For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.
I am so very sorry for taking FOEVER to update! Crazy as hell week. But here's the 7th chapter, the longest yet, I might add. Nothing too earth-shattering, bits of sweetness here and there. I'm not very good at writing the mystery stuff, so I'm keeping it to a minimum until later. I'll try to update again later on today or tomorrow. It's crazy how many people are favorite-ing this. I feel honored haha thanks y'all! Anyway, tell me what you're thinkin' about the story, if I got anything wrong, whatever! I really hope no one's OOC or anything. So. Here it is! Hope you enjoy :)
Thank :)
M
Part 7
I slid out of my seat and clutched the counter as I tried to walk myself to the door. I had to get to the precinct, be a part of what was going on. This was my case. I had caused everything that had happened from it and I had to see it through now, make sure that it ended before I got anyone else killed.
"Beckett, where are you going?" Castle jumped off his chair and planted himself right in front of me, backing up with each painful step I took forward. His arms were outstretched to give me support but I ignored them.
"I have to go to the 12th. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this." I had reached the end of the counter. I was looking for somewhere else to go. The wall was about to ten feet away. If I could just get to it, I could follow it to the door and then... I'd figure it out when I got there.
"No, you don't. The precinct and the government have some of their best people on this. You are on strict orders to rest which you are not doing." He tried to take my arms and help me over to the couch but I slapped them away.
"Let me go, Castle. I can't believe you lied to me," I tried to take a step past him but my legs shook as I left the counter's support. Damn it.
"You didn't ask. I discussed this with the boys. They said it was best not to tell you. That you'd be easier to wrangle if you didn't know. They said they could handle it but I called Jordan anyway and she called Fallon. They're all working together to catch him."
"You talked to the boys? God, I'm going to kill them," Not my best choice of words but oh well, "Where's my phone?" I patted my pockets and realized that I'd left it on the couch.
"They're trying to protect you." Castle sounded desperate, trying to calm me down.
"Castle, give me your phone. I'm calling Lanie." I was seething now. He had delved into my mother's case again, sent me down the rabbit hole that I had had to claw my way out of years ago, and now when we were so close to closing it, he had kept evidence from me.
"No you're not. I already talked to her. She said to tell you that you need to sit your skinny little ass down recuperate. That they can all handle it and that if you don't stay here with me that she'll call the hospital and make arrangements for you to strapped into one of their beds and sedated until this is all over. I swear to God that's word for word what she said." In spite of the situation, Castle was grinning as he delivered Lanie's message. I didn't doubt that she'd try to do all that she'd said either.
"I don't care what Lanie said. I'll figure out some way to get there! Now move, Castle."
"No," the smile had disappeared from his face and now he looked angry, "I don't think you get it, Kate. You don't understand how close we came to losing you."
"No? Well I think the gunshot wound in my chest and my inability to do anything by my self it a pretty good indicator!" We were both yelling now and I was still clutching the corner of the counter for support.
"How do you think we would have handled it if you'd died? How do you think Lanie and the boys and Josh and your dad would have reacted?"
"And what about you, Rick?" we both froze as the words came flying out of my mouth. I was transported back to my apartment when we'd fought. When I'd said all those horrible things. When I'd tried to throw him out of my life forever. We were getting back into dangerous waters again. I know you hide there. The same way you hide these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. I had put off telling him about Josh for too long. No time like the present I supposed.
"I doubt it would have mattered to Josh anyway." I muttered in the silence as he opened his mouth to speak, realizing that talking about Josh would be easier than revisiting topics from that night. We kiss and we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each others arms. So no, I've got no idea what we are.
"What?" I had effectively distracted him, hallelujah. We would talk about it… eventually. Now just wasn't the time.
"It wouldn't have mattered if I'd died. To Josh."
"What? Why not? He's…" realization took a moment to hit Castle but when it did he stared at me in a new light, "Oh… Oh Beckett why didn't you tell me?"
"It wasn't important. We were in the middle of all these cases and then Roy… everything got out of hand and it wasn't all that important."
"Still you should have told me, I'm your friend." There it was. Another thing he'd told me that night that I'd been dumb enough to challenge.
"Sorry. I didn't think it'd matter." Castle opened his mouth to say more but I beat him to the punch. My legs were shaking badly and my hands were trembling too. It was such an effort to just stand there I didn't know what I would have done at the 12th. I probably would have put everyone in more danger by being there anyway. I hated being so helpless and weak but Castle was right. Again. "Okay, Castle, I'll stay here but you have to be honest with me from here on out. No more lying about the case or who's involved. You tell me everything, as soon as you know. Deal?"
He sighed and nodded, "Only if you let me take care of you. You don't fight me if you're tired or hurt, you let me do something. Deal?
I sighed. I hated this but if it got me information…"Fine. Just keep me in the loop."
"I will."
I hated when we fought, but the look on his face after we'd stopped was so cute that I had to smile. A tentative smile would pull at the corners of his mouth and his eyes would soften a little.
"What?" his smile grew and his eyebrows cocked in confusion.
"Nothing. You just… you get this look on your face after we've fought and it's… it's cute, okay?" I looked away, trying to hide the flush that had come to my face.
"Are you calling me cute?" Castle cracked up, "My, my detective, that bullet must have effected your brain somehow. Although I am partial to that color in your cheeks." I punched his shoulder and winced, realizing I'd used my right hand.
"Oh. You need to sit down. You've been standing for too long. And you need to eat. Any preference?" he took my hands and helped me walk to the living room again where I sank onto the couch, somehow absolutely exhausted.
"Apple sauce?" I asked, pressing my hands together between my knees to stop them from shaking.
"Coming right up."
With Castle gone, I could think again. Roy and all the years I'd trusted him and seen him in an almost fatherly light were now dampened with the feeling that it had all been a lie. Castle was more involved in my mother's case than I was now but he was here with me, making me promise to let him take care of me. And I was going to let him! What the hell kind of alternate universe had I been shot into?
"Applesauce, water, and a side of pills." Castle came back into the living room, bearing a tray. He set it down on my lap and then plopped down next to me, taking a second cup of applesauce and glass of water for himself.
I tossed the three small pills (orange, white and green. Castle had arranged them to look like the Irish flag. It reminded me of the pin that Ryan wore sometime but it was cute. Probably habit from the days of a younger Alexis) into my mouth and washed them down with water, shuddering as the scraped their way down my throat.
Castle spooned a huge bite of apple sauce into his mouth and then said, with his mouth full, "So what did you and Alexis do?"
"Oh, no. We're talking about the case," I wrestled with the applesauce, but my still trembling hands would not do what I wanted them to.
Castle took the small cup from my hands and ripped off the foil top and handed it back to me.
"Thanks." I scowled. Had I really lost that much ability? My arms still felt relatively strong. I was just too damn shaky.
"Of course." Castle set down his already empty applesauce cup and leaned back, taking a long drag from his water glass.
"So. What happened? What's new in the case?" I asked, taking a tiny bite of the tangy apple sauce. I hummed quietly. Yum.
"Okay… the guy behind this… they call him the Dragon but his real name is Thomas Darling. He's got a sheet as long as the Nile. Extortion, prostitution, attempted terrorism, murder, possession, you name it, he's done it. He has his own personal army it seems like. But he's never been caught. When he heard what Raglan and them were doing he wanted in on it. After the ransom he decided that the case had too many ties so he started cutting them off one by one."
"But why does my mom have to do with all of this?" I asked, spooning a third bite into my mouth and then setting the tray off to the side, no longer hungry.
"She found out about what Raglan and his partners were doing. She was going to bust them and then it would get traced back to the Dragon. He couldn't have that. She was just another string that had to be cut. Roy actually did Darling a favor by killing Lockwood and his men. You're the only string left attached to his case."
"And the boys," I whispered, "And you." I was starting to feel sick. Everyone in this case seemed to end up dead.
"I told you, I've got people everywhere, protecting everyone. And the 12th's got details on everyone. Shaw and Fallon have even added people in this. They've been chasing this guy for years."
"Why did he get involved with this case? Crooked cops doesn't seem like his style." I stifled a yawn behind my hand, trying to hide it from Castle. There was so much more I wanted to talk about, I couldn't let him see me tiring.
"I don't know. Maybe he saw an opportunity and took it. He'd be harder to touch if he had some cops under his thumb." Castle stood up, "Now you, my lady, must go off to bed. You've done way more than you should have today and I'm sure you're exhausted."
It felt like years ago that I'd been sprung from the hospital, not a few hours. I glanced at my watch. 6:47. Really? I was tired at 6:47. I could go for five days on about eight hours of sleep and lots of coffee.
"Castle, I'm fine, really. We need to talk about this more." I started to protest as he picked up my tray.
"No. That's about all I know anyway. And remember our deal?" I scowled as he held out my barely touched cup of applesauce, "You want anymore?"
My stomach was in knots just thinking about the case. Eating wasn't going to happen, "No. Thanks."
"Come on, Kate, you barely touched it and you haven't eaten anything else all day, except that cup of coffee this morning."
"I said I'd let you take care of me, not baby me." I growled back, gently pushing the cup away.
"You need to get your strength up and eating will do that." He held the cup out again.
"No, Castle. I don't' want any."
He sighed and straightened up. "Fine. I'll come get you in a minute."
"Okay." I sat back against the couch, feeling my eyelids drooping already. I didn't know how I was going to climb the… Oh right. I was sleeping in Castle's room. He was taking the extra room. Dang it. I hated the thought of taking his room from him. He looked dead on his feet and sleeping in a different bed wasn't going to help him.
"Come on," Castle had returned with his hands held out. I grabbed them, standing and again, almost enjoying the stretch of my injured ribs and sewn skin.
"Castle are you sure I can't take the guest room again?" I asked as we tottered toward his bedroom slowly.
"Unless you want me to carry you up and down the stairs every time you want to go to your room, I don't think so. I wouldn't mind carrying you, but I know you probably wouldn't like it, so…"
I glared. I was sure; if we went really slowly I could make it… maybe? "What about the couch then? I can take the couch and you have your bed. I hate taking your bed away from you. You need your sleep. You look dead on your feet." We were in the middle of his study, and a larger than Nikki Heat cover was propped in a corner. Heat Rises. Oh Lord, what was the new one going to be like? I'd have to remember to ask for a copy to read.
"I do not want to be the one responsible for you rolling off of my couch and re breaking your ribs and tearing your stitches. Not just so I can sleep a little easier. Not a chance, Kate, I know how you sleep."
We had made it to the bedroom. I paused just inside the door and stared at him.
"You slept on the couch in the precinct that one time. I covered you with a blanket and when I came in an hour later, you were half hanging off one end and the blanket was halfway across the room."
I looked away, embarrassed, "Oh… yeah. Sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? It was adorable." I glanced up into his face and found not a hint of mischief there. He was being sincere.
"Shut up," I muttered as we made it to the bathroom door.
"You got it in there?" he asked as I leaned against the door jamb.
I glared at him, but not menacingly. More playfully than anything, but he was being totally serious, "Yeah, Castle, I got this."
"Okay, I'll be right here if you need me," He promised, lowering himself to sit on the floor. I looked around for my luggage, a bag, something to indicate that Lanie had dropped off my stuff, but I didn't see anything.
"Didn't you say Lanie was picking up some of my stuff?"
"Oh yeah, she said she's really sorry, but she got hung up at work and she'll bring it by tomorrow."
"Oh…" I was already wearing sweats. Maybe he'd let me wear the hoodie to bed. My button down wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing in the world.
"Yeah, sorry. I thought I'd have stuff here for you. If I'd known…"
"No, Castle, it's fine. But… um do you mind if I wear this hoodie to bed to night?" I felt insanely embarrassed asking him but it was so comfy and it smelled like him. I liked it more than I wanted to let on.
"Of course you can wear it. I have another one if you want to change out of that one." He started to get up but I held out a hand, "Oh, no Castle, this one's fine. I've been wearing it all day so it's warm."
"Okay, if you're sure." He sat back down, leaning against the wall.
"Thanks," I smiled down at him and then plodded into the bathroom, carefully shutting the door behind me.
It took me longer than I thought it would. My arms and legs felt like they weighed a ton as I tried to stand up from the toilet. Pulling up my pants was no party either. After I'd washed my hands and face, I studied myself in the mirror.
My hair was falling out of its ponytail and hung lankly around my face. It had become lifeless and plain, just hanging there, brown as ever. There were huge circles under my eyes and my cheek bones were even more prominent than usual. I unzipped Castle's hoodie and hung it up on the towel rack and proceeded to unbutton my shirt. Or try to. My hands were still shaking pretty badly and it took me about twenty seconds just to undo one.
Tears of frustration built up in my eyes as I worked my way down the shirt. This shouldn't be so hard. I'd been putting on my own clothes since I was two and a half. And now, at almost thirty years old, I couldn't unbutton my own shirt anymore.
"Kate." There was a knock on the door, "Are you okay?"
"Fine." I called out, proud at the lack of tremor in my voice, since tears were nearly blinding me.
"Do you need any help?" he sounded genuinely worried.
"You are not going to see me naked by asking if I need help, Castle," I finished the second to last button and tried to laugh but it sounded more like choking.
"I'm not trying to feel you up. I just want to help. I promise."
"I'm fine, I'll be right out." I heard him sigh but he dropped it and I finally completed unbuttoning my shirt.
I shrugged out of it and studied myself, clutching the counter. My collar bones and ribs were clearly defined under my skin and the ab muscles that I'd had only a few days before had melted away, leaving my hip bones to protrude weirdly against my sweats.
There was a white cotton pad taped over the center of my chest. Without realizing I was doing it, I caught the edge of the tape under my fingernail and pulled experimentally. The tape was super adhesive and pulled at my sewn skin. I winced as more tears filled my already clouded eyes. Finally I just yanked the pad away and tossed it in the general direction of the trash can. I shuddered as air hit the stitches and finally checked out my injury in the mirror
From the bottom of my sternum to just above my right breast, ran a long black line of stitches, closing what had been my bullet and surgery wounds. The skin around it was a little brighter red than the rest. It was ugly and puckered but I couldn't look away. It didn't seem like it was part of me. I ran a finger over it experimentally and quickly jerked my hand away as it burned. Definantly me. The stitches were clean and seemed to be holding fine, and I could feel my eyes beginning to close as I stood there. I didn't need to replace the bandage. I'd be fine.
"Beckett, I'm starting to worry out here." I jumped at Castle's voice.
I grabbed the hoodie off the hook and swung it around my shoulders, ignoring the pull in my chest.
"Calm down, Castle I'll be out in a minute."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes." I fumbled for the zipper and pulled it up to a decent point (conveniently enough to hide my stitches and lack of bandage from Castle) then turned around and squirted a little bit of Castle's toothpaste onto my finger and swished it around in my mouth. Clean enough. I spat it out and glanced at the mirror one last time. There was a single tear working its way down my cheek. Hastily, angrily, I brushed it away and then slowly made my way to the door.
"See. Still alive," I told Rick, taking his outstretched hands and letting him guide me over to the bed.
"Just making sure. I got nervous when you were in there for ten minutes."
"I was in there ten minutes?" I didn't think I was that slow.
"Yeah."
"Well I'm fine. Thank you for checking."
"Mmhmm." He hummed. He glanced down at me and cracked a smile.
"What?" I asked laughing at the adorable look on his face.
"I forget how short you are without those insane heels."
"Yeah, well…" I was used to being only a couple inches shorter than Castle so we
were about on the same eye level at least but now my head was on a level with his shoulder, "Why do you think I wear them? I like not having to look up. Harder to be ignored that way."
Castle laughed again as I sank down onto his bed. It was sinfully soft and I just
wanted to curl up in the middle of it.
"Are you positive-" I started, leaning against his side a little.
"Hush. You're taking my bed, that's it."
"Okay…"
He sat down next to me, "Do you want me to take your hair down?"
"If you don't mind. Sorry I can't do this by my self." I grumbled as he smoothly started to tug the hair tie out.
"Don't be. I love helping. That's why I'm here." Almost without my notice, he had the tie out and was handing it to me.
"You're really good at that." I murmured as his fingers continued to comb through my lifeless hair, gently untangling the worst of the gnarls.
"Alexis was really tender headed as a little girl, I had to get good at it," he whispered back. I fought a shudder at his close ness, I could feel his heat against my back, and I was almost unconsciously leaning in to his touch.
"I should let you get to sleep." Castle stood and looked down at me. I was sad to have him go. His warmth was intoxicating as was the feel of his fingers, his smell, everything about him at the moment.
"Okay." I mumbled.
Castle leaned down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes at the contact and let out a tiny sigh; his lips lingered longer than strictly necessary.
"Lie down so I can cover you up."
"I'm sure I can do that much, Castle. Thank you. You should get some rest."
"Alright, if you're sure."
"I am."
"Okay then."
I wriggled my way in between his sheets (which were the softest, most unbearably perfect sheets I'd ever felt) and Castle shut off the light. Since it was 7:15 at the very latest, the last rays of the sunset were still streaming between the curtains but Castle pulled a second, darker pair over the windows and the room was plunged into almost complete darkness.
My eyes were closing and my tongue felt heavy in my mouth. It was amazing how quickly I could fall asleep now.
"G'night, Rick," I slurred, rolling onto my left side, facing away from the window.
"Until tomorrow, Kate." I heard him whisper but I was already being sucked under, into the cool blackness of sleep.