Lesson 2: Cleanliness Is Key
After a disastrous start, Yuan Shao proceeds to monitor the warriors as they clean themselves up and get primped for the occasion.
Now inside his castle's locker room, our tutor brings you inside to explain the next step in his guide.
"Well then, shall we continue? Before we start any sort of educational instruction, our fellow man must wash themselves up before taking part in…" Yuan Shao states, before being interrupted by Xiao Qiao, who approaches him wearing a large towel around her.
"Hey Mr. Mustache Guy! Do I really have to take a shower with all the other guys here? Don't you have a separate room for the ladies?" she asks, looking up at him with a pleading expression.
"…Um…no I do not. Sorry, M'lady, you'll just have to make do for what we have. No females live here in my castle after all," Yuan Shao explains to her while twirling his mustache.
"I can see why…" Xiao Qiao responds with a sigh before hesitantly returning to the showers.
"…What's that supposed to mean…?" Yuan Shao wonders, giving her an odd look as she left.
Shrugging at the thought, Yuan Shao then takes you over to a nearby sink, where Xu Zhu was brushing his teeth.
"Take this fellow man for example. He is keeping his teeth clean as one always should every morning. Do that and you'll have pearly whites just like mine," he explains, smiling in process.
It was then Yuan Shao notices that Xu Zhu's toothbrush was a bit larger than it should be.
"Excuse me, you large man you, may I ask what brand of toothbrush you are using?" Yuan Shao inquires.
Xu Zhu takes the object out of his mouth, and shows it to him.
"Why this is your bath brush! The regular toothbrushes were too tiny, so I grabbed this one instead. Want it back?" Xu Zhu asks, showing him the gunk-ridden brush used for back-scrubbing.
"No no NO! You keep it, really…!" Yuan Shao sputters as he backs away from the horrible sight.
Walking away from that scene, Yuan Shao takes us deeper into the room to where the showers were located.
"The next topic is bathing. Let us observe the fellow men scrub away all the dirt and grime from days' past…" he spoke.
Yuan Shao's voice trails as he sees all of the warriors stuffed into a single shower stall.
"What in the Emperor's name is the meaning of this? Why isn't everyone in their own stall?" Yuan Shao asks to no one in particular.
At that moment Xiao Qiao walks past him with a sneaky grin.
"I kept flushing all of the toilets so the guys were forced to move into one of the only two stalls that still had hot water. Now I can have a stall all to myself!" Xiao Qiao responds before stepping inside and shutting the curtain. "And no peeking either!"
"…That…was actually pretty clever. Not very righteous…but effective nevertheless…" Yuan Shao admits after a moment of silence. "Anywho, let's talk to some of the guys and see how they are coping with the small accommodations, hmmm?" he continues, stepping over toward the stall full of guys.
Peeking his head inside, he notices all of the warriors in a half circle, with Lu Xun standing in front of them. Not only was that odd in itself, but they seemed to be staring at him in shock as well.
"My good men…just what are you doing? Why are you not bathing, we've got a schedule to stick too. And what are you all staring at?" Yuan Shao questions everyone before looking at Lu Xun in interest, below his waist in particular. "Hmm…that's interesting…didn't know you had a third leg…wait a minute…that's no third leg…that's your…!"
Yuan Shao's eyes then flew wide open.
"YAAAAAHHHHH! IT'S SO LARGE!" Yuan Shao shrieks as he stumbles backwards…
SLIP…
…CRASH!
…only to slip on the wet floor and fall face-first onto the tile ground.
"Why me…it's going to take me weeks to un-see what I've just seen…" Yuan Shao said in a muffled voice.
Continue on to the last chapter!