This one involves alcohol. And an angry Brennan with a hint, sprinkle, just a dash of jealousy tossed in. (What, Brennan, jealous? *gasps*). The author reminds you to drink responsibly and not to argue with your designated driver if you can help yourself.

In order to read this at the optimum level, I'm going to ask you to imagine your drunkest moments in the past and insert Brennan giving a speech.

Imagine her speech being quick and loud in one instance and slow and slurred in the next. She could be laughing in one moment and starting to cry in the next. This actually might be one of those pieces you need to read twice, if you're like me, and need to get Brennan's cadence right in your head while you read. Someday, maybe there will be audio fanfic, cause I'm quite convinced I could pull off a very accurate Drunk-Angry Brennan outloud. : )

On with the story…

"You know sweetie, I love you, but it just seems wrong that you threw me a baby shower in a bar, even if it is the Founding Fathers. It's my party and I'm one of the few people here who can qualify as a designated driver."

"Well, maybe you should have friends who like to stay sober. To be fair, the party's been over for an hour. I didn't drink at all during the party. But I'm drinking now… I like drinking," she slurred.

"Bren, how much have you had to drink, exactly?"

"Not enough Ange."

"Brennan…" Angela drawled out. "Thank you for my party sweetie. And now, I think it's time we get you home."

"You should go home Angela. You can go home and Hodgins will be there and you'll be happy and married and all lovey-ducky and think about your baby and your very nice life. That's what you get to do. Me? I'm going to drink some more," she said, grabbing the tequila bottle and pouring another shot that she quickly downed before pouring another.

"Okay, Bren, enough already. No more tequila. It's time to go." Angela signaled over to Hodgins, who walked back in from another trip to their car with gifts. They had a silent married couple conversation with their eyes, Angela asking for his assistance.

"No!" she exclaimed forcefully before returning her voice to a calmer lever. "No. I am just fine here. I am going to stay and you are going to go. And I will see you on Monday."

"Tell you what, Dr. B, why don't you come home with us. I've got plenty of booze there," Hodgins offered, hoping she'd pass out on the ride home.

"No," she said firmly, pouring and taking another shot.

Angela followed Hodgins a few feet away from Brennan to come up with a game plan. "When did she start inhaling tequila?" Hodgins asked.

"I swear she was fine when the party started winding down a half hour ago. She was excitedly playing the perfect hostess, saying goodbye to people, making sure I knew who gave what gift for thank you notes. She was scary organized Brennan and fine. Then, like 10 minutes ago, I saw her throwing back a shot every 30 seconds. Whatever happened, we've gotta get her out of here."

"I'll get Booth, I think he's still outside," Hodgins said.

"What's he doing outside?"

"Talking to your friend Jessica, last I saw him."

"Jessica, my very flirty, touchy feely man-loving friend, who's been making suggestive eyes at Booth all night?"

"Is that her full name, because I just know her as Jessica?" Hodgins said sardonically.

"Yeah, suddenly, I get the tequila. Don't go get Booth, okay. But do get the car and wait outside, so we can take her home with us," Angela said, walking back to Brennan with more determination than before.

"Time to go, Bren. We're leaving and you're coming with us," Angela said while taking the tequila bottle and grabbing the full shot glass from Brennan's hand as it approached her lips.

"Hey!" Brennan cried, as some of the tequila spilled on her. "Angela, I'm not leaving. I'm going to do whatever the hell I want," she yelled, reaching clumsily for the bottle Angela was holding out of her reach.

"Brennan, this was a great night, and a great party. Please let us take you home, so I know you're safe and healthy. Please don't ruin this night by making me worry about you. Let me take you home."

"I'm sorry Angela. I'm so sorry. I can't help but ruin people's lives. And ruin people's happiness. I ruin things. I hurt people. I'm so sorry you're hurting," she said, her temper now somber, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she reached for Angela's hand. She wiped the tears from her eye with her free hand and snapped out of her sad state just a little too quickly.

"But you have a great life. And I shouldn't be a part of it, cause I ruin things. Ruin. Ruin. Ruin. Ruin. When you say it enough it doesn't sound like a word anymore. Ruuuuuuuuin," Brennan drawled out before breaking into a manic chuckle. Then she slammed her fists down on the bar.

"I was supposed to have a baby by now, you know. Like you. She'd be older. Cause I was supposed to have her awhile ago. I can't have a baby though. I mean, technically, I think I can but I can't. Cause I can't use my sperm in the freezer. And I haven't had sex in three years so I can't have a baby that way. And everyone knows that there's no such thing as an immaculate conception. And even if there was, I don't believe in God, sooooooo… there's no way God's going to punch me up," she said, pointing at the ceiling.

"I can't be happy either. Cause I ruin things. Logic. It's logic Angela. I'm too logical. I think too much about things that can be true and things that can't be true. I mean, what's a stupid promise? Why not just lie and say that 40 years sounds like a good plan? Even if there's no way I can know if 40 years is possible. There's just no way. But I could lie. I could say, 'Sure, why not 40 years or 50 years or hell, why not 100 years.' If I'm going to make promises I can't possibly know if I can keep, why the hell not shoot for 100. Or 200. Or two billion. Yep. I promise we can be together for two billion years. But you know what? If I said two billion, he'd want two billion and one. Because nothing I'd say or do would ever be good enough. I'm not good enough. I've never been what he wants.

"And dammit. Why'd he have to ask me? He's a smart man. Granted not as smart as me because I'm a genius. But he knew. He knew I'd never be able to say with certainty that I could give him two billion years and he asked me anyway. Does that even make sense? Why ask a question you already know the answer to? And then when you get the answer you know you're gonna get, even if it's the answer you don't want, what right do you have to get mad? He's been so mad at me. But he keeps asking people questions he already knows the answer to. He asked her too, you know, for two billion years and he had to know she was going to say no. I knew she'd say no. You knew she'd say no. And he gets mad. And he acts like it's all my fault. And I'm sick of it."

The bartender had already taken the tequila bottle away, but Angela was still holding her last attempted shot. Feeling quite sympathetic at this point, Angela handed the shot back to Brennan.

"Thank you," Brennan shouted as she threw her head back with the shot, and nearly tipped over her stool. Angela reached out to keep her upright, which just made Brennan laugh and continue on.

"Did you know that there's a difference between making love and having sex? Or that there's one person in this world for everyone, one person that you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Well of course you know because you have Hodgins. That's what he told me Angela. And then years and years and years and lines that can't be crossed and professional jumbo mumbo years later, he told me it was me, that I was the one. For like 15 seconds. But it wasn't me. And then he thought it was Hannah. But it wasn't Hannah. He used to think it was Rebecca. But it wasn't her either. And now he probably thinks its Jessica. And while I have no evidence to back this up yet, I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Jessica either."

"Bren, I want to keep talking to you, so very, very much while you have this truth serum in you, but let's talk while we head back to my house, okay," Angela said, completely humored and curious about everything she was learning, while at the same time, wanting to grant her best friend a little privacy for her ranting.

"Nope, I can't go with you, because you have someone. For forever. It's not me Angela. I am not someone for forever because I don't believe there is a forever. Though occasionally I have considered what lesbianism would be like, I have never dated a woman, so even if you and Hodgins didn't work out, I don't know that we'd be all that compatible. You know, I haven't dated a man in years either. Cause if I do, he runs a background check or he shows up to interrupt or he interrogates them or he arrests them for murder. It's not fair Ange. What are you, sexually speaking, if you don't have sex with either men or women?"

"It's called being celibate, sweetie."

"No, Angela, it's called being sad. I'm just a sad logical person who ruins things. Why would anyone want to have sex with me? I should become Catholic. That way I could become a nun and no one would think it strange that I haven't been laid out in years. Cause I find that strange, Angela. It's a natural, biological process to have sex. Humans, like all mammals, need sex. There's bunches of reasons why. Like hormones. And the anthropological need to procreate for survival of the species. Also, sometimes you just get horny," Brennan said, giggling furiously.

Angela used her laughter as the right time to get her off the barstool and on to her feet. "Angela," Brennan sung, "Where are we going?"

"Outside, sweetie," she said, as Hodgins was walking up to them and took over the job of propping Brennan up. Angela moved ahead of him and opened the door to the bar so he could walk her out.

"Jack? All mammals need sex you know. Tell me about some bugs that need sex too. I'm pretty sure even bugs have more sex than I do," Brennan said, one arm looped around Hodgins' shoulders for support.

"Sure thing, Dr. B, just as soon as we're in the car," he said, successfully getting her out the door and a few steps out of the bar.

"Bones!" Booth shouted, appearing from somewhere down the sidewalk outside the Founding Fathers. "What's wrong with Bones?" he asked Angela, who walked quickly to keep him from reaching her friend.

"Nothing, Booth, just turn around and go."

He could hear Brennan rambling to Hodgins as they walked down the sidewalk to his car. "Is she drunk?" he asked incredulously. "How long have I been out here?"

"Long enough, bucko, and if you care about her at all, you'll forget you saw her like this. Now, go," she commanded, shooing him away.

But he couldn't take his eyes off his partner and quickly moved around Angela to walk toward Brennan. "Bones, are you okay?"

"Booth! Hello, Agent Booth," she shouted, as she turned around quickly while Hodgins fumbled to keep her upright as she spun around.

"Guys, I can get her home if you want," Booth said, reaching out to help Hodgins keep her standing, protectively putting his arm around her waist. And that caused Brennan to snap.

"Noooo!" she shouted, pushing Booth away from her, and stumbling backwards into Hodgins. "You can't take me home Booth. That's not what partners do. We aren't working a case, so you cannot give me a ride anywhere. Because that's not what partners do. I'm going to go to Hodgins' house and have a drink or ten. I'd invite you to come along, but we didn't just finish a case, so we can't drink together either. Because that's not what partners do. Oh, hi Jessica!" she shouted to the blonde woman who had followed behind the man who had abruptly ended their rather pleasant conversation to seek out another woman.

"Oh, Jessica, you've got yourself a great catch there. You do. It's probably true love. I'm sure it'll last too. For like 30 or 40 or 50 days. Maybe 30 minutes. You never know, he's quite fickle like that. You two," she said, waving her finger between Booth and the blonde, "you two have an excellent night, satisfying all those biological urges. Me, I'm going to go drink some more."

"Just get her in the car," Angela whispered loudly and forcefully to her husband, opening the back door as he tried to lower Brennan's head inside the car during her tirade.

Brennan was still mumbling something she couldn't quite make out when Hodgins got her inside and shut the door. He ran around to the driver's side as Angela approached Booth. "I asked you to turn around and go Booth. I don't know how much of tonight she'll remember in the morning, but I swear if you don't erase this whole episode from your memory, I'll teach you a few things my Daddy taught me when it comes to people who don't listen. And we're Texan Booth, so you should be justifiably scared."

"And Jessica… go home. Alone. Please," she said, her eyes pleading with her friend to walk away. Jessica uttered a "Goodnight Angela" as she did just that, flagging down a cab and getting in while Booth watched Angela get into the passenger's seat and the car drive away.

Thanks to Mali Bear's Buddy for the read through and advice on this alcohol-laden piece. : )

So… I'd love to know your thoughts (review button below)! There's a shot of tequila in it for you! (Unless you're underage, for I cannot contribute, even in pretend, to underage delinquency. You younguns can take a shot of Coca-Cola if you must. Just one though… :)