Hello, dear readers...This chapter begins right after dinner at the Cullen home. Because the meadow scene was so important, I've included some additional conversations between Bella and Edward here. Other than the setting at the start of the chapter, there is no repetition.

Thanks to all of you who read and encourage me with each chapter. The only reason I don't list all your names is because I'm terrified I'd forget someone, and I love all of you and wouldn't want to leave anyone out! Extra-special thanks to my husband, MapGuy, who brings it in every way.

Bella, Chapter 9

The drive home Saturday night was markedly different than the ride to Edward's house earlier that evening -- at least, for me. My worries about whether his family would like me had dissipated. With only a couple of exceptions, they couldn't have been more welcoming. I loved conversing with Carlisle, and Esme, Edward's mother, was absolutely wonderful. I hoped we'd be able to talk more about her restoration projects; the work she was doing to rehabilitate these structures was fascinating.

Already, I liked Alice very much. Her cheer and enthusiasm were contagious -- certainly far from the stereotypically gloomy vampire. It seemed like she took to me very easily, too. Edward had explained her ability to me, and I thought that she must have known about us before we did. I wondered if the two of them discussed it.

After Edward dropped me off, kissing me goodnight as I'd hoped, I drifted to sleep with a contented smile on my face. I hadn't felt this happy since...ever. The only nagging worry I had was Edward's continued concern about my safety. I didn't know how I could get across to him that I felt secure in his presence. I was well aware that his instincts were an ongoing threat, and that they made him physically uncomfortable at times. I always tried to remember that. But I had such faith in him. I was beginning to accept that he really cared for me, even if it wasn't as strong as the feelings I had for him, and I believed that would keep him from hurting me. There was a fine line between respecting his limitations and assuring him he was more capable than he realized. I walked that line constantly.

On Sunday, Edward picked me up promptly at noon, and I was able to goad him into letting me drive. Honestly, I was more afraid of his driving sometimes than I was of any other aspect of his life. He begrudgingly folded himself into my little Subaru and directed me north, toward Olympic National Park.

Excited, I parked the car in the spot he recommended, and we stepped out under the trees. It was shady where we stood, so I had no indication of any changes in Edward's appearance. He took my elbow and led me toward a small clearing between some trees. I wouldn't exactly call it a trail; in fact, it wasn't even a path. Edward held aside branches and small bushes as we forged ahead, with him in the lead but glancing back at me frequently to make sure I was still upright and not on the ground somewhere, tripped by an errant vine.

He was quiet, and I was rather surprised that he didn't start peppering me with questions about my life, as he had nearly every other occasion where we'd spent time together. "Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No. Why?" he replied, turning half around so I could hear him better. We were forced to walk single-file by the lush growth all around us.

"Normally, you've got about a million things you're asking me about my incredibly fascinating life," I joked.

He smiled. "I thought you were looking forward to getting a break from all that."

"Oh, I'm not complaining. I just want to make sure I haven't done anything to upset you."

Edward stopped in his path and turned to face me. "Of course you haven't. Why would you even ask?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I usually think that, I guess. Sometimes silence sounds severe to me, even though I like the quiet."

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "For the record, I can't imagine you ever doing anything that would make me angry with you."

I feigned shock. "Did Alice predict that? I can be very annoying, you know."

"I didn't say you wouldn't ever annoy me," he said with a smirk. "But I could never be angry with you. Not for longer than maybe 10 seconds."

I let it sink in. I wasn't used to hearing such words. "I promise to never take advantage of that, although it'll be hard."

He laughed. "You don't have a mean-spirited bone in your body. I can't believe you'd ever be vindictive."

"Janice could tell you otherwise."

"She wrote the book on vindictiveness, so her opinion is not exactly unbiased." He stared ahead as if seeing something, but all that I could make out were more evergreens and some of the moss that characterized the Hoh Rain Forest. We must be near that area of the park.

"As long as you seem to have temporarily run out of questions, can I ask you some of my own?"

"What would you like to know?" He asked this without any of the deep caution that characterized so many of our earlier exchanges.

"I'd like to hear about your life. Do you remember much of it?" I had been curious about this ever since he confirmed his immortality.

"I don't have clear memories of a lot of it. That's typical of what happens after the transformation. But since Carlisle was there when I died, he has filled me in on quite a bit."

I gasped. "Carlisle was there?"

"He was the one who turned me."

That stopped me in my tracks. "What? Edward, why?"

He smiled sadly. "I suspect he wanted a companion, mostly. He had no one with him at that point in his own immortality."

"I was near death from the Spanish flu. My mother passed away from the flu right before I did. We lived in Chicago, and Carlisle cared for us when we were ill. He became very fond of my mother and me. She suspected something was different about him, although he never guessed if she knew the complete truth. On her deathbed, she begged him to save me in whatever way he could. He got the distinct impression she wasn't necessarily referring to medicine."

"Do you remember your parents at all?"

"Only a little. I have some direct memories of them, more so of my mother. My father's name was Anthony, which is my middle name. He died when I was about 10, I believe. My mother's name was Elizabeth. Our last name was Masen. My family owned a pharmacy in Chicago, which is how I got into the field in the first place."

"I studied pharmacy in college, and after I graduated, I went to work immediately in our family drugstore. The fact that I was my mother's sole support kept me from being consigned into World War I. My mother was incredibly relieved because she was terrified that I would be killed. I was an only child."

Entranced, I listened to his story, wanting to absorb any details he offered. "I had just started working when the flu took hold." Edward was silent a few moments after that. I took his hand and held it for the rest of the walk.

"The flu swept through the country very quickly. It was an epidemic of enormous magnitude. Carlisle was kept working day and night, and in fact became incredibly frustrated that he had to pretend to rest. The need for his services was so great, he desperately wanted to take every shift, but he knew he had to keep up the facade."

"My mother's illness dragged on; the flu wasted her. I visited her often, although I don't remember that either. Carlisle said it was how he and I came to know each other. He was impressed that I was a loving son. It helps to know how much I cared for my mother."

I squeezed his hand.

"I see her through Carlisle's memories sometimes. When she was first hospitalized, the flu hadn't ravaged her yet. If we're talking and he thinks of her, he always makes an effort to remember her as she was when we first met him. This way, I see her beauty and grace. That's yet another example of Carlisle's compassion."

"Edward, when Carlisle turned you...I'm assuming you had no say in the matter?"

He murmured, "You're right, I didn't. As I said, Carlisle was fond of both my mother and I. He did promise her."

"She couldn't have meant..." My voice trailed off. I almost said, "She couldn't have wanted this for you," but I realized how thoughtless that was.

Edward knew what I was referring to. "I don't know. I'm not even sure Carlisle was certain. Perhaps he used his interpretation of my mother's request as justification for what he did. It doesn't matter. I stopped worrying about it years ago," he said shortly.

"How...What was it like?"

He was silent for a moment. I was about to repeat the question when he said quietly, "Do you mean, the transformation?"

"Yes."

Edward had never spoken about this before. I kept my gaze on his face even though it wasn't wise for me to stop watching where I was walking. I wanted to see his expression while hearing what he said.

"I can only say it was excruciating. The venom courses through your veins and burns like nothing else on earth, or probably, in hell." He was silent again. "Carlisle stayed with me the whole time. Other than that, there's nothing more to say." I could see Edward preferred not to talk about it.
I changed the subject a little. "Did you remain in Chicago?"
"For a while. Carlisle took a leave from the hospital, feigning exhaustion. He had to stay with me first through the change, and then to simply watch over me. He immediately taught me his own lifestyle, living off of animals."
"We stayed in Chicago for about another five years. In that time, Carlisle found Esme, who was near death in the hospital. She had fallen from a great height and broken her spine. He knew her slightly when she was human, and was also fond of her. Before she died, he also turned her. They have been deeply in love ever since."
"We moved to Rochester, New York, as soon as Esme was able. It was one of many moves we had to make to preserve our secret. Rosalie joined our family in New York State. It was she who found Emmett," he said, skipping over any details of Rosalie's change. I didn't interrupt him.
"He'd been mauled by a bear. Rosalie ran with him several hundred miles to get to Carlisle. I think she fell in love with him at first sight," he mused.
"If newborn vampires have to be controlled, Emmett must have been quite a challenge," I said thoughtfully.
Edward laughed. "Yes. It usually took both Carlisle and I together to keep him restrained. Fortunately, that wasn't often necessary. And ever since the beginning, Rosalie has had a taming effect on him. She calmed him down quicker and more effectively than any of us," he replied.
I thought more about this: lovers joining together not as humans, but as vampires.
"So, none of the couples in your family stayed together with one as a human and the other a vampire? Each was turned?" I asked curiously.
Edward glanced at me sharply, probably guessing my meaning. "Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were nearly dead when they were found," he reminded me. "The only way to keep them alive, if that's what you can call this existence, was to change them."
I tried to joke with him a little. "So, I suppose you're breaking new ground here, spending time with a human."
He was silent for a minute. "I'm sure it's been done before. I don't really see what you're getting at."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess what I mean is, I can see where vampire-vampire relationships would be easier."

Edward looked at me in puzzled amusement. "As are human-human relationships."

I burst out laughing. "Oh, no, trust me -- those are often very difficult."

He smiled. "I'll take your word on that." He stopped in his tracks, and I thought perhaps we'd arrived, except there were still trees and bushes all around us. "But if you mean, why didn't I choose another vampire as my companion...well, prior to you, I never met anyone, human or immortal, who interested me enough to want them. You did, right from the start. And you gave me enough faith to take the chance, which is only a small part of your charm." Edward smiled that heart-stopping grin, and then lifted his hand to the side of my face. He stroked my cheek with his thumb.

For a moment, I couldn't say anything. I'm sure I had quite a goofy look on my face, but he was far too much of a gentleman to say anything about it.

I sighed. "I believe I've forgotten whatever thought I may have just had."

He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. "Does this help?"

"Not at all." I opened my eyes to see his face about an inch from mine, watching me intensely before my words made him smile again. "But that's okay. I'd rather kiss than think."

"Who wouldn't?"

We resumed walking, and Edward said, "We should be there in about five minutes."

"What's going to happen when we are?"

"Just wait." He wouldn't give anything else away.

Finally, I could see a break in the trees ahead of us. They ended at a clearing and formed a half-circle around a meadow. On the other side was a low grassy hill. The meadow itself was covered with wildflowers -- glorious kinds I'd never seen before, all in a swirl of delicate lavender, white and pink. The sun danced off the petals and the wild grass that grew between the blooms, which swayed calmly. It was small and perfect, and among the loveliest sights I'd seen since moving here.

I kept walking until I reached the flowers, stretching my hand to touch them in wonder. I thought maybe this was what he wanted to show me, since it certainly was beautiful enough in its own right. It took a moment for me to realize that Edward was no longer walking behind me; he'd stayed under the canopy, right at the edge of the trees.

I shaded my eyes and said questioningly, "Edward?" He told me to stay where I was, and then began removing his shirt.

That was shocking in itself. He wasn't wearing an undershirt, and the muscles of his chest shifted smoothly in tandem with his movement as he pulled out of the sleeves. My breath caught in my throat. Edward was sculpted perfectly to his height and build. Every muscle that I could see -- on his arms, his chest, his abdomen --- was defined and faultless.

And then he stepped out into the sun.

Within seconds, he seemed to absorb the light and then reflect it, his movements creating bright shimmers of color. It was like looking at a prism -- or maybe, tens of thousands of tiny prisms embedded in his body. I could see each color dance along his skin, but the movement of his arms and shoulders as he walked caused an almost refraction, where the colors bounced off of him and then shifted as he turned.

"Edward," I whispered. "You're beautiful."

With a look of disgust, he turned his head away. The brilliance of his skin in sunlight reminded him of how different he is; he didn't see the flawlessness of the colors and light, only that it made him hide, in shame if not for his own safety.

We sat in the grass and I brought his hand up in front of my face, looking at it closely. I wanted to find some answer to the question of how his skin could throw off colors like that. Even in his melancholy, Edward smiled at my inquisitiveness, explaining that no one had yet discovered any explanation, probably because of the impossibility of obtaining the samples necessary for close study.

I stroked his smooth, cold skin, now for the pleasure of touching him instead of curiosity. I marveled at how the texture could be so hard and yet so pliable, because clearly he had no problem moving. All of a sudden Edward laughed and I froze, thinking he was laughing at me. He wondered again why I assumed I'd done something wrong, and that conversation morphed into a discussion of my previous boyfriends, including Bill.

Something about Edward always compelled me to answer him honestly whenever he asked me anything. Maybe it was because my mind was the only one that remained silent in his presence; I don't know. Or maybe I intuitively trusted him with information about myself. That's not to say I was free of self-doubt.

I actually didn't mind talking about Bill to Edward; in fact, I wanted him to know the story. There was such a contrast between the turmoil of that relationship and the calmness I feel with Edward. Somehow, the physical threats he posed were nothing compared to the emotional damage from my mercifully brief time with Bill. I had a feeling that Edward wouldn't quite accept that, but I needed to tell him all the same. And I believed it was only fair to give him the details of my past. This was more than a relationship with Edward. Whatever it was -- I didn't even know if there was a name I could put to it -- had intensified, and it was solid. I thought it important to explain why other men hadn't worked out for me.

Of course, Edward might look 24, but he is in fact about a hundred years older than that. Which means he'd been born in another time and place, with older beliefs and social mores. That made my sexual history very different than his. I didn't put that together until now.

It wasn't as if I had slept with many men. There were only two, actually, and as it turned out, they were enormous mistakes. I stopped dwelling on that before Edward and I got together, and had started to accept that whatever I'd done, it led me to where I am today. It didn't make much sense to wish I could change those events. So I plunged ahead with my story, until I finally recalled Edward's words that vampires keep much of whom they are when they change. Of course, I remembered that after I spoke.

To say I panicked was an understatement. Edward did his best to calm me, even kissing me longer and harder than he ever had before. But a lack of self-confidence is an insidious poison. It snaked its way through my thoughts and my gut until I was sure that he was being Polite Edward, only humoring me until he could get me to Forks and dump my unvirginal self at my apartment.

I asked Edward to drive back, since I was so distracted I literally feared I'd cause an accident. We started home in silence, except for the rumbling of my stomach which alerted him to the lateness of the hour. He apologized for forgetting that I needed to eat, though hunger was the farthest thing from my mind. A small, defensive voice was internally monologuing that he should understand we'd come of age in vastly different times. And what was I supposed to do, lie to him? Mostly, I worried that I had ruined us, that I had somehow tossed him a piece of myself with enough density to break us, and I couldn't reel it back in.

I propped my elbow up on the door's armrest and kept my hand over my mouth, staring straight ahead. Almost unaware of it, I started to cry, small tears rolling noiselessly from my eyes. I felt, rather than saw, Edward's head snap around toward me; he must have smelled the tears.

"Bella! What is it?" he cried, turning to fully face me.

I couldn't answer at first, just closing my eyes and making a muffled sound, my hand still over my mouth.

Edward turned out on the side of the road and pulled up the emergency brake on the console. Taking my face between his hands, he pleaded, "Tell me why you're crying."

I finally looked him in the eyes and then moved his hands down with my own. I know what happens when I'm upset and I need to say something that's very important to me. It comes out all disconnected, and then I have to explain myself further, which only frustrates me. This would be no exception.

"I don't 'hook up,' " I said, my voice snarling despite its wobble. "I don't have indiscriminate sex. I'm not a player. I'm not a tease. The only 'benefit' my male friends get from me is my cooking. I made mistakes but I don't spend my time regretting them. Not as much as I used to, anyway. I wanted to tell you the truth about me. Plus I brought it up because..." and then I couldn't continue.

Edward was doing his best to keep up with me, and also trying not to look as confused as he surely felt. His only logical response was, "Because what?"

"Because I wanted to know about us some day!"
He frowned. "You wanted to know if we would ever be lovers?"

"Yes, and God only knows what you think of me for that." I sobbed and turned my head away.

Taking my chin in his hand, he turned me to face him again. "I think you're normal." I couldn't bear his attempt to get me to smile.

"When we get back to Forks, can you stay with me for a little while? I'd like to talk more about this but it's too hard for me to do in the car." I was stalling, trying to sort out how I felt and what I wanted to say to him. I knew I also needed to hear that he wouldn't leave me right now.

Edward nodded gravely. "I agree. I'd prefer that, too." He lowered the emergency break and shifted into first gear, pulling off the road without looking, as always. Quickly, he turned his face to me again. "For the record, though, those things you defended yourself against? I have not thought you to be any of them, not a one."

Somewhat reassured, I still fretted over what would happen next. I was angry, hurt, scared and worried -- an ugly stew of anxiety. It was difficult to be rational. Or maybe I shouldn't be rational. Feelings often aren't; why not just go with that?

At the house, Edward followed me up the stairs, equally silent while I unlocked the door. Faith immediately ran over, ignoring him and rubbing against my legs while meowing in her pitiful "I'm starving" voice. I leaned over and swept up her dish, then picked up the box of cat food.

Before I could pour it, Edward stopped me and said, "Let me feed the cat. Feed yourself -- you must be just as hungry."

I handed him the box and said, "That's not a bad idea. She'll come to like you if you give her food."

I grabbed a ham steak from the fridge and pulled out eggs and milk. I wanted comfort food right now, and ham, eggs and toast would do it.

Faith looked at Edward with interest once she saw her food dish in his hands. Hunger surpassed her distaste for him; she ran over and launched into the cat food without coming up for air. He took a seat and waited quietly while I set up the broiler and mixed some eggs with milk.

Soon, the kitchen was redolent with the crisp, salty smell of ham. Edward silently picked my bread out of the toaster and spread the slices with butter, setting them carefully on the edge of my plate. I lifted the eggs out of the skillet and opened the broiler to pull out the tray. I didn't grasp it as hard as I should; it tipped sideways and as I moved to right it, my forearm got burned on the hot metal.

"OW! Crap!" The tears of frustration came easily.

Edward was at my side so swiftly I didn't see him move. "Here," he said, tugging my hand gently toward the sink. "Let's get that under cold running water." He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes as more tears slid down my cheeks. Once the water was on and my arm was underneath the tap, he turned to me and wiped away my tears. He kissed me by my left ear, then leaned his head against mine.

"Thanks," I said softly. I went to the bathroom and got the petroleum jelly for my future blister. When I returned to the table, Edward was there waiting for me. He had organized my food on the plate and set it down.

"I suppose if you were that disgusted with me, you wouldn't have come here after we got back to Forks," I noted.

He regarded me carefully. "What will get me in less trouble: if I agree with you calmly, or start arguing with you right now over what you're already implying?"

"Hmmm..." I looked at the ceiling and tapped the fork against my chin. Then I thought that perhaps this discussion wouldn't be well served by sarcasm. In the meantime, I could see Edward getting restless.

"You are way too reliant on reading people's thoughts," I observed.

"Don't change the subject."

"I didn't intend to but you have that impatient look on your face, so I wanted to tell you first that I'm thinking."

"Okay. I'll wait. Just remember, I have to be in work tonight by 11."

I made a face at him, though somewhere in my chest I felt a tiny bit of lightness. If we could tease each other as we usually do, maybe everything would be okay.

I put a forkful of eggs in my mouth, swallowed and then began. "When I discussed my rather unremarkable sex life with you, I completely forgot that you were born in a time where sex had a much different role in people's lives. Then I remembered your statement that when vampires change, the essential parts of their personality stay with them."

Edward watched me but said nothing. "And when I started talking about my old boyfriends, I knew I felt something different about your posture. You tensed up. A little later, I put it together. You disapprove of me." I kept my gaze level with his, wordlessly challenging him to tell me I was wrong.

He looked shocked but still didn't respond. "So these are the ways in which I'm looking at it. I don't want to regret anything I tell you. At the same time, I know this information bothers you. But those are the consequences. I won't apologize for my past because they're my mistakes and I've learned from them. Yet I somehow feel like I should apologize to you for offending you, and seek your forgiveness." I said those last words in an exaggerated manner to let him know I realized my viewpoint there was a little skewed. "I'm trying to respect your beliefs and your mores without disrespecting my own."

"But what bothers me the most," I continued, "is that now I feel as if every time I extend myself to you physically, you're going to think I'm trying to force my desire on you. And if I don't show you physically how much I care for you, you'll think I'm not interested, or worse, you'll think I really am repulsed by what you are." I let those words hang, again daring him to correct me.

"I want to believe you when you say your only real concern about being intimate is that you'll hurt me somehow. I don't want to think you don't want me because I've been with other men." My voice quavered with those remaining words. I looked down and moved my food around on my plate.

"Are you finished?" Edward asked softly.

"No. I have more eggs here."

I practically heard his eyes roll. "That's not what I meant--"

"I know what you meant. I'm sorry," I said, looking up. "I thought all the way home about what I wanted to say. I guess, ultimately, what came out is how unsure I am after this afternoon." I stared at him intently, feeling the tears yet again. "I don't know what you think of me now. And Edward, that's so important to me." I hated feeling so weak, but there was no point in denying this.

I read sadness in his eyes. "Please say something," I sighed.

Edward extended his hand to me over the table. "You're right; you shouldn't have to apologize for your past," he said. Not a bad start, but not exactly what I wanted to hear. "I don't expect you to do that, honestly. I knew other differences between us were bound to exist." He grimaced and turned away for a second.

"I regret so much the things I cannot give you. If this was all less...complicated for me, we wouldn't even need to have this discussion." I was so tempted to say, You're making it complicated. Plus, stop moaning over things we can't change. I kept my mouth shut, though; it was his turn to talk.

"I did come from a different time. I was raised in the early 1900s, with everything that means. So, yes, some of the virtues from that bygone era are still a part of me. I can't say these aspects of your life don't distress me." He watched me carefully as he elaborated on our earlier conversation. Involuntarily, I drew in my breath.

"Please, never think that I don't want you. I am very attracted to you, man to woman," he said, gripping my hand harder as he spoke these words. "That has always been true, and it remains so now." He touched my cheek with the tips of his other fingers.

"So as I said to you in the meadow, I know at least a part of it is jealousy, and anger that we even have to worry about all this. It might be all jealousy. Also, for the record, I'm incredulous that these men didn't appreciate you. If I were any of them, I would never have let you go." Edward's eyes burned with a low but intense flame.

I couldn't help but skip over his passionate words and dwell on the negative. "Does it bother you enough to keep you away?" I asked -- ironically, the very thing I wanted to know after he told me of how he did want me, in a different way.

"No." He said it calmly but firmly. "It doesn't. I spent a long time looking for you, not even aware that I was doing it. I waited because I wouldn't settle for something I didn't want. I knew you would be special. I won't let this get in the way." I kept my eyes on his face, scrutinizing his expression, watching for anything that could make his words a lie.

"I'm scared," I admitted. He raised his eyebrows. "I want to believe you, but historically...I haven't had the benefit of someone just accepting me like I am."

Edward squeezed my hand. "I'm different than those other men." As soon as he said it, I started laughing. He realized the double meaning and chuckled too, relief at my giggling showing on his face.

"See, and you always think that's a bad thing," I teased.

He pulled me up from my chair and held me, balancing his chin on my head. "You said to me a short time ago that we should simply see how it goes. I thought it was a good plan then, and I think it is now, too." Edward moved his head back and put his hand on the side of my face to tilt it toward him. "This may sound incredibly odd coming from me, but I don't want you to be scared. Not about this, anyway."

"Easier said than done." He scowled at my response. "Promise me we'll talk more about this," I said emotionally.

"Of course, if you want to," he said, combing his elegant fingers through my hair.

"It's important." I glanced at the floor before turning my face up to his. "You told me all the things you don't think -- everything I said that you don't agree with -- but you never really answered me when I told you how much it matters to me, what you think of me." Don't flinch, don't waver, I begged him silently.

He kept gently tucking my hair behind my shoulders, silent for a second. "If I didn't think highly of you, I would not have pursued you."
I shook my head. "No, I'm talking about now." I hoped I didn't regret pushing him like this.
"Of course I still do," he said softly.
"...but?" I said.
"You are determined to believe the worst, aren't you?"
"Old habit -- probably older than you, even." I waited.
Edward sighed. "Well, then, I will try to explain this to you as thoroughly as I can. Please listen carefully." His lips twitched somewhat mischievously, then he was serious once more. "As you have graciously reminded me, I'm old, and old-fashioned. But I'm living in a new century, and many ideals have changed in the last hundred years. I'm well aware that I'm anachronistic. Still, as you have noted about yourself, I'm not entirely sure I want to change all that much about my personality. I hold to my beliefs, and I make no apologies for them."
"But you have extended yourself to me in so many ways, and you have been far more accepting of me than I could ever hope. I told you plainly that I am..." I didn't miss the hesitation here... "troubled by what you told me, though certainly not by your honesty. I can keep it in perspective. And I know enough about love to realize that compromise is important." He slid his hands down my arms and held me near my elbows. "Is that clearer?"

"Say that again."

"What, all of it?" He started to recite it from the beginning.

"Nnnnooo, just that last sentence, before the question."
" 'And I know enough about love to realize that compromise is important.' " His hands slipped around to my back and he pulled me closer. "Is that what you asked me to repeat? I'll say it as often as you want."
"What do you mean?" I whispered.
"Do you doubt it now?" he asked, also whispering.

"I don't doubt how I feel. I love you, Edward." I could be brave when I needed to be.
I heard his sharp gulp of air. This unnecessary action from a man who didn't breathe told me more than his words.
"Isabella Swan, I love you. All of you, your past, your present, and I ardently hope, your future." He leaned down swiftly and kissed me, hard and long. His lips, so chilly and yet so warm, pressed against my own, moving firmly, masterfully. I felt everything he put into it, the passion and the desire, and I didn't need to worry about my own response and what it should be. I knew love was there, and not only because he'd just said it. I felt it. I knew it.

"Bella," he said, his voice strained. "I can't...I don't know how to tell you how much..." His lips shifted to my jaw and down my neck. Before I could think, he moved smoothly to my shoulder and collarbone, gently gliding back up to my face.
All I could do was gasp, "Edward." I wanted to respond to the thought he couldn't complete, but his lips on my throat, my face and my eyes was making that impossible. My hands came up around his face, and I kissed him fiercely. I was crying again, though finally for different reasons. "I do know. You've shown me." His face was glowing with an agonized passion, beautiful as ever.

I wouldn't say my worries were over. They never would be; Edward and I were the kind of people for whom that couldn't happen. In this instant, though, all of that receded and disappeared. We had a moment of perfection without any thought of what may lie ahead, or what was behind us. He didn't object when I pressed myself closer into him than I'd ever dared to before. Right now, we could be two people in love and enjoy the simple completeness that it brought.

When he had to leave for work, he said, "At least we'll see each other in the morning."

"That's right -- I forgot! I'll get there right as you're leaving. It's only about ten minutes, though," I said, frowning in mock unhappiness. "Can you find the time to come over when I'm done with work?"

"Wait, let me check." He pretended to pull a day planner out of his back pocket. "Tonight: Bella. Tomorrow morning: Bella. Late tomorrow afternoon: Bella. All my entries seem to be the same."

"Mine too, although they say Edward." Then I grimaced. "Except for next Saturday, when I see the name Alice right next to the word shopping."

Edward laughed. "I'll be there to send you off and then greet you when you're back."

"Bring the Epsom salts and a basin for my feet."

He smoothed back my hair. "May I have one more kiss before I leave?"

"Nah. I think you've had enough." I struggled to say this with a straight face, but it was worth it to see Edward's expression. I burst out laughing.

"Oh jeez, I'm kidding! I'm sorry!"

He pursed his lips, though his eyes were smiling. "That wasn't very nice."

I hugged him hard -- as hard as I could, although to Edward, it probably felt about as forceful as shoelaces tugging at his waist. "I would never say that seriously." I pulled back to look at his face. "You know that, right?"

He didn't reply, he just kissed me again. Good answer.

I was looking forward to spending time with Alice so I could get to know her, though I'm only a so-so shopper. I tend to get frustrated easily because I rarely find clothes I like, and I was somewhat concerned because I had no idea how much Edward and Emmett were exaggerating about Alice's determination to hit up every store in the region.

Toward the end of the week, I found that Alice had done me a favor in booking our date. Edward explained that he'd come with Alice on Saturday, see us off and then return home to wait for us.

"How will you get back to your house?"

"I'll run," he replied.

"Ah, right. I forget sometimes how much you love that, Speedy Gonzalez."

This came shortly after Edward mentioned that he missed watching me sleep. Since we were spending so much time together, he didn't come at night as he used to. (Not that I knew of, anyway.) It seemed silly for him to leave on Friday evening and then drive back with his sister on Saturday morning.

"Hey, I have an idea," I said. "Why don't you just stay over on Friday night?" I wanted to see how he would respond to this invitation. He looked less shocked than I thought.

"For the record, I don't have anything improper in mind," I continued, regarding him pointedly with my arms crossed. "But you used to do this all the time without my permission, and you've said you miss the exciting experience of seeing me sleep. Plus, it's practical. We were planning to be together on Friday evening anyway. You can stay here, run home after Alice picks me up and then I'll see you later on Saturday, or Sunday, or whenever I manage to talk her into leaving the mall." I tossed a dish towel on the counter, trying to look casual.

"That does make a certain amount of sense." He frowned only slightly. "Do you really want me here?"

"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't. Do you want to stay here?"

He put his arms around me. "Of course I do."

"Then it's settled." I started clapping my hands. "We can do each other's hair, and make brownies, and listen to the Jonas Brothers, and have a pillow fight, and I'll pick up some nail polish so we can give each other manicures..."

"As long as you remove it before Alice gets here."

More time with Edward was always a win, even though I'd be asleep during most of it. After work on Friday, he greeted me at my door with an enormous plate of brownies.

"At least I know you take me seriously, even when you shouldn't. I'll be eating these until Christmas, Edward!" I laughed and took the plate away.

"I told Esme you wanted brownies tonight. She went a little nuts."

It was a nice, quiet evening; we read and listened to music. Edward was educating me on classical compositions, and he brought some of his CDs. He frowned in disapproval of my antiquated stereo system and complained that I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate the quality without the proper audio.

"It's on my list of things I'd like to get. I haven't been able to buy one yet; I just got another car. Besides, I wouldn't want some cranked-up Brandenburg concerto -- Bach's work, incidentally -- to blow poor Mrs. Farrelly out of her kitchen window," I explained.

He nodded in acknowledgement of my correct composer citation and then turned back to his book. Carefully avoiding my gaze, he asked casually, "What else is on that list?"

I shrugged. "An alarm clock radio -- something with a potent noise to get me out of bed on time. Some more books I can get for Ellen to use for the literacy program, and some novels for myself, I guess. Maybe a new bike at some point, although my current one does fine so that's not really a priority. A new lawn mower for my landlady, because the one she has dates back to the Truman administration. And maybe...." I gazed off in the distance, a dreamy look on my face..."a set of matching dinner plates." I sighed.

"A woman's reach should exceed her grasp, or what's a heaven for?" Edward quoted in amusement. "That's all? There's not really much you want, especially for yourself."

"Nope. There isn't." I smiled and touched his face. "I already have what I need, so don't get any ideas," I warned him. "You've already bought a coffee pot for me and a future for Faith. Forget about anything else."

"What if it made me incredibly happy to give you a gift every so often?" he asked, only half joking.

"Depends on the gift. Take me to a movie once in a while -- that's fine."

"That's not a gift, that's a date," he protested.

I shrugged my shoulders again. "You really don't have to do anything like that. This right here -- you with me, the gift of your time -- that's enough."

"I have plenty of time. And, honestly, I have plenty of other things, too. There's a lot I'd like to do for you," he said, his voice dropping to a murmur with that last sentence.

"You're very thoughtful, but please don't," I said, leaning over to kiss his cheek and rub his arm. I always wondered how my lips or hands felt to him, on his skin. Even though I was quite used to his chilly body temperature, I still felt a compulsion to try and warm him up sometimes.

Edward frowned at my comment but didn't say anything else until I yawned. He nudged me gently and said, "It's 10:30. Maybe you should get to bed."

It had been a busy week at work -- a seemingly endless flow of admissions, surgeries, and changing protocols for existing patients, all of which required new medications. I nodded my head in sleepy agreement and padded off to start my bedtime routine.

Here was something I had previously not considered: what would I wear to bed with Edward? Well, that's not exactly true; I had thought about that, but within somewhat different circumstances. Wait -- would he even accompany me to bed, however chastely? Maybe he'd sit in the living room and read all night.

It was still cold outside, so I decided to grab an old pair of sweatpants and a baggy long-sleeved shirt. I left the bathroom to retrieve the sleepwear from my dresser and saw Edward already sitting on my bed, reading "Bleak House." Perhaps in response to my willingness to learn about classical music, he had picked up Dickens after noting several of the author's novels in my small collection. Wordlessly, I returned to the bathroom and brushed my teeth.

"Did you want to continue reading?" I asked afterward. I motioned to the light. "Honestly, I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep with that on."

"You can turn it off. I can read without it."

"Really? Wow, being a vampire does have its advantages."

He smiled grimly. "They aren't many, but yes, the sharp vision is nice."

"And the speed."

He nodded.

"And you never have to go to the doctor or dentist." I climbed under the covers and lay with my left arm underneath my pillow, watching him.

"True."

"You never spend anything on groceries. You don't even have to drive if you don't want to."

"Is there a point to this?" He looked down at me curiously.

"Just more positive reinforcement." I wondered if he realized I was babbling because I was nervous.

He shook his head in amusement. I was about to stretch up and kiss him but he put his book down and motioned for me to lie back on the pillow. "Do you mind if I hold you while you fall asleep? I can stay mostly on top of the covers so you don't get cold," he said, sounding almost shy.

"Do I mind? No, I do not mind." I chuckled softly. "That would be wonderful." He settled in next to me and slid an arm underneath my pillow, bending at the elbow so he could hold my hand. His left arm came around my body at my waist, on top of the comforter. We faced each other and although my eyesight wasn't anywhere near as good as his, I knew he wore a very satisfied smile. I shared the same expression.

In a few minutes we stopped grinning like idiots and lay there searching each other's faces. He lifted his hand off the top of the blanket and gently traced the side of my face, then stroked my cheek. We moved toward each other simultaneously and our lips met at the edge of the pillow. This was sweetness itself: to kiss him goodnight and know it didn't also mean goodbye.

I heard Edward sigh. "Goodnight, Bella," he said quietly.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I slept soundly, never waking once overnight. Faith skipped her morning routine of jumping on me if I didn't wake up to feed her early enough. I would have stayed unconscious, but the unmistakably delicious aroma of coffee roused me. Edward wasn't in the bedroom. I sat up, a little confused until I heard music coming from the kitchen.

Throwing on my bathrobe, I glanced at the clock: 8:10 a.m. Edward had offered to reinforce the alarm and wake me between 8 and 8:30 so I would have enough time to eat and get ready for Alice's arrival. I figured he was in the kitchen, so I walked down the hall and was greeted with the sight of Edward cooking eggs at my small stove. He stood there waiting for me, holding a spatula and smiling as if he'd been wanting to do this his entire life.

Is there anything more seductive than a man who's cooking? And Edward had to be the most seductive man of all. I didn't know whether to laugh or melt.

"You cooked breakfast for me!" I croaked. My voice is a little fractured in the morning.

He greeted me with a kiss. "I was going to let you sleep a little more. Yes, I'm making you some eggs and toast, and some fruit. Faith has been fed, sufficiently, I believe. Sit down," he said, guiding me to a chair.

The eggs crackled and spit in the frying pan. "I haven't poured your coffee yet because I thought you were still asleep," he said apologetically.

Haven't poured my coffee yet? Oh my God. Even my sarcastic heart wasn't black enough to tease him about failing the Boyfriend 101 course. "I think I can handle that," I said, standing up to get to the coffee pot.

"No, no! Stay there. I can leave the eggs for a second." He shooed me back to my seat and then brought me a mug of coffee. The sugar and milk were already on the table.

Deftly, he tipped the pan sideways just enough to slide the eggs onto a plate. They were cooked once over easy; the toast was on the side of the plate.

"I believe this is how you like them," he said as he put the plate in front of me.

"Egg-sactly," I said, then winced and look at him for the abuse that was sure to come.

But Edward just laughed and ruffled my hair in affection. He sat down opposite me, eagerly awaiting a verdict.

I looked at him lovingly. "Edward, this is so nice of you. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Just eat and let me know if I got it right."

I pierced an egg with my fork and dipped a piece of toast in the yolk. Of course the bread was perfect; not too dark and not too light. Everything was delicious. He had even remembered to set out a small bottle of hot sauce, which I always use with my eggs.

"Mmmmmmmm," I said, closing my eyes. "Thank you; this is amazing. You are so thoughtful." He would have been blushing if he could. Those dark lashes swept along his lower lids as he glanced down, a triumphant smile on his face. I was so touched I couldn't speak for a moment.

"Why is it that for people who don't even eat, you and your family are the best cooks?" I asked him, grabbing his hand.

Edward laced his fingers through mine. "It's sort of like chemistry. If you balance the ingredients right, it comes out the way you want it to." He seemed very satisfied that I was eating every speck of food on my plate.

I wanted to clean up the dishes -- it seemed only fair, considering he cooked -- but he refused. He told me to get ready for Alice ("as if anyone can every be truly ready for Alice," he added ruefully) and began organizing everything to wash. I debated how much I should fight him on it, then kissed him again and left for the bathroom.

Exactly at 10, Edward said "She's here" without looking up from his book. Sighing, I grabbed my jacket and purse and said, "Is this really going to be as bad as everyone says it is?"

"That depends. Do you like or fear shopping?"
"Somewhere in between."

"Then it won't be that bad, but you'll be very glad when it's over."

A car horn honked outside. "Patient as ever, Alice," Edward chuckled.

We walked downstairs and Alice waved to us feverishly from her car, a Mercedes Benz CL65-AMG. That was a nice little ride for a trip to the mall. I waved back to her and said, "Hey, Alice!" I was nervous about being with her for all these hours -- not out of fear for my safety, but simply because she was such a ball of energy, and I wasn't sure I could keep up. And what would we talk about?

Edward held my hands and kissed me gently. "I will see you later. Have fun," he said softly. He gazed into my eyes as he spoke to his sister. "Alice, do not wear her out. And whatever you do, remember to get her something to eat and drink every few hours," he said severely.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, yes. Come on, Bella!" she commanded, giggling. "The stores are already open!"

"Bye," I squeaked to Edward, who watched as we drove away.

"So Edward stayed with you last night! That's so great," she said enthusiastically.

This was an up-front way to start. "Yes, it was really nice. I mean, it only seemed to make sense, since he wanted to be here when you came to get me," I said.

"Exactly!" she enthused. "I told him it would be fine."

"He talked about it with you?"

"I saw it and I told him. He was really relieved," she said. I should have known, I thought, amused.

"He's probably wanted to stay over for a long time but wasn't sure. You know Edward," she said, waving her hand and laughing.

"Did you see it on your own or did he ask you?" I wondered.

"On my own -- I guess it came to me once you made up your mind. That's usually how it happens." She spoke so matter of factly, we could have been talking about anything besides her paranormal gifts.

We were heading toward an upscale mall just west of Seattle, so we had many miles ahead of us. Alice drove like her brother though, which cut back on the travel time substantially. She knew when to be careful if a patrolman was in the area.

My worries about conversation were unfounded. I asked her a basic question about her life, and she took off.

"I don't remember anything about being human," she said. "I know I was institutionalized at the time I was changed, but I have no memory of who did it, or why, or anything like that. I was alone after it happened, and then I left the hospital where I'd been." There was no trace of anger or sorrow in her voice.

"Oh Alice, that's awful. I'm so sorry," I said sympathetically. "If you don't want to talk about this, I understand."

"No, it doesn't bother me," she said. "Besides, I already know you can be trusted." She smiled before resuming her story.

"I remember a lot of dark -- I mean literally, being in a dark room. After my transformation, I left. I broke through the door and ran. They couldn't catch me." Like Edward, she skirted the issue of exactly what she went through in the process of becoming immortal. I was curious about why they were so reluctant to talk about it, but I knew that anything she told me could be heard by Edward in her thoughts, and I didn't want to cause any problems between them. I let her tell her history as she wanted.

"I was having visions almost immediately. It was very confusing at first, until I learned what they meant and how they came to me. I began understanding that I could see things once people set their intention. If they changed their minds or decided something on the spur of the moment, it usually doesn't appear to me."

"I saw that I would meet Jasper, and that he would be my mate. I'm not exactly sure how that came about; how could he know to meet me if he didn't know I existed? But I don't question it," she added. "I went to Philadelphia because I knew he'd come there. We met in the plaza in front of Independence Hall." Alice smiled at the memory. "I took his hand and told him I'd been looking for him. And he apologized for keeping me waiting! That's my Southern man."

"At the time, Carlisle and the family were living near Philadelphia. This was around 1950. We went to join them and we've been with them ever since," she added. I was certain there were some things she was leaving out, but I still felt warmed that she was comfortable enough with me to tell me this part of her life.

Our conversation moved on to more mundane things, such as fashion, music and books. Alice also liked to read, although her preference was contemporary fiction. Jasper, on the other hand, loved the ancient classics.

We arrived at the mall and parked; of course, it was as cloudy as Alice predicted, so we weren't concerned about the walk from the car. She held a map of the mall in her hands and motioned to the listing of stores. "Where would you like to go first?"

"There's an Anthropologie here. I usually like what they have."

To my relief, Alice nodded her head in approval. "That's a good place for our initial expedition. We can start off small."

Small? We'd be looking at dresses priced north of $150. That wasn't small to me. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be buying anything; I just came to be with her.

I headed straight for a rack of dresses and immediately found a loose sweater dress that I liked. Alice shook her head. "With your petite frame? You'd drown in that."

"Can't I at least try it on and see?"
"Okay, but it won't do anything for you. Now this," she said, pulling out a form-fitting shift with cap sleeves, "would look perfect on you. It's the right cut for you, and it's a really nice shade of red, which you can wear, Miss Brunette."

I found a peasant skirt in the sale rack that looked like it had possibilities. Alice disagreed.

"That's too much for you -- way too busy. Maybe if it was shorter...no, even then, you could do better." I was beginning to feel very deficient in my so-called fashion sense.

"Stay out of the sale racks! The clothes on the floor are much better," she scolded me.

"Alice, I can't afford any of those other dresses."

"Don't worry about it. I asked you to go shopping; it's on me."

I gasped. "I can't let you do that!"

"Of course you can," she said dismissively. "Really, it's been so long since I've had the chance to do anything like this. Rosalie's reeeeally set in what she likes, and Esme takes her role as mom too seriously. She's way beyond the fun stuff. And the guys..well, don't get me started. You're doing me a favor," she said, pulling me toward some blouses.

What Alice lacked in height, she made up in determination. After finding several tops and a few sweaters for me, she dragged me off to the dressing rooms.

"What about you? You didn't find anything," I protested.

"I prefer Barney's, so I'll wait until we get there."
I had to hand it her, she was very good at this. The sweater dress I liked was about as attractive as a muumuu. But the dress that Alice picked out, which was relatively shapeless on the hanger, fit me perfectly.
I had more issues with the sweaters she chose. "These are a little more snug than I usually wear them," I confessed, uncomfortable.
"They're not tight. Honestly," she assured me. "You are too small to wear anything baggy. Besides," she said with a knowing smile, "Edward will like these on you.

I knew she meant to encourage me, but I turned away after a brief smile. The thought of Edward appreciating me in form-fitting clothing was too ironic after the painful conversation we had last weekend. Alice was confused, then awareness cleared her features.
"I'm sorry. I know that's kind of a sore subject for you," she said apologetically.
We were still in the dressing room, and I carefully pulled off the sweater. "Did Edward tell you about that?" I asked.
"No, I just...knew." She looked at me with some concern. "Are you okay?"

"Sure, I'm fine, Alice." I put my shirt and hoodie back on. "I don't mind talking about it. I'm just not sure what to say." I shrugged.

Alice hesitated for a minute. I was very afraid we were going to have a conversation about my non-virginity right here in Anthropologie, but thankfully, she brought up the other issue.

"Edward...well, you know he worries. A lot of times, he stresses over nothing. But he's got some valid concerns here," she said, staring straight in my eyes. "Bella, if he was that close and he lost it...you know, strength or thirst..." her voice trailed off and she looked away. "I think he's got better control than he thinks he does, but I understand why he doesn't want to take the chance. If it was me and Jasper, I'd feel the same way." She took my hand in hers. "He'd rather die than hurt you."

I nodded. "I know. It's just hard. Everything is unchartered territory, Alice." I sighed and squeezed her hand. "In any case, it's not a dealbreaker for me."
Alice grinned. "I'm so relieved to hear you say that." Her voice dropped to an earnest whisper. "He really loves you."
"And I really love him," I whispered back. I held up the sweaters and dress. "You know what? I like these. Let's get them and head over to Barney's."

When we arrived, Alice made a beeline for the shoe department. I wandered around and found some pretty black flats, only to see the price tag of $350. Horrified, I dropped them back on the display platform. I found her trawling through a pile of shoes and boots with labels like Christian Louboutin, Manolo Blahnik, Stella McCartney, and Prada.
"Is there enough time in the world to try all these on? I was hoping to see your brother tonight," I teased.
"Well, then, help me out! Find something in your size," she urged.
"Alice, these are insanely expensive," I said, laughing self-consciously.
"Stop it! You have to get something to go with that dress," she insisted.
"Fine, but it'll be off the sale racks," I said firmly, while she groaned.
The clothing departments were even worse. I found some pants and a top I fell in love with, only to see they were by Marc Jacobs and the shirt alone was $850. I shoved it away from me as if it had burst into flames.
Alice came running over to me. "There you are! Did you find anything?"
"Ummm...no...What do you have there?"
"Oh, I grabbed this great little dress by Christopher Kane!" I'd never heard of that designer, of course, but the dress was frilly and flouncy and totally Alice. "And here -- try this on!" She held out a turtleneck that was a lovely deep plum color. "Now this is a sweater. And the jewel tone is perfect for you. You need to get away from the beige and black." She frowned at me.

By habit, I grabbed the price tag. "Alice..."

She put her cold hand over my mouth. "Not a word. I'll bet anything it'll look like it's made for you."

The only way I could get her to stop was to plead hunger. And I did need something to eat. We paid for the clothes (well, she did) and Alice directed me to Neiman Marcus.

"They have a great restaurant there," she said. "And we can look around when you're done."

"How would you know if the restaurant is good?" I asked, amused.

"I hear things. C'mon, let's go. The sooner you eat, the sooner we can get back in the stores."

Alice ordered a salad and some water, which she subtly pushed toward me. I asked for a cheeseburger. In between bites, I texted Edward.

love you

miss you

P.S. I'm holding up fine. Am also falling in love with Alice.

The reply came almost immediately:

love you too

miss you too

cherish you also

glad it's going well. and everyone with your wisdom falls in love with Alice.

I finished my lunch, and we wandered over to accessories. Alice found a funky Botkier bag, and I came across a leather Cole Haan tote that I really, really liked. I tried to explain to her that normally, my handbag fantasies center around Coach because that's about as expensive as I can imagine, but she grabbed both purses and headed for the register.

"Move it," she instructed. "The sooner we finalize these decisions, the quicker we can head to another store."

"Alice," I mumbled, "really, this is too much."

"Bella." Alice stopped -- for once -- and I almost bumped into her. "Please. You have no idea how much fun this is for me. Money is the least of our worries so let's just enjoy it. Okay?"

"I-"

"No more!" She pirouetted toward the register, then turned back to me. "Could you do me one favor, though? And we'll call it even?"

My eyes widened in relief. "Of course!" What could I possibly do to settle the tab? She had to have racked up thousands on that credit card.

"Please accept Edward's generosity. Graciously." Alice's lovely golden gaze turned serious. "There's so much he wants to do for you, but all he sees is what he can't give you. You know how he is. If he wants to buy something for you once in a while, let him do it."

My cheeks burned. "I'm really not used to that, Alice. I know it comes from a good place, but it makes me uncomfortable."

She put her hand on my arm gently. "Could you kind of overlook that? For his sake?"

I regarded her affectionately. "You're pulling out all the stops here, aren't you?"

She smiled impishly. "I'd really like to see the both of you happy. I know you deserve it. And God knows, we were all sick of Edward moping all the time. Since you've been together, he's all...fulfilled. More at peace. The rest of us would do whatever it takes to maintain that." She raised her eyebrows. "So, please, try not to kick up a fuss when he gives you a present out of the blue. Do it for me, if you have to!" Alice clasped her hands together and fluttered her eyelashes at me. "Will you?"

I laughed. "I cannot possibly resist the two of you joining forces against me." We resumed walking toward a sales assistant and I smiled mischievously with a new idea. " 'Hey Edward! When you hear Alice thinking back on today, make sure you listen to this part. It's not that I don't love your thoughtfulness, it's just that I'm too independent to accept these things without a fight.' There," I said, turning to Alice with exaggerated satisfaction. "If it comes through you, maybe he'll believe me."

****

A/N: This chapter includes a few crucial moments for Edward and Bella. The most important thing, I think, was Edward initiating his declaration of love; although --uncertain to his very core -- he threw it out there but waited to see if Bella would actually say it. Frankly, this scene was difficult for me to write. I have found that to be true for my writing in general: the romantic interactions don't seem to come very easily. I've thought a lot about that, and I've come to the conclusion that I become uncomfortable putting words to love scenes. It's as if I'm ruining the emotion and intimacy by attempting to describe it. Words can't always do justice to what you feel. So, I'm very curious to hear what you think. Was it enough? Not enough? Poorly detailed? Please use your words and tell me.

"A woman's reach should exceed her grasp, or what's a heaven for?" Edward paraphrased this famous quote from Robert Browning. I liked the idea of him choosing a poet who knew the value and challenges of a strong, faithful and enduring love.

Wouldn't "Conversing with Carlisle" make a great name for a talk show?

Once again, thank you for reading my story. Reviewers get a plate of Esme's brownies, delivered by Edward. Or, a shopping spree with Alice. Your choice.