Chapter 6: T.S.B. and Fights
At first I couldn't respond. Most people just wouldn't go that far. They'd stop when they saw how hard it had been on me. That left Cole to be different.
Me: From the beginning?
Cole: Everything.
Me: Well. I haven't told anyone everything before… It began at the third trimester of grade eight. I had friends back then. When I was known as a 'Plain Jane'. I'd been looking forward to going to a high school party on the last day of school. Kyle Rogers, that's who ran the party, he was a senior and I hadn't even heard of him until then. Rachel, I mean Rachelle's older brother was invited to a huge high school party. He let us tag along. I never should've gone. It was a terrible idea.
I looked down, I couldn't take this could I? Things were hard and-
Cole: Melinda!
He grabbed my arms and looked at me with fear.
Cole: Are you okay? Melinda, stand up.
I wasn't standing? Had I fallen down, or maybe I fainted. Cole easily steadied me and looked completely oblivious.
Me: I'm fine. I guess I'm a little tired.
Cole: Well, maybe you could finish telling me that story in the truck.
I nodded. Even when I was sitting down I didn't want to finish though.
Me: When I got to the party everything was somewhat normal. I'd been to other parties, but this one was different. This one had high school boys and alcohol. I had always wanted to see what it tasted like, alcohol, and I admit I couldn't just have one glass. Then Andy Evans came up to me. He said I shouldn't be standing alone. I can't remember too many of the details, but he had asked me to dance and when it got late he brought back to the trees. It was all very standard, shirt up shorts down. All I could do at that point was to whisper for him to stop, say I should get back to my friends, say no, but he didn't listen.
Cole had started driving, but he signaled for me to go on. What else did he want to know? Maybe he wanted more detail. 'Andy covered my mouth, that could only whisper, with his right hand and completely misunderstood why I was hitting him.'
Me: When it was over I screamed, I could only muster up one terrifying shriek, but it helped. I was still scared and afraid though. I frantically looked for a phone. I didn't know what to do. My mind wasn't connecting what I was doing to what I was going to do. I called the cops and that earned me one slap in the face by my ex-best friend, several unsophisticated papers taped to my back, a years worth of mocking and glares, a ditch day, and my average grades gone down the toilet. Sometimes I still see the glares. Every time it gets worse, it's as if they're saying- 'Oh look, it's that stupid girl who couldn't protect herself, now look where she is'
I hadn't recalled when Cole had pulled into the company parking lot, but sure enough we were there and he didn't look like he was ready to go. I also had no idea what time it was, but I knew we were late.
Me: That's it.
Cole didn't say anything. Before he reached for his seatbelt he leaned over to my side of the truck and quickly pressed his lips against my forehead. That day I really must have been in deep thought, because I didn't remember being yelled at or lectured by our boss and the day went by so fast. It must've already been the end of the day when Cole asked me if I needed a ride home. I didn't have any other transportation available and my first option would probably be with Cole anyway.
Cole: So, you know what this means?
Me: Know what what means?
Cole: This means we're T.S.B.'s
Me: T.S.B.?
Cole: Tortured sole buddies.
Under no circumstances do I admit that I was a tortured sole, but oddly the name seemed fitting. T. S. B. There really is no other name for what we are though, is there? I could faintly hear a mellow song on the radio, which kept us both occupied until I had gotten out of Cole's truck and was back at home.
Well, I could sleep forever
But, it's of her I dream
If I could sleep forever
I could forget about everything
If I could sleep forever
If I could sleep forever
If I could sleep forever
The Dandy Warholes- Sleep
I couldn't focus on drawing so I decided that I might as well do the one thing every child looks forward to about summer. Television. My mother and father appeared to be busy doing bills of some sort. I could hear them muttering profanities under their breath whenever they needed to get to the kitchen. Lately they've been acting more concerned about me. Not exactly strict, but they no longer swear in front of me and I hardly ever see them not trying to hide something.
I hadn't been keeping track of the time, but I had noticed that the sun had already gone down. Then again, with it being summer and the sun going down much earlier, there was no way to tell if it was late or just dark. Then, something odd happened. Mom came storming out of the kitchen. I knew something bad was about to happen, but being me, I sat there like a deer in headlights.
Mom: Well then get your own job! Provide for your family!
Dad now came out from the kitchen and was quick to retort.
Dad: I can't take this anymore! I've been trying to get a job and the times are tough, jobs are hard to find!
Mom: Well, the times are only tough for you, haven't you noticed the Petrakis house?
Dad: Times are tough! Especially when men are confronted the very second their wives get home.
Mom: Oh, you're the one to be talking! You are not a man. Men don't play computer games all day.
I knew that I had better leave now. I didn't know if my parents noticed when I got up from the couch and shut the door to my room, but I didn't need to be in this conversation, well, physically. Mentally I was screaming at the top of my lungs for them to both shut up and be a happy family. So much for them trying to hide something. It was their own anger and narcissism that they had been protecting.
My portable radio was the only type of music I had, as if my family would have enough money to buy me a fancy ipod, so it wasn't out of character for me to switch it on and have the volume to the highest level.
Radio Announcer: Hope you're all having a wonderful Monday night. To get your evening straightened out here's a little song from Jimmy Eat The World.
heydon't write yourself off yetit's only in your head you feel left out or looked down onjust try your besttry everything you candon't you worry what they tell themselves when you're awayit just takes some timelittle girl, you're in the middle of the rideeverything everything will be just fineeverything everything will be all right, all righthey you know they're all the sameyou know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy inlive right nowjust be yourselfit doesn't matter if it's good enough, for someone elseit just takes some timelittle girl, you're in the middle of the rideeverything everything will be just fineeverything everything will be all right, all right (x2)hey - don't write yourself off yetit's only in your head you feel left out or looked down onjust do your bestdo everything you candon't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna sayit just takes some timelittle girl, you're in the middle of the rideeverything everything will be just fine, everything everything will be all right
Jimmy Eat The World- The Middle
At this point I only knew one thing. I needed my T.S.B.
(Okay, if you like music, I know you do, I'd highly recommend listening to those songs. They're good, and just so you guys know. Here I am, two hours before I go to school, tracking down chapters. Hah, I don't mind, time is something I have too much of, now what am I going to say to my history teacher…peace\/love/\see ya