Jake's POV
I woke up on Saturday and sighed with relief. I was so happy that soggy ass piece of crispy fried chicken who I apparently "gave AIDS" to was out of my life for good. I laughed hysterically as I remember that it said I gave AIDS to it. Why the hell would I have AIDS? I've only slept with a few hundred girls. I hate to admit it, but when I made love to Donkadooballz, it was the best sex I have ever had. Like, legit. I had decided that I should go to Clare's house to explain what had occurred between Donkadooballz and I, no matter how weird it would be... I had to do it.
It was now 3 PM and I walked over to Clare's house. I rang the doorbell and Helen Edwards answered the door. She looked at me up and down, giving me a dirty look immediately afterward.
She scowled, "Why in bloody hell are you here you monkey-ass sick fuck?" She asked.
"I need to talk to Clare, if you don't mind," I replied.
Clare must have told her about my little rendezvous with Donkadooballz. Damn it.
"I'm sorry but I don't think Clare wants to talk to a dipshit who sticks his dick in fried chicken for fun." She said, folding her arms.
I put my hand on my chest and gasped. For fun? FOR FUN? I furrowed my eyebrows, my lips turning into a frown. "That was not for fun!" I defended myself, "That was the most arousing moment of my life!"
Helen looked at me, her eyes wide. "…You sick fuck! I don't want you near my daughter!"
I clapped my my hands together shook them, "Please let me, I really have to talk to Clare."
She sighed. She was quiet for a moment, so I assumed she was thinking. She finally gave in. She nodded, "Okay, she's upstairs. Try not to fuck the couch on your way up."
I raised my eyebrows and looked at her. "Just talk to her shitface." And this dumb bitch goes to church every Sunday? I nodded in response. I brushed passed her mother and entered the house, running up the steps. I knocked on Clare's bedroom door, and she opened it not too long afterward.
"Hey Clare..." I said, putting my hands in my jean pockets.
"Oh hey chicken fucker," She spat angrily.
"Clare please, let me explain." I pleaded. She raised her eyebrow at me, and she finally gave in.
"Fine, come in," Her hand motioned for me to join her inside. "So," she paused, "I'm surprised to see your dick chicken free."
"Clare-
"Do you know how terrifying it was to walk inside my boyfriend's room and find out he has fucking chicken leg wallpaper and blankets? I was scarred for life. But the worst part was when I saw you on your bed, thrusting with something that wasn't even a girl, thrusting with a fucking fried chicken leg! You're a sick fucker Jake! You're a sick fucker!" I yelled at him.
"You're right I am sick-"
"A sick fucker," She interrupted.
"Yeah, whatever. But please, it wasn't all my fault- "
"What? Did the fucking chicken leg throw itself around your dick and rape you?"
"Clare!" I yelled, "Would you please stop interrupting me?"
"Fine," She replied.
"Okay, so it's not all my fault. I have a chicken fetish, my dad told me it runs in the family."
"And this so called chicken fetish makes you extremely horny to the point where you have to fuck a piece of chicken?"
"Yeah, I guess so." he said, "So there you have it, my side of the story. I can one hundred percent tell you honestly I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't for this chicken fetish I was cursed with."
"Okay..." she breathed. "I believe you."
"So does this mean you'll give me a second chance?" I asked hopeful.
"Yes, it does-"
"YES!" I yelled.
"IF" she started.
"If?"
"If you tell me how the fuck you thrusted with a chicken leg. I mean, I saw the whole thing but I didn't quite understand."
"I don't think you wanna hear the process..." He said shyly .
"Tell me." she ordered.
"Okay, okay" I said, giving up. "Here's the process." I began. "So I take the chicken leg, right? And I peel off some of the skin, you know, to get inside."
"...Oooookay," Clare said. She raised an eyebrow. "And then what?"
"I take the top layer of meat, thus revealing the bones inside. I carefully remove the bones, one by one."
"...What the fuck?" Clare asked incredously.
"Let me finish!" I exclaimed.
"Calm your dick Jake," Clare said, rolling her eyes.
"My dick is never calm" I winked and Clare's blue eyes widened. "Anyways, once the bones are removed I carefully insert my eight inch dick into the chicken leg. And then I thrust hard, like I'm riding a fucking pony." I felt my dick rise up as I thought of the amazing sex I had with Donkadooballz.
"That's-" Clare began until her eyes shifted to the buldge in my jeans.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?"
"What?" I asked quizzically.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT YOU FUCKFACE!" Clare said as she pointed out my buldge. "Why the hell do you have a boner?" I thought about Donkadooballz again. Even though I supposedly gave her AIDs, which meant we could have sex again, the thought of sex with Donkadooballz aroused me. I moaned unzipped my pants and pulled down my boxer briefs. Stroking my dick simultaneously.
"WHAT THE HELL JAKE?" I paused. Confused, I looked at her.
"Are you mad or something? Do you want to feel?"
"NO YOU FUCKING DICKWEED CUM-GUZZLING CUNT. YOU HAVE A FUCKING BONER BECAUSE YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT YOUR FUGLY-ASS PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN WEREN'T YOU?"
"No, no Clare! Not at all!"
"I must be ugly as fuck if you think a piece of lumpy-ass chicken is more attractive than me!"
"No! Please believe me! You know about my fetish! I can't help it!"
I sighed, "You're right, I'm sorry for yelling at you," I said.
"It's okay," I replied as I pulled my boxers and pants up.
"So... Do you want to stay at my house for dinner tonight?" I asked.
"Sure...what are we having?" "Ch-wait nevermind, maybe you shouldn't come over..." She replied awkwardly.
"Clare, it's okay if we're having chicken, I'm done with the chicken sex, alright?"
"Okay..." She said calmly.
"It might be extremely awkward having dinner with your mom considering she think I am a sick fucker, but I'll deal with it just for you." I said happily.
"You're too sweet," She said as she leaned in and kissed me on the lips lightly. Later that night Jake and I had just got done with our sexy time when my mom called us down for dinner.
"Clare! Dipshit- I mean Jake, dinner's ready!"
"Okay!" We yelled in unison and ran down the stairs together.
Great, we're having chicken again. Is my mom trying to torture me? She knows the last time we had chicken… Jake fucked it up, literally… but since we made up, I can kind of trust him. We sat down, I kept staring at Jake. He was eating the chicken wing like crazy, like he hasn't eaten in weeks. I wanted to swipe it away but I didn't. Now Clurr, hold your ponies, let him enjoy his fried chicken, I'm sure he's just hungry cause his bitchass of a dad never feeds him, then again, at the same time still, I wanted to rip his clothes off and ride him like a horse.
"Miss Edwards, can I have some more?"
"Yes, take as much as you want"
"NO, MOM DON'T LET HIM"
They both were silent after I said that, so I just continued eating.
"So Jake, how is school?"
"It's great, I've made alot of friends"
"Nice"
They kept blabbing about how school is, it annoyed me…
I wish Jake would go home and fuck his chicken.
"I'm done eating Miss Edwards"
My mom picked up the plate and signaled me to come wash some dishes. I didn't want to leave Jake alone… I got up and went in the kitchen.
(Jakes POV)
The chicken looks so good.. I mean it's not like anybody is going to eat it.. maybe I should take it.
I snatch it from the table secretly and go to the bathroom. Clare's mother stops me..
"Where are you going Jake?"
"I got to go take a shit or my ass will explode"
"Um, okay…"
She goes back in the kitchen and I run to the bathroom.
"Oh sweet chicken, I knew we'd be together forever"
I put my dick inside a chicken and thrust, after a couple minutes, I hear someone knocking on the door.
"Jake please answer! Are you okay?"
I start jizzing, and when I start to jizz, I start to scream. I start screaming really loud, and I can't help it.
(Clares POV)
I hear screaming, and I rush to open the door. I walk in and see Jake jizzing into chicken.
"OH MY GOD"
"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE CLARE!"