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Chapter 3 - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
Biology follows Spanish like night follows day.
I grab my usual seat in the back of the room; not only does it let me observe everyone else but it also keeps everyone else from observing me. I use to sit in the front. I use to crack jokes in the middle of class. I use to do a lot of things. Not anymore, though. No more sports, no more extracurricular activities. I told my parents I wanted to focus more on schoolwork, but the reality was that Jacob saw them as an excuse to not hang out with him.
So I quit.
"Have you seen the new kids?" Lauren whispers to Angela as Mr. Parker writes out today's assignment on the board.
I pretend I'm not listening.
"I have English with the girl, Alice I think is her name," Angela answers.
"You haven't seen the boys yet, then?" Lauren's eyebrows raise, always the nosy one.
"No, have you?"
"I saw one of them. Emmett," Lauren starts. "Huge guy, probably played football at his last school. Super hot though."
I copy down the notes from the board, still keeping my ear on their conversation as I write.
"I heard the other one is cute too, but looks totally different. Apparently they're all adopted, which is why they're all around the same age," Angela just nods at Lauren's words, beginning to copy the notes as well.
"Please halt all conversations," Mr. Parker says, looking directly at Lauren and Angela.
Angela's face turns the brightest shade of red; she's always been the by-the-book type. Follows the rules. Does what she's asked. Never gets into trouble. I imagine her life is pretty predictable, routine and rarely ever gets out of control. I envy her.
Mr. Parker is half-way into his lecture on photosynthesis when the door to the classroom opens. In walks Mrs. Andrews, the school secretary, followed by Bathroom Boy. Andrews and Parker exchange words, as the boy stands there with his head down. I wonder what must be so fascinating on his shoes for him to be looking so absorbedly at them.
"Who is that?" Sarah, a short blonde girl to my right, asks to no one in particular.
"My future boyfriend," Lauren answers.
There's an eruption of giggles from the girls. I roll my eyes, but can't help but feel some level of jealousy over their ability to be so silly and carefree. Must be nice.
"Excuse me class," Mrs. Andrews gathers everyone's attention. "As I'm sure you've all heard by now, we have a couple new students with us today. They're all seniors, there's Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen and this is Edward Cullen."
The boy, Edward, looks up with a small smile. I can practically hear every girl in the room swoon. I can understand. He's, well, he's beautiful, for a lack of a better word. His hair is a shade I've never seen before-not even on Lauren who has had every hair color you can buy. He's tall, not particularly muscular, but nowhere near lanky. Even from my seat in the back, I can tell his eyes are an emerald green color you don't normally see. For a second, I wonder if he's wearing colored contacts but quickly dismiss you. He doesn't seem the type to put that much thought into his appearance. Or, at least, that's what his dark jeans and plain blue t-shirt say.
Mrs. Andrews whispers something to Mr. Parker, as Edward continues to stare down at his feet. I wonder if he can feel the intense gaze of lust from the collective female population of the room.
"Alright, Mr. Cullen you can have a seat in the back there," he gestures to the seat two spots down from me. The only remaining empty seat in the class.
Edwards nods, then makes his way through the maze of desks to his seat. Lauren practices a flirty smile at him as he passes her. He doesn't notice, or pretends not to, and continues on. I peek at him from the corner of my eye, wondering if he's seen me yet and if he'll recognize me from our run-in in the bathroom this morning. I hide behind a wall of hair, hoping he won't notice me.
"Okay, focus everyone, back to work," Mr. Parker begins lecturing again.
There's just a few minutes left of class when I finally work up the courage to take a glance over at Edward. Tyler Crawley sits in the desk between us, so I have to lean forward a bit to see him clearly. He's looking up intently at the board, copying down the notes. He has a look of utter concentration on his face and I wonder if he's actually paying attention or just working hard to give the appearance that he is-which I am all too familiar with.
He's pale, where Jacob is tan. He's got gentle eyes, where Jacob's are angry. His hands look soft, like they've never done hard labor. Or hit a girlfriend across the face for staring too long at someone of the opposite sex.
I shake my head, sometimes I have to remind myself that most girls don't have boyfriends who punish them. Most girls don't have boyfriends who leave bruises as reminders. Most girls don't have boyfriends who slowly steal their sense of self-worth. But then again, most girls don't deserve it.
Then, as if sensing my attention on him, Edward looks over at me. His wonderful green eyes stare harshly into my boring brown ones. They look over my face, before resting on the spot where the gash is currently being hidden by my carefully placed locks of hair. There's an expression on his face I can't read, it's not anger or curiosity or interest. It's a look I have never seen before and it makes me uncomfortable.
The bell rings, pulling us both out of our trances and signaling the end of class. I quickly gather up my belongings, fearful that he might approach me and strike up a conversation. I push passed Angela and Lauren, the latter of which is lagging behind to quite obviously find a reason to speak to Edward. Angela gives me a small wave as I brush by.
I enter the lunchroom, taking my usual spot at the end of table that houses the "popular" kids. Though I am no longer the center of the group, I am still on the outskirts. My position has been taken over by Tanya Denali, who had always been waiting in the wings, ready to pounce for the role of Queen Bee. The others began filtering in, throwing down their bagged lunches on the tabling, pulling their chairs out. The sound is like nails on a chalkboard, and I inwardly shudder at it.
"So what do you think about the new chick?" Mike asks Ben and Eric, who have also taken their usual spots around the table.
"Kind of weird looking," Eric answers, mouth full of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich his mother makes him every morning.
"She's short," adds Ben. "And quiet."
"She might not be much to look at, but have you seen her brothers?" Tanya sets down her tray, taking her position at the center of the group.
"Um, yum," giggles Jessica.
"I would do very bad things to that Emmett guy," Lauren joins in. "But even worse things to Edward."
I roll my eyes, turning my attention to the three new siblings as they enter the cafeteria. There's a hush over the room as they make their way towards the empty table by the windows. It must be so weird being new in such a small town. All the attention, all the gossip. I'd rather rip out my own fingernails than be the new kid in this school.
"So wait, they're all adopted?" Mike asks, shoving a chip into his mouth as he openly gawks at them.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure," Lauren responds. "At least, that's what I overheard the ladies in the office saying when I was in there this morning."
I munch on my baby carrots, sneaking a glance over in their direction. The three of them are in a hushed conversation, hunched over the table. I wonder if they're plotting their escape.
"What do you think Bella?" Tanya smirks over at me.
She likes to drag me into conversations every so often, as to remind me of my fall from grace. That she is top dog now.
"Bella likes the big muscular types," Angela teases, winking at me. "I mean, look at Jacob."
Angela was always the sweet one, always trying to make everyone get along. Although right now, I just wish she would ignore Tanya's remark and try to change the subject like I could normally count on her to do.
"Oooo," Jessica pokes my arm.
I bite back a wince. She just poked the fresh bruises that circle my bicep.
"Bella likes Emmett, Bella likes Emmett," Tanya chants.
The others join in and I duck my head down in embarrassment.
"Shut up you guys," I whisper. "I do not like Emmett."
Tanya smiles evilly.
"Oh, so it's Edward that you like?" She asks.
"Aww, come on Bells," Mike comes up from behind me, throws his arms around my own and squeezes me into a hug. "We're just messing with you."
"Ow!" I yell so loud, everyone in the entire cafeteria looks over in our direction.
I can feel my face turning red in shame, as I rub the bruise on my arm. Mike looks at me confused, wondering what he's done wrong. I look over at the Cullen's table, all three of them staring over at me.
"I, um," I start, racking my brain for an excuse.
I think of my old standbys: I tripped over my own feet, I hit my head on my desk, I fell off my bed.
"I got hit in the arm with a basketball in gym class," I find myself saying.
They all laugh, accepting the lie. After all, I was Clumsy Bella. If they paid close enough attention, however, they would realize that Clumsy Bella didn't become Clumsy Bella until after she started dating Jacob Black. Teenagers, though, have the attention span of gnats; so the beginnings of my klutziness were a distant memory to them.
"I just remembered I told Mrs. Hanover I'd stop by early today to help reshelf books," I say, pushing my chair back and collecting my things.
None of them hear, or at least care enough to acknowledge my leaving, aside from Angela. She looks at me questioningly. It's not the first time she's given me that look. I sometimes see her staring at me from across the table or classroom, with that same look. As if she knows. As if she is just waiting for me to confirm it.
"You okay?" She asks, as I pull my book bag over my shoulder.
"Yeah," I smile. "I'm good. I'll see you later."
The end of the day finally arrives and I shove my binder and books into my locker, glancing at the clock on the wall as I do.
2:31 p.m.
I feel my body start to tense, hurrying myself even more than usual. I don't want another bruise today.
"Excuse me, Bella Swan?"
I shut my locker and turn around to see a small, black-haired girl roughly three inches shorter than me. She's smiling, clutching her notebooks in her arms, swinging from side-to-side slightly.
"Um, yeah," I answer.
"I'm Alice Cullen," she sticks out her hand for me to shake.
I take it, hesitantly, wondering what this girl wants. Wondering if her brother mentioned something to her.
2:32 p.m.
"Nice to meet you," I smile, starting to make my way around her.
She follows me as I walk, her strides shorter but quicker to make up for the difference in our heights.
"Did you need something?" I ask, looking over at her, trying not to sound as hurried as I feel.
"Yeah, actually. Mrs. Andrews said I could get all of my school books in the library and I overheard that girl with the blonde hair. . .Laura?" She scrunches up her nose.
"Lauren," I correct her.
"Right, Lauren. Anyway, I overheard her saying you work in the library during your free period so I thought maybe you could help me find them," She so sweet and unassuming, so nice.
2:35 p.m.
I should be outside, in the parking lot by now. I bite my lip, feeling the tension build inside of me.
"Yeah, no problem. I can meet you at my locker first thing in the morning and we can go get them," I rub my forehead furiously, feeling that familiar sense of fear begin to creep up inside the pit of my stomach.
"Well, I was kind of hoping we could run in there real quick right now," she starts. "I have a ton of work to catch up on and I wanted to get a start on it tonight."
I can feel the sweat start to build under my arms, down my back.
"Uh yeah, okay," I quicken my pace, heading in the direction towards the library.
I have never been so thankful that Forks High School is so small before in my life. We enter the library and I throw my bag down on the front desk.
"Here's a copy of my schedule," she hands me a single sheet of paper, with a list of all her classes and teachers.
2:38 p.m.
"Yeah," I say, looking over it.
I walk as fast as I can, without it seeming suspicious, to the backroom where all of the school's textbooks are stored. I scan over her schedule, pulling out the appropriate books. I place them on the desk in front of her in record time.
"Wow, that was fast," she laughs, looking over them. "Oh wait, this is for AP Government, I'm in regular Government."
She slides a book back to me.
2:42 p.m.
I can feel my breath become more shallow. I hold back my tears, threatening to spill over. She doesn't know. She doesn't know what will happen if I am not out in that parking lot by 2:45 p.m.
"You know what," she says suddenly.
I look up at her, attempting to hide all signs of terror from my eyes. She's looking at me curiously.
"I can just get it myself, I don't want to keep you any longer than I already have."
"Are you sure?" I ask.
Her face loses the curiosity and suddenly, it's like I am looking at Edward Cullen in Biology all over again. She has that look on her face, the unrecognizable one that makes me so uncomfortable I have to look away.
"Yeah," she answers quietly. "You go on ahead."
2:43 p.m.
I give her a thankful look and all but sprint towards the back of the school, where the parking lot lies. I shove some stragglers out of my way, as I make my way through the hallway.
2:44 p.m.
I get held up by the janitor, who decides this is the perfect time and perfect spot to start mopping the floor. He yells at me to slow down and I skid to a halt, apologizing. Even in my sheer fear, I cannot disobey. I quicken my pace as I get further away from him.
2:45 p.m.
I can feel the bile rising in my throat, the acid churning in my stomach. The fear so overwhelming that I'm surprised I am still able to continue on and not paralyzed, glued to the floor.
2:46 p.m.
I shove through the doors, feeling the rain hit my face as I run to that spot, by the willow tree. The rain, as if sensing my mood, picks up, the drops feeling like small knives stabbing my face.
2:47 p.m.
Jacob isn't here.
2:48 p.m.
He came and saw that I wasn't here and he left and I will pay for it and it will hurt and I will deserve every bit of it.
2:49 p.m.
I become calm, my body relaxing. The fear is in the unknown, the rushing to the parking lot, the staring at the clock. Now that I know what will be waiting for me when I see Jacob again, now that I know the certainty of what will come, I am calm.
2:50 p.m.
Suddenly, through the roar of the rain, I hear my phone beep. I dig through my bag, pulling it out to see that I have one new text.
It's from Jacob.
2:51 p.m.
Hey babe, sorry I'm late. Got held up in some traffic from an accident. Will be there as soon as I can! - J
I stare down at the screen, reading and re-reading the text. He was never here. He never came and saw that I wasn't out here by 2:45. That I wasn't late. He doesn't know.
2:52 p.m.
No worries : ) - B
The smile I send him is as fake as the smile I gave Angela in the lunchroom earlier. I shut my phone, putting it back into my backpack.
2:53 p.m.
I sit under the willow tree, the water dripping off the leaves, soaking me, and I cry.
