Title: Waking the Dragon, Chapter Two

Pairing: Castle/Beckett

Rating: M (for later chapters)

Spoilers: 3X13 Knockdown

Disclaimer: Castle, its characters, and all related content are the property of ABC. No copyright infringement is intended. Only hotness.

Summary: That kiss...it changed things. Castle doesn't know if he can go back to the way things were before.

Chapter Two

Rick wasn't the type to slam things around, but he couldn't deny he was thinking about it. Instead he settled for packing the espresso extra-tight with the tamper. What a great tool. A tamper. He hefted its weight in his hand. Sometimes things just needed to be tamped.

Esposito entered the break room then. Rick straightened and resumed packing the scoop.

"Hey Castle. Got enough there for me?"

"Sure." He set up two cups. "Hope you like it strong."

"Like I like my women."

Rick tried to smile for Esposito, but it wasn't working out. There was a noticeable silence while he started the machine and poured the milk. He didn't have to look to know Esposito was sizing him up.

"You alright man?"

"Fine." Not the most convincing assurance he'd ever given. He hadn't meant to sound so annoyed. He wasn't. At least, not at Esposito.

"Here, I'll do that part." Esposito took the milk from him and brought it over to the steam wand. The loud noise made talking impossible, but Rick didn't mind. He stared out the break room window. Kate was hard at work, studying something on her desk with her forehead propped against her fingers. At least one of them could focus.

"She's a tough nut to crack, huh?"

He gave a surprised glance to Esposito. So busted. "The toughest."

The cop smirked at him, stirring milk into his coffee, then passing the container to Rick. "You ever wonder why it is Beckett doesn't let people in?"

Only every second of every day. "No, not really. I mean, sometimes."

Esposito raised an eyebrow. Rick really was not good at this nonchalance thing.

"Look, bro. I see how you look at her. Whenever she leaves the room, it's like a part of you checks out. I been there. I know." He sipped his coffee.

He didn't know whether to feel defensive, or dejected, or…relieved.

"You'd pretty much do anything for her, right? You'd never hurt her."

There was no use denying it. "Of course." Just uttering those two little words somehow made his shoulders feel lighter.

"Right. See, I know that. You know that. But she," –he pointed at Kate—"She doesn't know that."

Rick turned to him, aghast. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean? Do I got to spell it out for you?"

"You think Beckett doesn't trust me? No. There's no way."

"Hey, look at it like this. Beckett has to put on a major front to do this job. You've seen how defensive she gets about being a female cop. Did you ever think all her toughness was just for show?"

No, he hadn't. She was made of adamantium, he was sure of it. Esposito must be thinking of somebody else. Not Kate. Even if Rick could do something to hurt her, which he never would, there was no way he even had the power. She'd squish him like a tomato.

But, he supposed, she did tend to keep people at arm's length. What was with that? He'd always assumed she just liked to keep work separate from her personal life, but maybe he'd misread her. It stung a bit to think that he might have, but it wasn't inconceivable. Maybe she really did have a hard time with trust.

It would explain a lot. Like how harshly she'd punished him when he'd gone away with Gina. When he hadn't called her. Or why she gave him so much grief over his parties and groupies. She still thought he was a millionaire playboy. Hadn't she noticed he hadn't done that stuff in a while?

Of course she hadn't. He'd done nothing but tease her and make innuendo ever since they met. Every time things started to get even a tiny bit serious. He couldn't help it. She was just so…steely. He couldn't risk having her find out what a big sap he was. All that time, he thought he was being charming. Without even realizing it, he'd been pushing her away.

Irony. What a bitch.

As they watched her, Kate stood and turned towards the break room. Rick's pulse accelerated.

"See ya, Castle." Esposito slapped him on the back and turned to leave. "Morning, Beckett," he said as he passed her.

"Esposito," she replied.

Leaving him alone with Kate. Rick didn't know if he wanted to thrash the guy, or buy him a beer.

On her way to the espresso machine, Kate glanced at him, so quickly he nearly missed it. She chose a cup and set up the machine with graceful and deliberate movements. Intentionally ignoring him. When she emptied his used grounds without her usual protests, he knew.

Why had she even come in here? Yes, he was well aware that she could, and would, ignore any degree of tension between them. She was an impenetrable fortress that he'd never be able to scale. Did she feel like she had to prove it? It was like…

Of course.

A sudden realization came over him, like one of his epiphanies when he solved a crime. Except this time, it crushed him.

It was like she was trying to tell him something.

Get over it, Castle. Move on.

Her body language shouted it loud and clear. Her walls were closed to him. Why hadn't he ever seen it before? Why hadn't he ever heard what she was trying to tell him? Was it arrogance, or just good old-fashioned denial?

It took conscious effort to inhale. His chest felt compressed. "Kate." It was nearly a whisper.

She didn't turn. "What is it, Castle?" Her voice was unreadable.

He didn't know what to say. He just knew he needed to say something, fill the void in the room with sound.

Talk to me, Kate.

I'd never hurt you.

As long as I live, I think I'll never stop being in love with you.

"I…think I'm going to sit this one out." Rick didn't know where that had come from, but once it was out, it felt right. He'd probably been weighing her down. He needed some time. He needed to pull himself together. He'd be fine. He'd be back. Maybe. Would there be any point?

She fidgeted with the button on the espresso machine, tracing its shape with her thumbnail, brushing the pads of her fingers over its chrome surface. So unlike her to exhibit such an unselfconscious action.

He stepped more closely behind her. He wanted to put his hands on her shoulders. It wouldn't be out of line; he'd done more than that in the past. He'd hugged her, held her hand…

Kissed her.

He lifted his hands, fighting a war within himself. It was such a simple touch. Why was he hesitating? His fingers brushed the washed silk of her blouse, felt her body heat radiating through the thin fabric. Slowly, he cupped her shoulders, memorizing every dip and curve of bone and muscle.

Kate's hand stilled against the coffee maker. "Why?" she whispered.

He gently squeezed her. She was letting him. She wasn't trying to put up walls. A little part of him dared to hope. "I need to…step away."

Kate's heart thundered. Castle was so close behind her, smelling of leather and some subtly applied cologne. The heat of his body was like a gravitational pull. How easy it would be to let herself drift backwards, until she made contact with his broad chest.

God, she was considering it. What was happening? Why wasn't he making some crass joke?

She had to do something. In an instant, she inhaled and pivoted to face him, stepping back to put some space between them. "Of course, Castle." Her voice was sharp, perhaps a little louder than she meant to be. He dropped his hands back down to his sides. "Sometimes I forget you're not as used to the action as I am. I haven't even thought about how much the Lockwood case would have affected you."

Rick drew his lips into a line. "Yeah." He looked away briefly, like he wanted to shake his head in disbelief. "I just need some time. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon."

She wondered if he knew he was scowling. She wasn't used to seeing him like that. There was no hint of boyishness. His hair was ruffled, like he'd been raking a hand through it. "You know, if you want, I'm sure the Captain wouldn't mind if you wanted to talk to the Department's counselor. He's got experience treating cops, knows what kind of issues we face."

"Thanks, I've got a guy."

She turned her face away. The ruse had sounded pathetic, even to her. "Of course you do."

Rick just looked at her, like he would look at someone he pitied. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "When do you think you'll be back?"

He drew a long breath, and exhaled. "That's hard to say."

She waited for him to say more, but he didn't. She had to get out of here. She had to get away from him, before she got weak. "Well, I'll call you," she offered.

"It's a deal." He extended a hand, giving her a melancholy smile.

She knew if she touched him now, bad things would happen to her. Things she couldn't control. She racked her brain for an escape plan, but came up empty. There was no way around it. She held her breath, and lifted her hand.

The handshake only lasted a split second, but she felt the warmth of his skin long after he'd left the 12th.

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