A/N Okay! you guys talked me into it, but im wanting some input from you. If this isn't up to par, I will pull it down and leave it as a one shot, but you guys who asked me to carry it on out need to let me know. I am not sure how far this can go, but as long as its fun, what the hell. Any resemblance to anyone is purely ya'lls perverse minds.
If I had ever had a "Fuck My Life" moment, this had to be it, only it wasn't just a moment, It was my whole damn life! What the hell was I thinking, hooking up with some random little rock star in the back of my car in an alley? Not only could I have kissed my career goodbye if one we had been seen, but a rock star? Jesus wept! God knows where all that had been. I should probably look into getting vaccinated for everything known to man and animal! I was more than a little horrified at myself, and then to discover that I couldn't even make a clean getaway from the whole fiasco? Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck!
I confiscated the wallet and harmonica from the girls and set them on my dresser in my room. I knew I was going to have to get them back to him, but how to go about it without creating anymore attention to the fact that something may have gone on was the conundrum. Him being more than a little interested in my I.d. had me a bit worried. If daughter even remotely suspected that I had been involved in anything to do with him, she would freak the hell out, and the last thing I needed was a teenage freak out in full effect. She had finals approaching along with all the other typical teen drama, and she was hard enough to live with, I damn sure didn't need her mad at me for violating her favorite young rock star, plus what we had done went against everything and every value I had worked hard to instill in her, and I damn sure didn't want to hear the ,"Oh so its do as I say, not as I do", line all over again.
The girls were spending the night at the friends house so I was clear of them for the evening, and after a discussion over how gross I thought it was that they wanted to keep the condom wrapper and just where his hands may have been prior to opening that thing, they had flounced on into the friends house with their disgusting trophy and more than likely plans to try and clone him from some residual dna cells or something. I had debated driving back down to the bar to see if I could catch up with him and just return the items to him that way, but it was so damn late that I didn't want to risk being in that part of town on the remote chance he was still around. I opted for going through his wallet and hoping that he was one of the smart ones that actually had a, "If found please call" info card.
His wallet was typical boy. Crammed full of random junk with receipts from music stores, junk food places, pictures of a few girls and another young man, I thought he said he wasn't gay?), a wad of business cards, a few credit cards and some small bills in cash and his drivers license, but of course no contact card like I was hoping for, that would have been too damn easy. I debated running his drivers license for address and contact information, but then all those checks are recorded and if my Captain spotted that he would want to know why? and then all the questions would start and it would just get super complicated from there. I had to track the boy down on my own and the best way to do that I figured was to find his next venue and leave a message for him to call me. Little did I know that he was already working on tracking ME down.
It was late, I was tired and smelled a little funky from my encounter with him and then the concert, so I decided to grab a shower and scrub a layer of grunge off of myself before I went to bed. It was rare to have the apartment to myself. The goofy cat was of course laying right in the middle of my pillows with stinky, furry, butt most likely contaminating the very spot my face would be in short order, " Gee thanks you fuzzy bastard, too bad I cant have you re-neutered." He just stretched and rolled over and went back to what ever cat dreams he was dreaming and fuzzing up my pillow. I had to dig in the bottom of my closet to find my favorite pajama pants and sleep t-shirt, as part of daughters intervention had also been to try and either discard or shred all my grungy academy left over's that I liked to sleep in. I threatened to sleep naked and that got her to at least leave me one of my t-shirts, and I acquiesced to the pajama pants with monkey faces all over them, after all, its not like anyone ever saw them but me and my daughter. I don't normally smoke in the apartment, but the third time I walked past his wallet and harmonica on my dresser, I dug out my secret stash of smokes from its hidey hole under my bed and I lit one up as I stripped off my clothes in from of the washer. I knew I was going to have to air the apt out before daughter got home so I opened a window by my bed and by the front door, so that the smoke would be pulled out into the night. If I hadn't been so tired and distracted by the fucked up situation I was dealing with over my random hookup, I probably would have noticed the strange and frankly fugly, little car that had pulled into the parking lot across from my unit.
Nothing feels better than a nice hot shower when you want to wash away a little regret and misbehavior. I didn't regret the sex, after all, it was pretty damn good for a cheap and tawdry hook up in the back of my car in an alley, and I was feeling kinda smug, after all, I was 41 damned years old and while I may be in decent shape, things to tend to start the inevitable slide to the Southern hemisphere no matter what you do to stay fit. I had actually shaved my legs all the way up and plucked away any aberrant hairs and everything was operating as it should, so though I was probably going to be more than a little sore when I woke up in the morning, I was pretty damn happy that I had hit that tight little package like the angry fist of God and made him so addled that he looked like he had been hit pretty damn hard when he was on stage, and he had forgotten things that most boys never forget, especially in a strangers car.
Getting out of the shower I found that the damn cat had migrated to the bathroom and was now ensconced upon my towel, "Damn you Jack! How about I glue your balls back on and them pull them off slowly?" I shooed him off my towel and dried off, squeezing the worst of the water out of my hair and then wrapping the towel around my waist,(yeah, like guys do but again, home alone) as I hunted up my comb in the mess that was my bathroom counter. I don't know where all the crap on my counter came from, I operate on a very simple principal. I don't wear makeup, I keep my hair fairly short, usually not much past my shoulders and I don't do much with it other than tie it back with a pony tail, so all I should have on my counter is my toothbrush and paste and mouthwash, a comb or two, tweezers and soap, but on my counter there was all this other random crap that daughter kept insisting I should have, such as a hair dryer, curling iron, lotions and she had even tried to get me to wear make up from time to time, but when I reminded her that I had just gotten my adult onset acne under control and had no desire to have a repeat breakout, she left me the hell alone because I was a less than pleasant person to be around when I was broken out like a pubescent teen.
I heard the tell tale growl from my cell phone that let me know someone had sent me a message so I dropped the wet towel in the bathroom and walked into the living room where I had left it on the coffee table. I smirked when I saw it, it was my Captain, once again being a smart ass, " Saw news, no reports of riot at concert because of rock stars being arrested so guess you behaved ?" I muttered to myself, "You are such a dick!" I really didn't think he was a dick, in all actuality I really liked the guy and he was pretty good to work for, but he loved to tease me about being so much of a "Grouch." Daughter liked him quite a bit and had often hinted that she would approve of me dating him, but sadly I strongly suspected he was like so many other men of Portland and batted for the other team. He had moved here from Arizona after something had gone on down there, and I often saw him in the company of a younger looking man, but what the hell did I know? I texted him back with a terse, " No riot because I stuffed him in the trunk and he's now tied to my bed and gagged." I knew that would make him spit his coffee all over his phone. It wasn't 5 minutes later as I was in the kitchen brewing a cup of what I referred to as 'hippy tea" but the daughter insists is called "Chai" that my cell phone went off again . " Haha! Please tell me you are joking, if not, at least leave no marks that can be traced and have fun." That one made me snort, he would condone me getting some by any means necessary. So I responded with our traditional, "10-4, see you Monday" and headed back into the kitchen to get my tea.
Jack came shooting out of my bedroom like his ass was on fire and did his best to tangle between my naked legs as I was walking with my hot tea towards my bedroom, causing me to spill some it on the damn floor and making me cuss and threaten him once again, "Goddamn you Jack! I will turn your ass into a fur football if you don't stow your shit and find someplace to be other than up my butt!" I added a bunch of other expletives to go with it as I walked back into the kitchen to get a towel, still naked mind you, to clean up the floor as the damn cat tried to sneak a drink out of my cup while I wasn't paying attention. "You rotten little punk! That's it, I am re-neutering you in the morning I swear to God!" I threw the towel at him in an attempt to scare him out of my tea, but of course it hit my cup and knocked it off the table and spilled my tea all over the floor. I am sure that the curse words I uttered are still floating around out in the atmosphere over Portland, as I cursed the cat, my luck, hippy tea, my crappy aim and just life in general. I grabbed the towel and sopped up the worst of it and then just decided to say, "Fuck it" and go to bed, but as I was walking from the kitchen back through the living room I realized that the window by the door was still open, so I intended to just reach around the blind and slam it down, that was before I heard someone moving around on my front porch.
Naked…yeah. Not exactly the best way to be when you hear someone creeping around your place in the wee hours of the morning, but looking at the bright side of things, being naked would provide a distraction that would allow me to get the drop on them and take them down pretty quick, and if they were creeping my porch at 2am in the morning, they were going to go down, and hard. I kept bitching at the cat as I moved so I could get a better look at my porch with out letting them know I was on to them being out there. I could see a shape to the right side of my door, in between the window and the opening, so when I struck, it was going to have to be fast. I didn't see anybody else outside, so I figured they were alone and if they were someone just being a creeper, I wanted to find out who the hell they were without the whole circus getting involved, so I decided to act , get them under control, question them my way for a bit and then call in the goon squad to deal with them. I kept a PR 24 baton by the front door for just such a situation, and as I eased the lock open on the door, I made sure I had a good grip on it in preparation for what I was about to unleash on the fool on my porch.
I jerked the door open quickly and rapidly stepped through the opening, and swung the baton, striking the intruder along their femoral nerve and dropping them like a sack of potatoes. I grabbed them in a arm bar so they couldn't use their arms and their head was forced down and I leaned forward and caught their ear in my teeth,(yes, its barbaric, but it works to get someone's attention really damn quick) you can still growl at them and be understood and put the hurtin on them if need be. I have seen grown assed me about cry like babies when I have had them like this and this punk ass was no different, except…he was kinda familiar. He wasn't very big, smelled kinda smokey and sweaty and …was a bit scruffy. I let go of his ear. " What the fuck are you doing creeping around my front porch at two o'clock in the morning, do you like getting the crap kicked out of you or are you just a lazy masochist?" He was groaning a bit and I realized I still had him in the arm bar, so I released him and tried to help him up, but he wasn't going to be using his leg for a little bit because the nerve strike had rendered it numb.
I got him under the arms and drug him into my house and shut the door telling him, 'Stay put, I am going to go put some clothes on and then we will take a look at your owie." I didn't know if I was pissed off, freaked out or relieved that the kid had found my place. That meant I would be able to get his stuff back to him with no problem other than the fact I had just crippled him up, but that was to be expected and he kinda deserved it for lurking around my door without knocking! Right? I mean I was justified? Hell, he was lucky he didn't get shot, he knew I was a cop and he was creeping in the dark. Crap! I still felt bad for whacking the boy as hard as I did, because he was going to have a hell of a bruise. I walked back out into my living room to find him still slouched on the floor like someone had killed his favorite puppy. "What's the matter there Sparky?" He looked up at me with this look…oh my God if they bottled it and sold it, no woman would be safe from him forever, and he said, "Well, I'm waiting for the cops to arrive because I'm going to jail for being a peeping Tom or some crap like that." Oh mylanta! The boy thought I was having him arrested? I had to laugh at that one. " No sugar, I am not having you arrested, I think getting the crap kicked out of you for a second time tonight is more than enough justice for creeping around my door in the dark when you were probably just after your wallet and harmonica?"
He breathed a sigh of relief and I reached down to help him up to his feet. He still couldn't put any weight on the leg I had hit, but I helped him down the hall to my bathroom so I could take a look at the bruise and see if there was anything to be done for him besides some Tylenol and ice. I leaned him up against the counter and told him, "You are gonna have to drop your pants so I can take a look at where I hit you , o.k.?" he blushed a little and hesitated and ill tell you that was so damn cute I about went 'Aww" but instead I said, "Really? After what we did in the back seat of my car, and some of the stuff you sing, seeing me naked wandering around my house for God knows how long, NOW you blush?" He chuckled a little and started unbuckling his belt while I went to the kitchen to get a bag of frozen corn from the freezer, (no peas in my house, cant stand the damn things), and when I got back he was leaning there trying to balance with his pants around his knees, one leg numb and his hands covering his steak and taters. I swear I about busted out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, but he looked pretty damn shaky once he saw just how big of a welt and bruise he had. " You okay there Sparky?" He nodded, but I didn't really believe him, so I set the bag of corn down and put a hand on his shoulder and made him look me in the eyes. He had some damn pretty eyes, and I was surprised that I was starting to see what all the little tweens found so damn interesting about the boy. "Look, you are as pale as a ghost, why don't you sit down on the commode and lets get those boots and jeans off and I will get you some Tylenol and a something to drink." I helped him over to the closed lid and sat him down on a towel I put down for him,(im not a totally heartless bitch), and I went and got him some Tylenol and a glass of water. It was going on 3 am by this time and my ass was starting to drag, and he was looking a might bit less bouncy himself, so since I wasn't expecting daughter back until Sunday night, and no one was due over, I figured I might as well see if the boy wanted to just get some damn sleep and see if he could walk in the morning, but I was going to make him scrub up first. Little did I know he already would have the answer to my question when I walked back into my bathroom.
He was slumped there with his head tilted back, buck ass naked and sound ass asleep. Well, hell! I couldn't just throw his tired ass out into the street like that, and I wasn't about to torture him any more, so I went to my bed and pulled the covers down and tossed Jack to the floor. I gently started pulling him up, and even though he was pretty out of it and tired, I managed to get him shuffled over to the bed and I just tucked his butt in. I got his clothes out of my bathroom and emptied the pockets onto my dresser, making sure that he didn't have anything that he shouldn't have, (that chimp picture made me wonder about his habits), and then I went and tossed them in the washer with my clothes so he would have a fresh start in the morning. I put his cell phone so he could find it easy and then I crawled in on the other side and passed the hell out.
Waking up the next morning was probably the weirdest thing I have experienced in a while, I had a cat on my head, and a boy draped over the top of me, with his naked bits poking me in the backside. I could tell by the way he was breathing that he was still sound asleep, so I didn't hold it against him, while the cat I was defiantly annoyed at. I started moving slowly and working my way out from underneath him, and I managed to slide off the side of the bed without waking him up, in fact all he did was grunt and mutter and roll up in the blankets tighter and begin to snore, typical male! I wandered down to daughters end of the house and used her bathroom to tend to my morning business, and I found a pair of her jeans and a t-shirt that fit, so I got dressed and then went and threw his clothes in the dryer with some softener sheets. It was close to 10 am and I had no idea if he had to be anywhere, but I really wasn't planning on changing too much from my typical Saturday schedule so I opened my laptop and got it started booting up and went into the kitchen to make coffee and some breakfast. I found a pack of real bacon I had managed to sneak in past daughter as well as some real eggs, so I started the bacon to cooking as I poured myself a cup of coffee and debated whether or not to wake him up, but I need not have debated too long, because I heard him say as I turned around from the cabinets, " So I am guessing your laptop is where you keep your spank bank, huh?" He was standing in the living room buck naked, leaned up against the couch watching the screensaver on my laptop as his image along with those of a few other well known men, rotated slowly though.
'You would be correct , young man. Would you like a cup of coffee and maybe some pants? Your own pants are in my dryer, but I probably have a pair of sweats or something that will work for you." He gestured to himself and said, "Well, I don't mind, but what will the neighbors think?" I had to laugh at that one, my neighbors on both sides were gay, one was an older couple that had been together for years and the other was a young gay man that was painfully adorable and shy that I flirted with constantly just to see him blush, so I told him, "You would probably make their week walking about naked, they bat for the home team. How is your leg this morning?" He grimaced and turned so he was facing me and I have to say the first words out of my mouth should have been "Ouch!" but hoping to diffuse what was probably an already uncomfortable situation, I said, "Wow! That's a whopper!" He blushed and then we both said, "That's what she said!" and then, "Jinx you owe me a soda!" but then he laughingly cringed ,'Please don't punch me!" That made me laugh as I brought him his coffee. 'Relax, Im gonna go get you some pants, unless you want to go get a shower first while im cooking you some food?" He said he thought a shower sounded like a good idea, but he wanted to call his buddies and let them know he wasn't tied to my bed and unable to get away,(yet), so he was going to do that first. I laid him out a towel and a pair of sweat pants that I had left over from an ex from a long time ago and I went back to the kitchen to finish cooking and give him some privacy.
By the time he came limping back up the hall, I had him a plate made up and another cup of coffee waiting on him. " I am hoping you aren't a vegetarian, because if you are, then you are gonna have to have cereal because I cooked the eggs in bacon grease." He looked like a kid on Christmas morning, " You actually cook like a real person?" I looked at him like he was a might bit teched, " Dude, Im a Texan too, I know we didn't talk to much the other night between the body slamming and the well…body slamming, but that thing I said about being chief cook and bottle washer? yeah, I cook for myself and my daughter pretty much every day." He looked around , " So where is your daughter, the reason I was waiting on your porch was I was trying to figure out if she had gone to bed or where she was so there wouldn't be too many difficult um uh.. questions to answer?" I told him that I really appreciated that because yeah, I didn't really want my teen daughter to know I had boned her favorite young rock star in the back of my car, but I did tell him that she had been the one to find the wallet and harmonica and condom wrapper as well as the cigarettes. He groaned over that one, "I wondered where those had gone!" "Yeah, dude that was a brand new pack too and she probably has them in a little shrine along with the condom wrapper."
Looking at him over breakfast and coffee was the last thing I expected to be doing and I told him as much, " So where are you headed out to next, I would have figured you to be well on the road to the next venue by now. I was planning on contacting your publicist today to see where to Fed Ex your stuff to you so you wouldn't be without it too long." He smiled and said " Actually we are going to be in Portland for the next few weeks, I have to reshoot some of the my movie so we are going to hole up here and do some shows off and on and just relax for a bit." Huh…I was not expecting him to say that at all.