For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.
Well the continuation of the last chapter is now here. It's kind of a filler. I mean important stuff is discussed but the couple of chapters after it will be pretty… not filler? Haha anyway I have found that I absolutely adore reviews or comments or whatever they're called. So, if you have time, maybe drop me a quick one? Tell me what you liked, what you didn't, any questions if you have some, what you want to see happen, if I got anything wrong (I am so sorry if I did so, please do tell me). Anything, criticism (nothing too mean?), questions, ideas, whatever. I like feedback. Hope you enjoy :)
Thank :)
M
Part 5
As gently as I could, I pulled Alexis' head into my lap. She curled up and pressed her face against my leg, still sobbing.
"Shhh," I whispered, running my fingers through her long, red hair. It was what my mother had done whenever I came home in tears. But other than doing that, I was completely lost. What had happened to her? Was someone hurt, dead? No. she would have told me right off it that was the case… right? "It's alright, Lex, shhh." She shuddered and I thought she was going to cry herself to pieces and all I'd be left holding were crumbs of the once sweet girl. At the very least, I though she was going to be sick. The sobs were wracking her shoulders, causing her to rock back and forth.
Alexis fumbled for my hand and held onto it tight. I gripped it back and switched the hand in her hair. I lifted our clasped hands and carefully wiped the tears from her cheeks. It took several minutes of shushing and trying to soothe her, but finally, her sobs quieted and she stopped shaking quite so violently. In fact, she was so still, that I wondered if she'd fallen asleep.
"Alexis," I whispered, still combing my fingers through her soft hair, "You awake?"
She sniffled but nodded.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" I hated seeing Little Castle so broken into pieces. She was too young to be in that much pain.
"Everything," she choked out, "Everything is wrong. The captain died and you got shot at his funeral right in front of us. You're still hurt and the guy who hurt you is still out there," Her voice was rising, "Security is everywhere and Dad's really worried and Gram's really worried so I'm really worried. I've been okay with all of this but Ashleigh and I just got in a fight. He said I was closing him out and I said I didn't know how to talk about it and then he said I just open my mouth and tell him what was wrong that it shouldn't be so hard and I don't' know. It escalated from there and I just…. Left and then when I saw the guys at the door, it got more real and I…" she trailed off into a ringing silence. All of that, everything that was my fault, had caused the seventeen year old daughter of the man I (might. Oh hell I loved him, but I couldn't admit it) cared very deeply about, who was my best friend, to weep and curl up in my lap. The guilt nearly swallowed me whole. Who was I to destroy her life like this?
"Alexis," I didn't know where to start, I swallowed the lump in my throat and began again, "First of all, I am so sorry. I caused all of this and I never, in a million years, wanted you to feel all of this. For that I am so deeply sorry," She started to speak but I plowed on, "Second, if I'm going to be honest with you, I think your father may be over reacting just a little bit. He's trying to protect everyone and doesn't realize that it's more worrying than comforting. But what can we do, he is who he is." Alexis hiccupped a laugh and nodded against my leg again.
"But finally, and very importantly, you have to talk to Ashleigh. He loves you and you can't just shut him out when you're freaking out, or don't want to trouble him or worry him," I was being ridiculously hypocritical but that wasn't the point of what I was saying, "It's not healthy, for you, for the relationship, but to make it healthy again, You both have to talk it out. Let him in." Not that I would know. I came to the sudden realization that the only relationship I'd ever been in that even resembled what I was telling her, was the one I was in with her father and even that was sporadic.
There was silence again. My fingers were still brushing absently through her hair. She seemed to be breathing easier and she had slacked her grip on my hand slightly. All I could think was, I can't let her become me. Blocking out Ashleigh was just the beginning. If she lost her father or something happened to her and it was my fault, besides never forgiving myself, I would do my damnedest to keep her as close to normal as I possibly could.
Although, if I had any control over the future, there was no way in hell that Castle was going to die of anything other than natural causes. The sudden thought of my Richard Castle, (my brain automatically added the 'my'. I did claim him. He was my best friend, my tag along) dead, silent, sickly pale, and icy cold sucked the air from my chest. I honestly couldn't imagine Castle, exuberant, obnoxious, loud as he was, not being in my life, nosing around in my past and personal business, messing with the guys, following me every where. And it scared me to death how much I needed him around.
"Detective Beckett?" Alexis sounded so young, her voice drifting up through my muddled thoughts and I felt sheepish, as if she'd caught me in some embarrassing act, even though the monologue had all been in my head.
I tore my mind, somewhat relievedly, away from Castle and my realization of how much I relied on him, "Yeah?" I cursed the quiver in my voice.
"Can I say something and not offend you?" her voice had dropped to almost a whisper.
"Of course," I replied, robotically.
"I hate that my dad tags along with you," she mumbled, "I'm happy he met you and started the new books and all, but I hate how much I worry. I hate how much trouble and danger he gets into."
I smiled sadly, though the girl couldn't see it, "You know what?" I didn't wait for her to respond, "I don't like it when he comes along either."
Alexis sat up and looked confused, almost hurt, "But I thought-"
"Oh, no, sweetie," she had gotten the completely wrong idea, "I am so glad that he somehow blundered his way into my life. But every time we go out in the field I worry about him. If he got hurt…" I trailed off, my mind somehow finding its way back to that dark place without Castle.
"Really?" Alexis squeezed my hand.
"Yeah," I snapped sharply back to reality, "I've been trying, for a couple of months now, to figure out how to get him to stop. I don't want him to come back with me this time." I sighed sadly, thinking about the precinct without Castle, without the coffee he brought me every day, without him playing Angry Birds in the seat next to my desk, without him, Esposito, and Ryan hazing each other.
"You'll miss him if he doesn't go back though?" She asked.
"Yeah. He's really helpful. His hair-brained theories have actually panned out a couple times. And he makes the job a little easier. Lightens the mood and all. The boys'll miss him too, but they'll be okay. As long as he's safe, I think that's all we all care about. We'll figure out a way to get him out of there…" But I was already missing him being around everyday.
After seeing the look on Alexis' face however, the ache in my heart eased a bit, "Really?"
"Yeah. Of course. I want you both to be safe and I want you not to worry too much. You're too young for that kind of thing." I squeezed her hand lightly but she threw her arms around my neck.
"Thank you so much, Detective Beckett." I wrapped my arms gently around her and hugged her back.
"Of course, Alexis. You can always talk to me."
"Thank you," She said again, pulling back and smiling a little.
"And another thing I've been meaning to tell you."
"What?" She looked nervous.
"You can call me Kate."
Alexis smiled, "Um, okay.."
"I mean, I'll be here for a while and 'Detective Beckett' is kind of a mouthful. I'm not even really a detective right now. Like I said I've been meaning to tell you that for a while now, so …"
"Alright then, Kate," I smiled hearing her use my first name. I liked it. It sounded like we were friends.
Alexis sat back and dug the remote between the couch cushions, "Do you want to watch something?"
"Sure."
The screen bloomed to life to show a cheetah chasing a baby gazelle. Alexis quickly changed the channel before we could find out the fate of the poor thing, "Any preferences?"
I shook my head, "Whatever you want."
She settled on an older episode of Bones and laid her head on my shoulder as we started to watch. I smiled at the weight but suddenly she gasped and jumped away from me.
"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" She looked stricken.
"What?" I hadn't even considered my injury through out the whole crying fiasco. It didn't feel any worse than usual though, "Oh no, sweetie, you're fine." I motioned her back over.
Alexis leaned against me again, more cautiously this time, "Are you sure?"
"My chest twinged a bit as I shifted to accommodate her, but not nearly enough for me to want her to move, "Absolutely."
During the episode (which we really weren't paying much attention to, but it was nice to have some background noise), Alexis and I talked about everything. Actors, boys, college, abroad programs. She was still seriously considering going to France for a year abroad, but she still won't sure about how her dad would feel about it, in light of recent happenings and especially since she was going off to Stanford early. I told her that I still highly recommended it and that in any case, Castle would probably go visit her while she was there anyway. After that, she was much less nervous.
I absolutely loved talking to her. She was so enthusiastic about everything and so interested in everything and just…. High on life. It was so refreshing after working day in and day out with serious people, sucked nearly dry of any child like wonder they'd had because of the tense, sad jobs they performed. Alexis was still relatively innocent but she wasn't ignorant. She was the best kid in the world. Talking to her made me forget about worrying.
I glanced at my father's old watch after the second bones episode, which we had paid almost zero attention to. 5:57. Had Castle really been gone for two and a half hours? Worry started to drip into my conscious. He had said he'd try to hurry. I was getting ridiculously antsy. I'd know if there were something wrong, right?
I must have looked like I had a twitch, checking over my shoulder every few moments, praying I'd see him walking through the door, but it remained irritatingly closed, shutting us off from the world.
"Kate?"
I snapped my head around to look at Alexis, "Hmm?" I tried to look as normal as I possibly could. I didn't need her freaking out and worrying like I was after I'd gotten her calmed down.
"I'm going to go to the bathroom really quick. Do you need anything while I'm up?"
She was so freaking sweet, "No, thank you, Lex, I'm fine."
"Okay, I'll be right back," she stood and flitted up the stairs, barely making a sound as she went. She was so similar to her father and so different at the same time. Castle would have been making all sorts of noise as he went.
As soon as I heard the bathroom door shut, I dug my phone from my pocket, my fingers flying before it had completely cleared the lining of my sweats. It went straight to my ear.
Please, please, PLEASE pick up Castle. I'm freaking out here. One ring, two rings, three, four, five, six. There was an indecent amount of rings. After each, I kept expecting to hear his deep, soothing voice and instantly have all my worry washed away. I didn't care if he was saying something obnoxious like "miss me already?" or "You're ever so impatient with me," but I didn't care. I just wanted to actively speak to him, hear that he was okay, that he was on his way back.
"Hi, you've reached the phone of Richard Castle. I'm either writing or deeply invested in something else at the moment…"
"Damn it," I muttered, yanking the phone away from my ear.
"What's wrong, Kate?" Alexis had rematerialized without a sound. I whirled around and then winced as my stitches and ribs protested.
"Sorry," she cried.
"Don't worry about it. I was just calling your father to ask him to get some chocolate pudding but he didn't answer. I'll shoot him a text in a second."
"Oh, okay." She slid back down next to me.
We actually started watching Bones then. My internal monologue of worry was getting louder and louder. He'd been kidnapped. How could I have been stupid enough to let him go alone? Although I might have put him in more danger by going with him. Either way, this waiting, the not knowing was awful.
After the third episode of Bones ended I had almost convinced myself to call the boys and see if they would go look for him, track his phone, something so I would at least know and have either just cause, or no more reason to worry. I had actually pulled my phone out and was trying to figure out how to get Alexis out of the room when we heard the lock sliding in the door and it swung open.