For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.

Hey! Well this chapter took less time than I thought it would, though it's kinda a filler. Not too interesting but… Some Lanie here and there. The next few chapters are what I'm really excited to get writing! Sorry about the major Soccer references in this one if you're not a sports fan. (I LOVE soccer. Played it for ages, I was a goalie, so…) This chapter's pretty fluffy. Angst to come!

Again, hoping no one's OOC. If you see any issues, PLEASE tell me! Also, drop me a review if you please. I really love any and all feedback, criticism, ideas, whatever. Hope you enjoy!

Thank :)

M

Part 11

Lanie slammed the door to Castle's bedroom shut after I was settled on the edge of the bed that he and I had so recently vacated. I felt my face growing hot and red, thinking about it. Thankfully, Lanie didn't notice. She was too busy organizing clothes for me in mysteriously empty drawers.

"So I brought you a lot of sweat pants and leggings and a zip up hoodie, though I don't think you'll be needing that," she added smirking at Castle's marginally-too-large sweatshirt that I was still wearing. I rolled my eyes at her and she continued, "Those are in the top drawer so they're easy to get to. Beneath that are t-shirts and jeans for when you feel up to leaning down to get them and pulling those shirts over your head.

"Until then, your button-up shirts are hanging in the closet above your two pitiful pairs of flats, two pairs of tennis shoes, and one pair of heels because I know you won't last very long without at least seeing them. They're a goal to work towards," she flitted over to it and showed me, Vanna White style. I snorted and she returned to the bag, peeking inside of it.

'You really didn't have to do that. I could have just taken stuff out of the bag as I needed it."

"Oh I don't mind," she snatched a last scrap of black and red cloth from the bottom of the bag and tossed it in to the lowest drawer, kicking it shut. My heart seized, and I had a sneaking suspicion of what she had found. Damn it, I thought I'd hidden that far enough away so that no one would ever see it. Leave it to Lanie to find.

"Lanie… What was that?"

Her mischievous expression was all the answer I needed, "Hmm? Oh that? Nothing. Just something for when you're feeling physical.

"Lanie!" I shrieked.

"Oh come on, Beckett."

"What?" She was probably one of the only people I backed down from on a regular basis… but not today. What would Castle think if he found that? What was Lanie even playing at? What was she after?

"Girl please. I know you're a restless sleeper, but that bed's too messy even for you, especially in your condition."

"I don't know what you're talking about. You must have been snorting autopsy fluids again." I knew Lanie. She had been pushing for Castle and I to get together since the moment he stepped into the precinct (Well… after he was ruled to not be a murderer.), but, god, not now. Not yet. Not with the mess we were in, the mess I had caused, and the mess I still had to clean up.

"Lanie…"

"Don't you lie to me, Kate Beckett. What is up with you and Writer Boy?" She grabbed my hands again and hauled me over to the bathroom where she unceremoniously forced me down on closed toilet seat.

"Nothing. We just… It's hard, ya know… and he's worried and I'm … worried and," I didn't know how to continue without making it sound like I was hiding something, so I opted for the truth. Lanie deserved that much, "He has nightmares. And they… he thinks I'm dead when he wakes up."

"Honey, that's normal. I have them. So does Javi. Jenny told me Ryan's sat up in the middle of the night with the cold sweats." She said it so matter of fact-ly that it too me a minute to process what she'd said.

"What?" My stomach flip-flopped at the realization. How had I managed to forget that Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan had all been there? They could have been hit and here I was, being pissed off that I couldn't really walk when I was screwing with everyone's sleep because I got back into that stupid case.

"Yeah," she turned away from her search to find wash clothes and saw my expression, "Oh, now, Kate, don't you go thinkin' that this is your fault, because it's not. You didn't shoot at yourself. You were just giving a simple eulogy at our Captain's funeral. It's their fault for trying to take you out. The boys and I love you and it scared the shit out of us that you almost died in front of us. That's why we have nightmares."

"But-" she couldn't just write it off. I had no right to do that to them and now Lanie was acting like it was no big deal.

"No but's," she interrupted firmly, "Ryan's got Jenny and Javier and I have each other. We were talking about you and Castle so get back to it." She opened the cabinet under the sink and snorted with irritation, "And where are the damn washcloths?"

"Other cabinet," I replied, pointing at the doors next to his swimming pool of a bathtub.

"Thanks. Now. You and Castle. Talk," she strode across the bathroom and yanked out a three cloths and a regular sized towel.

"I… He has nightmares and… I might have had one. Maybe I don't really remember that well," An outright total lie. Ever detail was burned into my mind, in utter, terrifying detail, "But… he doesn't sleep well and I was really tired so… I just said we should sleep. In the same bed. Just in case one of us had a bad dream and needed to… Oh don't give me that look, Lanie. We were just sleeping." Because she was fighting off a smile at my admission, giving me the look that said that she was sure I was hiding something.

"You were the one to say, let's sleep in the same bed?" she clarified.

"Yes," I sighed, "but nothing happened, it was completely innocent. He's… he's worried and scared and exhausted so I figured…" I babbled on for a few more minutes before clamping my mouth shut and refusing to look at her.

She cracked up, running two of the washcloths under the faucet, "God, well it wasn't what I'd think if you'd said, 'I slept with Caste,' but it's better than nothing. You're making progress."

"Lanie. It's nothing. Can we please just drop it?" I didn't want to think about safe and warm I had felt, wrapped up in his arms, hearing his breaths, his heart, having his hands leave trails across my back…

"Sure. Sure, fine, but you'll thank me for pushing you, one day." She cackled again, wringing out the washcloths and handing me one, "Alright, sweat pants and hoodie off. I know it's not the shower you envisioned but…"

"Anything's great, Lanie," I sighed, hauling myself up and somewhat awkwardly dropping my pants and unzipping my hoodie to let it slide to the floor. I looked down, and instantly regretted wearing my regular bra instead of one of the sports variety. My uncovered stitches were clearly visible between the cups, the black thread through the sewn skin, contrasting harshly against the nude color of my bra.

Lanie's eyes froze on the black criss-crosses, the ugly, purple, puckered skin around it.

"Beckett?" she asked, in a low, controlled voice, "Where's your bandage?"

I swallowed hard, trying to sound nonchalant, "I'm not wearing one. The stitches seemed to be holding pretty well and the bandage was all cumbersome and-"

I withered under the look she gave me, "Katherine Beckett. You need to be taking care of yourself. Just because your medical attention is 'inconvenient,' or 'cumbersome,' doesn't mean it doesn't need to be done. Do you realize how easily that could get infected?" she took my shoulders and turned me a little roughly so she could scrub my back with the wet cloth. Cautiously, I swiped mine under my arms then across my chest, carefully avoiding the stitching that was causing such a reaction.

"I didn't think it was such a big deal. Shouldn't sewn skin be enough to keep back infections?"

"No, Beckett!" Lanie sounded exasperated, and I could almost feel her rolling her eyes at my back, "If stitches were going to be sufficient, why would the doctor tell you to wear a bandage over it for two weeks?"

"Because they're like Castle and automatically assume the worst?" I replied trying to lighten the mood as I raked the rag over my thighs and across my stomach. Lanie came around front and grabbed my right leg, running the wet cloth down my leg and then doing the same to my left.

"Contrary to what you believe, some people besides you have brains too. Did you know that infections kill just as many people as bullets do? Probably more. And also contrary to popular belief, doctors are there to help! Doctors are there to help and you can't go gallivanting around like you're invincible. Because you aren't." her voice broke on the last word and it was only then that I realized that my best friend was crying.

"Lanie, what…?" I grabbed the full sized towel she had placed on the counter to my right, wincing as I raised my arm higher than usual. Quickly, I threw it around my shoulders and grabbed her wrist.

"Lanie, I didn't mean to upset you, I just…" I was at a complete loss for words. It wasn't the first time I'd seen her cry, hell, it wasn't even the fifth time, but it hit me the hardest. I mean, sure I'd seen her crying at the hospital when I woke up but I'd been so hopped up on those damn pain meds that I couldn't tell a bunny from a bazooka. But now, I was totally aware of what she was saying, of why she was reacting the way she was and it was all my fault.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know you'd react this way, and I wasn't thinking. God, Lanie, don't cry. I was just being stupid. I-"

"You're damn right you were being stupid," she hiccupped, sitting on the edge of the tub facing me, "You can't almost die on us and then a week later pretend everything's fine." Oh God, she and Castle were apparently of one mind now.

"Lain, I'm not acting like everything's fine. Everything-"

"The hell you aren't," she cut in, "You're not following the doctor's orders, you're trying to be all independent when you know you're supposed to be letting people help you, Castle said you're barely eating, and you're already trying to dive back into your mother's case. It's like every other damn day, Kate. How is that you not acting like everything's okay?"

I sighed, rubbing my forehead and clutching the towel closed over myself with the other hand, "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just… it's easier having distractionsthan the alternative."

"Girl, I know. But you got shot and we all watched and I had to imagine what it would be like if you were on my table and the boys looked lost and Castle just crumbled. Everyone needs time to heal and you're not making it any easier on yourself by pretending."

I wasn't pretending, per se. I was just pushing everything further and further behind the wall. I figured that if I could make everyone believe that everything was okay, they'd be okay more quickly. I didn't realize that I was just making it worse.

"I'm sorry," I repeated miserably, reaching out to squeeze her hand, "You're right. I'll do better. Take care of myself and all that."

"That's all I'm asking," Lanie smiled, wiping her face and squeezing my hand back.

It took a further 15 minutes to rub soap over my body and wipe it away and then Lanie sat me on the edge of the tub with my towel clasped over my chest so she could pour water over my hair and wash it. I felt so helpless, letting my best friend to everything but when I tried reach up my left hand to help, she swatted it away.

"Letting people help, remember?" she snarled, pouring a cup full of warm water over my soapy hair and I let her continue without anymore interruption.

We talked about everything. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her and her sass until I was sitting there, giggling about her take on Ryan and Esposito's relationship ("It's like they're married!"), Castle's new book cover which she'd seen as we made our way through the office ("You'd think they'd clothe her for once. It's like saying you walk around, solving murders naked.") and any other topic she could think of ("How do those tiny dogs survive in those purses?"). We avoided topics like work and cases and I let her have this one. Making things easier for her was worth a few minute details that I maybe would have gleaned from a conversation about them.

When she had finished with my hair, she braided it in a rope down my back and attached a bandage over my stitches, "Don't make me come over here every day to make sure you're wearing one, because I will if I have to."

"Yes, Dr. Parish," I grumbled.

She grabbed a pair of my leggings and one of Castle's hoodies from his closet, stating that my wearing leggings and a shorter hoodie just wasn't a good look. I thought that she not-so-secretly enjoyed the idea of my wearing his clothes and I didn't fight her on it either. They seemed to hold a certain warmth that mine didn't. Plus they smelled like him. A smell that I was growing accustomed to having around me at all times of the day.

The 'shower' had left me feeling revitalized and more human than I had in days. I couldn't stop thanking Lanie for helping me until she finally rapped her knuckles gently across my forehead.

"I'm glad to help. Now stop thanking me."

We made our way out into the living room to find Castle and Esposito glued to the soccer game I'd switched off.

"Come on, Solo, you got this, girl. Don't let Marta get that close, Rampone. OH! Hell yeah, Hope Solo! Kickin' some ass!" Castle and Esposito fed the birds as Lanie and I watched from the door of his study.

"Oh God, Esposito's infected Castle," I muttered.

"He even knows their names now. I don't even know their names and I watched the whole damn world cup with him." She rolled her eyes and we joined them in the living room.

We actually ended up watching the whole game with the boys and I honestly loved every minute of it. The game was exciting and I found it easier to relax and not think about things when the other three were screaming at the players. Just after half time, Alexis came in, all glow-ey from her time with Ashleigh. I glanced at my watch as she came in. 6:54. Yes. I'd lasted longer than yesterday and I was feeling pretty good.

"Hey, Pumpkin," Castle beamed, tearing himself away from the game, "How was Wicked?"

"Fantastic," Alexis replied, kissing his cheek over the back of the couch, "What're you guys up to? Oh hi, Detective Esposito, Dr. Parish,"

"Hey Alexis," Lanie replied from next to Esposito who responded with a, "What's up, Little Castle?"

"Since when do you guys like soccer?" Alexis giggled, as Lanie and I yelled at Wambach to steal the ball.

"Since today," her father responded, "Esposito's got us hooked. Wanna join us?"

"No thanks. I've got a summer reading assignment to get started on. You guys have fun though." She squeezed my shoulder, kissed her father's cheek again and skipped up the stairs to her room.

The game was almost over when Martha arrived home.

"Oh, my dears, don't move on my account," she insisted as Esposito and Castle both made to stand as she entered, "I have a dinner with some old cast mates in a few minutes. I just came home to change. Don't wait up, Richard, I won't be home until quite late." She sauntered upstairs and descended dramatically a few minutes later.

"You're looking better, Beckett," She commented, smiling kindly.

"Thank you, Martha, I'm feeling a bit better." It made me a little uneasy, having Castle's family so attentive to me, but at the same time, it was comforting, a constant reminder that I wasn't alone.

"Well it was lovely to see you all. Adieu," she turned and whirled out the door in a flurry of the purple shawl over her shoulders as we all called out a farewell.

The game went into overtime, but Castle paused it, disappearing into the kitchen for a few minutes. He returned with a tray of 3 beers, a mug of coffee, a bag of chips, my carrot shavings from the morning, and another dose of pills. Naturally, I got the coffee, pills and shavings, while everybody else got beer and chips.

I knocked back the pills, chased them with a swig of coffee, and took a few tentative bites of carrot. My stomach still curled at the thought of food, but one look from Lanie and I forced myself to eat a good chunk of the container which seemed to satisfy both her and Castle.

The game finally ended with a dramatic penalty kick shoot out where our chosen (Okay well we really adopted it from Esposito) team won after the keeper made a spectacular save. We all screeched so loudly that Alexis flew to the top of the stairs to make sure everything was alright. When she saw Esposito's and Castle's victory dance though, she simply laughed and returned to her room.

The air of triumph was cut short by the ringing of Esposito's cell phone. We all froze in our celebration as he fished it out of his pocket.

"Yo," he answered, "Yeah okay… 57th and Columbus. Gotcha. Lanie's comin' with me… Yeah, bro, see you in a few." Esposito hung up and stood, grabbing Lanie's hand.

"We got a case. I need to take our lovely ME with me,"

"Oh. Okay," Castle offered me his hand and we stood up to face them.

"Thank you again, Lanie, really," I said, hugging her.

"Hush up. It wasn't any big deal."

"Yeah, it was. I hate not being able to shower, so thank you."

"Well take care then. Let this big oaf help you from time to time," she winked at Castle.

"Hey," he protested, hugging her too.

"Bye boss," Esposito called from the door.

"Be careful," I replied, "And tell Ryan I say hey."

"Will do," he promised, "Come on, chica." He wrapped an arm around Lanie's waist and shut the door behind them.

"Well that was nice," I sighed, sinking back down onto the couch.

"Yeah. It was. I never knew soccer could be so interesting," Castle replied, reclaiming his seat at my side.

"Mhm," I hummed, leaning back against the couch and fighting a yawn. Now that all the excitement had ended, I was getting tired again.

"How're you feeling?" Castle asked, his arm taking its increasingly natural place around my shoulders.

"Alright. How're you?" I leaned into him a little, remembering how a few hours ago he'd awoken in a panic.

"I'm fine."

I turned my head enough to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Really," he promised, "I'm better than I was. Thank you."

"Okay," I replied, or tried to because another yawn swept through me, stronger than the other and it cut through my response.

"And you are clearly tired. What do you say we go to bed?" A kind of thrill shot though my body when he said 'we' but I forced it down enough to nod.

"Okay." He grabbed my hands to pull me into a standing position and we made out way back to his room.

"Bathroom?" he asked, pausing by the bed.

"Please," I gasped.

"Alright, I'll be back in a minute. I'm just going to go tell Alexis we're going to bed."

I leaned heavily on the door jam as he turned, "Wait. What… I mean is she okay with…" I didn't really know how to voice what I wanted to ask.

He smiled, seeming to understand what I wanted to know, "She understands. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," I mumbled, catching my lip between my teeth.

After I had finished cleaning up and getting ready for bed, I opened the door to… Castle's empty room. He still hadn't returned.

"Castle?" No response. "Rick," I called, a little louder.

There was as scuffling from his office and he materialized, clutching his laptop to his chest.

"Hey. You were faster than yesterday. Only took you eight minutes today." He set the laptop on his side of the bed (Gosh was I already claming sides? How had this happened?) and coming to take my hands and help me back to the bed.

"Yeah, well I didn't have to take my shirt off. And not a word," I stated as he opened his mouth. He scrunched up his nose, but did as I said.

"You don't mind if I write? It's barely nine and that nap really helped. Gina and Paula have been bugging me about new chapters and so…" he glanced at me as I slowly worked my way beneath the covers.

"Of course. You can actually do your job for once," I teased as he slid between the blanket, his laptop propped on his knees.

"Oh very funny,"

"I thought so." I turned on my left and watched as he booted up the computer. The light from the screen bathed him in neon blue as he started typing with calculated furor.

"Jeez, Castle, don't break the keyboard," I mumbled, shifting closer to his warmth and pulling the blanket up to my chin.

"Sorry," he laughed, "I had an idea and I didn't want it to slip away."

"Mmm," I was only half listening. My eyes were drifting shut and darkness was closing over me, "Night, Castle."

"Good night," he replied. Warm fingers curled a loose piece of hair out of my face then traced down my arm to my slightly outstretched left hand, "Sleep well," he murmured, squeezing my fingers. I returned the pressure lightly and then he pulled away.

The rhythmic tapping of his keys lulled me into a half sleep like stupor. After a few moments there was a pause and I assumed sluggishly that he was rereading what he had written. Slowly, I felt his fingers creep back to my palm, tracing designs there as he read. My lips twitched at the connection. It happened during every pause.