Disclaimer: sadly I do not own scrubs but I do own my ideas.. so theres a plus :)

Just wanted to thank all my reviewers, you guys gave me tons of ideas so thanks :) due to hating of the script format I am going to be redoing all the chapters with a format I hope/pray everyone will enjoy. After I am done updating the chapters I promise to put new chapters up so have some patients. :)

P.S thoughts are in Italics :)

DR. Cox POV :

I couldn't move, my mind was screaming at me to move but I couldn't. I just stared at him. He looked so broken, so lifeless, then I realized I couldn't let him die, I just couldn't, I looked over at the paramedics guy and asked: "What happened?"

" We got a call from an anonymous caller that someone tried to kill themselves, he gave us the address and we got him just in time." I felt the beginnings of a migraine as my body filled with dread, " What did he do?" I asked while palming my hand into my forehead.

" There are two cuts on his wrist and we think he might have swallowed a bottle of pills, it also seemed like he was high off of something but we're not sure what, my buddy looked around and we think he might have been doing cocaine but were not sure."

Oh dear God Newbie.. my newbie on drugs no way what happened to him? I thought as I worriedly looked him over. Then my mind flashed back to yesterday

(Flashback)

It was just a normal day at work and everything was fine, I was just about to leave and go home when JD stopped me " Dr. cox?" he asked, I turned glanced at him as I put my doctors coat away in my locker, "Yes Scarlett?" I replied. "Do you ever feel like you... Just want to give up" I froze, I knew nebie was probably looking for some great advice or something, but I was really tired and I just wanted to go home. So, I decided to play dumb, and if that didn't work I was just going to tell him off and leave. "On what?" I asked. JD looked down at the floor "Everything" I sighed before replying with: " Why no Becky because I'm a winner, unlike most of you people here I know I'm worth it and quite frankly I am"

Then I walked away but not before seeing newbie's crestfallen face.

(Flashback end)

I'm such an idiot, I just thought that maybe he was a little sad because his patient crashed earlier, but maybe he was just trying to get some help and I was just a complete jackass to him. In fact, now that I think about it, for awhile he seemed a little sad. I just shrugged it off as a bad day most of the time, but, now that I think about it, he hasn't really been himself for months. How could I be such a dick?

"Okay we got it from here" I said as I grabbed hold of the stretcher and steered him off towards a room, just then Carla came running down the hall towards me.

"What happened" she screamed and put her hand on his face

I sighed then without looking at her and replied "Suicide attempt"

"WHAT? How? No… no there's no way why would he?" she yelled,

"I don't know; call for some help so I can get him off this stretcher and on the bed."

She reached into her scrubs pocket and paged a few nurses including her husband Turk, when he came in, he looked shocked, almost like a deer before it gets hit by a car. I would have laughed but not with newbie laying lifeless on the stretcher like that.

"Okay on the count of three I yelled one...two...three! " on three, some lifted newbie out of the stretcher while others moved the stretcher out of our way; I was the main one holding JD, he seemed so light in my arms, I cradled his neck with my hand while my other hand was holding him from his butt, I then put him on the bed and started working.

Man he was pretty screwed up I thought as we drew some blood to find out what was in his system and then we placed an iv to give him some fluids that was all we could do until the lab results came back. I was just glad the heart monitor said he was still alive because he didn't seem like it. I told everyone to leave except Carla and Ghandi. I sighed again and looked from them to newbie" were.. were there any signs? I asked as I ran a hand through my hair. Carla looked at her bambi before replying: "No, he was always fine. He was a little down but we all thought it was just stress I never... her voice cracked I never thought it was bad like this" "Yeah he always seemed cool" came Gandhi's ingenious reply.

" Did he ever try to talk to one of you" I asked. My voice was beginning to sound sad, I didn't like talking about couple thought for a moment,"yeah whenever it was just me and him he asked if he was worth it, like if he was worth it as a person I usually just shrugged it off and just told him he needed to find a girl and get laid." Gandhi answered. Typical Gandhi but I shouldn't be so cynical I even shrugged it off. " Yeah one time he asked me if I liked who I was I remember he said "do you ever just look at yourself in the mirror and feel lost" I just told him he needed to find someone to love and that he was just lovesick."

So we all left him but there was one person – Barbie

" Hey where's Barbie?" I asked, just not realizing newbie's favorite piece of white bread was not there. " She was off today, oh my god I should call her and tell her what happened!"

" wait baby" he grabbed her arm to stop her then looked at me "how did he do it?"

" The paramedics said he swallowed a bottle of pills along with cuts on his wrists and they said they found a bag of what they believe to be cocaine" "Oh my God" Carla said then she started crying.I felt like crying too I wish they would leave so I could drop the tough guy act."Come on babe lets get you some coffee" he then grabbed her and ushered her out of the seemed like the only one here who was calm. Weird you would think newbie's best friend here would show a little more emotion but nope his said to be mentor sure was.

I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about how I could have stopped all this if I just would have paid attention. Then I felt pathetic for even caring why do I, all I ever call him is annoying why is this so hard for me?

I went over to the door and locked it, then shut the curtains,I didn't want anyone to see me lose it, I can't let them see I'm not as bulletproof as I let on. I grabbed the plastic chair and set it besides the bed then I sat. I guess I didn't realize how tired I was but as soon as my butt made contact with the chair all I wanted to do was shut my eyes.

"Dammit newbie!, why!" I suddenly yelled. I must of stayed there the whole night with tears streaming my face, I didn't care though all I cared about was JD.