*Disclaimer - Sadly, I own nothing of Twilight with the exception of merchandise, bought and paid for. I do, however, own my love for borrowing the characters and playing with them however I choose to. I thank Stephenie Meyer for creating the TwiWorld and for allowing us to have our fun with it. She owns Twilight, the insanity it created in my mind is my own.

Thank you to my awesome beta reader, Shug.

Whatever Works

An Ass is Born

I kicked and flailed in Edward's arms even as he held me tighter. Jake grinned and reloaded. "You're a traitor! I thought you were rescuing me, but you're with him!" I hissed when he wouldn't let me go.

"Why would I rescue you?" he replied in my ear. "I'm not even worth a 'fuck you.' A 'no thank you' would have done as well, but nothing? You surprise me."

The Toe Contract! Shit! "Oh my god!" I twisted in his arms, and he let me turn around, releasing me in the process. "It's in my room! I was going to put in under your door tonight. You –"

"Came home early," he said with me and scrunched up his face in remorse. He held up a hand to stop Jake from firing. "At ease, Jake. I need a minute here."

I was bobbing up and down, trying to tread water and breathe at the same time as he scrutinized me. He merely stood there, calm as could be. Damn my lack of height! I eyed the ledge to hold on to; it was several feet away. Damn Edward for pulling me out here to have this conversation. I took in a few mouthfuls of pool water, sputtering it out as I did. So appealing.

A slow, crooked grin emerged on Edward's face. "Want some help?"

"I don't think I can trust you," I retorted. "You were about to sell me out just then."

"Shall I draw up another contract – neither one of us will sell the other out for any reason? You can trust a contract, right?"

"So long as both parties actually receive it." I smiled as he gripped my waist, steadying me in the water.

"Hmm. So you intended to return it, but I don't know if you accepted my terms. I still may get a 'fuck you.' Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to lend a hand." He let me go suddenly, and I went straight down. He followed me under and brought me back to the surface, laughing as I wiped the water from my eyes. "Can you go easy with the kicking? You're dangerously close to the goods and making me extremely nervous right now."

"What, so you can drop me again? I don't think so. Take your chances." My feet kept going even as I wondered exactly how close I was to the goods.

"Hold onto me then," he said calmly. One arm held me tightly around the waist at his hip while he secured my arms around his neck. His second hand then went back to my waist. "There. Feel better?"

I stopped kicking and fought the urge to wrap my legs around his waist. It seemed the natural thing to do. "Much," I croaked out.

A small sound came from his throat, and he clenched his eyes shut. "Are you holding on? I'm going to let you go for a sec." He waited until I tightened my hold and then shifted me in his arms. This time, he cradled me as Emmett had the first time we met when he carried me from the pool to my room. It brought us face to face, and he probably saw the glow on my cheeks even in the muted lighting outside.

"You're going to drop me, I know it." Our faces were barely an inch apart. I could feel his hot breath on my skin.

I couldn't see his entire face with this close proximity, but his eyes were dead serious. "Never." He continued staring into my eyes as if waiting to see if I was convinced.

I was.

"I just wanted to have a look at something…"

There was amusement in his eyes as he tipped me slightly to grab hold of one leg. With his left hand holding onto my hip – well, ass, really – he slid his right hand down my calf slowly until he reached my foot, letting his fingertips take over as they trailed down the side to my toes. It tickled in the most delightful way. Just when it was getting to the point that I would have kicked out of reflex, he changed it up, gripping my foot, and massaging the arch with his thumb. A cheeky smile spread across his face when I moaned. "Bend," he requested in a whisper, and he leaned his head around my knee, trailing his lips down the same path. They just barely grazed my skin, but they left a trail of heat in their path. I could hardly breathe.

I heard him chuckling, and looked down to see his mouth opened wide about to bite my foot. He closed it, without my flesh and bone between his teeth, and brought his head back up to mine. He then resumed rubbing for a few seconds before releasing it back into the water. I tried not to, but I'm sure I whimpered. I know this because he looked extremely smug as he grinned at me.

"Tease," I muttered softly.

"I don't mean to be," he replied in a similar voice. "The timing's bad. If there weren't all these people around, I wouldn't be teasing."

I grunted. I know I did. "Still teasing," I mumbled.

He groaned as he pressed his forehead to mine. "Really sorry about that."

"Are you two coming out of your bubble anytime soon?" Emily's voice reminded us that we really weren't alone. "The caterers are here."

"Get Mike to sign for it," Edward instructed without looking away from me.

"He did. I'm just letting you know there's food before it's all gone." She gave his earlobe a tug. "Rather than eating feet when you know someone's watching."

Sighing heavily, he lowered me back to my original position but still kept his hands on my hips. His thumbs massaged those lightly as well, and I was back in our private bubble. I knew I'd be Googling him again as soon as I went back to my room. I wondered if there were any images of his hands… they were good. Really good.

"Would I be a huge arse if I tossed everybody out right now?"

I nodded with a grin. "Sadly, most would be upset."

"So we can't continue with this? I'm gonna have to let go…"

I nodded, but my arms refused to release him.

"Bella…" he whimpered. "I have to…"

"Another time," I whispered into his ear.

"Fuuuck," he groaned, and dunked himself under the water, leaving me giggling and blushing on the surface. I took a quick look around. Everyone seemed occupied with the food or another wet, mostly naked body. I got that Edward didn't do PDAs, but I really didn't want to watch everyone else have intimate contact when we were restricted. What I really wanted was his hands back on me. I looked below – he was still underwater. I tickled his belly with my toes before turning to swim to the side. His hand reached out as I did, grabbing an ankle, and the cheeky bugger bit my calf before he swam under me, reaching the side and hauling himself out before I could.

Edward joined Emmett to eat, and both laughed when they caught me discreetly checking for marks. I pulled my shirt over my bikini, and slipped my sandals on. "I'm gonna call it a night."

"Wuss!" Emmett teased. "You're not eating with us? Playing with us? Nothing?"

Edward cleared his throat and looked up at me with a polite smile. "Another time, perhaps?"

Huge fucking tease. That's what he was. "Brat." They were laughing as I left them. When I turned back before entering the garden, I saw Jessica had taken my place. Her boobs were currently on the back of Edward's neck as she reached over to set her glass on the table. Ho'.

~ 0 ~

I didn't get my hopes up that Edward would keep our coffee date in the morning. That worked out well, because he didn't. Emmett was up and about., Mike too. Even the maid got her ass out of an unknown bed, and was downstairs before any sign of Edward. Sam arrived to take him to the set, and there was still no Edward. Mike was on his way up when he finally emerged, pulling a shirt over his head, and zipping up his fly.

"Sorry, sorry..." he muttered as he flew down the stairs towards his waiting entourage. "I'll be two minutes. I have a date with coffee."

I smiled, following him back to the kitchen. He hadn't forgotten. He reached for stack of take-out cups and poured himself a cup, snapping the lid on. As an afterthought, he grabbed another and added a sweetener packet, giving it a stir before securing the lid. I didn't take sweetener – neither did he. As if I wasn't even there, he started out of the kitchen with a cup in each hand. "Oh shit!"

I heard his exclamation and then some mumbling before he headed back. "Bella!" He smiled at me. Finally. I breathed a sigh of relief. He was just distracted and in a rush. "Is my mother well?"

"She's great. She's going to show me the photos you brought back later on."

Rolling his eyes, he added milk to one of the cups. "I haven't looked through them lately. If there are any embarrassing ones – involving bubbles or bathtubs or anything of the sort – please ignore them. Oh! Bella, this is Bree Tanner. We're working together."

A tiny girl drifted in, waved a hello and accepted her coffee. Her coffee. Was she even old enough to drink coffee?

"Sorry for rushing out on you. We overslept. Jet lag."

We overslept. So much for discretion. So much for him being worried about ever been seen with Tanya because of the media – obviously it didn't disturb him to be seen leaving his house at the crack of dawn with a child co-worker! I didn't even acknowledge him. Asshole. Teasing, fucking asshole! Luckily, I was too angry to cry in front of them.

"Nice to meet you, Bree. I have to get to work." I took the long way around the counter so I wouldn't have to come in contact with him. I took another look at her to confirm my original thought – she couldn't be more than eighteen.

He must have said something amusing, or pulled out an animal balloon or something because she giggled as they headed for the front door. When it closed, the first and last tear rolled and dropped. I didn't allow another to follow.

Despite my best efforts to do my own acting, Esme thought I wasn't my normal self during our exercise session. It had struck me while I worked on her legs that this house was filled with actors, even if we all weren't pros. I was acting like I wasn't falling for a man who would go through a lot of effort to make me think he was interested only to turn around and sleep with a very young co-worker. And Esme was no better. She acted like she couldn't walk.

To pick my spirits up, Esme pulled out the photos as soon as we were done. Oh joy. I sat patiently with her as she explained who each person was and the situation of each photo. Carlisle was an incredibly attractive man – very youthful appearance, and he appeared to be a very attentive family man. Edward must have gotten some of his playful manner from him, because there were several photos depicting Carlisle being a brat in a loving way. It wasn't a genetic thing; he had learned it from years of watching Carlisle play around with his family. But they weren't alike otherwise: Carlisle was a devoted family man; Edward was an ass.

He was positively adorable as a child and a gorgeous baby. I could see some of Carlisle's brattiness in Edward's older pictures, but he was still adorable. Too bad he grew up to be an asshole.

An adorable, fucking asshole.

Alice wasn't what I expected. After meeting Rosalie, for no good reason I envisioned Alice in a similar way – tall, beautiful, blonde… Alice was incredibly tiny and dark. Just as lovely, but in a cute pixie way rather than runway model way. She was also most likely very spoiled. In every photo where she was the focal point, she was clearly the centre of attention and loving it. In the background of others, she looked bored or in a snit. It struck me that Edward was, as a child, just as loving towards her as he was with Rosalie now. In Alice's baby pictures, pre-schooler Edward was right by her side – kissing her head, trying to amuse her, smiling affectionately at her.

"I think this was how Edward came about his acting skills… these days," Esme laughed. She must have seen the same thing I did in these photos. "He was constantly trying to entertain Alice from the time she was born. He loved making her laugh." A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she wiped it away. "What I wouldn't give to hear them laugh together these days."

I didn't know what to say to this woman who only wanted her children to be happy. "They really looked like they love each other – of course, we tend not to take pictures of arguments."

Esme chuckled. "Of course, you're right. They had their moments, but for the most part they were angelic together. Edward was five when Alice came along, and he took being a big brother very seriously. And oh, my little girl learned very quickly how to play him. She knew she had him wrapped around her finger. She abused it sometimes, I think. And of course, Carlisle and I allowed him to spoil her, so we were no better. Alice was absolutely lost when Edward went back to New York and stayed in the States. She was just getting to her teen years – a time when she really could have used his guidance and support."

I was pissed at him, admittedly, but even I saw how one-sided that remark was. "What about Edward? He was young and all on his own. He would have missed his family, too."

With a look of regret, Esme agreed. "My son is… headstrong. Very determined. He wanted to do this on his own, to prove to us that he could make something of his life. He wasn't a very attentive student," she smiled with a roll of her eyes. "He had a million and one excuses not to go to class, not to do homework, not to do… anything. When this opportunity came up, it lit a fire under him, and for the first time, he was proud of something he had done, and we agreed to let him do it on his own. In his own way. If I had known that his world would fall apart simply by him filling out a form on his own… if I could go back and do his paperwork for him…"

I waited patiently for Esme to collect her thoughts. I wasn't sure if she knew that I was aware of the father issue. Turned out she was.

"We all make mistakes, but I would never wish for a child to pay for a parent's mistake. When I fell in love with Edward's father, it was wrong. I know that. I knew that at the time as well, but when you're in love you do stupid things. I don't regret it, however. To say that it was a mistake would also mean that Edward was, and he is anything but. I met Tony when I snuck into a club with some friends. We were underage, but that's what kids do… I was star struck. He was an opportunist. He saw a young woman enamoured with him and made his move. I followed very willingly. It wasn't a one-night stand – oh no. He lived just outside of Chicago, and he wasn't on the road with his band, so he'd come into the city every chance he got to see me. I felt very special. And he made me believe that what we had was special. He was unhappy in his marriage. He was going to divorce her, and we could be together for real. When I got pregnant, it all changed."

"Of course," I commented. "He left you to deal with it so his wife wouldn't find out, right?"

She shrugged. "Actually, I have no idea if his wife was even a factor for him. It was more that I would then be like his wife and not a plaything on the side. She's actually a very sweet woman – I've met her since, because of Rosalie, whom I adore, by the way."

I smiled. "How could anyone not adore Rosalie?"

"Absolutely. Anyway, Tony denied everything. Said I was trying to get money out of him – the usual bullshit – and he walked away. My family was appalled and disgusted with me for getting into the situation in the first place and then for letting him walk. I didn't want his money, and at that point, I didn't want him. But I did want my baby. I left Chicago to start over. In New York, no one would know about the scandal – I would simply be another single mother. That's where I met Carlisle and I realized what love really was, but it frightened me. My baby was my responsibility – I couldn't fall for another man! When it got closer to my due date, I returned to Chicago in need of emotional support. My family still rejected me, but Sue stepped up. She was with me when Edward was born, as I'd been with her when Emily was born a year earlier. They had been in a similar situation with an unplanned pregnancy, but Harry was a good man and they made a wonderful life together. They offered to let us live with them – Edward and I – but low and behold, another good man existed. Carlisle showed up at the hospital and pleaded with me to let him love me. Let him love me! Imagine! He took us back to New York, and we were married a year later."

Tears welled in my eyes as I thought, happily ever after… but it wasn't. Carlisle was gone, and her children didn't speak to each other.

"My mistake was not preparing Edward for the truth. He had no idea. As far as he was concerned, he was born in New York to Esme and Carlisle Cullen, and so, at eighteen, when he was filling out forms for a new passport so that he could continue working in the States, but travel home to England whenever he pleased, he automatically put himself down at being a New Yorker. The problem was his old passport, which I'd applied for when we moved to England, showed his birthplace as Chicago."

"Which it was, but he didn't know…"

"Until I arrived to sort it out," Esme said, confirming my thought. "How he had never noticed that on his original passport is beyond me, but Edward was beyond shocked, and he wanted to know his birth father. I begged him not to bother with it – Carlisle was his dad from the start, but he…"

"He's headstrong," I commiserated for her.

"Bloody stubborn!" she snickered. "Of course you know how well that turned out, and it led him onto a destructive path. He distrusted me so much at that point, I was powerless to help him out. He didn't want help. He didn't want anybody… so he claimed. But my son needs family more than he cares to admit. Emmett and Jasper became his family, and the three of them got into everything together. They got out of everything together as well, so Carlisle and I agreed not to go haul him back to England, because it was a rite of passage for him to find his own way through this. And he wasn't alone, thank God."

"Did he cut himself off from all of you?"

"Mostly just me," she admitted sadly. "He was decent to Carlisle, thankfully. And of course, Alice was still the apple of his eye." Esme waved her hand, brushing it off. "That's all history now. We've patched things up, and my two stubborn offspring are at each other's throats. And I blame neither and both… they've each made mistakes. They should be supportive of each other. None of us are where we thought we'd be at this point in our lives, the only way to get through it is to work together. We need to do whatever it takes to move ahead and set things right. Whatever works… I'll do."

A/N ~ So, what do you think? Is Edward up to his old ways or is Bella creating her own drama? I'm hoping to get another update in this week. Long weekend bonus. :) I really appreciate all of your comments. Thanks for reading! ~ SR