Author's Note: Took some time off for Christmas, and after this I'm leaving on vacation for a bit so this will probably be my last chapter for a few weeks. But I'll be back with more adventure soon :D

~Life is Loose Ends~

Even inside the Keep, the air was cool from the heavy rain outside. Having no time to relax near one of hearths for warmth, Drea was determined to tackle her day one issue at a time. Locating her first issue, she skipped the pleasantries.

"You plan to leave us," Drea stated, no hint of a question in her voice.

Looking up from the book she was reading, Velanna appeared only mildly surprised. Marking her place, she gently closed the book and clasped her hands over it. She remained silent as she looked up at Drea with patient expression. After a moment, Drea calmly continued, "If we were ever to find your sister, it would have been during the attack or in the broodmother's lair. Since we came up empty handed, the only hope you have now is to track her down on your own. I might be shemlen, but I'm not stupid,"

Velanna arched her eyebrow at Drea's use of the elven word for human but she did not comment on that. "And you are here to tell me you cannot allow that," she guessed in a brisk tone.

"I can't allow it," Drea agreed, "But I'm here to ask a favour of you." Again not replying, Velanna sat back in her chair to hear Drea's proposal. Entering the room, she pushed the door closed behind her to block out any listening ears. Leaning on the closed door, Drea explained, "I am going with the recruits to the Korcari Wilds. It's not to say that I think Anders is unable to tend to four Wardens and two hounds, but I have a feeling I will need all the able hands I can get."

Velanna eyed her suspiciously, "Is this all? A trip? Then you let me leave?"

Finally letting out a long breath of air, Drea crossed the room and took a seat across the table from Velanna. "This is no small thing I ask," she admitted. "Not only will the lengthy journey delay your own search, but it may be risky. I am starting to suspect that all this…the Blight, the talking darkspawn…is a result, or maybe even a smoke screen, of a larger evil. I hope to find some answers in the Wilds, but…I can't dismiss the possibility that I might actually find the larger evil. As for letting you leave however, the orderis not something that you can simply walk away from. But…while I could never let you leave, there's not much I could do if you disappeared in the dead of night." She paused for a moment as she offered a small shrug, "I would, of course, immediately head up a search party and expect I would find evidence that you had taken to the Deep Roads. It would be better if there was evidence that you died there. This would all go into my reports to the First Warden at Weisshaupt, along with my suggestion than the ways of the Dalish make them somewhat unstable for this lifestyle and should only be recruited in extreme situations."

A slow smile emerged on Velanna's lips as she replied, "I agree to this request. I had planned to disappear in the broodmother's lair after Seranni was no where to be found, but I couldn't. The Dalish are proud, driven by honour so to leave in such a way would have been an everlasting shame of mine. To offer you aid in return however, is far more acceptable."

With the unexpected ease of the conversation, it was not long before Drea was able to take her leave. As tolerant as Velanna was of her situation, she was still not overly comfortable having lengthy conversations with her human counterparts. Always having multiple demands on her time, Drea didn't mind. Her second issue was several rooms down the hall and she seriously doubted it would go as smoothly. Ashlyn had already been informed of Drea's decision to let her stay in her stripped room under the watch of two guards at all times. As meals would be brought to her, the only other place she would be permitted was the main hall should Seneschal Varel require a court minstrel. Even as Drea set up all these security measures, she knew they were not enough to truly imprison the bard. They were, however, a way for Ashlyn to prove her willingness to cooperate - a test she could not rise to if Drea kept her locked in a cell. Part of her doubted the bard would be at the Vigil upon her return.

As she approached the slightly open door, Drea nodded at the two guards standing watch. Reaching for the door, she paused when she heard Ashlyn speak, "Please Anders, you have to believe me."

"Oh I do, do I? You claimed that you didn't lie to me, but you have from the beginning. When we first met you were the minstrel of that tavern for a year," Anders shot back.

"I…I exaggerated the time. And technically I am a minstrel…I just have other talents too," Ashlyn pleaded. Even from the hall, Drea could hear the desperation in the woman's voice. "I haven't lied to you. Anders, everything I've ever said, everything about us, about how I feel, it's all true. My time here is my own…I'm allowed to set up roots however I want…Anders, I just want to be with you…" her voice wavered until it finally cracked and a sob killed the last of her words.

With a hard scoff, Anders replied, "It's really hard for me to take your tears seriously when I know you could rip me to shreds before I could blink."

In an unsteady voice, Ashlyn whispered, "I would never…could never hurt you. Anders, I swear to you, to Andraste, to the Maker himself, no one at the Vigil will come to harm by my hand."

"Right," Anders finished for her, "That's not what you were sent here for. But you were sent here, and I don't know how you expect me…or any of us…to trust you when you can't even tell us who sent you or why."

The room was silent for a moment, before Ashlyn quietly replied, "Then where does that leave us?"

Silence followed again until Anders answered her in an equally subdued tone, "I don't know."

Giving the guards another curt nod, Drea turned to leave. There was nothing more she could add to what Anders had to say…

Time seemed to speed up after her moment of eavesdropping. Although her speech in Amaranthine regarding Bann Esmerelle's death was the next day, it felt like it was only minutes later. When they arrived in the city, they posted several memorial lists of the fallen conspirators while Drea prepared. Taking Nate's advice, Drea delivered her speech from balcony of the Chantry so her voice could echo off the surrounding buildings and even those in the back could hear. Trying to repeat the spontaneous speech she gave in the main hall, she was gracious towards her betrayers and encouraged the rest of the people to join her in achieving her vision for the future. She also announced that the Chantry would be performing respectful services for each person that died. Even through her kind attitude towards her betrayers however, the underlying message clear…they were dead and crossing her had dark consequences. The crowd was understandably dazed by her announcement, but the murmurs were of shock at the Bann rather than the Arlessa. When Drea and the Wardens set out from the city, she knew she was leaving it in an awkward state as it was without a Bann. Seneschal Varel agreed to resolve the issue as he knew the people of the city the best and Drea knew the people would take comfort in him.

Pulling out her whet stone to start sharpening her blades, she tried to relax during their first evening at camp. Somehow, it was easier to let her stresses go when she was on the road. Sneaking glances at her companions, she was always impressed how the same light could cast such different moods on people. With the flames lighting his face, Oghren looked evil and fearsome even as he calmly drank from his flask. She was curious if all dwarves looked so ominous by firelight, but Sigrun was off tending to her tent. Meanwhile, Velanna's pointed features were even sharper, giving her an intelligent yet animalistic look. Anders just looked sickly and washed out - a comment more on his frame of mind than the fire's light. Finally moving her gaze to Nate, she was surprised to see the warm glow gave him a gentle, inviting look rather than the dark, angry look she was expecting. Drea couldn't help but watch as he tenderly cared for the fire, carefully poking at the stack of logs to help it burn better. Casually tracing her eyes from the stick, up his thick, muscular arm, she glanced back to his face only to realize he had been watching her. Even as she hastily dropped her gaze back down to her blade, she caught his smile.

Interrupting her quiet moment of embarrassment, Oghren grunted, "What's amatter boy? Still upset over that woman of yours?"

Glaring at the dwarf, Anders replied, "My woman? You mean that two-faced bitch that could kill me between breaths? Yeah. A little."

"Why?" Velanna asked in a sharp tone as her piercing stare bore through him from the other side of the fire pit, "You can't handle a strong woman?"

"Heh, yeah, I kind of like her now that she's got spunk," Oghren chuckled.

Not reacting to Oghren's prodding, Anders kept his eyes on Velanna as they exchanged an uncomfortable stare. Finally he replied to her, "I grew up in the Circle, which means that at any given point I was surrounded by women who could have blasted me into dust. I had no issue with that. My problem isn't with extraordinary women…" he paused briefly as he glanced away. Finishing lamely, he added, "It's with the lies."

Satisfied with that answer, Velanna turned her attention to the chunk of bread on the end of her stick. Working a second stick into the bread, she was able to easily warm it over the fire without losing it. After watching her expertly deal with her food, he focused on grabbing his own provisions from his sack until a sudden, insulted look crossed his face. "But…so what if that was my problem?" he snapped. "Is there something wrong with ordinary women? Is there something wrong with wanting an ordinary life with one? Maybe on some ordinary farm?"

Glancing up at him, Velanna coolly replied, "For you there is. You'll never be able to have that, and it's wrong to waste your life in want."

Drea heard Anders snort loudly but as he opened his mouth to reply, she interrupted, "She's right." Clamping his mouth shut, he turned to Drea as she finally looked up from her blade. She and Wynne had shared similar conversations and she suddenly missed the white haired mage. No one could help her make sense of the world quite like she could, and as Drea looked at Anders, she knew he also could have benefited from those conversations. Stiffly, she continued, "Anders, the second your parents realized they had to send you to the Circle, your abnormal fate was sealed. And while you sit there wishing you were a simple farmer, the simple farmer wishes he was you - the heroic adventurer. So much of life's misery is caused by focusing on what we can't have…what we can't be, instead of looking at what we do have and accepting what we are. Both you and the farmer mope about your lot in life, and both of you miss out on the good things surrounding you - things that others envy."

"And who are you to lecture me on finding happiness, exactly?" Anders growled as he shoved his bread back into his bag. "I've only ever seen you in two modes - cold and angry. Do you even know what a smile is? You know, that thing people do with their mouths?"

"I suggest you hold your tongue Anders," Nate spoke before Drea could react. He straightened, pulling his shoulders back as he added. "And keep your tongue held until you're the one single handedly rebuilding an order while bringing an entire arling back from the brink of its own destruction. You piss and moan about gallivanting with the wrong woman, but you don't even appreciate the fact that you had the time to gallivant in the first place. And I have no sympathy for you on that front either Anders - Drea warned you about the bard and you chose to ignore it."

Drea couldn't help but notice Nate's face turned from inviting to menacing as he defended her...and that for the second time, he called her by name.

Holding up his hand, Anders tried to wave Nate off, "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't see what's so wrong with wanting a bit of normalness in our lives. Are you telling me that the idea of lying down your troubles and coming home to a loving wife isn't the least bit appealing to you?"

"Did ever occur to you," Velanna cut in, "That part of leaving family and such attachments behind comes from the idea that Wardens are above that? Do people not see you as heroes? Giants among men? From what I understood, Grey Wardens are living myth and legend and relations with commoners will tarnish that."

"Yeah," Drea chuckled bitterly as she pocketed her whet stone and slid her sword into its sheath, "A real giant among men we are. There was a time where I would have agreed with that, but the people of this country turned on us so fast my head spun. The entire time leading up to the Blight the people we were trying to protect were the same people eager for our blood…or at least the bounty on our head. It definitely opened my eyes - the time of the mythical Grey Warden atop the majestic flying griffon is over and we can't keep riding the coattails of that image. We have to find our new, practical place in this world."

Catching the conversation as she joined from group, Sigrun asked, "So is that why, for the first time in history, Grey Wardens are being ordered into being openly involved in politics?" Drea gave a slow nod. Looking at the free spot by Oghren, she decided to sit on a stump near Velanna instead as she added, "Which is against the fundamental principles of the Warden Order. By leading an arling, the very definition of a Grey Warden is blurred." Again, Drea nodded. With a sigh, Sigrun finished, "I'd say frolicking with people outside of the order is the least of our concerns."

For a moment, the group fell silent as the others finally started to realize some of the uncertainties that they faced. Still tightly gripping his pack, Anders finally asked, "So does this mean we could try to find a bit of normalness, since the lines are blurred anyhow? I mean, how fundamental are these principles if they can be set aside like this? " Having no answer, Drea silently spread her hands in reply. "Where does that leave us then?" he pushed.

An obscure smile spread on Drea's face as she replied, "It leaves us in the same place I always am…the place we will always be - focusing on the here and now, on the problem in front of us. Right now that problem is getting to the Wilds and back in one piece."

Rising to her feet, Drea brushed the dirt from her armour as she glanced at her companions. With a soft chuckle she added, "I can tell by your thrilled expressions that some of you don't think that's much of an answer. Maybe you're disappointed that your leader doesn't know everything. But that is the only answer, and it's the only answer that will consistently be there. The world is complicated and no matter how hard you try, there will always be more questions. Sometimes, all you can do is simplify it for yourself. We are Grey Wardens. We kill darkspawn. The rest will get sorted as we go."

Leaving her recruits to think on her words, she strode towards her tent to rest so she could take the first watch. With the close of their first night, their journey was officially underway.