Notes: Hello everyone! I have returned from my holiday and I come bearing updates! Also, for anyone attending, I'll be at Otafest 2011! I hope to see some of you there I'll be at the fanfiction events, if you wanted details.
Title: Fragility
Pairing: Shizaya
Part: seventh part
Words: 4314 words
Prompt: Shizaya, cuddling... Just any IC fluff. ;_;
Disclaimer: It's not mine. It all belongs to others who I am in no way associated with and I make nothing from writing this, got it?

part seven

Izaya blinked slowly and tightened his grip on the fabric in front of his face as he snuggled closer to the warm body next to him. The bright light from the crack in the curtains was shining straight onto his face, so he buried his head into Shizuo's chest and let out a small sigh; he really didn't want to move, or for Shizuo to go either.

This is going to be a regular occurrence, isn't it?

"You up?"

And it completely figured that Shizuo was awake before him.

Izaya nodded and snuggled closer, letting his eyes drift closed again; he was determined to get some more sleep in, whether Shizuo was there or not – but preferably there. He wasn't even sure of why he was so tired. Maybe it was just his emotional exhaustion catching up with him, he'd been through a lot the past little while so it wasn't too surprising.

He was aware of Shizuo shifting in bed – probably to glance at the clock – and running his fingers gently through the brunette's hair. Although, they ran into a few tangles, but Shizuo's touch was surprisingly soft and it wasn't particularly painful; more of an annoyance really.

"I've got about five minutes before I've got to get up for work," Shizuo remarked. "Don't you go back to sleep on me – I'll never leave."

Shrugging, Izaya let his head rest on Shizuo's chest to listen to his heart. The strong beat lulled him a little bit, but he tried to focus on what the other was saying.

"I'll be home for lunch today. Do you want me to pick up anything in particular?"

Well, okay, that was a little unusual; Celty was normally the one who came by to visit him around the noon hour to make sure that he was eating and that he was comfortable. Shizuo was usually tied up with work and couldn't make it.

Pulling away from the blond with a small exhale of air, Izaya groped around on the bedside table for a few seconds before his fingers found his phone. He flopped back against the pillows as he began to type.

-Not really; I'm fine with anything. Did something happen? You don't usually come home for lunch.-

Shizuo shrugged as he sat up and stretched, "Celty's busy with some job today and Shinra's busy too. It's not a big deal."

Okay, Izaya could tell that there was something Shizuo wasn't telling him but it would be almost impossible to get whatever it was out of him until he wanted to tell him. Sometimes he could read the other well and other times he wasn't so sure, but this was one of the former and he had the feeling that it had to do with him.

Whatever it was, he'd just have to be patient and wait. But already he could feel an uncomfortable weight settling in the pit of his stomach; things just weren't looking up for him. He sighed.

-If you say so. When are you going to be back?-

"I'll try to be back around noon but I might be a little later, depending on how the morning goes." Shizuo was already climbing out of bed as he spoke and chucking his sleep wear in the direction of his laundry basket, which was overflowing onto the floor. At the same time he was pulling out another of his bartender outfits from the closet and drawers within. It was kind of interesting to see him get dressed but also a little distracting.

Flushing, Izaya ducked under the covers a little. He didn't need to think about that and preoccupied himself with what it was that Shizuo was keeping from him. What could it be? Complications? An infection?

He scrapped the last one; if he had an infection, than there was no way that Shinra would just leave him with Shizuo. The same went for most of his ideas about complications because of his injuries, if they really were that life-threatening, than Shinra would have insisted that he either go to a hospital or to the underground doctor's so that he could be monitored and have the proper medical care.

So, in short, whatever it was wasn't life-threatening to him. That took away some of the anxiety that was twisting around in his gut. Plus, Shizuo's behaviour didn't match up with the idea; the blond wouldn't be acting so... relaxed about it if there was the chance that Izaya would die.

"Do you need anything before I go?"

Leaning over the bed, Shizuo had his arms crossed and a small frown on his face. Izaya peeked up at him from under the covers and had to bite back a little smile at the thought that Shizuo looked so much like a mom right then.

-Bathroom?-

"Yeah, alright. Come here."

It took a little bit of wiggling to get Izaya out of his cocoon of blankets, but eventually the brunette was cuddled up in Shizuo's arms. There was still a tiny bit of hesitancy to his gestures, but Izaya was trying and it did make Shizuo happy.

And he felt safe, something that he didn't feel anywhere else or with anyone else. He felt comfortable with Shinra and Celty, but the feeling of safety – of being loved and protected and being something precious to someone – that he felt with Shizuo just couldn't be replicated. The fear he still felt sometimes drove him to accept that, even if he still had some lingering feelings of doubt about if he deserved it or not.

Shizuo wanted it, though, and didn't hold a grudge against him; and it was Shizuo who mattered the most to him. And, even though he wasn't aware of it, he was starting to heal, just a little bit.

The cool texture of the toilet jerked him out of his thoughts and Izaya blushed a little as Shizuo turned his back to him to give him a little privacy. He was looking forward to getting back a little of his own power, just to avoid having to go through this each time he needed to use the bathroom; but he'd miss the feel of Shizuo's arms around him.

He tugged on the sleeve of Shizuo's shirt to get his attention once he was finished. Washing his hands was a little difficult since he had to be balanced in Shizuo's arms and his fingers were clumsy from the bandages, but he managed.

Izaya had already started to drift off a little when Shizuo carried him back into the bedroom and tucked him into bed; making sure that the brunette's phone was within easy reach as he did so.

Warm lips were pressed against his temple as Shizuo murmured softly, "I'll see you later. We can talk more then."

The only response he got was a slight nod as Izaya fell back into the world of dreams. Hopefully, this time they'd be peaceful...

Several hours later, Izaya woke up for the second time that day, only this time feeling much more well rested. A quick, blearily glance at the clock on the bedside table told him that it was about a quarter past eleven; Shizuo wouldn't be back for the better part of an hour.

Although he was tempted to just go back to sleep, he really didn't feel like it. He'd spent so much time in bed lately asleep that he was starting to feel just a little bit jittery. What he wanted was to be up and about, even if it was just around Shizuo's apartment – the idea of actually going outside alone made fear sink low into his stomach and he curled in on himself to make it stop.

Reaching out, he grabbed the pillow that Shizuo had been using and pulled it tightly to his chest, inhaling the scent of the blond and letting it calm him down. He was safe and Shizuo would be home soon, he didn't need to worry.

Izaya slowly relaxed but get his grip on the pillow. He really needed to find something to do to occupy himself when Shizuo wasn't around. Maybe read? There wasn't a lot that he could do while recovering and a sinking feeling in his gut told him that he wasn't going to be escaping from this without scars.

He rolled over again and sighed; there had to be something to – he blinked.

Poking off one corner of the bedside table was a book. It took a little bit of stretching but he managed to reach it and he nearly fell out of bed in the process. Pushing himself into a sitting position was a little more difficult, but after putting almost every single pillow in the bed behind him, Izaya managed to drag himself into a sitting position, the book in his hands.

The corners of it were a little bit tattered and the cover definitely looked as though it had seen better days, but it was something. What did surprise him, though, was that he recognized the title and the author.

What's Shizu-chan doing with Dickens?

Weighing the book in his hands, Izaya flicked it open; the pages were a little ragged, it was definitely a used copy, but the text was still completely legible and one of the corners about sixty or so pages in had been carefully folded over. Apparently Shizuo was much more intelligent than he'd given him credit for before.

Either that or Shizuo was just a little bit of a bibliophile.

He felt a little sting of guilt at the realization that he really didn't know as much about Shizuo as the blond did about him, and yet he was still... No. He'd promised himself he wouldn't go down that path. Focusing his attention back to the present, Izaya flipped back to the start of the book and began to read.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness...

The rest of the hour dwindled away and Izaya quickly lost track of time. He hadn't been particularly fond of reading before, but it was something to pass the time; he guessed that he'd probably be doing a lot more of it in the days to come.

He was so caught up in what he was reading that he didn't notice the sound of the front door unlocking and opening or of Shizuo toeing off his shoes at the door. What did jerk him out of the little reverie he'd sunk into was when Shizuo nearly made him jump right out of the bed when he sat down on it.

"Sorry, I thought you'd heard me come in," Shizuo apologized sheepishly. He ruffled Izaya's hair and smiled at him. "You didn't lose my place did you?"

Shaking his head, Izaya indicated that he'd only gotten about forty or so pages in, not even close to the sixty-something that Shizuo had. He set the book aside on the bedside table and grabbed his phone instead.

-How was your morning?-

Shizuo shrugged, "Same as always. When did you finally wake up?"

-Around eleven. What's for lunch?- He could see the edge of a plastic bag in Shizuo's hand, but couldn't make out if there was a label or logo on it or not.

"I brought you back something special." Shizuo reached into the bag and handed Izaya a little take-out box full of otoro, followed soon after by a Styrofoam bowl of what smelled like soup. "Ah, um, my neighbour made the soup for you..."

-You told your neighbour about me?- Izaya wasn't sure whether to feel worried and anxious about it or if he should feel flattered; he settled for being mildly affronted.

"I kind of borrowed a bunch of bandages from her when you first got here," Shizuo explained. "She doesn't actually know what happened; I just told her that you'd been in an accident. In any case, she was worried about you and sent it over with me along with her hope that you'd be better soon."

His cheeks flushed just a little. -She sounds so forward.-

"Maybe it's just age. She's been really friendly and nice ever since I moved here." Shizuo shrugged, "It's not going to kill you in any case; she's made it for me before, it's really good."

-I'm still not sure how to feel about this so I'm just going to pretend you didn't say anything.- Izaya glanced back down at the otoro before he added onto that statement. -Did you go to Russia Sushi?-

"Huh? Yeah, why?" Shizuo blinked. "Is something wrong with that? Last time I checked, it was your favourite."

-Did you run into anyone? Tell anyone... about me?-

"Well not really. Simon did ask about you; he figured I'd know where you were since he hadn't seen you around for a while and you'd stopped coming in," Shizuo sighed. "I don't get why you're so worried about it; I just told him that something happened and you were staying with me. I think he was kind of happy about it."

Izaya bit down on his lip as he stared down at his lap for a few moments before he could respond. -I'm just... afraid. I feel so vulnerable right now and I'm scared. I've made a lot of enemies, I'm scared for you.-

"Don't be." Shizuo placed his hand over Izaya's and squeezed it. "Right now, you just need to focus on yourself. And you can start by eating lunch."

As if to prove his point, Shizuo took Izaya's phone from him and replaced it with a spoon and peeled the lid off the Styrofoam bowl. He took the otoro and set it carefully aside while pulling out his own lunch and settling down on the bed beside him to eat.

Lunch between them was quiet with Shizuo only asking a few questions which had yes or no answers. There were a few questions that Izaya wanted to ask, but he decided just to wait; Shizuo seemed to have something on his mind, so he'd wait for him to broach whatever subject was bugging him.

A small amount of dread was coiled deep in his stomach but Izaya ignored it. Unfortunately, it refused to go away and he had to force the food past the ever-growing lump in his throat. He wasn't even sure why he was feeling so nervous. It couldn't be something bad, Shizuo would've – Shizuo would've told him already if it was...

Wouldn't he?

Shizuo finished his lunch before Izaya, but he wouldn't give his phone back when Izaya reached for it.

"Finish your lunch first," was his firm response.

Izaya pouted, but all that earned him was a chuckle from the blond and a ruffling of his hair. He turned back to his otoro and set about finishing it. His stomach was still tied up in knots but he managed to finish his food in spite of it; but still, it felt heavy in his stomach.

But Shizuo did hand him his phone back. The only problem was that Izaya had no idea what he wanted to say. So he weighed it carefully in his hands while trying to come up with something to say.

As it turned out, he didn't have to; Shizuo spoke first.

"How are you feeling?"

-Fine. You were right about the soup.-

Shizuo gave a small, almost wane, smile at that and nodded. "I'm glad."

Biting his lip, Izaya typed out a response. -What's wrong?-

"Huh? Ah..." Shizuo seemed nervous, he was clenching and unclenching his fists and he wasn't making eye contact with Izaya which was making the brunette more nervous.

His stomach jerked a little, but seeing Shizuo in such obvious discomfort made him feel just a little bit of courage. He scooted closer to the blond and leaned against him. -Tell me what's wrong. Please?-

"I spoke to Shinra... last night." He hesitated for a brief second or two before he continued, "He said that there might be some... complications about your injuries."

Izaya nodded, staring at his hands and his phone.

"It's... about your knee." Shizuo felt the brunette tense up next to him. "It's not life-threatening, but because it was shattered and dislocated, he thinks that... you'll need surgery in order to fix it."

That... that didn't sound as bad as he'd feared it would be. He felt some of the tension which had been building up inside of him loosen up just a little while he waited for him to continue.

"He wants to run a few tests just to make sure, but surgery's the only way that you're knee is gonna heal even somewhat properly. But... he also said that even with the surgery you... you wouldn't be able to go back to how you were before."

Izaya nodded blindly. He'd known that there had to be a catch somewhere, but just hearing Shizuo say it made it so much more real. Biting his lip, he listened as Shizuo continued.

"He did say that you'd still be able to walk, but... I'm sorry, it's... he said that you wouldn't be able to do a lot of what you could before." Clearly Shizuo was having trouble trying to force it past his lips and was dancing around the issue. "Izaya... you're going to be permanently crippled."

Silence hung in the air for several long moments while Izaya digested that.

While he'd known that he couldn't have gotten away scot-free, it was still very different to just know that and to hear it spoken out loud. It made it so much more real. He would still be able to walk, and maybe run, but he'd effectively lost all of his former mobility. No more thrilling chases through Ikebukuro, no more feats of agility... he was someone who people felt sympathy for, someone who people whispered behind their hands about.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe he hadn't been completely prepared for the extent of the aftermath, but now that he knew, he could accept it. Or at least try to.

"... I talked to Tom about it, so I've got the day off and I'll be there through the whole procedure," Shizuo finished. Izaya hadn't even realized that he'd kept talking while he was lost in thought, but he did manage to catch the tail end of what he'd been saying.

Izaya wasn't sure what to say to that, so he remained silent, just absorbing the information. But when he realized that Shizuo was waiting for him to respond, he had to figure out something to say.

-You had me worried; I thought it was going to be something a lot worse.-

"What? You mean–"

Leaning against the blond a little more, Izaya let out a heavy sigh. -I always knew that I wouldn't get out of this without some sort of permanent reminder. I just...-

Shizuo slid an arm around Izaya's shoulder and pulled him close and pressed his lips to his temple, "I'm not going to leave you."

The unspoken words of 'I love you' hung in the air; Izaya knew that was what Shizuo meant. He felt warmth swell in his chest and he couldn't stop a smile from tugging at his lips.

-I don't know what I did to deserve you Shizu-chan... but I'm glad.-

"You're fine with this?"

Izaya frowned and stared down at his hands, looking suddenly very forlorn. -I won't lie... I'm afraid about this. I can't find it in myself to be angry, all I can feel right now is fear. I'm scared about what I might lose next.-

Gently, Shizuo placed his hand over Izaya's, "You're not losing anything; try to think positive for once."

-You're not much of a positive thinker yourself.- Izaya replied; but he did flip his hand over and entwined his fingers with the others. He leaned against the blond and closed his eyes, relaxing against him.

"Well, I'm trying." Shizuo let his read rest on top of Izaya's, "One of us has to think positive; you'll still be able to walk. It isn't as though you're going to be doing anything reckless."

Typing out a message with one hand was difficult, but Izaya managed. -I don't like the fact that I'm imposing on you so much.-

"You're not. I'm not letting you go back there."

-I wasn't planning to. I... I don't think that I could.- Izaya shifted a little closer to Shizuo. -I'll figure something out to make this up to you.-

Shizuo just smiled, "Just get better; that's all I need."

Nodding his head, Izaya let the blond pull him into a one-armed hug as his eyes drifted closed. It was a lot to take him, but at least he'd had some idea to expect something like this. He could deal with this so long as Shizuo was there with him.

Eventually enough time had passed and Shizuo had to leave or else he risked being late. Considering how much time he'd been taking to look after Izaya, he felt a bit guilty for stealing him away from his job like that. He'd already taken several days off already and he was taking the next day off to be there for his surgery... he really didn't deserve him.

"I'll see you tonight, alright?" Shizuo very gently pressed his lips to Izaya's forehead. "Oh, and I'll pick you up something to wear; Celty is going to be picking you up tomorrow morning and taking you to Shinra's."

Izaya bit back his questions and nodded. He'd ask Shizuo about that later; it could wait.

"Do you need anything before I go?"

Shaking his head, Izaya managed a small smile. -No. I'll be fine. You should go before you get in trouble.-

"And you'll be okay?"

-I said I would be fine; don't worry about it.-

"Alright..." But as he was leaving, Izaya managed to catch something that he might not have been meant to hear, "I don't think I can stop worrying about you."

Izaya felt his heart sting just a little at that but he quickly squashed it. That goes both ways Shizu-chan...

The rest of the afternoon he spent either napping or continuing on with Dickens; it was a bit too wordy at times but it was something to pass the time and it was, at the very least, enjoyable. Occasionally he'd look up and stare out the window for a little, but the only thing that he had a particularly good view of was the wall of the next building over.

He could hear a few sounds from the nearby street, but besides that the apartment was completely silent. It was oddly relaxing and he found that he didn't mind it so much.

Surprisingly, thought of his impending surgery didn't occupy his mind too much; mostly because he didn't want to think about it. Whenever his eyes did glance down towards his knee, all he could feel was a faint sense of loss. It would probably get better or worse with time, he'd have to wait and see how things went. He trusted Shinra, maybe not as much as Shizuo, but that would have to be enough.

And... he still had Shizuo, that had to count for something.

He glanced back down at the passage in the book, 'Death is Nature's remedy for all things, and why not Legislation's?'

Oh, that was a bit ironic wasn't it? Izaya sighed, he couldn't avoid thinking about it for much longer he supposed. After all, Shizuo had the entire afternoon to stew on it as well and he'd probably worry over whether or not he'd broken down over it yet or not. He might as well think about it if even the book he was reading wasn't going to let him avoid it.

Carefully, he folded over the top corner of the page to keep track of his place and closed it with a sigh.

After a while, he'd just gotten used to the fact that he couldn't make a sound at the moment. It was weird at first, not being able to hear his voice, but after some time he'd just gotten used to it. Now he knew and understood how Celty felt. And... the thought that, just maybe, he would never get to speak again...

He touched his bandaged throat, feelings of fear and hurt and sadness mixing toegether inside of him and making his insides twist painfully. Being permanently mute scared him; he wouldn't be able to speak, laugh, talk...

He would never be able to actually say that he loved Shizuo.

At that, his heart gave a painful pang. It hurt. So much. That someone could take away something that was so important to him and then deprive him of the ability to say something which would make the one who mattered most to him – who he owed so much to – lose something that seemed so precious. It would mean a lot, to both of them, if Izaya could say that to him.

It was weird; he was more worried and terrified of the thought of losing his voice than he was of losing much of his mobility. Somehow, saying those three words out loud seemed to hold so much more meaning to him than just writing them out.

It scared him, terrified him, because he didn't want to find out that it was gone forever.

.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.

So, even though I was on holiday, I did manage to get quite a bit of writing done on a few projects. I finished up Summer Oranges and I did a little more work on a couple of other fills along with Fragility, which is now sitting at a comfortable 36 205 words. Where was this fic when I was struggling with NaNo? I hope to see some of you at Otafest! (Or at least SOMEONE.)

Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this! Reviews are very much love~

Twilight.