"Stay." She made no move to release him from the hug, but reached over and shut the door again, one-handed.
"Hmm?"
"Don't go to your hotel. Stay."
"Hey," he said, perturbed. "What is it?"
She bit her lip. "Do you ever wonder if we made a mistake?"
"About what?"
"Getting divorced."
"What?" He froze. "No. Don't say that."
She pulled back then, out of his embrace, and he was horrified to see tears in her eyes. "But I miss you. I miss you so much. Nobody ever understood me like you do."
"It's just adjustment," he said helplessly. He didn't know what to do - Trinity never cried. She always held it together for everyone else. And she'd never, ever shown the least romantic interest in him; even before Neo, even when he still held out some hope that she might.
"Everything's wrong - I don't know what's going on. I think I'm going crazy." She looked at him, her face haunted. "I think there's been some serious damage. I mean, from the accident. They swear there hasn't been. I got them to scan me again last week, and show me the scans - all normal. But I don't feel normal, I feel like everything's wrong, the world is wrong, and I can't help thinking that maybe it was you that made it all okay. Maybe you were what made it all click. Because you've been there since I was nineteen, and now you aren't, and suddenly it's all just such a fucking mess. Or maybe it's just me that's a mess - I don't know anymore."
"You could never be a mess." He pulled her to him and was appalled to find that she was shivering. He wanted to call Neo. If anyone could ground her, make her happy - even as a bluepill, stuck here in the Matrix - Neo could. It was one of the reasons Ghost had accepted him, right from the start. No. It was the reason. And a world in which Neo couldn't make everything right for her, just by being there, was one Ghost simply couldn't compute.
"Ghost, what's wrong with me?"
"Nothing. There's nothing wrong with you."
"Then why do I feel this way?"
"It's not for me to say."
"But I'm asking. Please. Please, help me."
He sighed. "How honest do you want me to be?"
"Completely. Please. You always were - I miss that so much."
"Then I think part of the problem is how isolated you are - I just don't think you should be alone. I'm not right for you, but someone else is."
She pushed him away as abruptly as if she'd been burned. "Your solution is a man?" She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head fiercely. "Now I know I'm going crazy. You - you'd never say something like that to me."
"Not just any man," he said. "I'm talking about Tom."
She lifted her head to stare at him.
"I know you care for him. It's obvious." He closed his eyes. All that mattered - all that had ever mattered - was her. He'd made his peace with it a long time ago. "I've seen the way you look at him. And the way he looks at you. It's so, so obvious."
"Ghost, please." She shook her head. "Don't do this. He loves his girlfriend."
"He has feelings for you. You should hear how he talks about you."
"You should hear how he talks about her."
"I'm telling you," he said, "that he's fallen for you. Fallen hard. I'm telling you I think he's a nice guy, and suited to you. And I'm telling you you should go for it."
"See? This is all wrong." She began to cry in good earnest then. "You're telling me to go for something with a guy who might as well be married, married to a woman who is really sick, and who he loves, and you don't even know him. This is insane. This is not you. This is not us. This is not my life at all."
He handed her some kleenex. "Here. Stop goddamn crying. That isn't you. I've never seen you cry, not since the day we met." He waited as she blew her nose, stifled the sobs, tried to pull it together. "You know I just want you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted."
"Then take me back," she said desperately. "Please, let's just try again. It was stupid, I was stupid, I don't even know what I was thinking."
"We can't do that. You know we can't."
"Ghost, please. Can we just try?" She tried to put her arms around him, her lips to his, but he gently caught her wrists and pushed her away, shaking his head.
"No. This isn't what you want."
"But I'm a mess," she said desperately. "I'm a mess without you."
"I agree things aren't right. We can work on that. I'll help you - I love you. But this isn't the answer."
She was quiet. Then she looked at him, her eyes so hopeless he could hardly bear it. "Have you met someone else, Ghost?"
He shook his head at once. "No. There's nobody for me that way. Maybe ever."
"Then..."
"I told you. It'd never work, and you'd be no happier."
"But I was happy."
He sighed. "Your memory's playing tricks on you. There's no point arguing about that. Let's focus on what matters. You've fallen for him, I know you have. So why not trust that? You always had good instincts."
"He's dating someone else..."
"It won't last, even if he is."
"...and so am I."
"Yes, I know. Zach, right?" he said gently.
"How the hell did you know?"
Ghost ignored that. "He's not exactly making you happy, is he?"
"It's not like that - we're very casual. Just friends with benefits, really. We're not responsible for one another's happiness, that's the whole point."
He raised an eyebrow. "The whole point?" he said dryly.
"Oh, you know what I mean."
"I'm not sure I do. I only know that you're miserable."
"Like another person can ever really make you happy."
"But if he's making you unhappy," he said, "then whatever the arrangement, it's not working, is it?"
"That's more or less what you said about us."
"It's good advice. And forgive me, but sleeping with one man when you feel this way about another sounds neither like you, nor a recipe for happiness."
"It isn't so clearcut. Zach's a lovely guy."
"But?"
"How d'you know there's a but?"
"You made a pass at me five minutes ago. If that isn't an indication something's awry with your relationship..."
"Don't call it that," she said at once.
He looked at her, eyebrows raised, but said nothing.
She sighed. "Okay, okay."
"Why did you get involved with him at all?" Ghost asked. "When you've obviously fallen for someone else?"
"Stop saying that. Please. He has a girlfriend."
"Ah," Ghost said, and sighed. "I see. That's why."
"No, not only that. Zach cares for me. And I do him - we're friends. And..." she sighed again. "You're not going to like this, you never did, but..."
"But?"
She was silent for a few moments. Then she looked at Ghost. "He's interested in the Matrix," she said.
"In... the Matrix?"
"Yeah. I know you think it's bullshit, Ghost. But it's a big thing for us, we talk about it a lot. I've never been able to talk about it to anyone before - anyone who believes there's something to it, anyway. Something important. It just - I can't explain it to you. I never could."
"You have the Matrix in common," Ghost said slowly. "And you feel like you've never had it in common with anyone before."
"It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that, I know."
"No." He sighed and leaned his head back, over the edge of the couch, his eyes closed. "No, actually it makes a great deal of sense. But can I suggest that you focus this friendship on that aspect, and stop sleeping with him?"
"I really don't think he's the issue. Why I feel so disconnected."
"I'm quite sure he isn't the issue. But he's adding to them. And do you really have the energy to spare?" He hesitated, and then added, "And is it fair to him? To have that kind of involvement, when you plainly have far stronger feelings, elsewhere?"
"I don't think he minds. We don't have that kind of arrangement."
"But have you asked him? How he feels about you? Or are you making assumptions?"
She was silent. Then she sighed. "No," she admitted. "No, I've not asked him. We've never talked about that at all."
"Well, far be it from me, but..."
She nodded soberly. "Yeah. We should have that conversation." She sighed. "We should have had that conversation a lot earlier than we did, too. And I'd be sad to lose Zach, but God, Ghost. If I ever lost you..."
"You won't," he said at once. "Never. Just not possible."
"You swear to me?"
"Absolutely. But Zach...?"
"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to him."
AN: thanks again for reviews, you guys are great. Sorry these chapters are so depressing - sorry too at the long delay in posting; I've been on vacation and the cost of the net was crazy. Hopefully posting 4 chapters in 1 hit is compensation.
Miss Blaylock that's an interesting point, that much of recent fandom seems to think Neo and Ghost can't get along. I think that's because very few people in fandom actually played the game that all that side of the plot is taken from - it's pretty geriatric, these days, and wasn't that widely played even at the time I don't think. In canon, Ghost cheers Trinity up when she's having a major wobble over Neo's facing a huge army/saving Zion, and makes it clear that he believes in Neo, too. He also tells the Oracle that he accepts Trinity loves Neo as much as he, Ghost, loves her, and that accepting that Trinity could never love him as anything but a brother was a relief, because it freed him from expectation. The strong implication is that he's happy if she is, when he talks about acceptance of harsh realities not being enough - you must love what life throws at you. The Oracle then comments that he's a good man. Trinity seemingly has no idea how he feels - she talks about finding him a girlfriend, which would be very cruel if she did - which implies that Neo doesn't know either. The official line, that they are what Zion regards as siblings because they were freed the same day, is probably the one Neo believes, too. It also seems unlikely that Trinity would do the kind of platonic flirting she does with Ghost if she knew, because she loves Neo too much to play those games (and actually I don't think she'd play them, even if she didn't). Given how generous Ghost is, and how discreet, I doubt anyone has a clue. So the conflict stuff never made much sense to me - he seems to prioritize Trinity far too much to ever fall out with Neo, and Neo wouldn't ever want Trinity to lose anyone she loved either. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, anyway! I'm glad it works for you, too.