Thank you, everyone, for your patience. My sincere apologies for the lateness of this final chapter. Everyone who's read this has been so wonderful, kind and supportive. I hate even the thought that I've repaid you by taking months to post an update. I'll spare you the usual "real life kicked me in the butt" excuse (even though it's true), but will also say that I had some difficulty getting this chapter to read the way I wanted it to. I worked it over quite a bit. I hope the end results are worth it.
To recap, because it's been awhile: Bella survived an attack by the nomad vampire James, though she was injured. Edward is wracked with guilt but sure of his love for Bella. She is pushing him to make her immortal so they can remain together, without fear of discovery by the Volturi. They remain at an impasse over this. As this chapter opens, Edward and Bella are at work together in the Forks Hospital pharmacy. Their coworker, Rick, is about to marry his fiancee, Ellen, of the Quileute tribe. (Also making an appearance in this chapter is Wendell Thatch, Bella's literacy student and another Quileute.)
So here is the last chapter of "Love Is Always an Option." The song cited within is Van Morrison's immortal (heh) "Crazy Love."
Every time Bella entered my frame of vision, I wanted to kiss her again. Of course, I couldn't; either Larry or Rick was usually around, and there was always the chance that someone would stop by the dropoff window. So I did the next best thing: tease her whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Once, when she'd left for the ladies' room, I took the pens and pencils off her desk and replaced them with crayons - all white crayons. There was a lull in the work at one point, after Bella had finished her assignments and no more requests came in. To pass the time, Bella pulled out her latest copy of The New Yorker, which I replaced with Tiger Beat when she later assisted a nurse at the window. Rick caught on and gave me a large box of styrofoam peanuts, which we crammed into the desk drawer she used most often.
Bella never acknowledged that anything was wrong until I returned from visiting Carlisle on my lunch hour. She was working at her desk, and mine was as neat as I'd left it, save for one Post-it in the center. She'd taken a rubber stamp used by Larry when he wanted to circulate research publications of interest and inked it in the middle of the Post-it. The stamp said FOR YOUR INFORMATION, and underneath, in Bella's neat print, was written you are annoying me.
"Rather mild," I noted. "I expected far worse."
"Oh, it ain't over," she said slowly, without even glancing at me. "Don't expect anything, because you're not going to know when it's coming."
But the rest of the day was very uneventful. When it came time to clock out, I walked with Bella out to my car and I noticed her head was tilted down. She was trying to hide her broad grin.
"What are you smiling about?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nothing," she replied innocently.
She was still a bad liar.
"Something is up," I replied evenly, "and I'll find out what it is."
Bella looked up at me, all innocence and exaggerated wide eyes. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."
We walked down the aisle to my parking space, and I could tell from where we stood that something was off about the car. The exterior looked normal, but something else seemed odd.
Bella snorted.
I left her side and walked quickly to the Volvo, and in a matter of seconds I saw strange, round objects crammed into the car. Dozens of them - pink, yellow, blue, red and green.
The car had been stuffed with balloons.
I stood still for a moment and then tilted my head back, looking up at the garage roof as if imploring some powers-that-be to help me out of this situation.
"You know what this really means," I said calmly as Bella finally burst out laughing. "I have to pop every one of these, and that's going to take some time. You're only delaying your ride home."
"But it was worth it to see the look on your face," she said, gasping. She grabbed me with her good arm and kissed me firmly. "I'll run back to the pharmacy and get some scissors, and we can cut them. In the meantime...uh, I guess you can start biting them or something."
It took about 45 minutes for us to pop every last one. We picked up the rubber shreds that drifted down to the concrete floor, chuckling at the strange looks we got from other employees who were walking to their cars.
"Okay, now how did you manage this?" I said as we pulled out of the garage. The lingering stink of the rubber balloons was pretty bad, although I'm sure it bothered me a lot more than it did Bella.
"I'll tell you only because I have permission to," she said, laughing again. I couldn't help but grin back at her. I had come so close to never seeing that smile again.
"I'm waiting," I said.
"Alice came after school. She was available on late notice. As you can see, she got them blown up pretty quickly."
I nodded. "I might have guessed. So, how hard did you have to twist her arm to get her to agree to this?"
Bella shrugged as a look of total innocence came over her face. "I really have no idea. You vampires are so strong, I couldn't tell."
I shook my head and put the car in gear. It was probably among the silliest, most childish things I'd ever had to deal with, even counting Emmett's goofball antics. And I treasured every second of it. I never thought anything about my immortal life could be fun. Bella changed that, as she had so many other things in my life. My life. I really had a life now. It wasn't just a word in a sarcastic comment that I'd heard over and over again in the thoughts and speech of others - "Get a life!" That scornful advice was painful truth to me; I needed a life. I had one now. I had Bella.
And I had only to figure out how to make it last.
In the meantime, we had Rick and Ellen's wedding to deal with. Alice offered to take Bella shopping for a dress after extracting a promise that she wouldn't wear something she already owned. Bella was doing very well with her physical therapy, and I was becoming more confident about her mobility. Alice insisted on driving so I didn't need to join them. I sent them off on a Saturday afternoon with a stern reminder that, now more than ever, Alice had to be respectful of Bella's limitations.
Bella rolled her eyes and gave me a goodbye kiss. "I'll be back as soon as I can, but that still may not be until early evening," she said.
It took hours before Alice settled on a dress she was satisfied with. Of course, she insisted that Bella needed shoes.
Glad my feet r ok or Alice would buy me a hi-heeled cast, Bella texted me.
That was true. Are you almost done? I responded.
Hell, i was done hours ago. Alice probably wants to stay 'til 2morrow.
I dialed Alice's phone.
"Ten more minutes," she said.
"Alice, she's still healing. Get her home."
"I'm about to find the perfect dress for her. Really, it won't take much longer."
"You knew once you planned the trip that you'd find a dress, and you knew where it would be," I pointed out. "You just like to shop, dear sister. Bella's tolerance is a lot lower than yours. You did get her something to eat, didn't you?"
"Of course. You think I'd want you even more pissed off at me?"
"I'm glad we're clear on that point. Please get her home soon. Very soon."
"Will do. Love you, brother."
"Yes, Alice." I sighed and clicked my phone shut. I missed Bella, it was true. It was only a few hours out of her life and mine, but I found myself getting very impatient when I was apart from her for too long. The only time I had any semblance of patience for it was when she was at work, and that was likely because I knew exactly where she was and when she would be home.
I thought about this a great deal. It wasn't as if I wanted to deny her any relationships or activities outside of our life together (although I would never again feel comfortable about her bike riding, unless I could talk her into getting a two-seater for both of us). I simply didn't want to be apart from her. I craved her company, her touch, her mere presence. It was more about being in love with her and less about the quiet I enjoyed being with her. The invasiveness of hundreds of a crowd of minds all at once was almost negligible as long as she was with me.
I didn't know how I could live without her. Actually, the answer to that was simple: I couldn't.
I cared so little for my life that I would gladly end it if Bella wasn't in it. She cared so little for hers that she was willing to end it to be with me. I fought endlessly with myself over how to bridge this difference.
Bella continued to push - often unsubtly - to be changed. I pushed back, pointing out all the things that she would have to give up.
"I would gain you. I would never have to worry about losing you," she'd retort. "Everything else is insignificant."
One of us as solid as granite in her stubbornness; one of us literally as hard as granite, equally stubborn.
From about a mile away, I heard the telltale rev of Alice's Porsche. They'd be here in minutes.
As the car turned in the drive, I opened the front door and waited for them. Alice hopped out with her typical energy, while Bella moved at a fast human pace. Her eyes never left my face, and a broad smile covered her own.
"All done!" Alice sang as she popped the trunk. "It's gorgeous; you'll love it!" As she pulled out the dress, covered in plastic, her thoughts remained firmly on every other item they'd looked at that afternoon. "Bella, you want to keep this from him until you're wearing it, right?"
"What? Wait, this isn't a wedding gown!" Bella said, then blushed at her own words. The scent was delicious: real, warm, comforting to me. "I don't have to keep it a secret, right?
"Nooooo," Alice stage-whispered impatiently, "but it heightens the anticipation. I'll hang it in my room 'til you bring it home. No peeking, bro." She gave me a poke in the side as she passed us.
Bella and I had our arms around each other's waists. She leaned her head in, against my chest.
"How are you feeling?" I stroked her cheek with my fingertips.
"Oh, much better now, thanks," she said, sighing.
"Come in and sit down. Esme has something for you to eat."
"You're always feeding me. Esme's making a full-time job of it," Bella said, laughing.
"Esme loves being your chef. And I don't remember much about eating like a human. We just don't want you to go hungry, sweetheart," I said.
"As if you'd ever give me the chance. But thank you, love, for always taking care of me."
The thrill of hearing her call me "love" never dimmed for me. "I don't feel as if I've always done a great job of that," I said ruefully. "I'm trying to make up for it."
"Knock it off," she said, elbowing me gently. "No guilt trips, okay? Let's just go into the kitchen and see what Esme's got cooked up for me.
Esme sat with Bella and I while she ate. The two of them talked about shopping, how many dresses Bella had to try on, and Esme's latest project in Seattle. Bella always took a genuine interest in Esme's restoration work, just part of the reason why my mother adored her so. We were all supportive of Esme's vocation, of course, but Bella was a fresh and willing set of eyes and ears for the renovation plans that Esme worked on so diligently.
I waited what I hoped was an appropriate amount of time before asking Bella to come upstairs with me. I just wanted some time with her alone, or as alone as we could be in a house full of immortals with supersonic hearing. Truthfully, my family was quite gracious about it, which I appreciated considering how I heard not only their activities but their thoughts. It was unfair to them, and I tried my best to block it. Yet except for that one time where Emmett "congratulated" Bella and I for getting physical, no one said anything after all the nights Bella stayed over. I interpreted this as another sign that they were happy for, or perhaps relieved over, my own happiness.
"Would you like to listen to anything in particular?" I asked as Bella settled into the daybed.
"Mmmm...I've had songs from Sting's '...Nothing like the Sun' running through my head all day. I think I'd like to hear the real thing," she replied.
The tinkling strains of "The Lazarus Heart" began as I darted over to her side. "Are you very tired?" I asked.
"Only a little," she said, but her yawn contradicted her.
"Why don't you just go to sleep?"
"Because it's only about 8 o'clock. If I fall asleep now, I'll wake up around midnight and then have trouble falling asleep again, and it'll screw up my sleep patterns."
We lay together with Bella half on me, her head comfortably placed on my chest. She played with the fingers of my right hand, which lay across my stomach. "What would you like to do?" I asked.
"You."
I turned my head so I could nearly face her. "Very funny."
"I wasn't joking." She lifted her head so her chin was propped on her fist. "You won't deal with the question of my owm immortality, and you don't want to acknowledge the other big difference between us, either. That would be sex, Edward. Are we going to talk about it?"
"Which one?" Neither topic thrilled me. We remained rather far apart on the subject of sex even though our physical relationship had increased in its intensity. I was still far too concerned about hurting her. And the other subject...well, we'd never agree on it.
Bella had the particular look on her face that she gets when she is about to say something, then reconsiders. I could practically hear her thinking, though I couldn't read her thoughts.
The minutes ticked by, and we looked at each other in a peacefully challenging manner. I ran the fingers of my left hand through her hair, smoothing it down her back. She smiled at me lovingly, and without a word sat up and pulled off her shirt.
"I love that you can't know in advance when I'm about to do something like that," she said as she tossed her top toward the corner of my room.
"Bella," I mumbled, only partly annoyed.
"Shut up," she said, putting a finger to my lips. "No, wait - don't shut up, but only if you're going to groan in a sexy way and not like you're complaining." Pulling her hair over one shoulder, she laid down flat on top of me, her head in the crook of my neck.
"Now, you know-"
"Stop." She moved her lips to where her finger had been, and kissed me softly, then more intensely.
I moaned involuntarily. We were both aching to kiss each other deeply, and I wanted nothing more than to explore her mouth with my tongue, but I was too worried about my teeth. If I cut her lip, I'd never be able to control myself.
"Wait. Edward." Her voice was soft but commanding. Gradually, she began sucking and pulling my own lips into her mouth, at first easily, then more insistently.
Venom rose in my throat, but the urges that usually accompanied it were nothing against the impulse to love Bella with all the passion and abandon she deserved.
Time and again, I'd disappointed Bella for her own good. We'd been together quite awhile, considering how dangerous it was for her. We'd forged a romantic relationship in every sense of the word but this. Didn't I owe her the effort? My entire family was in the house; surely nothing bad could happen. Alice would have told me if I would lose control in any way that would threaten Bella.
She was watching me with that familiar look of sorrow and expectation. I held her face in my hands and returned her kisses as passionately as I safely could. I gently cradled her head and continued moving my lips along her jawline, under her ear, and then along her throat.
Without thinking, I dragged my tongue down the line of her throat to the graceful curve of her shoulder, and was rewarded with an elegant moan.
"Don't start something you can't finish," she panted, looking at me through hooded eyes.
I used to think I'd be the death of this woman. Now the reverse was true.
Could I get past my own fear and lack of faith in myself? I had a hundred years of being a vampire to stack against mere months of resistance for the love of Bella.
But I'd learned to harness the violent monster. If I could keep him chained, I could have Bella.
Just as she wanted me.
Then it came to me: There are things we can do that would satisfy her without any danger. It didn't have to be all or nothing.
I sat up and pulled off my own shirt, enjoying the quick look of surprise that flashed across Bella's face as I pulled her toward me.
We kissed some more, and I enjoyed the languid sensation of her warm, pliable lips against my own granite mouth. She never complained about the hardness of my skin; she explored my body when I let her with a loving touch that was soothing and never calculating or coldly curious. Now again, she moved her hands slowly up and down my chest, and then along my arms until she reached my own hands, lacing her fingers through mine.
After a few minutes, I gently pulled my fingers loose and drew them up up her back, dragging my fingertips slowly. She shivered and I resisted the urge to ask her if she was cold. I saw a look of anticipation on her face and suddenly I knew with certainty that it was not discomfort, but enjoyment.
Quickly, so she had no time to react, I unhooked her bra.
She looked at me suspiciously. It hurt that this was the only emotion she registered at a moment like this. It burned that I was the cause
"What are you thinking?" she asked.
"That maybe you're right," I replied. "That I love you, and I've already risked a lot to do that, so why not go for more? I want you too, and I probably don't tell you that enough. I'm ridiculous sometimes and I know it. I love you."
"You said that already."
"I know. I like saying it." I kissed her and tugged on her lip, pulling at it with my own. "Bella, I'm still worried about my teeth..." I thought that if I let down my guard somewhat, I could get her to listen to some of my lingering concerns. Manipulative, but necessary.
She nodded. "Okay. We'll work around that."
"I'll have to be careful to use just my lips and tongue." I rolled her easily on her back while I remained on my side.
She let out a heavy exhale. "That sounds good. Lips and tongue are good."
I had mastered the challenge of touching her face and letting my hands and fingers rest on her pulse points. I forced back the temptation of her blood until I could almost compartmentalize it. I still felt it but I viewed it differently. I thought of her blood as something I wanted but couldn't have. It was a part of her that needed to stay with her. It was odd, but rationalizing it like that gave me the strength to resist.
But my physical power was something we still had to reckon with. If I kept my touch light, this could work. I could segregate the bloodlust and focus on not moving fast or hurting Bella.
She reached up and stroked the side of my face, then combed through my hair with her fingers. Her loveliness was astounding to me.
"Beautiful," I whispered.
I leaned over and kissed her. Closing my eyes, I moved my lips along her jaw line to her ear and then along her neck, leaving a trail of gentle, open-mouthed kisses. As a precaution, I held my breath around her pulse points, still feeling the throbbing of her heartbeat through the silvery veins of her neck.
It was easy to ignore it when I focused on what awaited me below.
Bella had lovely breasts. (I may be a century-old vampire, but I am also a man.) They were full and round, with delicate, ashy-rose peaks of a perfect diameter. I rested my forehead in the small space between them, and just breathed in the scent that was uniquely Bella.
She sighed quietly, and I detected a small movement of her muscles that told me she was smiling. I'll bet I can make that smile better.
I moved over to her left breast and encased it in my hand, holding it like a sacred object. Awed by the trust she put in me, I said, "Bella, you are perfect."
I kissed around the outer part of her breast while keeping my palm on it, then moved my mouth over her nipple. Delicately, slowly, I drew it up between my lips and licked it carefully. My reward was her sharp, intense "Ah!"
I licked slowly, reverently, my own enjoyment evident. I moaned and whispered her name, then returned to kissing, licking, sucking. I moved my left hand up to her right breast and moved my index fingertip around her nipple, tickling and circling.
Her eyes closed, her head moved to the side as she moaned and inhaled deeply. "Edward, you're...oh, my God," she gasped. It was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen. And it was me, giving her this pleasure.
I moved my hand and brought my lips to her left breast, kissing and sucking, loving the feel and texture of her skin. Her hands roamed through my hair, sometimes tugging, then scratching when her moans intensified. My own desire strained at the pleasure of her touch, her skin, her breasts-everything.
I kissed the delicate underside near her ribs as I moved my hand to the edge of her jeans. I knew she was as aroused as I was. I wanted her more than anything, and I wanted to see if I could push myself tonight. This was for Bella. She deserved it.
I unbuttoned her jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down. Her breath hitched.
"Edward?"
I stopped immediately. "I'm sorry. I should have asked-"
"No, no," she hushed me. "I didn't mean to stop you. I'm just - You surprised me."
I balanced my chin on her stomach and looked at her intensely. "I want to feel you, Bella. I want to know you with my hands. Is that okay?"
Her eyes softened, erasing the uncertainty and surprise. "Yes. I wish you would."
With trembling fingers, I slowly edged her pants down past her hips and legs, pushing the material aside. I moved back up so my head was again level with her breasts, but I left my hand on top of her underwear, moving it, stroking her lower abdomen. Uncertainty washed over me for a few seconds. I knew what I wanted but I wasn't sure it would be pleasing to her.
Bella sensed my hesitancy. "It's okay, Edward. I want you to touch me. I want you more than anything, anyone. There is only you." She stroked my hair and looked at me lovingly.
I put my hand over her center and felt her heat - a fire of mystery and desire. Could I do what would make her feel good? Would she be uncomfortable with my cold hands in the most private areas of her body?
The seconds ticked by and Bella took my hand, lifting it toward her face. She grasped my index and middle fingers, her gaze never leaving mine. Then she slipped the fingers she was holding into her mouth.
Oh. Oh.
Her tongue worked over my fingers, her eyes closed, her voice moaning softly. Bella knew I'd be concerned about my chilly touch, so she found a way to warm this part of my hand. If it wasn't happening to me now, I'd think it was an odd thing to do. But watching her, feeling her mouth around my hand, inhaling the scent of her excitement, hearing her moans - it was sensuous. It was erotic and primal. It was almost overwhelming.
I removed my fingers and placed them again over the top of her underpants. She gazed at me, a small smile playing on her lips.
I thought of just sliding my hand underneath the boyshorts, but I didn't like the constricting elastic on the edges. I wanted to move however she wanted me to move. Gently, I worked them down past her hips and bottom.
My fingers were still wet from her mouth. I slowly brushed along the hair between her legs, taking in its softness. As I moved, I allowed my index and middle finger to slide gently inside her lips. I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath, and her head dropped back on the pillow.
What would she like next? I wanted to surprise her even more, to prolong the pleasure for both of us.
Underutilized instincts took over. I kept the motion steady and was drawn to the warmth, the pleasant wetness, and the smooth feel of her most feminine skin. I could not have imagined this. The thoughts and sounds of the couples in my family could never compare to the experience of being intimate with the one I love.
With each stroke, my fingers reached the top and I lingered there, knowing it was her most sensitive area. Lovingly, I circled my fingers around this glistening pearl, and my own excitement grew as I felt her enlarge under my attention. I kept teasing, petting the center and stroking around it as I responded to her reactions.
Bella's jaw was tense and her head dipped back, her neck arching. A rosy flush spread from her collarbone and down over her chest, delicately coloring the inner edges of her breasts. Her breath came in short rasps, and I felt her legs trembling. There was nothing as beautiful as watching her body's instincts and knowing that I was guiding her to her ecstasy.
"Edward," she breathed, and then her voice hitched. "Oh!" She fell, and I let her go without fear this time.
Without thinking - for once - I slid my fingers down to enter her. I worked them in gently and gradually increased my speed. She was all softness and wetness, undulation and stillness. I felt every delicate slick part of her, each pressure point that was sparking a second escalation. Her body responded to each stroke as if it was another uttered word of love. Bella's breathing intensified again, and I watched as her neck arched once more. I was completely caught up in her - her body, her noises - at her most intimate and passionate, and moved beyond words to know that I brought her to it.
She rested on the pillow, and I withdrew, listening to her pant, delighting in the fragrance of her breath and body. I moved so we faced each other, then kissed her soundly. Slowly, she wove her fingers through my hair.
I stared at her for a minute, taking in her expression: languid, loving, satisfied. For once, I was at a loss for words, so I said the most important: "I love you, Bella."
"I love you too, Edward. Thank you. That was- blissful." Her hands framed my face. "Are you okay?"
"So much more than 'okay'..." I said, my voice trailing off. "Your body, your voice, your reactions - it was the most intense pleasure of my life. I'm just so happy I could do that for you," I said softly.
"You did. You did more for me than anyone else," she said emphatically. "What about you?"
"Bella, you've given me everything."
"No," she said coyly. "I'd like to do something for you now."
It took me a moment to comprehend, but I shook my head. "It's not necessary."
Bella raised her eyebrows. "That's not the message I'm getting." She put her hand gently over the top of my zipper.
"You really don't have to-"
"Edward, please. I'd really like to make you feel as good as you made me feel. Why deny yourself this?"
I had no good answer for that. With each downward click of my zipper, about a century's worth of inhibitions slipped away because they no longer had anything to hang on to.
I'm sure when I was human I craved this more than I have in my immortality. I'd been angry because I had no one to be intimate with, then even angrier because the woman I loved was jeopardized by anything that came naturally to other couples. Tonight, we made a lie out of those long-held beliefs. I was never so overjoyed to be wrong.
"You're awfully calm about this," Bella observed after she'd tossed my jeans into the corner where her shirt lay. She knew me so well, she suspected something was off.
"Seems to me most of the decisions have already been made. I've admitted you're right, not with words but with deeds," I said, lovingly circling her breast with my index finger. She gasped in surprise. "I'm glad I can do things that you don't always know about in advance, either." I took her hand and placed it on top of me, where my reaction to our explorations was most evident.
The warmth of her hand set my erection to pulsing even harder. I wanted to feel her fingers on my skin, to have her hold me as intimately as I'd held her. I could finally admit it, and I didn't see how it could push me further into hell. I'd already spent a long time there before she walked into the hospital months ago.
Bella propped herself up on her right elbow and slipped her thumbs below the waistband of my briefs. She looked nervous, all of a sudden, but when she looked up at me, her face cleared and she said, "I love you."
"And I love you." With that, she removed the last barrier and held me in her hand, her fingers warm and loving. I worried again that my coldness would be repulsive. Surely, touching me here, where any other man would be inflamed and hot, would be unnatural...but no, those old worries had no place here. They disappeared as Bella teased me, caressed me, loved me.
I lay back and lost myself in her touch. Her hands were sure and steady, moving in an erotic rhythm that bested every sweet note of music I'd ever heard. The last restraint of my reluctance drift away with her murmured encouragements. Suddenly, I emitted low growls of pleasure, wave after wave of deep gratification coming up from the depth of my body. I took a long breath and in a fraction of a second, gauged the rest of my control. I'd been terrified of succumbing to other urges if Bella was with me when I came. But I felt only the intense pleasure from her hands on me, working quickly; the other primal desires remained in the background. I wanted Bella to be safe, but I also wanted to continue what we were doing - or, what she was doing. I was close.
Which brought a brief moment of concern: I hadn't prepared for this. Nothing could hurt Bella as long as she was only using her hands. It just struck me as ungentlemanly to leave the both of us in a mess. I almost laughed at the realization that I was able to subdue every impulse except for order and cleanliness.
In another few seconds, that receded to the background too. My growls reached a higher pitch, unstoppable along with the intense pleasure that was coming over me. I heard Bella's breath quicken in anticipation, and then her own moan of satisfaction tipped me right over. My hand shot out and grabbed the blanket, tearing it from force of my orgasm. I shuddered and gasped, my chest heaving from the overwhelming gratification.
For a moment, I fought a powerful desire to roar, to show my physical power. My pleasure pulled me up like a rocket. I felt so high, so sated, so completed. I'd touched Bella and let her touch me intimately and managed to avoid hurting her. Neither my dangerous instincts or my rock-hard body hurt her. In fact, we enjoyed this sexual connection almost normally.
I was overjoyed at the victory and turned to hold her, no longer caring about the mess or anything other than how much I love her. I slid my arms around her and held her, covering her neck and shoulder in kisses. She giggled as if I was tickling her until she heard me moaning her name, over and over.
"Edward?" she said questioningly. She pulled back to gauge my expression. "Are you all right?"
"I left 'all right' in the dust about an hour ago," I said, smoothing the back of my hand across her cheek. Her worried look softened.
"Did you enjoy it?" she asked. Her tone was shy, but she held my gaze.
"My love," I said somberly, "if I'd known such enjoyment was possible, I assure you I wouldn't have fought you so hard on this."
She pulled back with a look of exaggerated amazement. "Really? Hmmm..." Bella smoothed her palm over my chest. "Does this mean you're admitting you were wrong?"
"I suppose I am," I said honestly.
"Wow." She hesitated. "If it wasn't so unseemly to invite your family here right now, I'd allow them to witness your post-orgasmic agreeableness."
"Oh, they know."
"Oh! That's right..." Her eyes widened in shocked awareness.
"I wanted to ask if you enjoyed yourself, but perhaps we should save that conversation for another time - say, an evening in your apartment."
"Well, I may forget why you're asking," she said coyly. "It might be best to remind me. With a re-enactment. Of everything."
She had a bit of a vixen in her, and I was thrilled that I inspired it.
"As you wish, my love." I smoothed back her hair, and she yawned. "You must be very tired. Would you like to go to sleep?"
"I am kind of tired," she said sheepishly.
"No apologies necessary." I grabbed a few blankets and wrapped her carefully. I felt the immediate loss of her warmth but reminded myself that she couldn't stay chilled for that long. She snuggled into the blanket, at the same time moving so that her body remained flush against my own. She nuzzled her head on my shoulder and said, "Edward, I love you. I love you, I love you."
"I love you too. More than I have ever loved anyone," I said fiercely, holding her, wanting to keep her there forever. What did forever mean for us? I pushed away that thought for the night.
"Sleep well, my angel."
The night melted into the morning. I kept her in my arms, and though she often stirred, she never moved away from me. She woke up a few times and looked at me, her eyes half open, and then dropped her head and fell back into slumber. It was as if she enjoyed sleeping next to a cold statue - as if she felt she belonged there.
As if we belonged here - or anywhere - together.
We had a lovely, peaceful weekend together before the excitement of Rick and Ellen's wedding the following Saturday. They had selected a church and hall in Port Angeles, which meant I could attend without worrying about breaking the treaty. I was relieved the celebration wouldn't be held on the LaPush reservation so I could be there with Bella. While my feelings toward the wolves had softened considerably, I was still leery of them and the danger they posed. The wolves didn't know their own strength, particularly when they were new.
I had other concerns about the love of my life flying solo at a wedding with all these guys. There's a reason they're called "wolves."
The remaining potential obstacle was the weather. Earlier in the week, Alice firmed up her forecast: cloudy with some light showers. Perfect weather for a vampire trying to pass at a wedding.
After going back and forth over whether we should sit on the bride's side or the groom's, Bella declared that Rick should claim us because he was the first friend she'd made in Forks. We chose a pew about halfway down the sanctuary and sat close to the edge to get the best view of the bride as well as the ceremony.
Shortly after we settled into our seats, the groom and groomsmen took their place at the altar. I let the soft thoughts of everyone in the church recede to the background and focused on Rick. He was nervous, certainly, but there was a certainty about his impending marriage that was so absolute I could feel it physically. He had waited a long time for Ellen, as these things go for humans; and once they decided to marry, they waited what seemed like an equally long time until they would become husband and wife. Rick wanted this with every fiber of his being, in the clearest, most uncomplicated way possible.
When Ellen began her walk down the aisle, I could feel his heart leap and his breath quicken. She was radiant and beautiful, but once their eyes met, they were locked. Ellen barely looked at the large number of family and friends who gazed at her fondly, and with pride. Only I knew how perfectly their thoughts aligned. They wanted a life together, the formality of marriage for how it told the world they belonged only to each other, and the certainty that whatever happened, they would have each other.
How I longed to have the same thing with Bella! Would she consider it? Was it even possible?
I dwelt on these thoughts the rest of the ceremony and on the drive to the reception. Bella glanced at me a couple of times before finally saying, "I think that was one of the most beautiful ceremonies of any kind that I've ever seen."
"I agree," I said faintly. I was still distracted.
"Ellen is so lovely. She's the perfect bride," Bella said, looking out the Volvo's window into the faint mist
"Yes, she is. And Rick is absolutely devoted to her."
Bella nodded. "They make such a great couple."
I reached for her hand. "I admire their love for each other. I can't help but feel their marriage is going to be solid." I kissed her hand and watched her periodically while attending to my driving. What could she be thinking? What would I give to know…
The reception hall was very close to the church, and we saw many other guests milling about. Bella glanced at me nervously and whispered, "Will there be any problems with the Quileutes?"
"I'm not expecting any," I said. I spotted Jacob walking toward us as he adjusted his tie, and I immediately circled my arm around Bella's waist.
She nudged me in the ribs. "Don't start any, either," she said dryly.
We reached the door at the same time as Wendell Thatch and his wife. She pulled back a bit and stared at me, wide-eyed, and I gave her a calm, hopefully normal smile. To his credit, Wendell stepped right in front of me with his hand extended.
"Edward," he said formally, but with warmth in his eyes. "How are you?"
More than a little surprised, I took his hand gladly. "I'm well, Wendell. And you?"
"We are all fine, thank you. How is your family doing?"
"Also well. It's good of you to ask." I was shocked at this conversation, but touched as well.
"Please give your father my regards." He gave a slight bow and turned his attention to Bella. "You look beautiful!" he exclaimed.
"And you - so handsome!" she said as they embraced. I had no feelings of jealousy here. He was a good friend to her too; he'd given her something to work at and look forward to at a time when she had almost no one in Forks. Most of all, he helped save her life. I would never begrudge their relationship.
The reception moved along smoothly. Everyone beamed as the bride and groom danced their first together, love lighting their features. Bella ate the dinner and I pretended to do the same. When I heard the unmistakable strains of Van Morrison, I pulled her up to dance.
She looked at me and started to laugh uncomfortably. "You know I don't dance," she admonished me.
"All you need do is follow."
She shook her head, still chuckling. "I'll fall all over."
"No, you won't," I said, pulling her up and in my arms. A few of the Quileutes directed looks of disgust my way - I could hear their thoughts - but I gave no response. All my attention was on the woman in my arms as I walked her to the dance floor.
I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that's where I belong
Yet I'm running to her like a river's song
"Your place is here, in my arms. Always. I will not let you fall from them. I will not let you go," I said fervently.
Her tension eased palpably, and she relaxed her head against my chest. We danced like this slowly, almost drifting, for a few moments. I reveled in the softness of her body, the sweetness of her scent, the evenness of her breathing.
She give melove, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She's got a fine sense ofhumor when I'm feeling low down
I thought about how true that was, how often she'd made me laugh. But having a sense of humor wasn't only about joking, even if Bella was really good at that. It was how she regarded the bad times in life, refusing to let them discourage her and instead, choosing to let them reinforce her. She made me think of possibility where once there was only the worst of certainty.
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief
She helped me look at every day as a blessing without feeling dread for the rest of eternity that was awaited.
Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug herkiss her hug her tight
She pulled me into the physical relationship I'd craved for years without judging me on anything. With her, I explored what could be done. She knew when to push my limits and when I couldn't take them, or her, any further.
And when I'm returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin' brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul
I loved her for herself, but the truth was, I also loved her for what she did for me. Selfish creature that I am, I craved her comfort, her support, her sweetness and her intelligence. I loved how she challenged me. It went from being the physical challenge of resisting her to the challenge of giving in and seeing who I could be when I was with her.
This couldn't end. But how could it go on?
Bella's voice broke into my ruminations. "What is going on in that head of yours?" she asked.
"Just...thinking."
"About what? You look so pensive," she said, chiding me gently. "It's a wedding. It's a happy time, you know?"
"Do you want to get married?" I said suddenly.
"What?" she said, loud enough to attract attention from people at the tables near us.
"Married. Surely you've thought of getting married, right?"
"Well..." Bella looked shocked. "I mean, yes. Yeah. I dreamed of it when I was a little kid, but it hasn't been the focus of my world or anything like that. Not for a long time - that's all I meant." She pulled away from me slightly to stare at me harder. "Why are you bringing this up?"
"We are at a wedding."
"So you're inspired by your surroundings?"
"You could say that." I smiled and looked deeply into her eyes. "I have you here with me."
The music had stopped but we stood there. Bella was blushing, a look of confusion on her face.
"Edward, what are you doing?"
"I...don't know? I think I'm asking you to marry me."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I'm asking you?"
"Are you sure you want to?"
"Marry you?"
"Will you please stop repeating everything back so it makes no sense?"
I grabbed her hand and led her off the dance floor, down a hall and off to a quiet area away from the cheerful noise.
"Yes. Yes, I'm asking you and yes, I'm sure. Please, Bella, will you marry me?"
The words were out with a force of their own. I'd known for a long time that I wanted this permanence with her, but until now, I didn't have the courage to ask.
"Bella, listen to me." I clasped her hands and pressed them against my chest. "I don't want to be without you. I now know what it is to be loved by you, and the joy of loving you back. I've lived a hundred years, and if I live another ten thousand, I will not want anything more than to be bound to you. Nothing could ever mean more to me."
Bella threw her arms around me, hugging me. Quietly, she started to sob.
"I love you, Edward. I want to marry you," she said fiercely. "But there are some huge differences we have to settle."
I wiped the tears from her face. I knew what she meant, and that she was right, but I was too excited at what she'd said. A thrill shot clean through me.
"You really do want to marry me?"
"Honestly, yes. I love you, I have loved you for awhile now, and I'm quite convinced I'll never love anyone else." She put her hands against my face. "But I will not marry you without resolving our future."
"I know you're right. I just - I can't help it. I want this," I said.
"So do I. But it's foolish to play at it unless we know what we're doing," she said gently.
"We'll figure it out," I said fiercely.
"When? How?" she said sadly. "There is no compromise."
"Maybe there can be," I said stubbornly. Now that I'd arrived at this point, I was unwilling to leave. "Say you'll marry me, and I promise you we'll talk about it fairly. Be my fiancee, and I'll give every serious consideration to all the options."
Bella's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"
"Really. But that means my concerns as well as yours. If you can do that, so can I."
She looked away, silent for a moment, and then she turned back to face me fully. "Ask me again. Ask me, Edward."
"Bella, will you marry me?"
"Yes, I will. I'll marry you, Edward."
These simple words were enough to carry me into my future. I didn't know what it would bring, but she would be there with me. With just a brief exchange, we'd entered into a commitment - one that possibly meant some life-altering changes for Bella.
But I realized she had been right all along. We had to talk and get it all out. Up until this moment, I'd been afraid of what that would mean for us. I thought talking would prove that our differences could not be bridged and we would part. Now, whatever we said would have the additional significance of our engagement. This sweetest of obligations would carry us to a way out. We really had something to work toward, not run away from.
I kissed her hard, with all the passion I had waiting for her. I'd seen many other loves fade and heard the coldness that came with the end. And I knew with the benefit of an extra sense that ours was different. She would be my wife, and we would be together. Somehow.
My first vow to her as her future husband was that it would happen.
Author's note:
A number of people helped make this chapter possible. My husband has been an enthusiastic and indulgent reader since the start. The lovely Camilla10 ("The Parachutist") has been reading and beta-ing for more chapters than I can count. Her eagle eye and support have encouraged me all along. Thank you for your inspired critiques and most of all, your friendship. Writingbabe ("Beyond the Pale) prods me when I need it, helps me take compliments, and wields the red pen like the pro she is.
To all my readers - you have my deepest heartfelt gratitude. Your appreciation means more than I can say. "Thank you" is completely indequate. I''m so grateful you found "Love" and read it, and told me what you thought.
I have two FGB one/shots to complete, and then I'll start the sequel to this story. It will be shorter than the original. And it will NOT be anything like "New Moon." I hope that interests you enough to stick around and read it.
Happy holidays!