Disclaimer: sadly I do not own scrubs but I do own my ideas.. so there's a plus :)

Just wanted to thank all my reviewers, you guys gave me tones of ideas so thanks :) due to hating of the script format I am going to be redoing all the chapters with a format I hope/pray everyone will enjoy. After I am done updating the chapters I promise to put new chapters up so have some patients. :)

P.S thoughts are in Italics :)

JD POV :

Life sucks. This is it I thought, the last day of my life.

For the past month or so I've been trying to shake this crazy idea in my head so I've been talking to my friends but when ever I tried to they never really cared, so here I was ready to die. My last attempt at life was yesterday it was a long day and after I decided that the one guy I could count on would help me though this, but all he did was be all grumpy and mean.

I looked at my clock that said 11:30 so Carla and Turk were defiantly out of the house. But just to be sure I tiptoed out of my room to see if anyone was there.. yep everyone was gone well except rowdy but he's really dead so it didn't matter.

Then I went into the bathroom and looked around for in the medicine cabinet and then I found them, they were the pills Carla used to take for post pardon depression. I quickly snatched those and a bottle of xanax and headed for my room. When I got to my room I dug around in my drawer till I found some Tylenol, okay the easy part was done but now the hard part.

I quickly opened up the pills in a zip lock bag then emptied them out in this giant pill bottle I had for when I got my appendix out. I looked at the clock that read 12:58 and nearly scream I needed to meet my dealer and I needed to meet him now. After throwing on some clothes I headed out the door.

Now I know what your thinking you have a dealer? The answer is yes yea I do.

I started doing coke when my life started to get pretty crappy, a few months back I remember I was at the bar having my usual appletinni when some girl came up to me

are you okay? she asked

" no "

" follow me" then she got up and walked out of the bar

when we got out side she gave me a bag of white powder and a card with a number on it

"If you want more call that number "

OK was all I could say. Did she just give me drugs? and did I just take them?

I was going to throw out the bag as soon as I got home but later that night I walked in to hear Carla and Turk arguing about who's going to have to take care of me. I guess they heard about me and Elliott braking up I thought , then got out of there and sat in the ally.

I opened up the bag then put some on my finger and sniffed.

Wowowow that felt amazing I thought by the time I was done the bag was half empty and I was flying high I then walked back into the apartment and staggered into bed. I did it for months on end each time doing a little more. I did it for 2 reasons

1. I was soo depressed I just wanted to get high

2. I wanted someone to notice so they could help me.

No one noticed so here I am buying more and giving my money to the man. I mean you would think they would right? wouldn't they be like Jd why haven't you shaved in a while, Jd whats up with your eyes? you know stuff like that but no no one noticed

pleasure doing business with ya he said with a smirk

Same here I shrugged and headed home.

I get back home at around 1:20 and get ready for what I have to do. I'm glad I started these a week ago because if I didn't my hand would be sore. I grumbled as I picked up the stack of papers off the floor there were only 3 left. They were my goodbye letters and I saved the best for last.

I was going to save Elliott's but she was the fist one I did. I started Carla's carefully explained to her to watch Turk and make sure he was okay then I told her I would miss her and that she was the best nurse in the world.

Then I went on to chocolate bears I told him that I love him to death and that I would miss him and to meet me on the coloud with the milkshake fountain with the lesbians.

Then I moved on the hardest one, he was my mentor and I loved him like a father figure, so of cores being the girl he knew I was I cried when I wrote his letter.

I just told him I was sorry for being a let down and how I set him free stuff like that.

In all the letters I said it wasn't there faults although really it was. They never helped me when I needed them and it is because of them. But there was no way I was gona tell them that I couldn't hurt them anymore then I hoped I would by my death. I put them In a black box with a blue ribbon on it and it the tag I wrote: read at my funeral with a smiley face.

I looked at the clock again it was 1:54, I knew it was time to do this.

I said a prayer to God asking him to forgive me then I sat by my bed and got ready.

First I snorted all the cocaine I could handle because there was no way I could do this sober then I started with the pills it was hard at first but eventually I get the hang of it. When they were all gone and inside me I grabbed the razor I had hidden in under my bed and sliced both my wrists. After that I passed out…

Hope you enjoyed this its kinda sad :( anyway Im making my self stop posting more for today because this is only my first day with the story and I already but up like 8 or 9 chapters ( crazy!) anyways read, rate, review

I'll have more up soon maybe tomorrow :)