For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.

So sorry for the long wait in between! I have had a crazy school week. But here is more! :) It's got a little of everything. I hope you like it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Review. I really want to know what y'all are thinking. I kinda feel like I'm not really writing for anyone. Please though, if you have time, drop me a review about anything, criticism (nothing too mean?), questions, ideas, stuff you liked, whatever. I like feedback. Really, please talk to me! Hope you enjoy :)

Thank :)

M

Part 6

Castle stepped into the apartment, laden down with three shopping bags. If I hadn't been watching his face as he walked in, I wouldn't have seen the quick change in his expression from haggard, serious, and nervous, to forcedly jovial and playful.

"Hello my girls," his smile didn't reach his eyes and he forced a laugh.

Even given that I was incredibly mad at him for not answering and scared of what had happened to cause him to be so late, I smiled at being included as one of 'his' girls. God I was getting pathetic.

"Hi Dad," Alexis jumped up, kissed her father on the cheek and hugged him. If I had been able to, I would have been doing the same thing. On top of being mad and scared, I was freaking relieved that he was okay. The iron bands of nerves loosened from around my lungs.

"Hey pumpkin," Castle kissed her forehead and she took two of the bags.

"Where were you?" I whispered as he came over to me. I meant for it to come out irritated, uninterested, almost blasé. What actually came out was much more meek. I sounded young and scared.

"I'll tell you later," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head, leaving his lips there longer than strictly necessary and brushing a hand over my hair. His hand was shaking. I shivered as his lips touched my hair and my nerves kicked up again, feeling his hand.

Louder, for Alexis to hear, he told me, "I'll come back and help you to the kitchen after I set this stuff down."

I scowled and gritted my teeth. Not only was I out of the loop again, I hated that he had to help me do something as simple as walk to the kitchen. Castle's and Alexis' voices drifted in to me, muffled by the wall. My knee was a piston and I almost relished the ache that radiated through my torso. My lip was already ragged as my teeth continued to pluck at it. What had happened to him? It was rare to see Castle shaken and shaking. I wanted to scream. I wanted to walk in there on my own, grab the front of his shirt and demand to know what happened! Why was he so late? I got so tired of sitting with my pouncing thoughts and bouncing knee that I forced myself to my feet. The stretch of my ribs made me wrinkle my nose at the spasm.

"Look at you standing up on your own!" Castle sounded surprised as he returned to the room.

"Yeah, I'll be summiting Everest tomorrow," I growled trying to find the least painful way to breathe.

Castle shook his head, "You've done amazingly well these past few days, Kate. It's more impressive than climbing Everest."

I snorted and then instantly regretted it as fire shot across my chest. Rick started to close the distance between us, hands out stretched but I stopped him when he was a few feet away.

Slowly, very slowly I slid one foot forward and shifted my weight. It hurt but wasn't unbearable. There were only about two feet or so between us now. I clenched my teeth and hauled my other foot forward. My legs quivered. What the hell was this! I could chase suspects for blocks and barely break a sweat but now taking two unaided steps was agony. I felt Castle's hands close around mine and I all but collapsed against him.

The world was soft and warm in the few moments that my body rested against Castle's. His smell infected me and made it so that all I wanted to do was burry my face in his chest and hold him tight.

With no small amount of will power, I pushed myself away from him, using his arms as support.

"Kate," he stuttered, "You're supposed to let me help you."

"I can take two steps, Castle." I growled.

"Don't push yourself," he admonished.

I glared and dug my nails into his arm.

"Apples!" he yelped, laughing.

His expression changed suddenly after I removed my nails and he pressed his forehead to mine, "Please. Be careful."

"Two steps is being careful," I breathed back. I could barely think straight with him so close. Damn it! What had happened to all those times when he had invaded my personal bubble and all I could do was shoot back some witty insult or hit him? Now all I wanted was for him to be closer. Some how my injury made the contact okay where it wouldn't have been weeks before. It was okay but that didn't mean I was used to it. I kind of liked this change though.

He sighed and pulled away, "Kate."

"No pain, no gain. I have to push myself some," My brain started to function properly now that he had moved away.

"Not too much though," he stated as we edged toward the kitchen, "You've already been pushed farther than usual today. Too much and you'll regret it tomorrow."

I just glowered at him. I wasn't a child, I knew my limitations, knew what the consequences could be. I was not this fragile and weak. Taking tiny, aided, half steps was not who I was.

"I know you hate this," he muttered as we finally crossed into the kitchen where Alexis was stocking the fridge with what her father had purchased and tactfully ignoring us, "Please, just for a while, do things my way."

I stared up at him. His eyes were full of seriousness, pain, concern, care, and worry, blue pools of sincerity. I missed the mischief that I'd come to love and hate at the same time. It made me feel alive and it made him seem even more alive than I knew he was.

"Okay," I breathed back, giving in, but swaying, unsure whether or not to hug him. As much as I wanted to, I didn't.

"Thank you," he sighed, resting his cheek against my head. I leaned into the contact, relishing it, for a moment before pulling away. Castle put his hands gently on either side of my waist and helped me haul myself into a soft, high backed bar stool. It had recently, randomly just cropped up in the kitchen and I had a sneaking suspicion that it was added specifically for me. We'd have to have a talk about that.

I felt almost human, sitting at the bar, watching Castle and his daughter interact in their special way that they had. You'd never guess that Alexis had arrived home in tears or that Castle had returned, looking like he'd seen a ghost. They were lying to one another, hiding things to keep each other happy.

And guilt overtook me again. It came in waves and this was one of the biggest. Before me, they had had the most perfect relationship and now it was crumbling. They were lying and keeping things from one another. They were at risk. Things were tense. Everything had changed and it was all because I got too damn caught up in my mother's case to realize that what I was doing would hurt everyone around me. Lanie, my dad, the boys, Martha, Alexis, Castle. They had done everything for me and what had I done? Shut them out, yelled at them, bossed them around, thrown them out, and gotten them into danger. And I considered myself their protector.

I rested my elbows on the granite bar and hunched over to cover my face with my hands, reveling in the sharp pain across my body. It didn't feel good, but it felt like I was supposed to feel. My punishment for bringing hell upon the people I loved. God, where had my ability to compartmentalize gone?

"Kate?" A hand fell to rest on my shoulder.

My head snapped up and I stared up at Castle, grateful that I hadn't let myself break down completely. I still had a modicum of emotional control at least. The walls were still up enough.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?" God, why was he being so caring? I wanted him to yell at me, rage at me for doing this to his family, demand that I leave. I didn't deserve to have him be this sweet to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I hitched an almost convincing smile onto my face and I banked on Castle's distraction keeping him busy enough for him not to notice.

"Okay…" he didn't seem as convinced as I would have liked but he dropped it for the moment, sitting down at the bar stool next to me and stretching an arm across the back of my chair.

Alexis placed a final item in the vegetable crisper and closed fridge with her foot, "Alright, I've got that sorted, now I'm off to go see Ashleigh."

"Wait, I thought you just saw him." Castle still wasn't handling that his little girl had a boyfriend, much less one she loved and was going to follow out to Stanford. She was still six and completely innocent in his mind.

"Yeah, well I told him I had to come home to do some things and that I'd be back later. It's later, I'm going to go see him." She headed toward the door, throwing me a significant look that Castle didn't miss. I barely nodded and gave her a smile.

"Um… okay Sweetie, have fun, be safe." He called after her as she opened the door.

"Yeah, I know Dad. It's kind of hard not to be with… well you know." her voice dropped a little.

"Yeah. I know. Love you."

"Love you," she yelled back and the door slammed.

"What was all that about?" he asked instantly, turning to me.

"Just girl talk, Castle, don't worry about it." I knew Alexis would talk to him in her own time. It wasn't my place to tell him anything.

"Aw, come on, you know something. Tell me," he whined, sounding like a little kid. I smiled at the familiarity.

"No! It's not my place to. She'll tell you when she's ready."

"Fine," he pouted. I sighed at how easily we slipped into our usual roles.

"So…" I started, knowing it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation for either of us, but curiosity was killing me, "What happened? Why'd it take you so long to get back?"

He sighed, barely turning away from me, "Kate. Now isn't the time. I don't know if you're ready to have this talk."

"Rick!" I almost shouted, a sudden upsurge of anger coursing through me, "Stop telling me what I am or am not ready for. I can handle this, okay. I can handle anything. I'm tired of this being-out-of-the-loop shit. I was worried! So you tell me right now!" I didn't meant for fear to creep into my voice or to tell him that I'd worried or even yell, but it had happened. I swore to myself. Get control of yourself, Beckett!

Rick sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Alright, I'm sorry," he closed his eyes and blew another breath between his lips, rubbing his hands over his face. He still looked like he hadn't slept in months. The show he'd been putting on for Alexis had crumbled quickly and he had returned to the broken man at my bedside again.

"So?" I asked. I could talk him down, be understanding, comfort him later. Right now, information was what I craved. I had to be connected with the real world as much as I possibly could.

"Okay…" Castle stared at me as if trying to figure out where to start, "I went to the little market just a couple blocks down. I walked, since it was a nice day. I had one of my guys watching me while I was out just in case. I had bought all the groceries and I was on the way to get your prescriptions filled when my guy called me and said that I was being followed," My heart dropped into the vicinity of my feet and I felt myself tense up. What had they done to him? Quickly I scanned his body, searching for injuries, physical harm, but exhaustion was the only evident problem with him. I reached for his hand and he wound our fingers together.

"So I went up to the Old Haunt to steer them away from anyone else. I don't know what the person looked like who was following me. But I was dying to get home. The thought of you and Alexis here… Writer mind. It has its drawbacks," he shuddered and I squeezed his hands. His thumb traced a pattern against the back of my hand.

"I stayed there for an hour and a half or so. My guy called again and told me that the tail had gone, but not to go straight home just to be sure. So I got the prescriptions at a drug store and walked through Central Park. When I got the all clear I came home as quickly as I could. Both his hands were shaking again. I reached over and took his other one in my free hand.

"I'm so glad you're okay.

"I could say the same."

"We weren't in any danger though. You were…"

I didn't know you weren't though; I felt sick not being with you guys. Not knowing.

"Now you know how I felt," I mumbled and then froze, surprised at myself. It was as close as I had ever come to verbalizing my feelings except in the freezer where I though I was going to die. Thankfully I'd passed out before I could say anything really damaging.

I cleared my throat in the awkward silence, "So, why was he following you?"

"Probably looking for you," his voice taughtened.

"I can't be all of it." I pressed on, ignoring his tone.

"Isn't that enough?" he shifted closer, giving me the Rick look, the one that conveyed caring and… love(?) in every glance. It was another thing that I loved and simultaneously hated about him. He gripped my hands tighter.

Again I ignored him, though it was harder that time, "There must be some evidence that we have that we're missing but they know about it…" I trailed off as Castle's body language changed. His head dropped, he tensed, and he suddenly couldn't sit still.
"Castle… What aren't you telling me?" I dropped his hands and drew back a little trying to get him to look me in the eye.

"I…" he looked like a little kid, caught in a lie. My whole body tensed up. Castle almost always told me everything. I could only think of a handful of time when he hadn't. This must be something big.

"Castle. What happened?" I found myself slipping back into the tone I used in interrogations and by the way he flinched, he could tell.

"Okay… You know the first night you sent me away from the hospital? Well I came home and there was a package on my doorstep addressed to me. It was from the Captain."

I stared at him. My mind felt blank. He had wiped my mind blank with five words. The Captain? Roy was dead. How had he sent Castle something? Why would he send Castle something?
"What..? No. It's not possible. Roy's… Roy's dead. " I tried to say more but my mind had been completely blown.

"It was postmarked the day of his death. Inside there were papers. Old case file and a letter. Stuff that had to do with your mother's murder. We know so much more now. I took it over to the boys and they've been working with it. That's when I called Jordan."

"You called Shaw?" I croaked. Files? Letters? I knew Cap had been deep in my mother's case. But deep enough have these files?

"Yes. She and Fallon are both in on it now, working things out."

He had the government involved in my mother's case. I was so in shock that I was more concerned with the information in those file than the fact that Castle had lied to me. What was in those files? What had my mother gotten into that was so terrible?