Notes: I'm officially done with exams! Yay! Huzzah! I also stayed up till about four or five last night in order to watch the royal wedding. And I finished another fic for a different fandom, but I'm kind of proud of it. Anyway, you probably don't want to hear about any of that, so here's your update!
Title: Fragility
Pairing: Shizaya
Part: fifth part
Words: 5045 words
Prompt: Shizaya, cuddling... Just any IC fluff. ;_;
Disclaimer: It's not mine. It all belongs to others who I am in no way associated with and I make nothing from writing this, got it?

part five

He was right. The next few days were difficult. And that was, arguably, putting it lightly.

No matter what coaxing Shizuo used, he simply couldn't get the brunette to leave bed. And he was refusing to eat too, which had the blond constantly pestering him to at least eat something or drink. It was as though he was fighting a constant battle with the brunette, who had obviously taken Kasuka's words to heart.

Once again, it felt like he was back in that place of before; petrified that, at any moment, if he took his eyes off the other, he'd lose him forever. It felt like his heart was being torn in two.

Kasuka had sent him a solitary message, apologizing for hurting Shizuo, but there was no mention of Izaya.

That message had promptly been deleted. Shizuo wasn't in the mood or right frame of mind to deal with his brother right then. He'd probably say or do something that he'd regret later – like punching him.

Why did he have to show up now of all times? Couldn't he have waited just a few more months? I could've...

No. The words still would have had their intended effect on Izaya, just... Shizuo would have been in a better position to mitigate their results.

Because no matter what he said, it was like he was talking to a brick wall. Point of fact, it seemed as though everything he said in an effort to convince the brunette to do anything was just hurting him more and that was really cutting him to the bone.

He was really turning into an emotional wreck. It was starting to become noticeable; from his frayed temper to how exhausted he felt and looked to the amount of pain that seemed to constantly throbbing in his chest.

And it was getting worse.

-Just go. You don't need me.That was the message that Izaya had sent him. He wasn't even actually 'talking' to Shizuo anymore, just lying in bed until the blond left, sending him a brief message sometimes. They were always the same.

Each one broke his heart a little more.

Both Celty and Tom seemed to realize something was up. Shizuo was just grateful that the latter seemed content to let the matter lie, not bringing it up in conversation at all even though he was clearly concerned about Shizuo. He was probably afraid of the can of barely contained violence that he might force open if he pressed the issue.

Which was good, Shizuo wasn't sure how he'd go about explaining the complicated turn that his relationship with Izaya had taken.

Celty, on the other hand, was a completely different matter altogether.

[ Something's wrong.]

"Fuck, what hasn't gone wrong?"

The two of them were sitting in a little park, tucked away from the crowd. Shizuo was well-aware that he looked like shit – dark circles under his eyes and hair looking more dishevelled than usual. His clothes could probably go for a wash too.

[ Did something happen with Izaya? Did... his condition hasn't worsened has it?]

You could say that," Shizuo growled, angrily stamping out the fourth cigarette that he'd started since the headless woman had cornered him. He was pissed off and on edge with no idea what the hell he was supposed to do next – he'd fucking tried everything already.

He wasn't about to drink himself into a stupor, but if anything went wrong, if Izaya... then nothing would dull that ache, even temporarily.

[ What happened?]

Shizuo sighed, tangling his hand in his hair, "Kasuka."

If Celty had a head, she would have been frowning, Shizuo was sure of that; as it was, she said nothing.

"I don't – fuck. What the hell am I supposed to fucking do? No matter what I fucking try, he's always pushing me away! I can barely get him to eat, he won't even fucking talk to me anymore... I just... what the fuck does he want me to do? I can't think of anything else to do..."

Gently, Celty placed a hand over his, giving it a comforting squeeze.

[ I may not be an expert, but I think that maybe you should try talking to him about this. I know that it might seem frustrating, especially at first, but you shouldn't give up on him – on both of you – so easily. You're strong. I know you can pull through this.]

Yeah, I thought that too. Now... I'm not so sure."

Celty's hand tightened around his. [ You have to try. You'll hate yourself more if you never do. Prove to Izaya that you love him – despite whatever it was that Kasuka said.]

That's easier said than done," Shizuo grumbled. "I keep telling him that, I keep trying to get him to eat, to get him out of bed each day... but no matter what I do, he always fights me every step of the way..."

He's given up, I'm terrified that I might lose him...

Wordlessly, Celty tucked her PDA away and slid an arm around the blond's shoulders in an awkward hug. Shizuo leaned into it, accepting the comfort. He needed it, desperately.

Izaya was always pushing him away whenever Shizuo tried to do anything... it cut the blond so much deeper than he thought it ever could. Each beat was painful, as though his heart was trying to tear itself out of his chest.

He would do that. For Izaya. He would. Anything. For him.

I love you. You might not believe me, but I do. I love you so much that it hurts.

.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.

Izaya rolled over, staring at the bright numbers of Shizuo's alarm clock; hours had passed since the blond had left. Squeezing his eyes closed, he tried to block out the look he'd given him before he'd left, practically begging him to eat... to get out of bed... to say something to him.

There was no denying that it hurt.

But this... he deserved this. Kasuka hadn't said anything that wasn't true, he'd been fooling himself to think that he might have been able to... to be happy. For once in his life, he had let himself believe that was possible, but that wasn't going to happen. No, he didn't deserve it.

Shizuo, however, did. He deserved better than this, than what he could give him.

He wants me though... doesn't he...? Oh, who was he asking that? Shizuo had made it so painfully clear these past few days that all he wanted was him. For him to be happy and feel loved, that was most important to him. Izaya knew that.

It hurt him to push Shizuo away, but he had no idea what else he could do. He didn't want to hurt Shizuo – really, he didn't – but he also was finding it harder to grasp that accepting that love of his was right. Kasuka had been right, after everything that he'd done, did he really deserve the chance to have a happy ending of his own?

That was something he struggled with. He wanted to make Shizuo happy, but he didn't believe that he himself deserved it. But Shizuo wanted him. It was all so confusing.

His phone lay on the night stand, he had barely touched it in days. It glared at him, as though it too was blaming him for the turn his life had taken and the dilemma that he was facing.

I love you.

Why did three simple words have to carry so much weight? He could say them and mean them, but did that mean that he could accept them being said to him in return? Would it be possible for Shizuo to move on? To forget about him?

The thought of that made his heart contract painfully in his chest, it felt as though it would just tear itself apart at the picture of Shizuo falling in love with someone and finding that happiness with them. He clenched his hand over his heart and curled up into a tight ball, trying so hard not to let himself cry.

That was... why did that have to hurt so much? He wanted that, didn't he?

No, he didn't, but he thought he deserved that. The pain would be worth it if it meant that Shizuo would be happy.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the apartment door opening and closing, nor the sound of the bedroom door opening. He was too lost to his pain.

Celty appeared at the side of the bed, nearly making him jump out of his skin at her sudden appearance, and he let out a raspy little noise that probably would have passed for a scream. She was trembling and both of her hands were clenched tightly into fists. He couldn't reach his phone without reaching past her and he really wasn't sure if that was a good idea.

It took her a few minutes to gather herself together, letting her shaking relax before she pulled out her PDA and typed out a message.

[ Kasuka is full of shit. Don't listen to anything he said to you or about you. It does not matter.]

He stared at her, unable to respond. But Celty wasn't finished quite yet.

[ Shizuo told me about what happened and I know that you've been pushing him away no matter how hard he tries to get you to open up. Please stop that. I know that you're only hurting him and yourself with this.]

She sat down on the bed next to him so that they were sitting side by side as she continued to type frantically away at her PDA. Izaya thought he might get dizzy from how fast her fingers were moving – it was inhuman.

[ He loves you. Whatever Kasuka said to you about not deserving this or anything like that, forget about it. Everyone worries about that. Even me. Love is not... It is not about this feel of entitlement or feeling that someone deserves more; it's about making someone else happy. You make him happy.]

He wanted to cry; his shoulders were trembling.

[ I know that you might think and feel that you might not deserve this, but you do. There was never anything that Shizuo had to forgive you for – he loves you.]

Very carefully, Celty slid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a gentle one-armed hug; his head came to rest against her shoulder as she showed him her final message.

[ And I've forgiven you too. Take this chance for yourself and no one else.]

Without saying anything, Izaya let her pull him into her arms as she tucked her PDA away. She held him to her like a mother would a small child, his face buried in her shoulder as he cried. Her arms were wrapped around him and she gently stroked his back as he sobbed without any noise, but his shoulders shook violently.

He wasn't sure how long the two of them remained like that – it could have been hours or minutes or seconds – but he found that he didn't care. Celty was warm and welcoming, but different from Shizuo; there was a coolness to her touch that was absent from the blond's. He'd noted this before, but it still surprised him that he was so familiar with the other's touch.

It made him cry harder.

Eventually, though, his sobs and tears wound down until he couldn't cry anymore. Celty was still stroking his back comfortingly and holding him close as he tried to calm himself with shaky breaths.

With a single quick movement, she formed a small square of black cloth with her shadow. Gently, like a mother would with a small child, she wiped the tears from his face and cleaned his face before dispersing it into wherever she kept it. He wasn't sure he wanted to think about that – it was just too difficult to wrap his mind around, especially at that moment.

His head felt like a herd of horses had stampeded over it and all he wanted to do was lie down and go back to sleep for a few hours until it stopped hurting.

Without his phone, all he could do take her hand in both of his and tracing out with his finger a single word.

Why?

Celty's PDA made another sudden appearance, her fingers sure as she typed up her message.

[ Because we are a family.]

That was... certainly not what he'd been expecting. Celty seemed to understand that, because she sighed – or at least seemed to, since she had no head – and continued by typing up a new message.

[ Family looks after one another. If it is within my power, then I will help you. No matter what. The same goes for Shizuo.] She paused for a quick moment, before adding to that statement. [ If you ever need someone to talk to – about anything – I am here for you. As is Shinra. And Shizuo.]

He glanced away, as though to say, Why do you think I deserve this...?

[ No matter what happened, none of it was your fault; you are the victim here Izaya. Never forget that. Whatever Kasuka said, was not true. Shizuo doesn't believe a word of it, that is what he wants you to know. It might be hard to accept, but try to.]

He bit his lip. Could he do that? He wanted to.

Sighing, Izaya nodded. At the very least, he could try; no matter how deeply Kasuka's words had cut him, it was wrong of him to inflict his pain and torment on Shizuo. Not when the blond was doing everything that he could to help him, not when he loved him as much as he did.

If he could make the blond happy just by returning that sentiment, then that was what he would do. Even if he didn't feel like he deserved it.

All that mattered was making Shizuo happy. That was the most important thing to him.

Celty had released him, helping him to sit up and still dabbing at his eyes that refused to stop crying. He tried batting away at her hands, but his were still covered in bandages and she easily managed to subdue him with a stern look from her helmet – though it was more an impression than an actual look since she lacked a head. Honestly, she felt like the mother he'd never had.

It was too hard to try and stop crying, so he didn't bother and eventually Celty stopped dabbing at his cheeks and handed him the handkerchief that she'd formed from those shadows of hers.

[ Do you feel better now?]

He frowned, not exactly sure what she meant.

[ You seemed... depressed before. More so than usual.] Celty explained. [ I was worried that you would do something stupid that would just end with you hurting both yourself and Shizuo.]

Maybe. He felt a little better now, like he could take a few baby steps forward. But it was awkward trying to have a one-sided conversation with someone; he wasn't used to having to communicate things with just his facial expressions and body language.

Reaching out, Izaya took Celty's free hand in his and traced out what he wanted to say.

I feel better. But... I think it will take time.

Celty nodded. [ Take all the time that you need. We will be here for you.]

She flipped over her hand, grasping his tightly in hers; her PDA disappeared back up her sleeve and her other hand grasped his tightly. He could imagine her wearing a warm and comforting smile.

He wasn't sure how long the two of them stayed that way, but eventually the sound of a door opening and closing broke the silence that had fallen over the two of them. Celty glanced up at the bedroom door just as it creaked open.

Izaya didn't have to look to know who it was. He could feel Shizuo's stormy eyes locked on him as he entered the room. But he couldn't meet his eyes; the shame was eating at his insides.

Words kept tumbling around in his head as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to say to Shizuo that could possibly make up for how he had treated the other. And without his voice he felt more vulnerable than he'd ever felt before. He couldn't think of how to express how he felt in words, how sorry he was.

He wasn't sure it was possible to say all of that.

Very gently, Celty pulled away from Izaya as Shizuo walked over slowly, as though he was scared that the brunette would bolt – not like he was capable of that. Instead, Izaya stared at his hands; at the mass of bandages and bruised and healing skin that stared up at him.

Shizuo had saved him from all of that, offered him shelter and safety. The blond represented protection and had extended that to him without question. He owed him so much more.

Apologizing didn't seem like it would be enough to make up for... what he'd done recently. He wouldn't be surprised if the blond didn't forgive him for that. That would – it would hurt him so much but it he knew that he deserved it.

The blond knelt in front of him next to the bed. His eyes were unreadable, even without his sunglasses, as he watched him. There was a wariness there, and that same soft care and affection that had been there every time that he had looked at him. Slowly, he extended a hand towards the brunette.

For a few moments, Izaya was worried that Shizuo would do something drastic – maybe punch him or yell at him, he felt that he probably did deserve either after how cruel he had been to the blond. He flinched just a little when Shizuo reached for him, even though he knew he deserved it he was still afraid of pain.

The blond froze and there was a spark of pain in his eyes. Almost instantly he felt horrible about it, guilt sinking deeply into his stomach and twisting painfully. With trembling hands, he reached out and grasped Shizuo's hand in both of his.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

He traced out the words carefully, his fingers were still trembling and his vision was still a little blurred from tears that refused to stop falling.

Shizuo's hand tightened around both of Izaya's, catching the informant's fingers in his grip. It was gentle, but firm. How had he come to deserve this? No matter how hard he tried to figure that out, the answer always eluded him. He would just have to accept it and hope that he might find the answer one day.

The blond smiled at him, relieved that he was finally talking to him again. "What did I say about beating yourself up about this? None of it is your fault."

Reaching out, Shizuo gently ruffled Izaya's hair before gently pulling him forward so that he could press his lips to his forehead and then into his arms. Unsurprisingly, Izaya very much felt as though he was going to break down again as those strong arms wrapped around him and pull him close; they were as gentle and warm as he remembered.

A small part of him wondered what the hell was wrong with him for pushing Shizuo away in the first place, but it was quickly silenced by the rest of him. Looking forward seemed to be the best – and the only – option for him.

Celty was calmly leaning against the wall, watching them. She seemed happy about this development and nodded at the both of them when they pulled apart, although Izaya kept a firm hold of one of Shizuo's hands.

Taking a deep breath to steady his hands, Izaya found that he still couldn't meet Shizuo's eyes. Very carefully, he traced out what he wanted to say.

Can you forgive me? Izaya's eyes were still burning and he bit down on his lip to keep himself from crying; his nerves were making his heart pound wildly in his chest.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Shizuo pulled his hand gently from his and trembled – still expecting some form of perhaps violent retribution for what he'd done – right up until Shizuo gently cupped his face in his hands, forcing him to look up at him.

The stormy eyes that Izaya was so familiar with were warm and full of love and he thought that his heart might explode. Shizuo's thumbs very gently brushed under his eyes, wiping away the tears that had gathered there and he was giving him a blinding smile.

It's fine; there's nothing to forgive."

Izaya sniffled, trying but failing to hold back another bout of tears. He'd cried so much over the past few weeks that he'd thought he was incapable of crying anymore, that they'd all dried up. Maybe he'd been afraid that Shizuo would get tired of him if he stayed a weeping mess, but all the blond did was smile at him and gently comfort him.

Eventually, Celty interrupted them after Izaya managed to calm himself down a little, wiping away his own tears a little clumsily. Shizuo was sitting on the bed next to him, one hand still stroking the brunette's cheek.

[ I'm happy for the two of you. It's good to see that you worked this out; I was starting to get worried.] She cast what passed for a meaningful look at Shizuo – Izaya couldn't help but wonder what the blond might have done to make her worry so much, and he was a little nervous to ask about it.

There was a very good reason why Shizuo had the reputation that he did.

Unsure if he wanted to know or not, Izaya decided that it would be better to just let the subject drop. He knew well enough that while Celty was a horrible liar and would tell him the truth, Shizuo would try to downplay it to keep him from guilty. The lack of sleep and irritability he was already aware of, along with the hurt that had always been in the other's eyes.

Leaning forward, he snuggled close to Shizuo and ignored the small noise of surprise the blond made at his action. He hadn't slept properly the last few days, not even with Shizuo at his side; the nightmares kept tormenting him at the corners of his mind; he never could remember them when he woke up though.

That was probably for the best though; Izaya didn't want to remember.

You alright?" Shizuo's arms dropped around him, rubbing his back comfortingly. His heart beat was calm and even; it beat with a steady rhythm under Izaya's cheek.

He nodded, letting his eyes drift closed. He was so tired... sleep sounded very appealing right then.

Celty's hand dropped to his shoulder – Izaya cracked an eye open, he hadn't heard her approach – and gave it a gentle squeeze. She flashed her PDA with a quick message at Shizuo before she turned to leave with a small wave at the two of them.

If he trusted his throat, he would have made a questioning noise, but instead he merely tilted his head up and looked up at Shizuo with a curious expression on his face. The light dusting of pink in the blond's cheeks didn't escape his notice, but he was unable to comment on it so he discarded the questions he had for the moment. Right then, he wanted to know what Celty had told him.

Ah, um... Celty and Shinra are going to be coming for dinner tonight," Shizuo explained, gently adjusting his hold on Izaya. "Do you think you're up for that? They'd understand if you'd rather rest."

Even though he wasn't too happy about it, Izaya slowly pulled away from Shizuo and shuffled over a little on the bed to reach for his phone. His fingers fumbled with it for several moments and he missed it, forcing him to slide over a little more to grab it; nearly falling out of bed to do so.

Luckily, Shizuo's arms caught him before he fell. "Hey! Be careful will you?"

Izaya frowned. -Sorry.

Just... try and be careful, alright? I don't want you to see you hurt yourself." Shizuo gently tucked Izaya back under the covers, smoothing his large hands over the blankets. He slid up the bed to sit at the other's side, his hand resting lightly on Izaya's thigh. "Don't force me to have to peel you off the floor."

Shooting the blond a dirty look, Izaya frowned. -I wouldn't do that!

Good. So... do you feel up to having dinner with them? We won't be going out."

-I don't mind, but...

Shizuo quirked a brow, "But...?"

-Right now, I want to sleep. Will you stay with me?

Of course."

Izaya grabbed his hand and tugged him down, noting the confused look on Shizuo's face that was there for a few brief seconds before he understood. Well, he had to give Shizuo more credit than he had; he did catch on rather quickly.

The blond lay down on the bed beside him, and Izaya discarded his phone to the night stand as he cuddled closer to the blond and slid one of his bandaged arms around the other while he was drawn into Shizuo's arms. He was warm and comfortable and alive; Izaya let his eyes drift closed as he relaxed against the other, letting him shift him in his arms to a better position.

He was sure that he didn't imagine the light press of lips to the top of his head before he drifted off into a, hopefully, dreamless sleep.

Shizuo watched as the brunette fell asleep, feeling all of the tension wash out of him; he felt too awake, with too much energy pulsing through him from his happiness.

Yes, he'd been worried that Izaya had taken Kasuka's words to heart and that there was a chance that he'd never be able to recover him from whatever dark place they had sent him to. That scared him more than anything else. It was why he'd made sure that every day before he left for work that all of the windows were firmly locked – he wasn't going to risk Izaya's safety on his fragile mental state.

Shinra had warned him about that risk; that it could become too much – especially if he did regain his memories – for Izaya and that suicide could be a very viable possibility. Maybe it was selfish of him to hope, but he hoped that the very tentative relationship they'd begun would give Izaya enough of a reason to hold on and keep going.

No matter what happened, Shizuo knew that nothing could change how he felt about Izaya, not even what had been done to him.

What had been done to him...

His rage hadn't diminished at all, Shizuo had just shoved it aside; Izaya was more important than revenge at that point. He didn't want to scare him, didn't want him to draw false conclusions about the source of his anger.

That Shinra had been firm on: "Be careful about how you act around him, at this point he's in a very fragile state and there's the chance that anything could send him over the edge. Right now, just be supportive and caring. That's what he needs."

He sighed and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. That wasn't something that he needed to be thinking about. There was no point to rushing over the deep end and going into unstoppable rage to avenge the brunette who would never fully recover from this ordeal. True that he had gained some things, but that could not balance out what he lost.

Izaya would never be the same.

Whoever had taken him and hurt him was continuing on with their lives as though nothing had ever happened, probably gone on to hurt others just the same, leaving Shizuo to help the brunette pick up the pieces. Why couldn't there be just a little bit of retribution for that?

It just wasn't fair.

And stewing over this was not helping his mood whatsoever; in fact, it was making it worse. With rage starting to pump through him, he knew that he wouldn't be able to calm down if he didn't stop himself from focusing on it. That was a lot easier said than done; Shizuo had always had issues with controlling his rage – control which was practically non-existent at best.

But... he glanced down at Izaya who was curled up against him and sleeping peacefully. The bruises had faded to a dull shade of brownish-green, but the bandages were still a stark white against the other's pale skin.

Shizuo felt his heart calm and a feeling of warmth settle deep in his stomach and blossom upward. His anger abated slowly as he watched the brunette's peaceful face as he slept; the way his chest rose and fell in rhythm, how warm and slight he felt in his arms. Tightening his arms around him, he smiled as Izaya moved closer to him almost unconsciously, his hand fisting in the fabric of his vest.

He couldn't help it, a small smile pulled at his lips. Izaya looked so... adorable when he slept, so young.

Pressing his lips against Izaya's forehead, he watched as his face scrunched up just a little before his features smoothed out. He was still smiled as he settled in to watch Izaya sleep until Celty and Shinra showed up later with dinner.

.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.

I have several fills sitting on my plate right now and the one that I just finished for another fandom, plus my fic for drrr_bigbang. But I am determined to finish Fragility, which is currently sitting at 31 171 words.

I hope that you enjoyed this part! Reviews are always loved very much. 3

Twilight.