny." Brianna said and I just rolled my eyes and laughed. Just then Eli pined me under him and started kissing. "Eww, guys that's gross." Brianna said making me laugh in the kiss.
"What's going on?" I heard Bella ask and Brianna still had a gross look on her face. I ignored the look and went back to kissing Eli. Before I knew it Eli was licking my lips wanting to enter. I gave him access and started moaning not long afterwords. "Are they making out?" Bella ask.
"It sounds like it Bella. Just ignore it and talk to Brianna. I'll have to ask her later if it was any good." Bailey said and I had to stop kissing him laughing so hard.
"Thanks for the statement. The kissing was getting good and you ruined it making her laugh." Eli said groaning and I laughed even more.
"You shouldn't be doing that in front of your sister." Bella said and I laughed. Out of no where I heard a baby scream. "Ugh, Zoey needs to shut the hell up. She keeps crying and won't stop."
"Put my baby on the phone now Bella. Oh my gosh she just turned a year old and I missed it." I said and Bella laughed. I sent her some stuff though.
"I'll put her on and you sent her that talking baby doll. She won't leave the house anymore unless she has that thing." Bella said with a groan while Bailey laughed. "Here she is." Bella said. Just then baby talking came from the other end.
"Hi Zoey! How's my baby girl doing?" I ask and again she went off with the baby talk. She would say something then laugh. Mostly she was going off with a 'Momma' or a 'Dadda'. I thought it was cute. "I miss you Zoey! Bye baby girl." I said and got a response to that one.
"Bye bye." Zoey said and then Bella came back on with Bailey. You could still here Zoey which meant Bailey had her in her arms. Bella didn't want much to do with Zoey.
"Are you guys babysitting?" I ask with a laugh. She had a dry laugh which meant they were. "Bailey must have offered it to your mom."
"Yes and I killed her for it." Bella said then went to talking to Eli. "You better not hurt my sister. If you do I will personally find you and kick your ass. You got it?" Bella ask and I could see the fear in Eli's eyes.
"Yes ma'am." He said and I laughed.
We talked a little bit more than hung up. I looked at the phone and seen we had talked for over two hours. Gosh, how I missed them. I didn't think I could go this long without my two best friends, but I some how managed too. We freaked Eli out when Bailey remembered that we were technically still going out. Eli thought we were for real til all of us busted out laughing.
"So what do you think of my two best friends in the entire world?" I ask him and he sat there thinking for a little while. I laughed at his thinking face and he just smiled at me.
"They were interesting. I didn't know you of all people would have friends that crazy. It just makes me wonder of all your crazy fun times." He said and I laughed at him. He wasn't finding any of that out. "Hey can I see you phone for a minute? I some how managed to delete Adam's number and don't get how I did that." He told me and I nodded my head. He took it and put numbers in. "Really Clare? Taylor Lautner for your wall paper?" He ask me and I laughed.
"Hey, you have to admit that he's hot!" I told him and next thing I know he was on top of me tickling me like no tomorrow. I was laughing so hard by now.
"You need to take that back. I should be the only one you call hot." He said and I started laughing harder.
"Fine, fine, fine. Your the only guy I think that's hot." I told him and he stopped and kissed me on the lips. I started kissing back, but he was still on top.
"Besides, to me, your one very sexy woman." He said and I blushed but started laughing. "Epically with that blush of yours." He said and went back to kissing me. Ah, the things this boy does to me.
I'm sorry it was so late! We had a lot going on and well here it is! =) I'm in a rush so I'll explain the next chapter!
Bye for now!