Tenchi Muyo!: Witch World
Episode 4: The Journalist
"No way!" exclaimed Washu.
She thought that the job of setting everything straight -- after everyone else managed to confuse the dickens out of her beautiful invention -- was going to be child's play. And at first, it was.
But now, every time she pressed a key to eliminate one alternate world, another one would light up elsewhere, indicating that yet another crazy world had suddenly sprung into existence. Sometimes two, or even three. She had to face it. She was losing ground in this battle.
"At this rate, I'll be here forever!" she cried, scratching her head with both hands. "Aargh! Those girls sure did a number on you, you poor thing!"
"A" hopped up on Washu's right shoulder. "Don't give up, Washu!"
"You can do it, Washu!" added "B" on her left.
That sufficiently renewed her spirits.
"Of course I can! There's no problem I can't fix!" she told them. "So what if life hands you lemons? Whadda ya do? Make lemonade, that's what! The answer's been staring me in the face all along! Why am I knocking myself out trying to do this all by myself? Logically, there's bound to be other versions of me doing the same thing in plenty of other universes! All I have to do is find them and co-ordinate with them so that we're not all doing redundant work. If a team of Washus can't straighten out the multiverse, then no one can! I AM SUCH A GENIUS!"
vvv
It was a good thing the weekend was here.
The Masakis were outside, first thing in the morning, to clean up their front lawn. The Jurai family, feeling somewhat responsible, came over from next door to help.
But the real cause of the mess outside, Ryoko, the ghost of the house, was in the living room, completely mindless of the work that she had caused for all of them, and feeling no guilt about it, either.
Instead, she was giving a stern look to the furry little demon she had conjured up the previous evening. It looked like some kind of impossible cross between a cat and a rabbit, and was every bit as threatening as a teddy bear.
The happy little critter was busy grooming herself with her tongue, while playfully rolling around on the couch.
"Some demon you are," said Ryoko. "How did the underworld ever come up with something like you, anyway?"
"Mi-ya?" asked the creature, looking at her quizzically.
Ryoko could hear the others coming back from outside, so she figured now would be a good time to disappear, and did so.
"Whew!" said Tenchi, entering the front doorway. "Glad that's finished. Now we've got the rest of the weekend to ourselves!"
"Well, not exactly to ourselves," amended Kiyone, right behind him. She nodded in the direction of the couch with the demon on it. "We've got a new houseguest to deal with."
Tenchi, picked up the little critter and spoke directly to it in a friendly manner. "Yeah, I suppose we're going to have to figure out what to do with you."
"Can we keep her?" asked Sasami, just now coming in, as well.
vvv
"Look at all this occult junk!" cried Ayeka, in the living room of the Jurai house with her left hand in a bandage. "It cost a pretty penny, and I'll bet most of it is non-returnable!"
"Well, if you don't want it, I'll take it off your hands," said Katsuhito. "In my line of work, one never knows when stuff like this might come in handy."
"I'll show you a hand," she said, wagging her left in his face. "And to think, after all that, those people are no better off than before. Maybe even worse. And I recommended you to them. I'm so embarrassed now, I can hardly look them in the face."
"You're right," said Katsuhito. "This job is indeed beyond my scope. That is why I placed a call to my master, Washu Hakubi. It was at her knee that I learned my trade. She is world-renowned as the best in this field."
vvv
"I don't know, Sasami," said Tenchi. "She looks harmless, but don't forget how Ryoko brought her here, with that big scary ceremony and all."
"Well, Ryoko never said she wanted to hurt us, only scare us away," said Sasami. "I think that whole thing with the pentagram was just another way she was trying to do that. She wanted to show us that she could have sent a big scary monster after us, but at the last minute, she just couldn't do it."
Ryoko, meanwhile, was listening in from the second floor.
That sweet kid, she thought. Listen to her sticking up for me like that. That's a first, all right. Nobody ever accused me of being a big ol' softee before. What if she's right, though? Could it be? The demon-summoning really flopped because...because I actually like these people?
That was a thought Ryoko knew she never had for any of the previous interlopers in her house. But she had to admit, there was something special about these three. Sasami was a good kid, not at all like those brats that other people brought with them when they moved into this house. None of them would have helped her with setting up the pentagram, that was certain.
And then there was Tenchi. Ryoko liked something about him, but she couldn't put her ectoplasmic finger on what it was about him, exactly.
And what about Kiyone? Well, Ryoko decided it was time to give her a break. She was Tenchi's wife, and Sasami's mother, so that gave her a measure of immunity from anything terrible Ryoko might have pulled on anybody else. And Kiyone did seem sincere in her offer to help find out what was keeping her chained to this house.
All in all, thought Ryoko, when it comes to housemates, I could have done a lot worse, couldn't I? And it is a big, empty, lonely house, when there's nobody but me in it. Aw, what the heck...
When Ryoko materialized back into the living room, she saw that the cute little demon was still the center of the little family's attention. All three of them were playing with it and telling it how cute it was.
"Ryoko," said Kiyone, as she noticed that the ghost was visible among them. "Your little friend here looks like she might be hungry. Any ideas about what she might like to eat?"
"I'm guessing you haven't tried giving her any human flesh or blood or anything like that?" asked Ryoko.
Kiyone gave her a withering look.
"I didn't think so," said Ryoko. "Well, that's the monster I ordered, anyway. Obviously, that's not what got delivered, so I have no idea what she likes."
"Well," said Tenchi, "I've got this funny feeling that she might enjoy a carrot. She does kind of look like a rabbit."
Tenchi went into the kitchen and came back with a big bright orange carrot, which he placed in front of the little visitor. The critter sniffed at it, gave it an experimental lick, then took a little bite.
"Blechh!" the demon spat the piece out, making a very distasteful looking face.
"Don't like carrots, huh?" observed Tenchi. "That's funny. I thought sure that..."
"She kinda looks like a cat, too," said Sasami. "So maybe she likes cat food."
"But we don't have any..." began Tenchi. "Wait a second."
He went back into the kitchen, but this time returned with an opened can of tuna, which he put before the demon. This time the little beast dived in with relish, not only devouring the entire contents, but also licking the can completely clean.
"My," said Kiyone. "You really were hungry, weren't you?"
"Miyaaa!" agreed the demon, going back to grooming herself.
While Tenchi and Sasami continued to play with their new pet, Kiyone moved over next to Ryoko.
"Ryoko, I want to apologize for trying to have you exorcised. I understand now that it was wrong. Can you forgive me?"
"We-e-l-l," answered Ryoko. "Seeing's how it was your first offense, and all, I think I can let it slide, just this once. And I'll quit trying to get rid of you, too. After all, there's plenty of room in this big ol' house for all of us. No reason we can't stay out of each other's hair, right?"
Kiyone smiled in gratitude. "Thank you, Ryoko. My offer still stands, you know. If you want my researchers to find an answer for you..."
Just then, the doorbell rang.
"Sasami, could you get that?" asked Kiyone, looking at her daughter for an instant.
As Sasami ran to the door, Kiyone turned her attention back to Ryoko -- who now was no longer there.
"Auntie Mihoshi!" cried Sasami at the open door.
"Hi, Sasami!" said a woman's voice from outside. "Wow! I'm so glad I found your new place. I was afraid this might not be it, and that I might have to keep looking."
"Mihoshi?" repeated Kiyone.
Kiyone went over to the door, herself. Sure enough, the blonde woman on her doorstep was indeed her sister.
"Oh, hi, Kiyone!" smiled Mihoshi. "I was just telling Sasami here how afraid I was that this might not be the right house and how I might've had to keep looking for which one it might be and..."
As Mihoshi spoke, it was obvious that she was trying her best to maintain a cheerful face, but Kiyone also noticed that her sister's eyes were filling up with tears. That meant that the dam was about to burst before she was through speaking. And it did.
"OH, KIYONE!" Mihoshi threw herself on to her sister and began sobbing on her shoulder.
"Take it easy!" said Kiyone. "Here. Come over to the couch and sit down. Tell me all about it."
Mihoshi sat down and composed herself. Sasami brought her a box of tissues, of which she readily made use by blowing her nose. "Thank you, Sasami. Sorry to show up like this, but I didn't know where else to turn."
"Don't be silly, Mihoshi," said Tenchi. "We're family. If there's anything we can do to help, you know all you have to do is ask."
Mihoshi brightened. "Really?"
"Absolutely," said Tenchi.
Tenchi didn't notice the eyebrow signals Kiyone was trying to send him, which quite plainly stated Shut up, Tenchi, and let me handle this.
"Then it's all right if I move in with you for a little while? Until I can get my life back in order?"
"Of course!" said Tenchi. "Stay as long as you need; we've got plenty of rooms here. Right, Kiyone?"
Kiyone's eyebrows knew when to give up. "Uh, that's right. So, tell us what's wrong."
Mihoshi sighed, and began absently scratching the demon behind her ears (which the demon seemed to enjoy a lot). "Things haven't been going well for me, lately. First, my boyfriend and I broke up. Then I got fired from my job, and...say, this is quite an unusual, um, pet, you have here. I don't think I've ever seen a breed like this."
"Miya," said the demon.
"Yeah," Kiyone laughed nervously, "we only got her last night. Tenchi and I were just talking about what a rare one it is, too. So, go on. You say they fired you from the newspaper?"
"Yes," continued Mihoshi sadly. "Mr. Negishi said I hadn't written anything worth reading about since my article on that priest that got beaten up by those poltergeists at that construction site, so he had to let me go. So I haven't been able to get other work, and now I'm losing my apartment because I can't pay the rent."
"Poor Auntie Mihoshi!" sympathized Sasami.
"Well, the three of us can help you bring your stuff here, no problem," said Tenchi.
Kiyone saw there was no fighting this. She was outvoted three to one before even getting a chance to vote.
"Could you help me with that, like, right now?" asked Mihoshi. "Because as we speak, the apartment manager is putting my stuff out on the sidewalk."
Kiyone threw her hands up and looked heavenward. But she nodded her agreement all the same.
"Oh, THANK you, everyone!" cried Mihoshi. "Just one more thing. Could you show me where your bathroom is? I need to powder my nose."
"Sure!" said Sasami, taking her aunt's hand. "Right this way!"
When Tenchi and Kiyone were alone. Kiyone turned to her husband.
"Well, I hope you two are satisfied," she told him. "You have no idea what Mihoshi is like to live with."
"But she's your sister," protested Tenchi. "We can't just turn our backs on her."
Kiyone sighed. "Not to mention that she's also going to be looking for that big scoop that she hopes will get her her job back. And what do we have here? A witch's ghost and a demon from the pit. If you think life has been crazy since we moved in, wait till we start getting tourists around the house. That's gonna be a laugh and a half."
vvv
Ryoko watched from her second floor vantage point as the cars belonging to Tenchi and Mihoshi drove off.
"I certainly didn't expect another gate-crasher to suddenly join the mix," she said aloud.
"Not to worry," said a silky female voice behind her. "Once my powers are fully realized, those mortals will all become just an unpleasant memory."
"Huh?" when Ryoko turned around to see the source of the strange new voice, all she saw was the cute little demon seated on the floor, looking up at her. "Was that you?"
"Who else?" smiled the demon. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ryo-Ohki, and while I may not be much to look at now, very soon that will change. I must apologize for not speaking to you earlier. I was still in my early stages, and quite unable. But, rest assured, I am growing. And when I have reached my potential, I will fulfill the purpose for which you have summoned me, and devour your enemies. I promise to eat them very slowly, so that you, too, can relish their agonizing deaths."
"Oh, boy," said Ryoko. "Uh, listen. About that. There's been a slight change in plan..."
"No changes, substitutions, or refunds," said Ryo-Ohki. "And I hope that you knew that the price of this service is one immortal soul -- yours. I'll be taking you back with me into the pit when this is all over. Let me tell you, you are going to love it there. Nothing but our kind of folk as far as the eye can see. All suffering eternal damnation as exquisitely as they possibly can."
TO BE CONTINUED