For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.
Part 8 baby! Yay and this one is now the longest part yet. I'm actually pretty proud of how it turned out. I hope the beginning makes sense. It's supposed to be a little confusing or choppy, I hope it works. I really liked writing this part. (warning: minor spoiler for the end of Season 6 of Bones) The next part should be fairly fun too. I know what I want to happen, I just haven't gotten it written out yet, so between that, school, and rehearsal, it might take me a bit to put it up. Sorry! Anyway, tell me what you're thinkin' about the story, if I got anything wrong, whatever! I really hope no one's OOC or anything. So. Here it is! Hope you enjoy :)
Thank :)
M
Part 8
The kiss seared across my lips, sending fire through my body. His hands roamed, one tight around my waist, the other to the back of my head, knotting itself in my hair. I clutched at his shoulders, pulling him closer. The initial shock had faded, leaving only heat. The feel of him, his lips, his arms, his warmth, was intoxicating.
FOCUS! My brain screamed and I flicked open my eyes to glance at the guard. He was still moving closer though slowly, more curious than cautious.
Castle pressed himself closer and I got lost in our lips again. I caught his lower lip between my teeth and a strangled moan filtered through the kiss. Damn it. He wasn't supposed to know how much I had wanted this. Castle's hand flattened against my back and he pulled me securely to his chest.
Suddenly Josh flashed through my mind and jolted me back to reality. I had a boyfriend. Granted it was ending (we both knew it, we were just too busy or too scared to admit it) and this wasn't even a real kiss, but it was so…passionate. I was enjoying it way more than I should have and the thought of my 'boyfriend' was enough to take my mind off of kissing Castle. Almost.
The guard was closer than ever. I pulled Castle, our lips still attached, around so that his back was to the guard. If he would just take two more steps… and as I watched through my eyelashes, he did.
I leaned into the kissed one more time, knowing I wouldn't get the chance to do this again. Almost completely unwillingly, I separated our lips, grabbed my gun and spun out from Castle's arms. The butt of my gun connected with the guard's head. He went down without a sound.
I watched him for a moment, gasping in the cold air and looking for movement. There was none. I could hear Castle panting behind me and I hoped to God that I didn't sound as out of breath as he did.
"That was-" he began as I turned toward him but a sudden CRACK! exploded through the night. Castle crumbled and I yelled. I skidded on my knees at his side, pulling his head into my lap and checked behind me. Ice replaced blood in my veins.
Lockwood stood behind the Captain, less than 100 feet away, holding Roy's hand on the gun, their fingers jammed together on the trigger. Roy looked stricken, Lockwood, malicious, and almost happy. Castle coughed weakly from my lap. I glanced down to check on him. A scarlet flower was blooming in the center of his chest.
"Oh, God. Stay with me, Castle," I gasped, putting one hand over his chest and applying pressure on the wound. Castle groaned and grasped at my hand over his chest.
Shaking, I raised my gun to Lockwood and Roy barely able to tear my eyes away from Castle.
"Drop the gun, Lockwood!" I shouted, my finger already poised on my trigger. Faster than I could process, Lockwood, dark eyes glinting, flicked the gun out of Roy's hand, pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger. The second explosion shattered the night and Roy dropped like a stone. No emotion showed in Lockwood's black eyes.
My heart tore in half watching my mentor, the man I had come to think of as a friend, as a father figure, fall. Lockwood had killed him. This was just another thing that was my fault.
"Just shoot him," Castle gasped from my lap, pulling me out of my own brain. Automatically, I glanced down to check on him and I instantly wished I hadn't. The halves of my heart plummeted as I watched the color recede from his lips, leaving them white and trembling. The whole of his blue shirt was dyed red and his hand was shaking on mine which was covered in his blood.
"Castle, I can't!" I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Castle was dying. Lockwood had killed Roy. What could I do? "He knows stuff about my mom. I can find out what he knows!"
"He's going to kill you, Kate," he moaned.
"Shhh, Rick, don't talk." A chill ran through me hearing the weakness in his voice
I turned my eyes away from Rick's blue ones. Lockwood was slowly making his way towards us with a confident swagger, gun hanging loosely from his fingers, and a creepy smile stretching his lips.
"Who do you think you are, Detective? You're not strong enough to touch the Dragon. I'm just a pawn. You'll never find him. Your swine of a mother couldn't. Why should you be any different?"
Despite all of my training and without my permission, my gun was up; my finger was squeezing the trigger. Rage was roaring through me as the night was exploding for a third time.
Lockwood fell to the ground. Surely I'd killed him. It was a good clean shot. He didn't move. Sorry, Mom, I thought, as I set my gun down at my side I'll figure out another way. I swear.
"Good girl," Castle gasped.
"Shut up, Castle." I replied, terrified again. His voice was weak, quieter than I'd ever heard it. His hand was barely grasping my fingers. I slid my fingers between those of his free hand, still pressing down on the gunshot wound with my other hand.
"Castle, we've got to get you out of here. My phone…" I started to pull away to search for my phone, call an ambulance. I had to save him. Life was seeping away from him. But as I went to move he tightened his grip on me.
"No. Look at me."
Why, WHY was it so hard to look into those blue eyes now? More tears were leaking out of my eyes, blurring my vision.
"Castle. Please. Stay with me." It came out as a whimpering whisper. Not at all what I had wanted. I wanted to leave no room for argument. I wanted to demand that he not die. No wiggle room, no room for doubt. He COULD NOT die.
My mother's case didn't matter at the moment. Josh didn't matter. Nothing else in the world mattered except that the man I loved, my best friend, was dying in my lap and there was nothing I could do about it.
I hiccupped a sob and clutched his now, uncharacteristically cold hands, "Please don't leave me." What was this? I was stronger than this! I had to be stronger than this. For him. But the only thing I seemed to be capable of doing was cry and hold his hands, knelt on the frozen gravel.
"I love you, Kate." It was so quiet, half a whisper, but I heard it clear as day.
I stared into his eyes and opened my mouth to say… what? That I loved him too? Of course I loved him too, but my vocal cords wouldn't cooperate. I couldn't say it back.
But before I could utter more than a strangled, "Rick…" something changed behind his eyes. They became empty, blank. No spark of life, no glint of mischief. His hand fell out of mine and his head flopped to the side. My Castle was gone.
"Castle, damn it. Don't die on me." Tears were streaming down my face. I pressed my hands against his chest, compressing it, trying to kick start his heart again. It squelched sluggishly under my hands but refused to carry one as soon as I stopped.
"No, Castle." I whimpered, leaning down and pressed my forehead against his. He was gone. Really truly gone. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I couldn't breathe. My life without him was cold, bleak and dark. The halves of my heart crumbled and disintegrated into dust. I was empty. My breaths came in ragged sobs and my chest ripped further apart with every attempted intake of air. Castle's gone. The thought ran around my head again and again and I fell further into the pit of pain and despair that I'd barely clawed my way out of after my mother's death.
When I finally sat up again, my heart plummeted with the temperature. I was back in the freezer, alone. Lockwood's and Roy's bodies still lay several feet away in the whiteness.
"I am so sorry, Rick," I whispered, placing my fingers over his eyelids and sliding them closed. Unable to help myself, I brushed my lips over his forehead and then, gently pulled his limp form from my lap. If it hadn't been for the blood, he could have been sleeping. And I could almost convince myself that he was. Rage was filling the hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I had to see that Lockwood was really, truly dead.
My footsteps echoed in the spacious freezer and my breath billowed out in front of me in puffy clouds. I was halfway to Lockwood's body when he moved. My hand dove for my gun but it had disappeared.
Lockwood rolled over and hunched to his feet, but something was different. His hair had lengthened, turned to a darker brown. The clothes hung weirdly on him, too big. It wasn't 'til he straightened up and turned to look at me that I realized that Hal Lockwood wasn't Hal Lockwood anymore. He was a woman. And more specifically, my mother.
I shrieked and stumbled back but there was something behind me. I whirled around and found Roy blocking my path. I barely choked back a second scream.
My mom/Lockwood bore the effects of my shot. A single dark hole drilled right through the center of her/his forehead. The left side of Roy's head was completely gone. Both sets of eyes were vacant and their movements were stiff and slow. I felt like I was trapped in the middle of a really bad zombie movie but it was real.
"How could you, Katie?" My mom's voice mixed with Lockwood's to create the most terrifying sound I'd ever heard, "By shooting him, you may as well have killed me. You'll never find him now."
"Kate, why didn't you do something? You could have saved me."
"Roy," I gasped, trying to fumble my way from between them, but a third mass stopped my progress.
Barely daring to breathe, I cranked my head around. Mussed, soft, brown hair and vacant blue eyes almost the same color of the bloodstained shirt.
"Castle." I choked, shivering as his icy hands came up to brush my arm. I jumped away from the contact for the first time a while.
"I'm gone now, Kate. Are you finally happy?"
"No! No. I didn't want any of this to happen! I'm so sorry." I felt like a child again, inconsequential, unable to change anything, hurting, scared as hell.
"It's all your fault Kate. You took our lives from us. How could you?" their hands like ice, pushed and grabbed at me, latching on and then shoving me against the wall of the freezer. The ice felt like fire, searing against my skin and when they let go I was trapped against the wall. I couldn't move.
"You're alone, Kate. See, you push us far enough away, shut us out long enough, we'll leave you. I hope you're happy." A door slammed and I was plunged into darkness. Roy, Mom, and Castle all disappeared. The temperature decreased with such a speed that I was soon choking on every breath, needles of cold prodding my chest.
A scream cut through the darkness, high and pained. A woman. Someone I knew.
"Lanie!" I shrieked, struggling with all my strength but I couldn't move, every twitch hurt. A second scream sounded, just as piercing and agonized, but younger.
"Alexis!" But more screams came. Ryan, Esposito, Martha, Mom, Dad, Castle. I called out to them but one soon became discernable from the others.
And then suddenly a wave of red was crashing toward me, the screams were filling my ears, deafening me and…
My eyes shot open. For a moment I still couldn't move or breathe. I was thrashing around and my chest was on fire. I didn't know who I was or where I was or why I was in so much pain. The room was dark but as my eyes adjusted I became less frantic. My brain kicked in.
I was Kate Beckett. I had been shot at Captain Roy Montgomery's funeral, a single GSW to the chest. 4 broken or cracked ribs, a punctured liver, copious blood loss. Everyone was alive and well besides Roy. He was gone. He had been involved in the case that had resulted in my mother's death along with the death of many others. I was not with Josh Davidson. We'd broken up a while ago, mutually, and I was actually happy about it. I was at Castle's loft, staying in his bed. He was taking care of me and had a security detail on everyone close to me.
My legs were trapped in Castle's ridiculously comfy sheets which were twisted around my body, effectively immobilizing me. Castle's scent hung on the bed, in the room and it made me desperate to see him, feel his heartbeat, his warmth.
The room was dark and cold. I shuddered remembering the screams, the waves of red. I needed to see everyone, hear their voices, something to know that they were alive and okay.
I rolled over, wincing slightly. A clock set on the mahogany bedside table was flashing green. 4:56. Too early to call any of them for anything casual. My phone was sitting in front of the clock. I snatched it up and unlocked it. no messages. The clock on my phone read about 5 minutes faster than the clock on Castle's bedside table, but it was still earlier than I usually got up. It felt like I hadn't slept at all, even after my ten hour snooze.
The dream had felt so real. My mom… I shuddered, still feeling like I'd shot her and not Lockwood. And Castle… Watching the blood bloom, feeling his heart stop, seeing the lights go out from his eyes. Just thinking about it brought tears to my eyes.
God, I wanted to get up and find him. My emotional wall had crumbled when his heart stopped beating in my dream. I wanted him to know, to feel what I felt. But I couldn't move. Half paralyzed by a fear that I'd find that my dream had been real. Irrational, yes, but… I just couldn't shake the feeling.
Instead I tried to shut off my brain and go back to sleep but every time I closed my eyes I started to relive the dream. I caught a glimpse of Lockwood's cold, black eyes, a dying Castle, a wave of red, my mom/Lockwood with the bullet hole through her forehead and my eyes would flash open again.
It went on for almost three hours. It was agonizing. But finally, at 8:21, I heard movement from the Castle residence at large. There was a clattering in the kitchen and then a woman belting out "Sit down You're Rocking the Boat," from Guys and Dolls. I bit my lip at the sound. Martha.
Moments later, a deeper voice joined hers and the singing stopped. the deeper voice asked a few indiscernible questions and Martha answered. The two exchanged a few more words and then the singing and general clanging resumed.
Ice slid through my chest. Castle. I knew the cadence of his voice, the way he talked. He sounded okay. I had heard his voice. It was all okay. But he spoke when he was dead in your dream, my brain oh-so-helpfully pointed out and I got scared again. I wouldn't believe he was okay until I could feel the warmth from his body and see the color in his cheeks.
There came a soft knock on the door, "Kate."
I sat up biting back a groan. My body was protesting more fervently to movement than it had in the last few days. That's what I got for thrashing around in my sleep and pushing myself while I was awake. Castle was right… again. Ugh.
There was another knock and Castle poked his head into the room, "You're awake. How long have you been up?" his hair was sticking up in every direction and there was a goofy grin plastered on his face.
I shook my head, clenching my hands on the blanket. As soon as he appeared I was scared again, closed off. It was ridiculous how quickly my walls resurrected themselves at the sight of him. I had planned to tell him I loved him that I remembered what he'd said to me, but I just couldn't. I clamped my eyes shut again, angry with how damn guarded I was. Bang! Gunshot, blood, Castle's lifeless eyes.
I threw my eyes open, gasping and shaking again.
Rick was in the room and crossing to me in an instant, "Kate, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he sat down at the edge of the bed, taking my hand. His hands were as warm as ever and I sighed a little. Warmth meant life.
I shook my head again, "I…" I couldn't find the words, didn't want him to seem me this scared and vulnerable and weak, but I supposed it was too late. He's seen me in this state for the past almost two weeks.
"It's just… Can you…" I wanted him to hold me. Why couldn't I just say it? I needed his arms around me, to hear his heart beat, be enveloped by his warmth.
Rick seemed to understand. Instantly, he settled more steadily on the edge of the bed and reached for me.
I moved without hesitation, burying my head in his shoulder and grabbing onto the front of his shirt. His arm wound around my waist lightly while the other hand threaded through my hair, gently holding my head. I stiffened momentarily, unconsciously at our contact, and then relaxed into him.
The contrast of our body temperatures (I was freezing somehow) and the comfort in our embrace made me shiver with content.
"Hey, hey, it's alright," he whispered against my hair, rocking slightly.
Under my hand there was a stead thrumming. Thud- thud. Thud-thud. Thud-thud. His heart. He was alive and warm and he was breathing and his heart was pumping blood through his body. I could breathe again too. This was proof. He was still with me.
I burrowed my head into this chest and wrapped my left arm around his neck, leaving my right hand rested over his heart, so I could feel his heart continue to beat.
"What's wrong?" Castle pulled his head back enough to lay his forehead against mine when I glanced up.
I shook my head a third time but whispered, "'S'nothing. I'm fine." My fingers knotted in the hair at the base of his neck and I felt him sigh.
I don't know how long we sat there, wound around one another. All I knew was I didn't want it to end. Having him around made it harder to be scared.
Eventually though, Martha called, "Breakfast is ready, kids!"
Castle's laugh rumbled under my ear and I smiled at the noise, "We'd better get out there before she gets her feelings hurt.
I grinned a little and held on tighter for a moment before carefully unwinding myself from him with a fair amount of reluctance. Rick kept his arms around me and kissed my forehead.
"Thank you," I whispered, leaning my head back into him.
"Always," he murmured and I smiled again as he said it.
Rick stood up and offered me his hands. I took them and then groaned quietly as we stood. My legs were insanely sore and it felt like my chest had been punched in again.
"You okay?" he asked, helping me totter over to the bathroom.
"Fine. Sore." I laughed then winced.
"Would you like me to carry you?" he asked, with an air of innuendo.
I let go with one arm and smacked his arm, "Castle."
"What?" he replied innocently and I couldn't help but laugh at his experession.
"I can walk, thank you."
After a hurried yet slow few minutes in the bathroom for each of us, Castle and I ventured out into the loft. It smelled insanely good. Waffles. My mouth watered at the smell.
"Good morning, ladies," Castle called as we made out way to the kitchen. As soon as I was situated in my chair/stool next to Alexis, he kissed her on the forehead and his mother on the cheek before grabbing a plate. They replied perfunctorily before returning to their conversation.
"Hey, Castle, where's that list of food? I want to see if I can eat waffles yet." Seeing Alexis and Martha well and good did loads to improve my mood.
"I checked, and you can't." He replied apologetically. I sighed, irritated with my new diet, even if it was only temporary.
"But, you can have pudding and grated carrots," he promised, setting a mug of coffee in front of me before turning to the refrigerator.
I stared at his back as he rummaged through it, "Grated carrots?"
"Yep!" he replied, turning back to me and plopping a Tupperware container of orange shavings in front of me along with a cup of chocolate pudding, "and they're actually pretty good."
I picked up a fork and placed a bite in my mouth. The shavings were actually pretty good, a different texture.
"How'd it go with Ashleigh yesterday?" I whispered to Alexis as Castle started to argue about something with his mother.
Her eyes sparkled at the mention of his name and she bit back a smile. It was so cute how just saying his name perked her up and made her smile. It was infectious and I couldn't help but smile as a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach spread.
"It went okay. We talked some and apologized to one another. He said he was just worried about me and didn't know how to tell me or what to do. He just wanted to help. It was really sweet."
"What's really sweet?" Castle plopped down next to me, a waffle taking up most of his plate. He picked it up as soon as the plate was on the bar and started to rip it to pieces.
"That Dr. Brennan is pregnant with Agent Booth's baby on Bones," Lex responded without missing a beat. Guilt curled my toes at the lie and I completely lost my appetite as my thoughts from the previous night returned.
"Oh really?" Castle asked, sounding mildly interested in the affairs of the fictional characters.
"Mmhmm," Alexis nodded, her mouth full of waffle, "I recorded the episode for you."
"Thanks, pumpkin," he sounded so excited as he upended a bottle of syrup and dumped an obscene amount on to his plate.
"Jesus, Castle, want some waffle with your syrup?" I asked feebly, pushing my food away slightly.
"No," he responded seriously before drowning several pieces in the lake of syrup and shoving them into his mouth. I snuck a tiny piece from the edge of his plate and popped it in my mouth.
"Kate!" he whined as I chewed.
"Oh, come on, Castle, it's a tiny piece. I'm sure I'll be fine."
He sighed in disapproval and reached over to open my pudding, but I stopped him.
"Don't worry about it, I'm not hungry." In truth, the waffle had tasted like ash in my mouth, the effects of the guilt that was eating me alive.
"Beckett, you barely touched your applesauce last night. We need to get your strength up. Now eat your pudding." He grabbed the cup, peeled back the foil lid, and handed me a spoon.
I was painfully aware of Martha and Alexis watching our exchange with mildly concerned expressions on their faces.
Flushed, I shook my head and whispered, "Really, Castle, it's no big deal. I'm not hungry. Drop it."
He set the cup down on the counter before leaning in until our faces were mere inches apart. I fought the dual impulse to hug him or hit him again.
"Do you remember our conversation last night?" I glowered at him, now leaning more toward hitting than hugging. I nodded stiffly, still trying to glare him down, but for once, Richard Castle didn't flinch.
"And do you remember your side of our agreement?" he continued, keeping himself closer to whisper.
"Yes," I replied tersely, "Do you?"
"Of course. There's nothing new on that front though. This is about you and what our agreement entails. This is it. You don't keep up your end, I won't tell you anything more. "
I fought the irritated groan that rose in my throat. I could either do as I pleased but be kept in the dark, or I could appease Castle, concede defeat and be informed. I was screwed either way.
"Black mail," I muttered, turning away from him and scooping a bite of putting into my mouth.
"Good girl," castle smiled and went back to his waffle.
"Shut up, Castle." I grumbled around a second mouthful of pudding.
"Oh! I almost forgot!" Castle jumped up, his fork clattering against the plate as he jumped up.
He returned to his seat a moment later with the same array of pills from the previous night. I took them from him and downed them dry.
The loft was silent for several moments as everyone ate. I managed to eat most of my pudding and about a third of the carrots. When I pushed them away, Castle gave me a look that I knew would proceed his protests, but I shot him a full force, interrogation flavor, don't-mess-with-me look and he closed his mouth.
Suddenly there was a loud crash and the lights flickered momentarily. The four of us jumped at the noise and Rick rested a concerned hand on my back as I gasped. Alexis slid out of her chair, padded over to the window and pulled back the curtain to peer out.
"It's pouring!" she told us as lightening flashed and she returned to her seat, "I guess there go my plans to go to the art show in Bennet Park with Paige."
"I felt Castle tense up at my side and I glanced over. I expected to see him worried about Alexis even considering going out into the dangerous, crowded city where a killer could be targeting her. Or else be at least a little unhappy about the weather.
What I didn't expect to see was the slow smile spreading across his face, a glint of mischief finally breaking through the worry.
He looked between his mother, Alexis, and me, gleefully, "Movie day!"