"Battle Scars"
Chapter 1: Summer of Pain
A/N #1: HEY EVERYONE! So sorry for the 2-3 month wait for the first chapter but I'm very grateful and thankful for all the reviews and hits. You guys are truly amazing and I'm really touched by the response this story got. Thank you to all those that alerted and favorite my story. You readers rock! This next chapter was kind of tough to right since I didn't know how I wanted to write it out so hopefully it's good enough to portray the emotions.
A/N #2: Italics in Bella's POV is due to flashback involving her and Dean. (there is only one italic sentence that is her initial thought)
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Twilight. They belong to their respective owners (I thank them for creating them in the first place). I don't own the song "Need You Now", it's belongs to Lady Antebellum and their record label.
Summary: Bella Winchester had accepted her destiny but when she looses what she cares about the most, will she fight back or is the pain too much for her to handle; pain that not even the Cullens could truly understand.
A/N #3: When I first had this idea it's when I first heard "Need You Now" and I got hooked on it instantly and once I had it on repeat, I kept thinking of Bella & Sam's emotions after Dean's death as if the song was about Bella and Sam dealing with Dean being gone instead of a couple being separated and wanting to be together. So I suggest you listen to the song before reading the chapter or just read the lyrics. I had it on repeat when I was writing it so hopefully you get a sense of what Sam and Bella are going through.
"Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
Bella's POV:
[Summer 2008]
I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare. I wish the past few months have been a huge blur or better yet, I wish they never happened. I pray that this is just another one of the Trickster's games like when we were investigating that mystery spot. I pray he'll just pop up and say something stupid like 'did you learn your lesson yet?' I could only pray but in the back of my mind I knew that the past few months did happen. We did bury Dean's mutilated body and we haven't been the same since New Harmony, Indiana.
Sam and I couldn't give Dean the 'hunter's funeral' because in a way, it meant that we're giving up, which is far from what we're doing. Bobby insisted that Sam and I stay with him for the next few months. I figured he wanted to keep an eye out for us to make sure we didn't do anything stupid. That didn't really stop us though. Both Sam and I tried to make another crossroads deal to bring Dean back but the demons just laughed off our offer which infuriated me even more.
Sam and I researched through everything at Bobby's place but with every dead end, I think inside I broke down even more. I knew Sam was too but he wasn't going to break down in front of me. I guess one of us has to stay strong.
I sometimes would sneak a beer from the fridge when Bobby and Sam were asleep and I'd go out on the porch to look at the stars. I would sit there and look up as I drowned my sorrows. Usually Sam would berate me about underage drinking but he's let that slide since that day in Indiana. The more I drink the more I wish my pain would go away but it wouldn't.
The first few weeks after that day, I would always see Dean getting torn up in my mind and that I hated it. I hated that my mind would wander to that moment. I would drink so much in that night just to get rid of the images but they wouldn't. Stupid photographic memory. At that time I really hated that trait of mine but as I sit out on the porch, my photographic memory blessed me with clear memories of me and Dean over the years. Tears always fell when I was having a trip down memory lane and it killed me that I wouldn't have anymore with Dean; my brother, my best friend and my protector.
Dean's never let me down and he's never left me behind. When Dad left for hunts or when Sam left for Stanford, Dean was always there with me. The only times we were ever truly separated was when Dad took Dean on his first couple of hunts before he had to go on solo hunts to show Dad he was ready. Then when I had to do the same thing when I came of age but other than that, we always stuck together (granted when Dean had a 'date' was the only other time we'd be separated….like I would tag along to that, not!)
I couldn't help but think back to one of the conversations I had with Dean before his deal was up.
[FLASHBACK]
I was sitting outside on the Impala's hood looking up at the stars when I heard footsteps approaching me. I instantly knew that it was Dean. "That was our last idea."
"It's okay Bella. I didn't really want to end up like the Doc anyways."
"It's better than you dying."
"No it's not. I rather die than have to kill people just to keep myself alive." My head fell from the skies as I looked to the ground to see that Dean was indeed standing right beside me as he was leaning on the front of the Impala.
"Please don't leave me Dean." I pleaded and I already knew that I had a tears falling now.
"I'll never leave you Bells."
"But if we can't get to Lilith in time, you will!" I found that my voice was gradually getting louder but I couldn't help it. My brother was going to die because of me.
"I'll never leave you Bella. I'll always be with you, you can count on that." Dean promised as he swung one of his arms over my shoulder and pulled me closer to his side, giving me a sideways hug.
"It's not the same Dean…You've always been there for me….You practically raised me." I knew my voice was about to crack soon.
"And I did a pretty damn good job at it." I could practically see the smug attitude radiating off of him as he smirked at me.
"I'm serious." Dean's smirk instantly fell into a grimace.
"Me too Bells. I'm so proud of you. Hell, I'm amazed that you put up with me for as long as you did."
"Don't say that."
"What? It's true, not everyone can dish back my smartass qualities." I know he was trying to get me to lighten up but I just couldn't.
"Dean don't-"
"I know it's going to be hard Bells but I can't do anything about it."
"You can fight! Don't give up now!" I pleaded.
"You know I can't Bella." I could hear the defeat in Dean's voice and I didn't like it, I never liked it.
"Please Dean, I already lost Dad, I can't loose you too. Please don't leave me Dean. Please don't." I turned more towards Dean as I held him tightly, praying that I never had to let him go. I could feel Dean rubbing my back but it wasn't calming me down like it use to.
"You and Sammy will be fine without me." My head snapped up to look into the hazel green eyes that we both share.
"Without you? I never once thought of my life without you or Sam. It's always been us three against the world. Then Sam went to Stanford and it was just us two but I knew that Sam would return one day but you won't Dean, you can't return to us like Sam did!" I knew I was hysterical at this point. Wouldn't you when your brother practically claimed that you would be better off without him?
"I know Bella."
"Why did you make that deal? I'm the one that should be in Hell right now, you shouldn't be going." I couldn't help but place the blame back on me. It was my fault in the first place that we are even in this situation.
"The idea of you not living in this world wasn't something I was going to take sitting down. If it was Sammy who was killed, I would have done the same thing for him. I'd do anything for you two… I'm not even supposed to be here." Dean whispered the last part but I still heard him. He always blamed himself for Dad's death.
"So you just gave away the life Dad gave up for you, for me? You can't live without me but what about me? You expect me to do exactly that? I'm not strong like you Dean, I can't…"
"Yes you are Bella, you're the strongest person I know. You've dealt with more shit than anyone else that I know." Dean countered.
"But no one's dealt with their brother selling their soul to save them. It's my fault you're going to Hell!" I didn't want to argue but I needed him to not give up now.
"Don't say that Bella."
"But its true…you're dying because of me!" More tears started to pour down my face and I cradled into my brother's arms.
"Shh, it's alright Bella."
"No it's not…If we fail with Lilith, I won't stop until I get you back Dean." I declared and I knew he couldn't stop me with that.
"Bella no."
"You can't stop me Dean once you're gone. Sam will back me up too." I was confident about that notion. Sam would definitely back me up in my quest to bring Dean back if we did fail, which I pray we don't.
"Don't get your hopes up Bella." I could hear the defeat in Dean's tone again and I was getting angry with it.
"You're telling me to quit already? What's the matter with you Dean? We're stronger when we're together! Hasn't anything that has happened to us proved that? Our powers are proof of that!" I knew my emotions were giving Dean whiplash, so I was definitely grateful that Sam wasn't there because he'd tell me to stick with an emotion already. You can't really blame a girl, can you?
"We're not supposed to have the powers."
"But we do Dean. I may hate what our destiny has in store for us but at least we have the powers to back us up in what we do. You can't deny that Dean. We are the damn best trio of hunters out there." Dean always liked the powers but he didn't like what they led to when we found out a few years back about our destiny.
"I know Bells." I could tell from his voice and by looking at Dean's face that he didn't want to argue.
"And if it's our destiny then I don't see how it's your destiny to die already. You're supposed to be alive and see this war through, even if it sucks, you're supposed to still be here." I couldn't help but wonder. If we're suppose to be these prophesized protectors then why was Dean suppose to die in the car crash, why did I die in Cold Oaks which caused Dean to swap a life for a life? Why?
"Who knows, maybe I will see this through but not in the way we thought of." Dean saw the confusion on my face. He wiped the dry tears from my face before lifting me off his car and telling me to get back inside for some sleep, which I did.
[END FLASHBACK]
I took another swig as the memory ended. I subconsciously placed my hand over my right shoulder, covering the gray marks from my tattoo. The four year old tattoo was always black as night but it wasn't until the life left Dean's eyes that the black symbols turned gray. I knew then that the connection had suffered as well. I'm pretty sure that when I died, the same thing happened with Sam and Dean but they never brought it up.
Dean never told me what he meant that night but I sure hope it meant that I would see him again some day.
Sam's POV:
[Summer 2008]
I seriously don't know how Dean did it all these years. With all the shit we've dealt with and all the times I was beating myself up with my emotions, Dean never showed it even though I knew he was feeling it. Dean always remained strong, never showing that anything bad affected him but I knew the truth, I always have.
I'm trying so hard to stay strong for Bella when all I want to do is break down and drink it all away or go on a hunting spree until I find a trail on Lilith and kill the damn demon myself. Bella is in worse shape than she gives off but she tries to remain strong. She tries to help me find a way to bring Dean back even though Bobby tells us there is nothing we could do. I immediately remind myself that there has to be a way, I prevented Dean from dying after that electrocution incident and I know that there is a way out there to get him back. I just have to look harder.
As the days pass, I slowly feel less and less of what people are feeling around me. I use to be able to get an instant reading but after that day, its kind of lessen to a point that I know only Bella's emotions extensively and Bobby's to a point. It might be connected to Dean's death as well as my tattoo's sudden change in color but I don't want to worry Bella about it. We usually use my power when dealing with the victims' families but we haven't been on a hunt like that in a few weeks so there is no need to tell her how my power has weakened somehow. Bella refuses to leave on a hunt anyways unless it has anything to do with a lead to getting Dean back and I don't blame her.
Nights are the hardest because it's when Bella finally lets herself go. I'm always in my room with my own beer when I hear the fridge downstairs opening followed by the front door creaking. Its only moments later until I see Bella from my window as she sits on the porch with her beer as she looks at the stars. I know I should go out there to comfort her but I know she does it at this time because she doesn't want to bother me or Bobby. I usually would hassle her about drinking at her age but I can't really blame her when I myself want to dull the pain I feel from myself and from Bella.
"Take care of each other." Dean's words always repeated themselves inside my head. If only it was that simple.
Dean always knew how to do it, even without my power, he always knew how to deal with me and Bella in every situation. I wonder what he'd do now? I knew I should go downstairs and comfort my little sister but then I knew that she would push me away because she hated showing her vulnerability now-a-days, as if it's some weakness.
I think she's trying to prove something but you could never tell who she was trying to be. Sometimes she'd act like a hunter who just lost a fellow hunter, others she'd act like the sister who lost her big brother and the rare ones were when she'd act like the victim who lost her protector. If she wasn't any of those, she was usually feeling guilty.
It wasn't a secret that Bella felt guilty for Dean making the deal to bring her back. Hell, I probably would have done the same thing but Dean beat me to it and I was too messed up at the sight of my baby sister's lifeless body to even think of it. I don't know if it ever crossed Dean's mind that his deal would make Bella feel guilty just as much as he himself felt when he learned that our father traded his soul for his son's life to Azazel.
I look back down at Bella through the window and I could tell by her mannerism that she's crying but it wasn't much, maybe just silent tears but still, it's hard seeing her like this. Bella's one of the toughest girls I know and to see her cry means that it's really bad. I take a deep breath looking between Bella and the spread out books in my room before returning my gaze to the stars, wondering…..what should we do now?
A/N #4: So how was it? Was it worth the long wait? I sure hope so. I'm sorry if it's not long enough but I thought I should leave both POVs there.
A/N #5: Sorry if it didn't explain the 'Angel Warrior' thing from the prologue but I did touch base on some special abilities. I will elaborate a bit more next chapter (I figure one flashback was enough for a chapter).
A/N #6: I just want to thank you all for waiting and sticking with the story. I'll be more grateful for the reviews and with the response from the prologue I don't expect anything less ;D. So please don't be afraid to leave me a review about your thoughts and/or predictions of what's next to come. PLEASE REVIEW and THANKS AGAIN! =D
Originally Published: June 24, 2010