Re-updated 4/24 to fix grammar and spelling errors.
A/N: This paragraph is completely unrelated to the story. This is something I have thought about before, but today, it came to me again, and I realized something. Being the sports geek that I am, I know that the Boston Red Sox have a pitcher with the last name Beckett. I was thinking about that earlier today, and thought, "Oh my gosh.. His first name is Josh." Isn't that weird? So yeah, random fun fact. I now hate Josh Beckett. ;)
Anyway, my dad made this comment today that put me in the greatest Caskett-y mood. We were talking about "The Dead Pool", and we're both pretty much fangirling about the episode. So he says, "Those two are going to end up together yet. I can't wait for that. I'd really like to see the first time they make love because that would just be…wow." I was like, Dad, you are SUCH a shipper. Even he knows the world is going to pretty much explode when Caskett gets together! So anyway, for some reason, that put a big smile on my face, and here I am with your second chapter.
How about some relevant information? Because this is the most random author's note I have probably ever written. I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed so far. I really hope you guys keep reviewing too because it really does inspire me to keep writing and, as you already know I'm sure, knowing that you have tons of reviews is like a badge of honor for a fanfic writer. It really means a lot when you guys review, so thank you so much.
Part One: Sunday Punch
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Chapter Two
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"Kate," he had been mumbling, waving his free hand in front of her face. "Earth to Beckett."
Her eyebrows jumped, and her head suddenly swiveled toward him with startled eyes.
"Huh?"
"You zoned out," he said with an amused smile. Then, softer, curiously, he asked, "What are you thinking about?"
Her lips parted slightly, and she gazed at him for a moment in silence. She'd never know whether it was her haggard emotional state or simply the exhilarating feeling she got, knowing that they were sitting so close, her body warmed by his, that possessed her to do it. But she did it.
She dove in.
"You know," she began timidly, peering down at their intertwined fingers. "When Josh and I broke up… right after we came back from L.A. …it wasn't because he was going to Haiti."
He watched her intently as she frowned, and that little line appeared above her brow like it always did when she was frustrated or upset.
"I mean, yeah," she continued, now averting her eyes to the blank television screen before them. "He went to Haiti, but that wasn't really why we broke up."
She gulped, and green met blue in a powerful gaze.
"I just wish we could spend more time together," she said.
They had been in the middle of a rare dinner together, sitting in Josh's apartment, when the trill of his cell phone interrupted them. A patient of his was having complications after a transplant. He wasn't on call, but his associates could really use his assistance. Would he be able to come down to the hospital?
"Well, so do I, Kate. But there's nothing we can do about it if we're always working."
"I know, I know. Our schedules are just so different, and it's hard. We've had this conversation dozens of times. But I've been trying, Josh. I've been trying not to spend all my nights at the precinct till the wee hours of the morning."
"Well, it's hard to plan around surgeries," he replied flatly, rising from the table with his plate, heading to drop it in the sink.
Her anger was rising now.
"And it's even harder to plan around murder. Yet I'm the one who's making the effort."
He threw his hands up defensively as the plate and utensils fell into the sink with a 'cla-clunk.'
"Now that's not fair."
"No," she continued, standing and taking a step toward him. "You know what isn't fair? Me making an effort, and you going to Africa while I'm back here dealing with my mom's murder…"
And that was when he snapped.
"I gave up Haiti to stay when you got yourself locked in a freezer! Because I care about you!"
Her jaw was set, her arms crossed. He stared back at her wildly, breathing heavily as he tried to calm himself down.
"And nothing changed after that."
"Damn it, Kate. I am trying," he growled.
"That is such bullshit! You're never around!" she shot back.
"I try so hard to open up to you emotionally, though. You never do that. I know so little about your mom. And you only told me about her murder after I happened to find that board at your place."
Her blood was boiling.
"Josh, I don't like to share those kinds of things with many people. Those are some really deep wounds, and I thought you understood that."
"I did!" he exclaimed.
She placed her hands firmly on her hips, clearly expecting him to explain.
"Kate, you and that Castle just chased a criminal across the country, and the only reason I found out that the guy murdered was your former mentor was because I read his obituary in the paper. So how come the writer can get so much of you, and I can't?"
He did not go there. No, he did not just go there. Fuck.
She let out an exasperated sigh, clenching her fists, gritting her teeth. She knew that if she lost her composure, she would only paint herself further into a corner. So she shut her eyes, relaxed her shoulders, and, as calmly as possible, continued.
"Because he's someone I trust, Josh. He's my friend. He's been there for me when I needed it."
A crestfallen look crossed his face, and he shook his head, contempt in his eyes.
"And I bet he knows all about your mom," he spat.
She plunked down on his couch, placed her hands on her face, creating a steeple with them, and pressed her index fingers into the corners of her eyes.
"What does he even have to do with this, Josh?"
Now he was just frustrated.
"How much does he know?"
She squeezed her eyes shut and massaged the bridge of her nose with her fingers.
Tense silence followed.
After a beat, she sighed and mumbled, "Everything, Josh. Everything. I wouldn't know what I do now about her murder if it wasn't for him."
He grabbed his jacket, hanging on a stool by the kitchen counter.
"Josh," she called out sternly, rising from the couch. But he only brushed past her.
"Josh?"
He whirled around when he reached the door.
"He cares about you, Kate. He does. You know, you were the first thing he asked about when he woke up in that ambulance. I've seen the way he looks at you. He cares about you."
Her heart skipped a beat at that, even though she tried to convince herself that it hadn't. It shouldn't. No. Josh should be the one making her heart flutter. Josh should be the perfect man for her. He should be.
But he wasn't.
"That doesn't-," she began in protest, but he interrupted her.
"Almost four months into our relationship, none of your friends even knew about us, Kate. And he did a shitty job keeping that jealous hurt puppy look off his face when he found out."
She gulped, keeping her eyes fixed on a corner of the saxony carpet.
"Josh, I'm so sorry," she offered with a lump in her throat, her voice just barely above a whisper.
He just shook his head.
"It's always been him, Kate. I'll never be what you need."
Castle stared at her, grimacing, his hand still entwined with hers. She turned away from him again, eyes concentrating on the black coffee table.
"So he broke up with you because of me?"
She turned to look at him, his eyes remorseful and face sullen.
Her lips parted slightly, and then they snapped shut again. She bit her lower lip, looked away and then mumbled, "No, Castle."
He cocked his head, and his brows shunted even further inward.
"Well then what do you mean? Why are you telling me this?" he queried with confusion in his voice.
"I broke up with him because of you."
His eyebrows arched high on his forehead.
He wasn't sure how he kept himself from melting into a puddle right there in her living room. It sent a juddering sensation down his spine and caused every neuron in his body to fire and tingle with an indescribable sensation.
"Kate."
He barely choked her name out, his breath still hitched.
"Why in the hell would you choose me over him?" he asked with an almost incredulous tone.
He had been under the impression that they were happy, so very happy. She had given him another chance. And he would give her space. If she was content with Doctor Moped or whatever the hell his name was, then so be it. But apparently, she hadn't been.
She chose me.
He placed his emphasis on that simple pronoun. Me. Not him.
"Look, Rick…" she trailed off.
Their eyes met again, his intense baby blue irises disarming her. Eyegasms, Lanie affectionately called them.
"I just wanted you to know that because you have been there for me every single time I needed someone. Even right now. And I really, really appreciate that. I need that. And I'm not quite sure what all this means yet. For me. For us…"
He smiled faintly at that. There was a possibility of us. Of them. Together.
She took a heavy breath before adding, "But what I do know is that there's something there. There's some sort of feelings there for you."
It was like a fantasy- only better. His imaginative mind had dreamt about so many different ways for this moment to unfold, much more creative and glamorous scenarios. But there was something so real about this, that nothing could overshadow how extraordinary it truly was.
He nodded, moving his hand from its place in hers and wrapping it protectively around her knee.
"But there is just way too much going on right now for me to jump into something, and I couldn't risk putting anyone close to me in danger. I have to do this alone, Castle."
He noticed the tears brewing in her eyes and squeezed her leg gently.
"And this is part of the reason why I need to take a leave of absence from the precinct over the summer. I need to figure things out. I need some time away, and I don't want to get caught in the media circus."
He tried to hide a grimace that crossed his face, nodding understandingly.
"I'm going to New Haven to stay with my dad until things die down a little bit. I already talked to Montgomery, and he gets it. So I'll probably be gone all summer."
He nodded again, slowly.
"But I'll see you in the fall?"
His question created a moment of poignant nostalgia as she recalled standing in the precinct last May, watching him waltz off with Gina as she asked him the same question.
"Of course," she responded sincerely, and after a few seconds, added with a faint smile tugging her lips, "And I promise that I won't come back with a new boyfriend."
He gave her a sad smile in return and placed an arm around her shoulders.
"I just want to take this slow."
His face softened into a more tender smile, and he replied, "I understand."
She leaned in and pressed her lips against his cheek.
"Thank you," she whispered against his ear, giving him a tickling sensation as her voice rang deep in his eardrum.
"Always."
Awww. So please don't hate me for having them spend the summer apart. I just think that it's way more likely for it to happen like this rather than have them jump into a relationship over the summer because 1.) We would miss out on so much and 2.) Kate's emotional state is pretty much compromised at this point, the poor girl. The next one or two chapters will probably be a brief summary of their summers, and then we can really get into the action! Sound good? I hope so.
I really hope you guys are enjoying the story! Please let me know with your reviews! Trust me, the more I get, the faster I tend to update. All you fellow writers, you get what I'm saying. lol.
So anyway, THANK YOU again for your wonderful reviews, and let me know what ya think about this chapter! Happy Easter if you celebrate, and happy Earth Day / spring break / spring in general if you don't! :)