Yes, I'm back! No, I haven't dropped this story - that will never happen. I will finish it, and in fact have determined that there are two chapters to go after this.
Thank you all for your faith and patience. All I have is the "real life has been rough" excuse, and while I know it's very lame, in this case, it's true.
Many thanks to Camilla and to my husband for reading. Very special thanks are owed to MissAlex, who shared her medical expertise with me and then reviewed the necessary paragraphs to make sure I got it right. I love all of you!
This chapter starts right before charity bike ride, and explores the events of that long day from Edward's POV.
Edward, Chapter 12
More than a century of interacting with humans had never prepared me for the stubborn life form that was Bella Swan. Good thing I loved her so much, or I'd have lost patience ages ago.
Mind you, we've only been together a few months.
She didn't understand the fragility of her own life. I was immortal, and more solid and indestructible than tungsten carbide. I knew how easy it was to kill humans because I used to do it. Bella refused to acknowledge this, pushing away my concerns as if they were insignificant. I couldn't get her to see her own shortsightedness. I already knew she was reckless - she'd brought me into her life.
I'd been very conscious of her breakability ever since I met her, but the confrontation with the three nomad vampires in New Jersey only made our standoff worse. I was more determined than ever to protect her; she was more determined than ever to continue her life in her normal, careless way. It came to a head again with the benefit bike ride.
Bella insisted she was an experienced cyclist, that she would take every safety precaution, and that a five-mile ride wouldn't pose any problem. I'd secured promises from my family to help guard Bella by running alongside of her, camouflaged in some way, as I would be. Each one of them quickly agreed to help. (Even Rosalie complained and rolled her eyes far less than I expected.) Of course, I'd be closest to Bella. I'd always be closest to her.
She reminded me numerous times that the additional complication of bloodthirsty, uncontrolled vampires would be negated by my family's presence. I had to hand it to her: she was really daring me to say our safeguarding wouldn't be sufficient. I tried to skirt around that by emphasizing the "uncontrolled" part, but she insisted on having faith in me and my family. She knew, of course, there was little I could say about it without contradicting all my previous claims of protecting her the best.
I was backed into a corner, and there are very few beings who could do that. Only one of them human, in fact.
There had been no sign of the nomad vampires since we returned to the Pacific Northwest. That alone was not much assurance; although I listened for their thoughts every moment of every day, I knew they could be just out of my mind's hearing range. My family helped by making the usual hunting excursions double as a patrol for any signs of the trio.
Alice was especially upset because she couldn't see anything. When she focused on the nomads or on Bella, the scenes were hazy. She could sometimes see Bella, but Alice told me it was often as if there was a soft focus around her face, enough to obscure whatever might be around her. This did nothing to encourage my confidence.
Her diminished sight couldn't help us fortify against any potential attacks. But on the other hand, there were no random signs of danger appearing, either. Several weeks had gone by since we returned, and Bella noted that in that time Forks remained the same, without any unwanted visitors from the afterlife. She brought up the bike ride a number of times, and although I knew she would ultimately do as she wanted, I was deeply happy that she cared enough to seek my blessing.
But I wasn't going to give in that easily. I had to practically yank her bicycle away from her to get an expert to look at it. After educating myself on bike maintenance and doing some research, I found the best bicycle shop in the Seattle region and took her bike there. There was actually a waiting list for repairs and maintenance, but my offer to pay extra moved me to the front of the line. It was worth it for my own peace of mind, and I'd take that any way I could get it right now.
The morning of the ride came, and for the first time since we'd been spending overnights together, Bella woke up and bounced out of bed on her own. She'd been training for a few weeks, although her endurance was such that she could easily handle the distance. (I'd accompanied her on the training rides as well, which she bore with good grace even when I insisted she ride through the the town of Forks and not the treelined highway.) She seemed eager to start the morning's events, and it occurred to me that she might be craving the normalcy she enjoyed before we all had to be concerned about the other immortals. Although I didn't like to think about it, things had been abnormal for both of us ever since we fell in love. Of course, I welcomed the way her entry into my existence had changed me. Bella's capsizing of my life had made it infinitely better. I still wasn't sure I could say the same for her, although it upset her to hear me question that.
I pushed aside those thoughts and focused on making her breakfast while she hummed in her room, gathering her cycling clothes. She walked into the kitchen, sniffing at the air.
"Mmmmmm...eggs? Sausage? This looks great, Edward. Thank you." Bella leaned over and kissed me.
I pulled her snugly to my side. "I want to make sure you're fully carb-loaded this morning."
"Yeah, I can see you're taking it very seriously. Jeez, Edward, it's five flat miles, not the Tour de France." She turned to pour some coffee, giving me a prime view of her trim form in bike shorts and jersey. That stretch material wasn't very forgiving, but Bella had nothing to forgive. The sportswear added some extra shape to a figure which needed very little improvement. Too soon, she turned around again and caught me looking.
"Something distracting you, Chef Cullen?" she asked, smirking.
I grinned. "Yes, actually. I'm about to change my mind about the bike ride again, I think."
Her eyes widened. "What? Why?"
"You look too good in those biking shorts. I don't want to waste time on a bike ride." I lowered my voice to a throbbing purr. "What if I distracted you and made you miss it?"
She stood absolutely still, with only her eyelids closing slightly. I could hear her breathing grow heavy.
"That's a low blow, Edward," she replied in a husky voice. "Since you have a supernatural mind and absolute recall, I'm going to ask you to hold that thought until later. And you can bet I won't forget, either."
In one smooth movement, Bella grabbed the spatula out of my hand, tossed it, and turned off the stove. Her hands traveled up my chest until her fingers threaded through my hair, yanking and tugging at the strands. She tilted her head up until our lips met - a searing, lengthy kiss that both took and gave everything. The warm wetness of her lips and her small, perfect body pressed up against mine made everything stand still. We kiss and embrace every chance we get, but every time, it's new to me all over again.
I felt Bella's tongue stroke my lower lip and I sighed involuntarily. Did she really want to miss the bike ride? I was only half-kidding about staying here instead, but that was five minutes ago. She picked up her leg and hitched it so it was balanced around my hip and her foot dangled delicately near my ass. This made her own rear jut out at sharper angle, and placed the center atop her legs directly against my own.
I groaned, long and hard.
"Edward," she said softly, "this is where we'll pick up when we get back. But we are going." Her smile grew teasing. "It was definitely a good try, though. One of your better ones." She gave me another soft, open-mouthed kiss before dropping her leg and easing out of my arms.
"You're killing me over here," I informed her, shaking my head. She tossed me an apologetic smile.
"I need to eat now so we can head out. The sooner we get there, the sooner we get home." She put her coffee mug on the table, and I brought her plate over to her.
"You're spoiling me," she chided, smiling, as she dug into the eggs.
"I love to spoil you. You almost never let me," I replied, running the backs of my fingers along her forearm. I was still feeling high from that little interlude.
"You gave me pearls. You bought me an expensive suit. These are undoubtedly the best organic eggs from free-range chickens in the entire state. What else did you have in mind?" she said, grinning.
I raised my eyebrows. "Are you inviting ideas? Because I have hundreds," I said, and thought, It's not exactly spoiling, but I'll be happy to just keep you alive.
A few moments passed silently while Bella continued to eat. Without looking up from her plate, she said quietly, "Stop worrying, Edward. Everything will be fine."
I sighed. "I really wish-"
"No." She put her fingertips against my lips. "Just cut it out, okay? You worry too much." Bella stood up and took her empty plate to the sink. "It's getting late; we should leave."
"It's 9:15. The park is ten minutes from here."
"I want to check everything on my bike again when we're there." She looked at me in mock amazement. "I can't believe you haven't thought of that yourself."
"Please stop being so dismissive of your own safety."
"I'm not." She threw her hands up in frustation. "God, Edward, what do you want me to say? That I won't ride? That the extent of my travels will be my house or yours? And I'll only go to work and back, with you, every day, and nothing else?"
"That's a start."
"You're ridiculous," she said, huffing.
"I know you hate this," I said softly. "I don't like all the constraints, either. But the thought of anything happening to you..." I gripped her hand as hard as I could. "I know what my kind is capable of. I read James' mind. He's a vengeful sort. I wouldn't put it past him to come looking for us."
"He has nothing better to do than stalk the girlfriend of another vampire he met once?" she asked doubtfully.
"Actually, he doesn't. That's part of the attraction for him. Nomads aren't exactly gainfully employed. Coming for you would probably be the most fun he's had in ages," I said.
She sighed. "Let's finish this discussion later. I really do want to get to the park now."
It was about a ten minute ride by car, and the crowds were beginning to gather when we arrived. Most of my family were there, waiting for us, and once we greeted everyone I pulled Bella's bike out of the back of her car and began inspecting it.
"I can do that," she insisted.
"No, it's fine - I got it," I replied absently.
She scowled and shook her head. "Do you want to do the ride for me, too?"
I glanced up at her again. "That would actually solve a number of problems."
Faintly at first, I heard my name being called in thought. It was Alice, and she and Jasper were on their way to the park Edward, he's here, she thought frantically. James. I've seen him. Alice's inner voice became stronger as they drove as fast as legally possible. He's come to Washington to find you. And Bella.
Bella immediately noticed the change in my demeanor and started to question me. "Stay here," I instructed her. "I have to talk to Carlisle."
My father watched me approach with concern; he knew something was wrong. Son?
"Alice has seen James," I said urgently. Carlisle's eyebrows shot up. "We have to get Bella out of here and find him."
Jasper pulled his car crookedly alongside Bella's, and Alice hopped out before he'd even turned off the motor. He's right around Forks, Edward. I saw him running through woods in her vision, combing through the Hoh Rain Forest in a deliberate fashion. The scene ended abruptly, but his intent was clear.
"Why now, and not before?" I asked her in a low voice. I couldn't be angry with her; if it wasn't for her visions, we would know nothing, but I was frustrated that she hadn't seen this earlier.
I think he changed his mind very recently. The three of them were working their way west, and Laurent decided to split off from them. Victoria is still his mate, but I don't see her around him. I don't know what that means, she said, and even in her thoughts, those last few words sounded agonized. I shook my head subtly at her to indicate she shouldn't feel guilty.
"Bella, we have to get you to our house. Now," I said, already thinking of who could drive her there and who could split off to look for James. I wanted to see her safe, of course, but I also wanted to get my hands around his throat and twist it. Carlisle suggeste that Esme and Rosalie take Bella. I needed Jasper to help me strategize, Alice to see and Emmett to provide his brute strength. The pull to go with Bella was strong, though. I didn't even want to let her out of my sight, but I wanted to be the one to take James out.
When it seemed as if the situation couldn't get worse, the unmistakeable smell of dog drifted over.
Several Quileute Indians walked toward us, their hatred thinly disguised. Sam, the leader of the wolfpack, explained that they detected the smell of another vampire, and they asked us what we knew.
Carlisle, as the one who was instrumental in initiating the treaty, was the best one to do the talking. I listened carefully to their thoughts. Their own bloodlust was directed at the nomad vampire they knew was in our midst. Although they didn't trust our control, their tribal elders believed Carlisle was a man of his word, and they forced the younger wolves to maintain at least some level of respect.
Once Carlisle explained the situation, the wolves suggested bringing Bella to La Push. The Indians, and Jacob in particular, were deeply concerned about her safety. I couldn't even appreciate that commonality. I had my own ideas for how to protect her. and bringing her to the reservation was not on the list. I wanted my own family to deliver her to our home, where she could be sequestered until we found James. Adding to my bitterness, Carlisle sided with the Quiletues.
He noted that James would expect me to accompany Bella. I know you much prefer to have us search for James, and have Esme and Rose take Bella home, he thought. Even so, there really is safety in numbers. The addition of the wolves would add greatly to our chances.
I was almost ready to concede when Sam, the leader, suggested Jacob take Bella to La Push.
Over my already-dead body.
Bella stepped in and gently encouraged me to follow this plan. I asked her bluntly if we could trust Jacob. I knew, certainly, that he'd be willing to protect Bella...maybe too willing. Bella assured me that we could, but I'm not sure we had matching definitions of what it meant to "trust" Jacob. The dog's smug thoughts were starting to drive me crazy. Considering how on edge I was right now, it was all I could do to refrain from ripping his head off. Anything to do away with those shiny white teeth in that smug smile.
I resisted that temptation by focusing on Bella, who was now sobbing into my chest. Her tears cut me like nothing else could. And while her fears strengthened my resolve to eliminate the nightmare threatening her safety, they nearly toppled my determination to find James and destroy him myself. I stood with her, uncertain over whether I should stay with her to keep her from falling apart.
Nothing, however, would satisfy me until I tore his body up and burned every piece. The waste of immortality deserved it, and Bella should have nothing less. Carlisle was right; it was best to let her go with the wolves.
I kissed her as hard as if it was our last time together. Take that, dog.
Bella climbed into the Subaru as Jacob jangled the keys, taunting me. I ignored him. I didn't need him to remind me of what I'd done. It was I who put Bella in danger. This would never have happened if we were not together; if she didn't have me, she could go about her life like any normal young woman.
Unaccustomed as I am to fear, I found it distracting and upsetting. It made me feel deficient in ways I'd never contemplated. Bella always said I was enough for her, but clearly that wasn't the case. I couldn't keep her out of the ugly realities of my existence. Knowing James has discovered a new purpose - revenge, provocation, however his sick mind defined it - I was truly afraid. The last time I'd felt anywhere near this fearful, and this inadequate, was when I revealed myself to Bella in the diner. I had no assurance that this would end as happily.
She put her hand up on the window, and I placed mine against hers on the other side, matching the shape and pressing my palm and fingers as if I could keep the warm imprint until we saw each other again. Standing in the grass while everyone else prepared for the bike ride that Bella would no longer be a part of, I watched my life drive away. Yet again, I had to talk myself out of running after the car and pulling her out to keep her with me. I debated it for several minutes until Carlisle gently tugged on my arm.
"Come," he said quietly. "Sam has been communicating with some of the wolves who are already patrolling the forest. We should coordinate with him."
I tried to organize my thoughts so strategy would occupy more of my mind than Bella. Alice came over to my side.
I still can't see anything, Edward. I'm so sorry. I think it's the wolves. I think they're somehow blocking my ability, she thought.
I growled. Was there anything these stinking hounds could do right?
But for what it's worth, I agree with Carlisle. I think it's a good plan to have her go to LaPush. I doubt James and Victoria can get past the wolves along the treaty border. And in the meantime, we can go through the woods here, she thought, trying to encourage me.
Focus, I told myself.
We decided that my family would fan out due west of the park, while the wolves moved in the direction of La Push. I stayed with Alice and Jasper while the other four grouped in pairs and combed through the forest. Most of the time, we kept close enough so that I could still hear their mindts. If they found something, I could move with them in seconds. Jacob's snarky thoughts grew dim; he and Bella must be further south along Route 101. The last I heard, there was silence in the car, and that gave me no small measure of satisfaction.
I raced through the woods as my family took off to their respective parts of the forest. I listened hard for James' thoughts while also keeping track of everyone else. I heard nothing. At the same time, I used my sense of smell to check along the ground as well as up in the trees, trying to discern his scent - or the scent of anyone I hadn't detected before.
I don't know how much time had passed; it wasn't part of my focus now. Dimly, off to the west, I heard what sounded like shattering glass and then a crash. Jacob's angry screams filled the air. I veered off in his direction and yelled, "Carlisle! Quick!" The anxiety in the pit of my stomach exploded. What had happened? Was it-
"Cullens! Pack! Over here! Now!" I heard Jacob's roar and tripled my speed. I found his scent quickly, following it in the straightest line I could manage. Every extra-sharp sense I had was concentrated on him.
Fear again washed over me, even stronger as the scent of Bella's blood came at me. I smelled it before I saw the car pulled off the road. Even through the trees in the distance, I could tell the windshield was smashed, with a large hole punctured in the passenger side.
James' odor was also all over this spot. But it disappeared once I stepped several feet away from the car.
Jacob was darting back and forth next to the car, a look of anguish upon his face. By now, Carlisle had caught up with me and was running near my side. Once Jacob saw us he stood still, his body trembling.
"He took her! Sonofabitch dropped from the tree through the car and yanked her right up!" His trembling increased as his entire body shook. The sounds of fabric tearing were loud at his back. "I told the pack; they're trying to find her. Go! I'm off!" In a flash, Jacob phased in front of us and jumped away from the car, his massive body coiling and springing forward.
I stood frozen to the spot, staring at the bloody edges of the fractured windshield. It was Bella's blood. Was she still alive? Were we already too late?
"Edward." Carlisle said urgently. "Run with Jacob. I'll go in the opposite direction and let the others know what's happened before I meet up with you again."
His words pulled me out of my panic. I had to move; there wasn't much time. I had to go...I had to bring her back to safety.
With a quick nod, I tore off, running diagonally away from the car. I didn't think my purpose could become any more sure, or strong. I was determined to outlast my fear and prove it wrong.
I ran as fast as I could, and with each step I thought of the past months with Bella. The first time I saw her, an awful moment made right by getting to know her...now I pushed through the forest, this place that I never considered might be the setting for our last time together...Bella, not always very coordinated and quite accident prone, so much so that a speedy vampire had to pull her out of the path of a car...I raced along, propelling myself so fiercely that I could not be seen by human eyes...Bella calmly revealing that she knew my true nature, her eyes steady and nonjudgmental as she sat across from me...I pushed on, pumping my arms and legs, slowing only when I thought I detected her scent - wait, was it above me? ...Bella in my meadow, loving and awestruck as I showed myself to her...I shimmied up the tree to follow James's scent, spurred even more by the possibility of finding her...the first time I kissed her, incredulous that my cold, lifeless lips could feel desirable to someone so warm and caring...I jumped from one branch to another, my footing sure and strong...the evening she spent with my family, our time together afterward, and then every night together after that...
So many images, like pictures moving through my mind...and I knew the caption to each of them, but would there be more? Would I keep these memories knowing there would be none after today? The moments we had: the two of us in my car, in the Forks diner, at the cemetery, in her bed, in my bed, her smile, her eyes, the look in her eyes. She knew when I was lying, when I was sad, when I was being ridiculous or excited or happy...and the acceptance and love she always gave me...no, that can't end. I cannot survive with only memories. I need more.
The trees flashed by as I made my way through her scent. My phone ran suddenly, the ringtone clear and bell-like. It was the song I'd written for Bella. She was calling.
Frantic, I whipped out the cell and said, almost hysterically, "Bella! Where are you?"
My beloved's voice was a whisper, a quiet toneless murmur. "Edward...don't..." Then nothing.
I roared in frustration, continuing to move along the trail of her scent. "Bella, stay with me! Where are you?"
The whisper of breath on the other end changed, and I heard James snorting in disgust. "Oh, loverboy, I'm so sorry. Your girlfriend seems to be falling asleep here. Maybe you bore her."
Involuntarily, a snarl escaped my throat but I quickly contained it. If I made him angrier, Bella would pay. "James, let her go. Your fight is with me. Let her go and I'll meet you."
He chuckled and whispered at a vampire volume, "We'll meet all right. But I'll hold her until I see your smug face." Louder, he said, "If you come, make sure you're alone. If you take too long, I'll probably kill her. She's bleeding, so it may not be much longer. And it would be a shame to waste that."
I choked at his words. The image of Bella, hurt and broken, filled my mind. A rolling growl erupted from my throat.
"She's not doing too well right now, just so you know," he added, as if he was discussing the weather.
"James, get the hell away from her or I swear-" I roared. It was fruitless; he had already hung up.
My hand squeezed the phone in agony and frustration until I felt the casing begin to crack. I shoved it back in my pocket. I needed the phone and couldn't afford to break it.
I redoubled my efforts, running faster and quicker than ever in my century as a vampire. The smell of James drifted like a brief haze, but more important, I also detected Bella. I followed the scent straight ahead, and slightly to the right. Yes! She had been in this tree...she called to me in memory and in the present, to find her and save her...and for the sake of her future, I would.
There was a loud crash, and somehow, instinctively, I knew it meant something good. The wolves were howling again. They had found something.
Ahead of me, through the trees, I could see a cone-shaped building - one of the transportation maintenance yards built by the state. I yelled for Carlisle and gave him some coordinates in the woods to find me.
"Tell everyone," I screamed. By now, I had a good view of the area that was fenced in. The front door of the building had been broken down. She must be in there.
Bella...please, whatever God there is who might actually listen to me, let her be alive. Let her be okay.
Carlisle reached me quickly. We ran the last few steps to the fence and I yanked it up, tearing the mesh so I could get through it. The wolves were howling victoriously. They had backed James against a wall, and their thoughts were an uproarious din of taunts and insults. They were angry too, but it was nothing compared to what I felt. Through the racket, I heard James' panicked thoughts, and as satisfying as that was, I focused only on Bella.
I smelled her before I saw her, the rich aroma of her blood filling the air. She was sprawled on the floor, her right arm at an awkward angle. An enormous black wolf lay at her head, his paws encasing her on either side of her body. He was keeping her immobile. I flew over to her and fell on the floor, a dry sob escaping from my chest.
The wolf rose slowly, sliding his feet back to avoid jostling Bella. Finally he stood, his deep black eyes staring at me. There was no animosity there; his look told me he was willing to let me take over.
"Thank you," I whispered emotionally, grateful that the pack arrived when it did. The wolf dipped his head and then trotted off to join his brothers.
"Bella! Bella, oh my God," I sobbed. "Sweetheart, are you awake? Where are you hurt?"
She moaned and moved her head, then hissed in pain. Her vision seemed to clear, and then her face smoothed in recognition. "You found me," she said in wonder.
Hearing her talk - knowing she recognized me - brought my heart back to life. "Of course, my love. Oh God, Bella, oh God," I said, my voice breaking. "I'm so sorry."
I stroked and held her face, murmuring her name over and over. Right then, I wanted to take her away with me, to find somewhere warm and sunny where we could be together and alone, and where she would be safe. I needed to hold on to her and love her, and protect her as surely as I had neglected to do ever since we were on the East Coast.
But first...take care of her here. Now. At least you know there is a future, unless she leaves you. And could you blame her?
I had to make sure she was at least in a condition to be stabilized. Carlisle had determined that her shoulder was broken, and that she probably also had fractured ribs. Despite the pain, she was able to answer some of his questions. Much to my relief, she seemed very lucid, if sleepy. I knew my father was concerned about a possible concussion.
The wolves still had James backed into a corner when the rest of my family arrived. Jasper and Emmett immediately ran over to where he was trying vainly to scale the back wall. They roared with laughter as a wolf jumped up effortlessly each time he tried to ascend and pulled him right back down again. Once I could see that Carlisle had sized up Bella's injuries, I told her I would leave her side only long enough to deal with James. Carlisle frowned at me and actually began lecturing me about maintaining control. That was the last thing I would hold on to. Whatever humanity I might have had was overpowered by a murderous impulse to kill James. I would avenge her, and my father would not stop me.
All right, Edward. I will not deny you this. It will probably save some other lives to destroy his, Carlisle finally thought, then turned his attention back to Bella. He called Esme to help while I went over to where James was cornered. With deep satisfaction, I heard that his mind was a crescendo of panic. Excellent. I wanted him to feel something of what he inflicted on Bella before we disposed of him for good.
"Gentlemen," I said calmly, "I'd like a few words with him, if I may."
He was flush against the wall with six wolves and two other vampires in a tight semi-circle around him. "Where is Victoria?" I demanded.
He growled and moved to hit me, but I heard it in his thoughts so I punched him first. Grabbing him by his jacket, I roared, "The woman Victoria! Where is she?"
I saw her in his mind, running through a wooded setting. She was still in the area, waiting to meet him. It looked as if she could be somewhere in the Olympic National Forest. "Go to hell," he snarled.
I laughed. "Oh, you'll be there soon enough," I whispered.
I slammed James' head against the building, cracking a hole in the wood. "This is for coming to Washington," I said evenly.
I punched him in the gut. "This is for just thinking about Bella."
I pulled him by the arm over my shoulder and slammed him to the floor. Grabbing his throat, I said, "This is for scaring her."
I squeezed his neck as his hands flew up to pull me off. Emmett yanked them back and James let out another roar.
"That's for taking her away from me," I growled.
At this point, I was perched on his chest. With both my hands, I grabbed the sides of his head and twisted once, twice, until it came off. "And this is for hurting her. It's the last thing you'll ever do, you worthless piece of crap."
The wolves descended on him and finished him off. Emmett, Jasper and I grabbed nearby wood palettes and began tearing them up to start the fire. We tossed the last of James into the flames, watching in satisfaction as the black smoke crawled to the top of the building.
Alice and Rose were dragging other pallettes around in preparation for setting the entire building on fire. It was the only way to cover our tracks. They wouldn't even find James' bones or teeth, and that was just as well. It was possible they might think he was a vagrant who'd use the site to camp out and started a fire he couldn't stop, but they'd also try and trace him. We couldn't afford that. Every piece of him would burn: if not in the fire we set especially for him, then in the blaze we'd light to wipe out the entire storage facility.
Carlisle had me pull some of the wooden slats over so he could use them to stabilize Bella's neck and shoulder. As we slid them underneath, her cries cut through me, the sound more painful than anything I could imagine. Because of me, she was lying here in agony, and I'd just made it worse. Because of me, she'd have to stay in the hospital, possibly for surgery, and spend untold hours in physical therapy.
"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered, my voice breaking again. I pressed my forehead to hers and kissed her as intimately as I dared, not wanting to jostle her.
"S'okay. I know you had to," she replied. She had to be the strongest human I'd ever known.
We had to get her out of here; the fire, though currently controlled by my brothers and sisters, would spread fast. Carlisle and I fashioned a crude stretcher with more planks. Esme opened the rear door of the Mercedes, and we tried to make Bella as comfortable as possible within the confines of the back seat. I folded myself in behind the driver's seat and positioned my arms to make sure Bella was stable for the ride to Forks Hospital.
She turned her head toward me and grimaced in distressed. "No, no, no, sweetheart," I murmured. "Bella, hold still."
"I was afraid I'd never see you again. Don't tell me not to look at you," she admonished me.
After all that had happened, she still loved me. I could see it in her eyes. This was the reward she got for falling in love with a monster: a broken shoulder, injured ribs, and God only knows what else.
And as long as we were together, she would be at risk for worse. Bella would have better odds gambling for a secure future in Las Vegas.
Suddenly, she said, "I threw up."
Immediately I thought, concussion. "When? After you fell?" My hands tightened along her sides.
"No, after James grabbed me," Bella murmured. She was searching my eyes with her own gaze as if looking for reassurance. A small smile played along her lips.
"What do you mean?" I asked, involuntarily smiling in response.
"He was going too fast through the trees. I was on his back." She appeared to be struggling to get the words out, probably because her ribs were injured.
"Bella, you can tell me about this later." I tried to get her to stop, but she was determined. Stubborn as ever. And I couldn't deny that I loved hearing her voice, knowing she was there with me and she would be all right.
"I tried to warn him but he wouldn't listen. I threw up on his foot."
What? I shook my head in amused wonder. She seemed so pleased with herself, and that was an insult I couldn't bestow on James. At least she'd gotten back at him in some small way.
"You are something else," I said, chuckling. I kissed her and stroked her face, her hair, anywhere I could reach that wouldn't hurt her. She'd done what she could before I got there. But what if James had become so angry he'd let her fall from the tree? She would have paid the ultimate price for irritating him.
"Stop," she said gently. I stilled my hand against her forehead.
"Not that. Stop what you're thinking." Her eyes glowed with pain, but it seemed that it wasn't all physical.
"You've been worried for a long time about something like this happening," she said, stumbling through the words with effort. "Meeting James made it worse. You can't think that way."
Wordlessly, I shook my head because I couldn't find anything to say. I could deny it all I wanted, but she was right about my obsession with her safety. Admitting to it would upset her, but denying it would be doing her a great disservice - to the point of jeopardizing her life.
Carlisle rescued me by urging Bella to refrain from talking and focus on breathing.
I knew she heard him, but she didn't acknowledge his admonition. Her large brown eyes, now filled with tears, remained locked in mine. "Don't go. Don't break my heart," she begged. Her voice was a whisper but the emotion was hard and fast.
What could I say? How could I promise anything else right now? "I won't," I said, stroking her cheek.
Her gaze now wandered over my face, as if she was searching for anything that might make my words a lie. I focused on her eyes, and on keeping her immobile.
Carlisle had called ahead to the hospital. When we arrived, the glass doors slid open and an orderly raced over with a gurney. We carefully moved Bella out of the car, still using the pallettes to shift her on to the bed. My insides twisted as I saw the look of agony on her face every time we jostled her, for as careful as we were, we couldn't help it.
We pushed the gurney into the Emergency Room as another doctor ran toward us. Carlisle gave him Bella's stats and a brief fabricated story about how she felt ill at the bike race, then hit a deer while driving home. We'd flesh out the details later; I'd have to call Emmett or Jasper to find a deer and shove it through the windshield of the Subaru before the police got to it.
Bella's eyes were blinking lazily, almost as if she was drifting off to sleep. "Can you stay awake, sweetheart? We're in the ER now," I said, softly stroking her hair. Nurses quickly hooked up the heart monitor and blood pressure cuff, and Carlisle inserted the IV.
"Do I have to have this needle?" she moaned.
Carlisle chuckled. "After all you've been through today, you're worried about needles?"
"I hate them," she grumbled. Each time she complained about something, my heart lifted a little more. It sounded like my normal Bella, the one who'd tease good-naturedly, or find some way to make everyone laugh and put them at ease.
Carlisle quickly wrote out the orders for x-rays and called over to make sure the technicians would take her right away. We moved the gurney to transport her when she suddenly turned her head, looking for me. She cried out in pain.
"Bella, don't do that, baby," I said, trying to sound calm.
"Can you come with me?" she pleaded.
"Of course, I'm right here," I said, puzzled over her fearful tone.
"Don't leave me," she said, her voice cracking with emotion. I could see she was starting to cry.
"I won't, Bella. I'll be right outside the whole time. I'll wait for you."
"Hold my hand," she demanded, tears streaming down her face.
"I will." Gingerly, I took hold of her hand as we walked. I had to stop outside of the examination room, watching helplessly as she was wheeled in, still crying.
Carlisle waited with me so he could look at her films as soon as they were taken. I felt his arm settle gently around my shoulders.
"She's had a terrible trauma, Edward. It's very normal for her to want someone she loves around her every second," he said.
He probably didn't consider the irony of his words. I'd long had doubts about whether Bella was safe with me, but that was always because of my own tenuous self-control. In the past few months, I began to see how dangerous it was for her to be in any part of my world. Today, she almost died because of it - because I had foolishly given in to my desires and let her in. Selfish and delusional, I thought I could protect her. I thought it would work.
I never thought she might get hurt or killed by anyone except me.
My father, who knew me better and for a longer time than anyone else, watched me intently. "What's wrong, Edward?" he asked quietly.
That set me off. " 'What's wrong?' The woman I love nearly died today, because of me. Because of my selfishness!" I spat.
Carlisle shook his head. "No, Edward, you saved her. You found her before-"
"She's got broken bones and fractures and God knows what other injuries because of me!" I hissed. "Because of me! I never should have-"
"Edward." Carlisle grabbed my arms. "You've protected her from others of our kind who have no regard for human life. Those nomads could have gotten to her in New Jersey. She could have been hurt or killed because you weren't there to rescue her."
I snorted dismissively. "What are the odds they would have found her if I hadn't been with her? She could be living her life normally, probably with a normal guy..." I stopped. I couldn't bear the thought of Bella with another man, no matter how right for her it would be.
He looked at me intently. "What are you going to do?" His mind was quiet, awaiting my response.
I shook my head. "I don't know. I have to talk to her, but now is not the time."
"You're right about that," Carlisle said. "Let her heal first. But Edward..." he stopped, thinking over his words. You two have a strong bond - very strong. She is your mate, Edward, for better or for worse, as the saying goes. I don't even want to think of how either of you would be without the other.
I groaned and ran my hands through my hair aimlessly. "How can I do this, Carlisle? Either way, I'll be hurting her, devastating her. She put her trust in me, and whether I leave or stay with her, I can't live up to it."
Carlisle shook his head. "Don't underestimate her." And then, abruptly, he thought, Have you thought about changing her?
My chest rumbled with my suppressed roar. "No," I snapped.
"Don't be so dismissive. She may want it, Edward," he warned.
"How could you even...Are you endorsing this?" I hissed. "You said yourself: no more."
He sighed. "I know. But that was before you fell in love with a human. Esme and I spent decades hoping you'd be happy, that you'd find someone who could appreciate you and love you. And now you have. I can't imagine you going back to a life of solitude, particularly now that you have been so happy."
"I cannot end her life, Carlisle," I said, my voice breaking. Yet how could I even consider leaving her? I was selfish enough to draw her into a relationship, and now far too selfish to want to leave it. Wasn't that what people who loved selflessly did: make decisions in the best interest of the person they loved? Even if it meant eternal agony, denied the one thing that turned my existence into life...
"Talk to her. You cannot make this judgment on your own," he urged.
I looked at him as if he was mad. "Of course I can!" I snapped.
He shook his head again. "You're a couple, and like it or not, these are the kinds of decisions you make together." Don't be a martyr, Edward. Remember Bella has a choice, too.
I whipped my head around to stare at my father in disbelief. "This from a man who's taken four lives? What choice did we have?"
Immediately, I regretted it. Carlisle winced, and I knew he saw his own hypocrisy. "Fair enough," he sighed. "Maybe I'm trying to right my own wrong or correct something I did a very long time ago out of loneliness. I have no moral standing to lecture you on this."
The door opened and the techs wheeled Bella out of the imaging room. Carlisle and I moved to direct the gurney when Carlisle said to me, "If you can manage this on your own, I'd like to stay and look at her x-rays."
"Just bring them to the ER," I instructed him. "I want to see them too."
Carlisle nodded and disappeared behind another door. I pulled the gurney all the way out and gave Bella a kiss.
"You're awfully bossy," she noted.
I laughed. "You're just noticing that now?"
"You usually don't talk to Carlisle like that, though."
I was silent for a moment, thinking of the exchange I'd just had with him. "He knows I'm not in the best frame of mind right now."
Along the way back to the ER, I kept my eyes on Bella. She was quiet and her eyelids seemed droopy, but that was probably because she was on strong painkillers. I parked the gurney and sat in the chair, my fists stacked on her bed and my chin on my top of my fists, waiting for Carlisle to return.
Slowly, Bella turned her head to face me. "You've got that look on your face again, Edward," she said slowly.
I moved only my gaze toward her. "What look...Never mind. You should be resting," I scolded her.
"You believe this is all because of you," she said, and I felt her stare, direct and fearful.
"Can you stay quiet for your own sake?" I said, pleading. I didn't want her getting upset, but honestly, this was too dificult for me to get into. I needed to avoid this conversation right now.
After all the courage she'd shown this day, I couldn't give her what she needed. Again.
"You were thinking about it. About us, and staying together. Not staying together. Don't say you weren't," she mumbled, challenging me to contradict her.
I had to look away. "Bella, you could have died."
"But I didn't." Her voice grew louder.
"He could have-"
"But I didn't." She shifted slightly, trying to sit up, and winced. "You know what else? You can't make those decisions for me. Or for us. You can't unilaterally decide what's best, even if you think it is. I want...I need to be like you. Then you wouldn't worry and we could be together. Always." If I didn't know better, I'd think she coordinated this with Carlisle.
I shook my head and put my hands out to settle her down. "Bella, stop. You're in a lot of pain, and you shouldn't be getting yourself all worked up - "
"Don't change the subject," she snarled. She snarled at me! "Bella," I said, more in shock than alarm.
"I mean it, Edward. When will it be time for us to discuss this? There's enough elephants in this room for us to start our own circus. There's always the elephants!"
"That's the Demerol talking, sweetheart."
"No," she insisted, and then relaxed against her pillow, grimacing. I stroked her hand around the intravenous tubing, playing with her fingers. I picked them up to kiss them, meeting her eyes, and I noticed she was crying.
"Bella, sweetheart, please stop," I crooned.
"Listen to me," she said in a low voice, her teeth clenched. "I know you. I've seen the guilt you carry around with you, and I know I've been a big part of that ever since we've met." She twisted her fingers around and clutched the hand I'd been using to hold hers. "You think this is all your fault. You believe you're putting me in danger. We have to make that go away, and there's only one way to do it."
I looked down at our hands, which rested together perfectly despite the difference in size. My mind was a blank. I couldn't think of what to say. I couldn't read her thoughts and figure out my responses ahead of time, I couldn't lie to her, and I couldn't bear to lay out my worries about her future when she was injured and in pain.
"Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking. If I believe for a second you're holding anything back, I'll only imagine it's worse than it is," she begged.
Thankfully, Carlisle was returning. He'd no doubt heard everything, but graciously, he only warned me of his approach in his thoughts.
"Carlisle's back. I want to take a look at your x-rays with him. Don't go anywhere." I wanted to tease her into a better frame of mind. She stared at me mournfully.
"All right," Carlisle said in a soft but commanding tone. He clipped the films to the viewing light. "The good news is, you don't seem to have a concussion."
"Thick head," she murmured. I glanced at her, grateful to hear her usual sarcasm.
"The pretty good news is, your break isn't as bad as it could be. You have a proximal humerus fracture, right where your arm bone meets your shoulder." I stepped closer to the film as he gestured to the area of her injury. "You won't need surgery; we can probably get away with keeping your arm in a sling for a few weeks. You'll need physical therapy, though.
"The not-so-great news is that you also have some fractured ribs. They take longer to heal, and they'll probably annoy you more than the shoulder. We'll have to wrap you up - that's the only way to get them healing."
Carlisle leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead. "How are you feeling? Is the pain better?"
"As good as it could be with all the painkillers you're giving me. That's quite a stash up in there," Bella responded, gesturing to the IV fluid bag hanging on the rack at her bedside.
He smiled. "We aim to please." His expression grew serious. "Bella, Dr. Starkweather and I will have to set your shoulder. It's not a bad break, fortunately, but it's still not going to be pleasant."
"Let's do it." Bella looked at me. "Will you stay?"
I sat back down and held her hand. "Of course. I'll be right here."
In minutes, the other doctor arrived, and he and Carlisle set to work. Bella turned her face to me and winced, and I stroked her head and talked softly about Faith, explaining that I'd already asked Esme to check on the cat. I knew what was coming, and I wanted to make it as easy for her as I could. She did her best to focus on my words, but as soon as the doctors tugged on her arm, Bella let out a wail of agony. I felt it in my own bones. Her pain was heavy on my heart, the nonbeating organ that was still the center of my feelings. I had put her through this as surely as if I'd led James to her.
Once her shoulder was set, I helped Carlisle adjust her so he could wrap her ribs. She bit her lip but the tears kept rolling down her face. Her look of utter misery reflected every bit of what I felt.
"We're almost done with the torture, Bella," Carlisle said softly, patting her head.
He had her admitted, and helped me get her up to the surgical floor where the room was located. "How long will I be here?" she asked Carlisle grumpily.
"No more than a couple of days, I hope. I want to make sure your ribs don't give you any more problems, and maybe start you on physical therapy," he explained.
Between the pain, the stress and the medication, Bella was very sleepy. I could see her eyelids falling to half mast, and I held her hand again as Carlisle reviewed his orders with the nurse.
"You'll stay here, right?" she asked me again. "You won't leave?"
"Yes, sweetheart, I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."
She hummed and shifted slightly, then opened her eyes wider. "We're not done, you know."
"Yes, ma'am," I said softly.
"I mean it. I'm not...um, I'm not letting it go." Her eyes drooped again. "Promise me we'll talk more about it when I'm not high as a kite."
I smiled. My sweet, funny, brave, irreverent, loving woman. "I promise."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"...k."
She was asleep. I moved one of my hands and placed it over her heart to feel its beating. It was as strong as ever despite her discomfort and the medicine that flowed through her veins. Strong, exactly as the rest of her was. It was just as well that my heart no longer beat. It couldn't rival hers.
I didn't know how I would exist without her, although I knew she would move on if I wasn't in her life. And this was my primary argument against her protests that I couldn't make the decision for her: I know this immortality; I know what it means...I cannot consign her to it, as much as I want her.
It's true that Edward and Bella's makeout session in this chapter did not appear in Bella, Chapter 12. Edward stepped up and insisted that it be included in his chapter, to emphasize how much he loves Bella and how strongly he felt that she should stay out of the bike ride. He wanted it written only from his POV because he felt that would make it stand out more. I couldn't bear to argue with him. Was he right?
Thank you all for reading despite my lengthy absence. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review if you're so inclined.
I'm considering writing a short sequel to this story. What do you think?