Chapter 4: Coping
Prowl's POVI had needed time to calm down after my run-in with Sideswipe. The problem is, I knew that he was partly right in his anger and betrayal. Sunstreaker and I had made the decision not to tell him of our involvement for fear it would hurt him to know the truth. Now I had come to find that not telling him and letting him find it out on his own had been even more disastrous. Now I just had to wait for Sunstreaker to return and then let him know what had happened.
In the meantime, I sat there at my desk and glanced at a frame that held a drawing Sunstreaker had done about two weeks ago for me. He'd sketched a picture of myself with Jazz, the sun setting behind us as we stood in front of what had been our base on Cybertron. I touched the frame softly then sat back in my chair as a knock sounded at my door.
"Come in," I called out, my eyes still on the picture in the frame. The door slid open and I looked up as Ratchet came through my door. I sighed heavily and sat upright as the door closed behind him.
"I thought you should know that Sideswipe is in recharge and I'll be keeping him overnight. There was some indication of possible internal damage so I want to keep an eye on him just to be sure he's okay." I nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry he injured himself, but I'm glad you'll be keeping watch over him tonight. I'll let Sunstreaker know when he returns with Prime." Ratchet nodded slowly then sat in the chair across from me and looked at me intently. I could tell he was thinking very hard about what to say next and I wasn't going to start this one.
"Did you really think Sideswipe wouldn't find out about your involvement with his twin brother?" I sighed heavily and leaned back in my chair once more.
"I'd hope it wouldn't happen. Sunstreaker and I had made the decision not to tell him for fear that knowing would hurt him." Ratchet nodded slowly.
"They're twins, Prowl. Don't you get it? They share the same spark, they're bond mates. What makes you think one wouldn't know what the other was doing, regardless of actually saying the words? Sunstreaker spends almost as much time with you these days as he does Sideswipe. We've all had our suspicions about what was going on, not that any of us care one way or the other, but Sideswipe's been hurt enough, don't you think?"
"I didn't do this to hurt him," I answered softly. "I did this to save his brother. Sunstreaker was going insane and he was going to take everyone down with him in the long haul. I was not going to let that happen."
"I understand that, Prowl," Ratchet told me, leaning forward slowly. "But do you understand that once his brother is healed in body and mind, Sunstreaker is going to go back to him for good?" I nodded slowly.
"That was something we made clear between us the very first night. He is not replacing Jazz and I am not replacing his brother. What we have between us is our own and when it is time for it to end, it will do so and we will go back to the way things were before." Ratchet slowly shook his head and I frowned slightly. "What?"
"Let me ask you something serious, Prowl, and I want you to think very carefully before you answer me. Okay?" I nodded slowly.
"All right."
"You've been involved with Sunstreaker now for, what, six months?" I nodded slowly. "Are you finding it any harder than before to send him out on missions or out into a fight?" I slowly shook my head. "Not even a little bit?"
"All right, maybe a little, but that's because I worry what will happen to Sideswipe if Sunstreaker doesn't make it home one of those times."
"Are you sure that's all it is? Don't answer that yet. Just, think about it. Secondly, can you honestly tell me that if you and Sunstreaker continue your present relationship for at least another six months, you will have no problem walking away from him when Sideswipe returns to normal?" I'm not sure how I would have answered that question because before I could answer, my comlink began to crackle.
"Prowl, this is Sunstreaker. Come in."
"Go head, Sunstreaker."
"Optimus and I are ten minutes out. Guard duty was a breeze and our leader is safe and secure."
"Understood. Meet you out front in ten."
"Sunstreaker out." I looked over at Ratchet who was already standing from his chair. "Ratchet…" He slowly shook his head.
"I just want you to think about it all, Prowl. I don't want answers now. You don't even have to answer to me, but you will have to answer to yourself and, at some point, to the twins as well. Just… keep in mind that your decisions don't just affect you." With that said, he turned and walked out of my office, closing the door behind him. I sighed heavily and stood up myself. I knew I had ten minutes, but the walk would do me good and this was just the time of night where I enjoyed being outside. Besides, Sunstreaker was on his way back and I needed to see him.
Sunstreaker's POVI'd spent almost ten hours playing bodyguard to Optimus Prime in the city and I was more than ready to get back to base and indulge in some high grade energon, a couple of hours with Prowl and then a quiet night recharging next to my brother. The last six months had been hell, but thanks to Prowl, it'd been a lot more tolerable than it would have been otherwise. Sideswipe was making slow strides in his recovery and things between us weren't quite as strained or awkward anymore. I think he was beginning to understand that my loving him would never change. I just wanted him back to normal before we got back into what a normal relationship was between us. In the meantime, I had come to enjoy what I'd found with Prowl that night under the stars.
If anyone else had told me that Prowl could be as passionate in love as he was in logic and security, I'd have laughed in their faces, but now I knew better. I had never envied Jazz before, but part of me did. Not that I didn't appreciate what I'd always had with Sideswipe. I couldn't live without him, nor would I ever want to; but Prowl and Jazz weren't connected like Sides and I are and always have been. They had to work at their relationship in order to make it work. I've never had to work at anything with Sides; it's always just been there. Having to work at this thing I had with Prowl made me respect him and appreciate his presence all the more.
As we approached the base, my sensors picked up the presence of an autobot just outside of base. Prime and I slowed to a stop about fifty feet away and transformed into our natural forms. As I glanced around, I saw Prowl standing by the entrance and I smiled at seeing him. Together, Prime and I approached the sub-commander who gave us both a nod in greeting.
"I trust everything went well at your meeting with the humans," Prowl said, his attention focused on Prime.
"It did indeed," Prime answered. "Although, I think the next time they suggest a meeting, Sunstreaker and I will suggest that they not make it quite so long." I nodded quickly in agreement. "I trust all is well here?" Prowl turned his attention to me.
"Your brother is in the infirmary, but he's okay. He had what I believe humans refer to as a tantrum and caused some internal bruising. Ratchet wanted to keep him overnight to make sure he was okay." I sighed heavily and nodded slowly.
"I'll go check on him. I'm sorry if he got out of hand, Prowl." Prime settled a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him slowly.
"We all have burdens in life, Sunstreaker, and right now, that burden is caused by love. You're strong and you will pull through this as will your brother. I have all the faith in the world in your both." I nodded slowly.
"Thank you, Prime." I turned and gave Prowl a quick glance then headed for the infirmary. Walking there, I thought back to the last few weeks and tried to pinpoint what might have caused this particular tantrum but just couldn't figure it out. I entered the infirmary to find Ratchet sitting behind his desk and my twin lying on a nearby bed in full recharge. Ratchet looked up as I entered and stood quickly.
"He's in recharge," Ratchet said quietly. "I did a full scan on all his systems and there's some internal disturbances, very minor, but just to be sure, I felt as if I should keep him overnight." I nodded slowly and reached out, brushing my fingertips across his arm.
"I don't know what I'm doing wrong," I whispered softly. "What am I doing wrong? Should I take myself out of the mission loop? Do I need to keep him with me full time? Do I take him with me?" Ratchet reached out and pulled me back from him and walked me to the other side of the room.
"Look, Sunny, this wasn't just another tantrum without cause. Apparently, Sideswipe knows about you and Prowl and no, Prowl didn't tell him, but Sideswipe attacked him in the hallway all the same." I shot a look at my sleeping twin and then back at Ratchet almost fearfully. "No, son, don't look at me that way. I'm not judging you or Prowl. I just want you to be aware of what happened and why. Prowl's not charging him and when he wakes tomorrow I'll send him back to your quarters. For tonight, though, leave him with me and you take care of yourself. I have a feeling he's going to have a lot of questions for you come tomorrow."
"What do I tell him?" I asked worriedly.
"Tell him the truth, but also reassure him that you're still with him. He thinks you've stopped loving him, that you're going to leave him. Help him figure out that he's wrong." I nodded slowly.
"I will, Ratchet. Thanks." I walked over, bent down and kissed Sides gently. "Love you," I whispered softly. I turned to leave and Ratchet caught me by the arm.
"I don't want you alone tonight." I nodded slowly.
"I won't be." He released me and I walked out of the infirmary and down the hall towards Prowl's quarters. I didn't even bother knocking. I swiped my hand over the sensor and the door slid open. I walked inside and the door closed behind me. The room was almost completely dark with the exception of a dim light coming from the opposite side of the room where Prowl's bunk sat. I could just make out his profile as he stood and faced me.
"I wasn't expecting you," he whispered softly. I nodded slowly and walked towards him.
"I've been gone all day. You saying you didn't want to see me?"
"No, but I thought you would stay with your brother or return to your own room." I nodded again and stopped just in front of him.
"I can go if that's what you…" Apparently that wasn't what he wanted as he shoved me into the wall and his mouth fell over mine. His hands gripped my arms tightly and held me there and I offered no resistance. When he broke away I reached for him and drew him back. "Don't stop," I whispered and he slowly shook his head.
"I had no intention of stopping." He pulled me with him towards the bunk before turning and pushing me onto the bunk before he came down, straddling me as he did so. "Should I apologize now or later for your brother finding out about us?" I shook my head.
"Neither. It was bound to happen. I'll make it all right. I promise. What about me? Should I apologize for him attacking you?"
"It was not that bad. I understand his pain and so I take no offense."
"Good. So, we're okay?" He nodded, his hands sliding along my sides and hitting a very sensitive area just near the seam on my left side. I shivered and groaned quietly.
"We are now." He reached up, his hands encircling my wrists and holding me there. "I don't like you being gone all day." He leaned in, nipping just below my jaw. "I don't like sending you away." I groaned when he nuzzled just below my audio receptor and he tightened his hold.
"You've told me what you don't like," I whispered, turning my head enough to catch his mouth briefly. "Tell me what you do like." He chuckled and it was a wicked sound coming from him. He released my hands, finally, and I tucked one leg behind his and flipped us over.
"You know what I like," he answered honestly and I knew he was right. If six months had taught me anything, it had taught me everything I could possibly learn about the bot beneath me. As we moved, touched and drove each other to almost sheer exhaustion into the late hours of the night, I realized that I'd come to find out more than I'd thought possible about Prowl and now, I was no longer sure that when the time came I could just let him go…
TBC… much angst, I know… I was feeling their pain so to speak since my bf and I recently went our separate ways and I wasn't quite ready to let him go. *sigh* Anyway, thanks for all the great reviews. They really mean a lot so please, read and review some more. Thanks!