I have to give a special thanks to Projectteambeta and their betas, Mel and Ina, for their very valuable input into this chapter, and to EveryDayBella, my pre-reader, for her excellent critique of my work.
As always, I do not own Twilight. I wish I did. All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer
Chapter 2
My eyes slowly opened a crack and registered the bright light cascading through the curtains. I quickly realized that my mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and my head was all fuzzy. Oh, I definitely had a bit too much last night. I am usually better at watching how much I drink. I didn't get slammed drunk, but I definitely had enough to feel it this morning.
I rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. First order of business, make my mouth feel normal again. I reached for my toothbrush and began scrubbing away at my teeth. I wandered into the kitchen, toothbrush still in my mouth, and poured myself a glass of water. I hunted through the cabinets for the Tylenol, finding it hidden behind three bags of Starbucks coffee. I spit the toothpaste into the sink in the kitchenette, popped the two pills in my mouth, and downed the entire glass of water. I would be fine in twenty minutes, once the Tylenol kicked in.
I pulled out one of the Starbucks bags, measured out the coffee, and started the coffee maker. I would need that as soon as my shower was finished. I headed for the bathroom, turning on the water in the shower, when my phone began ringing. I scowled at it but walked over to answer it anyway.
"Bella here," I announced into the phone without even looking to see who was calling me.
"Hey, gorgeous. How ya feeling today?" Ugh, Mike. How can he be so cheerful this morning?
"Hey, Mike. I'm okay, definitely been better." I took a good look at myself in the mirror as I talked with him. Yes, I have definitely been better. My face was all puffy and red from the beer last night.
"Yeah, you seemed to be enjoying yourself." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Hey, by the way, I just got a call, and it sounds like they're calling us back to Hogan's Alley today. So we are not getting the day off after all. Have you been called?"
I put Mike on speaker while I pressed the buttons to see if I had missed any calls, and sure enough, there was the voicemail.
"Ugh." I groaned. "Yeah, I see it now."
I could hear Mike chuckle on the other end of the line. I was not in shape for this today. I needed to get my head on straight before then, and nothing would work better than a lot of water and a run. Ah, happy, cheerful Mike may come in handy after all.
"Hey, Mike. How about a good run this morning? You up for it? I could really use some company. Just a few miles on the track. I need to sweat out the rest of this beer."
"Sure, I'll meet you at the track in an hour. How's that sound?" He didn't seem especially excited to run with me, more resigned—but I was glad he decided to come along.
"Perfect. Thanks, Mike. See you then." I hung up the phone and stepped into the steaming hot shower.
An hour later, I was stepping onto the track, dressed in my purple jogging shorts and matching running top. It was a beautiful spring morning, not a cloud in the sky. The weather seemed to be warmer than usual, and I could already feel the sun warming my skin. Mike was stretching in the center grass. He looked up and smiled when he saw me striding over.
"You look better than you sounded earlier today."
"Yeah, well, it's amazing what a little caffeine and Tylenol can do for you." I smirked and began stretching. "Is Jessica staying today?" I asked.
"Naw, she's pretty tied up at work, and since we have to go back in today, there really wasn't a point in her hanging around." I could tell he was disappointed.
"Hey, we have next weekend off. Hopefully, she can come back down and see you then." He nodded and looked hopeful. It must be difficult to do a long-distance relationship, especially when both partners are so busy.
After my body was loosened up, I headed back to the track with Mike and began my jog. Mike fell in stride with me, and we kept an easy pace. I wasn't ready to overdo it in the shape I was in this morning. No need to push my luck.
As we made our way around the track, Mike and I kept easy conversation, talking about the scheduled training at Hogan's Alley for later today. As we rounded the last turn to complete our first lap, my eyes caught sight of a wonderful set of legs attached to a fantastic piece of ass.
My mouth hung open a little more than usual as I stared at the sight in front of me. He was bent over, stretching his legs and back. His long fingers reached out toward his toes. I found myself breathing much harder than was needed for the pace I was running. My mind was fogging over as I stared at his calves. They were firm, well-defined, and downright delicious. My eyes wandered farther up, taking in his muscular thighs. I could just imagine those thighs in between my legs and wrapping my legs around those hips. I shook my head. What is wrong with me? I never lose this kind of control just looking at a man. Get a grip, Bella.
As I was getting closer to this magnificent specimen, he pulled his torso back up. His back muscles rippled under his shirt, which was covered with sweat, and I felt the wetness pool between my legs as I imagined how it would feel to have him over me. My eyes continued to wander higher as he pulled his arms up over his bronze head.
Holy Shit! It's HIM!
I couldn't believe it. It was the Greek god from last night—Angela's dream guy. Who am I kidding? My dream guy. I continued to stare at him in all his perfect glory, slowly opening my mouth to run my tongue over my lips. I was nearly next to him and was staring hard, intent upon seeing his beautiful face. Just as I came up to him, I saw his head begin to turn in my direction and . . .
Oh, holy mother of all that is wrong with the world . . . Pretzel legs strike again!
My feet tangled up around each other, and I went down face first right in front of him. I lay on my hands and knees, trying hard to clear my head enough to figure out what had happened. Before my senses fully came to me, I turned my head to see this beautiful man in front of me. He looked startled and concerned as he took several steps toward me. My brain was all fuzzy again, but it had nothing to do with my fall. Oh God, please, this is not how I had envisioned meeting him. I was sure I was scarlet from head to toe. And then, he stopped, his brow furrowed, and he looked annoyed. Seriously, he was annoyed. By what? My clumsiness? What the hell?
It was then that I noticed Mike was trying hard to get me up. He was hovering over me and running his hands over my arms and hands, looking for abrasions.
"Bella, sweetheart, darling, are you okay? What happened?" He was worried, but I completely tuned him out as I watched this beautiful man become more annoyed by the second until he turned and began to walk off. I couldn't believe it. No, wait. Come back!
What had happened? I watched as he disappeared past the gate and into the parking lot. That was when I realized Mike was talking to me. I looked up at him and scowled as I saw the concern on his face turn to humor.
"Jeez, Bella. Seriously, what just happened?" He began to chuckle out loud as soon as he realized that I was not physically hurt. He gave me his hand to help me up off the ground.
"Hardy har har, Mike. Are you quite done? I'm fine. Let's just finish this run." I really needed to clear my head and for him to stop laughing at me. I started back along the track and thought back to a few moments earlier. I think that was the worst ego bruising I had suffered in a very long time. Little did I know, it could and would get worse.
The next few days went well with no other mishaps and also no sign of the gorgeous man from the bar. I fell back into the normal routine. I knew that the last physical assessment test was coming up tomorrow, and I wanted to do well. It had me on pins and needles because I wanted to be a field agent and not tied to some desk job.
I also needed to find a way to talk to Agent Banner while he was still in town. I needed to plead my case to become a member of the VI team. The only reason I wanted to join the FBI was to help bring down the Volturi. I didn't want to catch bank robbers or work on cyber fraud. I just wanted to bring my mother's killers to justice. However, I knew that Banner, among others, had serious reservations about placing me on the team. They knew how much I wanted it, but they also knew why. I was too close, and they feared that I wouldn't be able to handle the pressure.
Deep down, I worried about that too. I worried that it could bring back the horrors of that night and the deep feelings of loss that I have pushed aside for so many years. I had to find a way to work through all of that. I had to be stronger than that.
We had seven weeks left before we finished our training. There wasn't much time before we would get our assignments and begin our new careers in the FBI. I just knew in my heart, I had to be on the VI team.
That was how I found myself walking through the halls of Quantico, trying to find the office that Agent Banner was using while he was here. Mike offered to help me in my search and was currently talking my ear off about how he hoped he would be able to get an assignment that would keep him near D.C. and thus near Jessica. I "hmmm'd" and "uh huh'd" in all the right places, but my mind was definitely elsewhere. Finally, I turned the corner and found the room I was looking for.
"Here, Mike, this is it." I glanced over at Mike nervously. "I'm not sure how to approach him again."
"Just tell him how much it means to you. Just keep reminding him, Bella. Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the oil." I looked at him like he was a bit crazy, but then nodded. He was right. I needed to continue to let Banner know how important this was to me. Mike obviously sensed my hesitation. "Do you want me to wait here for you, Bella?"
"Yes, please. I will only be a moment." And with that, I mustered up the courage and knocked on his door.
"Come in," Banner replied. I slowly opened the door and peeked inside. Banner was sitting at a desk with his laptop in front of him. The office was sparsely decorated and small. It was obvious that it was just a temporary workspace for him while he was visiting Quantico. Banner looked up with a warm smile and a bit of surprise in his eyes as I entered his office.
"Bella Swan! It is good to see you again. How is the training going?"
I returned his smile with one of my own. I had known Banner for years. He was a friend of my father's, and they had worked closely together on the VI case when my father was still with the FBI.
"It is going well, Agent Banner. I'm loving it, actually." I took a few steps across the room to take a seat in the empty chair opposite him.
A small chuckle escaped Banner's lips. "You have a lot of Charlie in you. How is he, anyway?"
"Charlie is great, the same really. Charlie is Charlie," I said with a wistful smile as I thought of my father.
"Glad to hear he is doing well. I miss him. His early retirement from the FBI was a great loss for us. He was one of our best." He looked down at his hands on his desk as if he were deep in thought and then added, "Bad for the FBI, but it was probably a good thing for Forks."
"Yes, they love him there," I replied.
Agent Banner looked up at me and smiled again. "Well, Bella, what brings you to my office? As much as I may wish it was to say hello, I am sure there is more to it than that."
I took in a deep breath and let it out. "Well, I always love to come and say hi. You know that. But, yes, I do have another motive, and I am sure you have guessed why I am here."
"You want on the VI team."
"Yes, sir."
Banner pursed his lips as he thought about his next words. I was nervous to hear what he was going to say and steeled myself for the possible bad news.
"Bella, you have to understand my concern here. " I nodded in response. "You're a good candidate, no doubt. I have been following your training a bit, and everyone says you're top of your class, not just in the classroom work, but on the field tests as well. You're going to make one hell of an agent." He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but return it, even if my heart was racing a mile a minute.
"As much as I could use you on this team, I'm scared that with your history you may be too close to this, Bella." I began to open my mouth to tell him that I could do this, but he held up his hand to stop me. "Hear me out. I worry that you won't be able to be objective and that the emotional burden may be too much for you." He looked up to the ceiling and sadness crossed his face.
"I was there with your father that night. I remember it so clearly, Bella. I was with him when he got that phone call. I was with him when he found your mother. I was there when he found you. It was too much for him, and he had to walk away. It crushed him, Bella. This is a tough case—one of the worst. It's difficult for those of us who are not emotionally invested. I'm not sure how someone with your experience would be able to handle it. Do you really think you're up for something like this?"
I sat back in my chair and recalled that night. God, it hurt to think of it. But from those thoughts, deep down inside my gut, I felt that fire burning, that need to bring them to justice, and I knew I could do this.
"Agent Banner, I have no doubt, whatsoever, that I can do this. I need to do this. Please . . . please, give me a chance to show you that I can. Give me six months; if it doesn't work out, you can transfer me, and I won't fight it. I want this more than I can explain."
Agent Banner brought his hands together in front of his face, making a peak out of his fingers. He tapped his lips a few times as he contemplated what I had said. He never lost eye contact with me, and I continued to plead with him through my eyes. Please give me a chance.
"Bella, I will continue to consider you for this position. I am not saying yes, but I'm also not saying no. I need to think on this for a while longer."
I would take that. The smile on my face grew as I replied, "Thank you, Agent Banner. That is all I am asking for. I really appreciate the consideration." I stood up and reached across the table to shake his hand. Banner stood and took my hand into both of his. He looked down at me like a father and gave me a gentle smile.
"Take care, Bella. I am glad you came to see me. Please give my best to Charlie and ask him to give me a call sometime."
"I will, I will. Thank you, again." I turned and exited the office. Overall, I felt good about the way the meeting had gone. He didn't say no, which meant that he really was taking it into consideration. One thing I knew about Agent Banner—he was honest, and you could always take him at his word.
I gently shut the door behind me and looked for Mike. He was just walking out of an office down the hall.
"Hey, how'd it go?" he asked when he caught sight of me.
"Not bad. He isn't saying yes but also isn't saying no. I think he is honestly going to weigh it all and consider me for the assignment."
"That's good!" I looked up at him and nodded in agreement as we headed back down the hall. Mike then began telling me about his run-in with another agent who was having problems hacking into some website, and how he was able to go right in and hack into it in the fifteen minutes that I was with Banner. He was really excited about it, and he was gesturing wildly with his hands as we walked.
We were rounding a corner in the hallway, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of bronze down an adjacent corridor, and instantly my eyes were drawn away from where I was going onto his emerald green eyes.
He was walking in my direction with another group of agents. He was staring right at me, and I saw the flicker of a smile grace his lips. I could feel the heat of his gaze, and it went right between my legs. My god, what was this man doing to me? I was completely tuning Mike out as I walked past the other corridor, my gaze never leaving his until . . .
GOD BLESS AMERICA! That hurts! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
I realized pretty fast that, while I was staring into his eyes, hypnotized by their green depths, I was not looking where I was going at all. I walked right smack into a support column at the juncture in the hallways. I hit it head on, smacking my face, and falling straight down on my ass. I looked up to see a throng of people rushing in my direction to make sure I was okay, including the beautiful man who caused this mishap in the first place.
Oh no, oh God, I am so embarrassed. Why does this keep happening to me? Mike was instantly at my side, checking me over again.
"Bella, baby, are you okay?" His hands grasped my face and turned it to his so he could make sure I didn't break my nose or lose any teeth. Before I could answer him, several people were suddenly kneeling down next to me, checking me over as well. I have never been so humiliated in all of my life.
"Is she okay?" Velvet, pure, wonderful, and music to my ears. I knew whom it must belong to, but I couldn't quite find my bearings to look at him.
"I . . . I'm fine. I'm okay." I reached out to grip Mike's arm to haul my butt up off the floor, when I felt a multitude of arms help me up.
"Oh, my God, you just, like, walked right into that wall. That was classic." My whole body stiffened as I heard her voice crack with laughter. In an instant, I was seeing red. I turned to face her with a look of death in my eyes. She was tall and blond with a sharp nose; she was very beautiful, and I hated her instantly. I began to open my mouth to ask what the hell her problem was, when his voice broke through my red haze.
"Lauren, please, it isn't funny." He knew her! I finally turned my head to take in the magnificent specimen next to me. I hadn't been this close to him before, and I was literally stunned by his beauty. I took in a deep breath and inhaled his perfect manly scent. My brain went fuzzy, and I couldn't quite remember what I was doing here. I was sure I was leaning in toward him just to get a better whiff.
"Oh, please, she's fine. It was funny."
Oh, that's right; I was seeing red. I shook the hands off me and turned to tell her exactly what I thought of her, but before I found my voice, I was cut off.
"Well, now that that's over, we're late for our meeting. We need to get going, come on, guys." She turned abruptly and began walking down the hall.
The bronze-haired god and another gentleman stood looking after her. He turned back around toward me and asked, "Are you sure you're okay?"
I was too mad at this point to answer. I just glared past him at her back as she walked down the corridor and nodded in affirmation. "Okay, then. Glad you're not hurt." And he turned and followed after her. I just stood there, feeling like a complete idiot, as I watched him walk farther away and down the corridor.
"Bella?" I heard Mike's voice, but I just couldn't focus on anything at the moment. I was still trying to process the last few minutes and how I had managed to completely humiliate myself like that.
"Bella, seriously, are you okay? Do I need to take you to a doctor?" That snapped me out of my stupor.
"What? No, don't be absurd, Mike. I'm fine, physically. I just feel really, really stupid right now." And that was an understatement. As I thought about the incident, I could feel my eyes glistening with the tears I was fighting to hold back.
"Hey, hey, it's all right. Really, Bella, it's happened to all of us at some point."
I seriously doubt that. I looked up at him with utter incredulity and managed to finally pull my head together. I grabbed Mike's arm and turned us both back in the direction we were originally going. "Come on, we have another class in thirty minutes."
By the end of the day, I was exhausted and feeling very unsure of myself. It was not how I was used to feeling anymore. It reminded me of growing up in Forks. That was a very difficult time for me. I was awkward and different from the other kids, and I often did humiliate myself with my clumsiness. I was that kid from Phoenix, the police chief's daughter, the one whose mother was murdered. I didn't make any close friends. I was teased a lot, and as a result, I isolated myself for the most part. I read a lot of books and spent a great deal of time with my dad. I relied on him; we relied on each other.
After my mother died, our relationship was never really the same. It evolved into something different, a co-dependency of sorts. Before she died, he was the model dad. He was fun, and we played together all the time. He was affectionate and sweet, as well. I looked up to him and admired him. He was larger than life to me.
After her death, we both changed completely. He couldn't see the joy in life like he used to. We never played anymore. When he hugged me, it wasn't a affectionate hug meant to show the love of a father for his daughter; it was as though he was holding on to me for dear life. I found myself not wanting his hugs anymore, and we became more like companions. I cooked and cleaned, and he worked. At night, we would sit together in the living room while he watched TV and I read my books. We both loved each other immensely, but we were both so scared to ever show it, to ever really feel it again.
I still loved my father more than anything in the world, and in many ways he was my best friend. We talked all the time, but my mother's death left us both hardened. When I finally left Forks for college, I was able to begin breaking down the emotional wall I had built around myself. At college, I found that being smart was an asset, not a detractor. I was able to make friends who were more like me, and I was accepted. I began to have a lot more confidence in myself, and as a result, I was becoming more successful in building relationships. I slowly worked my way out of my shell and allowed myself to have fun and live again. Yet, I still find it so easy to throw the walls up anytime things get tough. It is much harder to keep that wall down than to let it stay up.
I broke away from my depreciating thoughts when I heard a rap on my door. I quickly glanced at the clock, 7:15. I made my way over to the door, wondering who would be coming by my room. I opened the door to Angela's bright smile.
"Hey, girl. Mike said you might need a friend tonight. So, here I am." I couldn't help the grin that was splitting my face. Yes, I did, indeed, need a friend tonight.
"Oh, Angela, I have just had the most awful day." I opened the door wide, so she could join me inside.
"Bella, hon, I'm sorry." Angela pulled me away from the door, swinging it shut behind her, and wrapped me in a big hug. "Tell me all about it."
"First, let me get you something to drink. Do you want some tea, soda, coffee?"
"How about something a little stronger?" She reached down into her bag and pulled out a bottle of wine. I was slightly stunned that she could hide such a big bottle in her bag, but purses had always been an enigma to me. I never carried them until recently, and even then, I barely put anything in them.
I let out a little laugh. "Okay, wine it is. You do know we have physical assessments tomorrow, so as much as I would love to finish that bottle right now, let's keep it to one glass." I walked over to the cabinet and grabbed two glass tumblers since the room wasn't stocked with wine glasses.
"These okay?" I asked, holding up the glasses. She nodded and proceeded to open the wine with a corkscrew she also pulled out of her bag. I secretly wondered what else she could keep in that thing.
I handed her the glasses and sat next to her on the couch. She poured out the wine and set the bottle and glasses on the table. Then, she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and squeezed me to her. It was exactly what I needed, that reassurance. I hadn't known Angela for that long, just since the beginning of FBI training, but it felt like I had known her all my life. Sometimes you just meet those people who you connect with, who are supposed to be special in your life. She was one of them, one of the very few.
"Okay, so spill," Angela said as she reached out for her wine.
"Well, I met with Agent Banner today. While it didn't go badly, I am still very nervous about getting placed on the team," I said as I stared at my glass of wine. When she didn't say anything, I glanced up at her through my lashes. She was watching me, waiting for me to tell her what else went wrong with my day.
"Bella, why do I feel this isn't just about the Volturi case?"
I sighed and looked up at her, giving her a slight smile. Angela giggled; she knew she had me.
"Come on, Bella, tell me. I won't bite, and it will help to talk about it. Trust me."
"Okay, but you can't laugh."
"Promise, cross my heart," she replied and proceeded to make an "x" over her heart with her fingers.
"Okay, so you remember that guy in the bar last weekend, the one you wanted to take home?" Angela's eyes got big, a grin spread across her face, and she nodded. So I proceeded to tell her all about my week-long, miserable encounters with him. When I was done, Angela was doing everything she could not to laugh and not doing it well.
"Oh, my God, Bella, I can't . . . believe . . . you ran . . . into the wall," she sputtered between giggles. "I wish I had been there to see it."
I took a steely glance at her and replied, "Obviously." Then I felt it too, that deep clinching belly laugh gurgling up through my insides, and I began laughing uncontrollably. Angela let loose at that same moment and joined in as the two of us laughed ourselves silly from the couch to the floor.
"Oh God, Angela, I made such a fool of myself. I can just imagine what that guy must think of me now." We both laughed harder. It was cathartic and felt amazing. I felt better than I had all week.
Our laughing finally sputtered out and both of us were taking deep breaths. "Oh, that felt good," I said. "I really needed that."
"I'm glad," Angela said with a smile.
"Why am I so horrible around men? I mean, really, I just can't do anything right around them."
"What are you talking about, Bella? You're great with guys. You're fun and down to earth. I see how you are with Mike, Ben, and Tyler. They love you."
"No, I am great with guys as friends. As long as I am not interested in them, I do fine. Once I start liking them, I completely clam up and do something stupid. I can't talk to them. I can't look at them. It's seriously retarded."
"Hmmm, Bella you're just nervous. We all get like that."
"No, it's more than that. I put up all these walls, these defenses. It's like I am terrified of what they will think of me." I paused as I searched deep within myself. Why do I do this? It hurts to be so isolated all the time. But it hurts more when you lose someone you care about. That is really what it boils down to. I am terrified of losing someone again. I don't want to be vulnerable, so I just stop it before it can ever start.
"Bella, you have to take risks to find love. We all get hurt, and it sucks. But it's better than living closed up our whole lives." I knew this. Intellectually, I knew this. I wanted to love someone and be loved. I didn't want to always be alone.
"I know, and you're right. However, this is a subject we should pick up again another time. We have a big day tomorrow, and we both need to get some rest." I smiled and pulled myself up off the couch. Angela joined me and we walked to the door. "I really feel better about the whole thing. Thanks for talking with me and laughing at, or well, with me." I chuckled and she joined in. "I shouldn't even get worked up over a guy I don't even know, and who I will probably never see again in my life." Except that I keep saying that and I keep running into him.
"After physical assessments tomorrow, we are going out to celebrate completing that milestone in our training. I think we all need to let off a little steam."
"Absolutely, I am already looking forward to it." I leaned over, gave Angela a huge hug, then watched her make her way down the hall toward her room. I closed the door and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I left the wine glasses for the morning; I just wanted to try and get a good night's sleep. As I crawled into bed, I realized that I was going to have to take some risks and let my guard down when it comes to my personal life. It was time. I could not keep living my life with walls to keep people from getting in. It's lonely, and I don't want to be this way anymore.
Author's Note: I do not have any insider knowledge on FBI training. All the descriptions and information here are a combination of my research and imagination. I hope I got it mostly right, but if not, let me know.
Also, I would really love to know what you think about this story. It is my first attempt at writing fanfiction, and any feedback would be greatly appreciated. So, please leave a review.