-1Regarding Sideswipe Chapter 8

Sunstreaker's POV

I distinctly remember walking into Prowl's room that night, because I thought it would be the night that made everything between us right again. I thought he was finally going to be able to admit to his feelings so I could tell him the same…

Instead, he said we had to stop, that he had to let me go, that what we were doing was wrong and we both knew it and we'd both made mistakes in our jobs that we couldn't afford to make. I knew what he was doing, but I didn't understand why. I thought…

I listened to him, let him say it all, hoping, wishing that, in the end, he'd still admit to his feelings. But for whatever reason, he couldn't so I did it for us both. I reached out, drew my hand down the side of his face and I told him I loved him… words I'd only ever spoken to Sideswipe… and I told him I was sorry… sorry I hadn't done enough for him, hadn't been able to make him happy… and then I walked away… feeling that part of my Spark that belonged to him shatter into a million pieces around me.

When I got back to my room that night, I locked the door behind me… Sideswipe was on patrol with Bluestreak and wouldn't be back until morning… and slid down to the floor, letting energon tears stain my face and not even caring…

The next morning, I began the task of rebuilding all the walls again, around myself, around my Spark, keeping everyone out, except for Sides. I was not going to let myself be hurt like that ever again.

But I was only fooling myself. Every time I saw him, it hurt. Like someone shot a null ray straight into my chest and I couldn't do anything about it. I grew angry and hateful, so much so that even Sideswipe told me to tone it down some. We were sleeping on opposite sides of the room again… he wouldn't come near me. Can't say that I blamed him…

I don't blame him now…

No one knows I'm out here… standing on the cliffs, watching the sun as it sets, watching it grow darker and darker, just like me… every minute of every day I grow darker inside. I feel it, surrounding every part of me, my mind, my Spark… everything I think and do. I took out three 'cons myself in the last battle yesterday… didn't have to, but I did. Why leave them alive if killing them keeps them from hurting us again? That is my answer now…

…what have I become…

Ratchet's POV

I swear if that golden bastard comes back into my infirmary this week for anything less than a fatal wound, I'm going to weld his aft to my ceiling. I know, he's a frontline warrior and whenever he's called out I know to expect him in my infirmary either carrying his twin or his twin carrying him. But it's getting old… quickly.

It's the other times he comes in here that are really bothering me. So much so that I'm thinking I should talk to Prime and Prowl about it.

I think he's hurting himself.

I think he may be trying to kill himself, but I have no real proof.

Even Sideswipe has been in here trying to piece it all together and I'm just as much at a loss as he is on what to do to help Sunstreaker.

I'm doing inventory when it finally hits me… when it finally all starts coming together… and I realize I can't stay silent anymore… not when the evidence is staring me in the face.

A new shipment of Versed was missing… and it had just come in the previous day. It wasn't a drug to be messed with. It caused drowsiness, amnesia, and it is highly addictive. If Sunstreaker has it… and if he takes an overdose of it….

"Prime," I yell through my comlink. "Someone needs to find Sunstreaker. Now." I slammed my data pad down on the table and ran from the infirmary. We had to find him… I would not allow there to be any other option…

Sideswipe's POV

Where is he? He hasn't returned to our quarters now in two nights. We fought… we always fight these days but this time it was worse. We both said things that we never should have said, things I wish I could take back and would if only he'd come back to our room.

I called him a coward for letting Prowl go… for not fighting for him… Primus, what was I thinking? I'm no better than Cliffjumper for saying those things to him. I hadn't meant to say them… but I'd meant to hurt him… for hurting me. It was childish. I have to find him and tell him I'm sorry, even if he can't say the words back to me.

Decision made, I slide off my bunk and am out the door just as Ratchet goes running down the hall. What's happened now? I turn and run to catch up with him.

"What's going on?" I ask him worriedly.

"Do you know where your twin is?" he asked hurriedly. I shake my head. "Damnit. I'm missing a whole shipment of one of my heavier drugs. We need to find him and we need to find him now." I nod as his words cut through me.

Sunstreaker's been gone for two days… and Ratchet is missing a shipment of drugs… not a good combination. I veer off and head for Prowl's office, banging on the door. It slides open and Prowl is there, looking at me… and he knows.

"Where is he? What's happened?"

"He's missing," I tell him, the pain and fear bleeding into my voice. "And Ratchet's missing a shipment of drugs as well."

"What do you mean missing?" he asks me even as he joins me in the halls and we head topside to start the search.

"He hasn't been back to our room in two days," I admit quietly. "We had an argument, we both said things we shouldn't have said… and now this…" Prowl stopped and grabbed me by the arm, holding me tightly.

"We'll get him back, Sideswipe and when we do, the three of us… have to talk." I nod slowly just before he steps closer and kisses my forehead before transforming and heading out of the base. I watch him go, then transform and take off as well.

Wherever you are, Sunstreaker, we'll find you, we'll bring you home and we'll make things right again. I swear it…

TBC