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Chapter 19

They called him Natsume. He had no other name, none other than "Nushi-sama," which the demons had called him for the brief time he had been with them.

The demons. He felt a pang in his chest when he thought about them. He didn't want to leave them, but they were at home here. Kousetsu had died protecting this land, and it was the least they could do to honor him, they'd said.

When he'd woken in the exorcist's arms, he'd been confused. Groggy. It'd been so long since he'd felt any such warmth – it was partially why he liked cuddling with Ren so much. The raccoon was the only source of warmth in the cold forest nights. Spirits didn't give off much heat.

But then, within minutes, he remembered. He remembered what had happened, and the events played over in his mind. The sight of the large beast falling, crashing to the ground in an effort to protect him.

"Igari!" he cried as he stumbled over his feet in his haste to reach the boar. He made sure to keep a tight grip on Ren. He tried not to think too hard about how he was doing it – whenever it did, he would start to see fur again, and the boy would no longer held to his chest but dangling in front of him. No, best to leave that for later.

When he found himself beside the demon – one who'd been harsh and cold to him, but had nevertheless protected him anyways – he practically collapsed. He felt a tingling in the corners of his eyes. "Igari, wake up," he whispered, almost whining in his anxiety. He couldn't bring himself to raise his voice. Tentatively, he reached out a hand (paw?) and pushed.

There was a whimper, but it didn't come from the mass in front of him. He looked down. "Ren? Are you awake? Are you all right?"

The tanuki shook his head vigorously, trying to shake the last vestiges of fatigue away. It didn't work very well; he still looked tipsy. "I'm fine, Nushi-sama. Is the exorcist gone?"

He nodded. "Yeah, friends came and drove him out."

At the mention of these friends, though, Ren's usual smile twisted into a frown. "Are those all your friends?" He asked, looking back behind him. There was a man, and a woman, and also two enormous demons beside them. They all talked, intense expressions of concentration plastered across their faces. He bet they were talking about him.

"I suppose so. I don't remember them, but they feel … familiar. Especially the white one." Madara, he'd been called? "Are you all right, Ren?"

Silently, the boy nodded.

"Is something bothering you?"

Ren shook his head, but paused in mid-shake. "No … yes. Yes. I'm … I'm sorry, Nushi-sama. We tricked you. We should have helped you go home, and in the end, it all came to this."

"No, no, it's not your fault. It's none of your faults. I chose this. I enjoyed my time here, and in the end … I learned more about myself." More than he ever really wanted to know, really, but that was all right. No true bliss came from staying in ignorance. "There's never been anything to forgive, for me."

Ren nodded, but kept his eyes on the ground.

Igari stirred, and he jumped forward. "Igari? Are you up?"

A loud groan. "Ugh, shut up. You're too loud; it's too early in the morning."

He practically broke down in laughter. "It's me. Are you all right?"

There was a slight pause, and the boar's eyes wandered as he remembered what'd happened. He snorted. He … Natsume assumed it was because he'd reached the point in time when he'd gotten stabbed. "What, this little pinprick? I would be a weak fool to allow that to bother me." It was almost like the groaning of the earth when the spirit sat up before shrinking down into his more familiar size. He narrowed his eyes at the sight of the other demons. "What are they doing here? Why are they in our territory?"

He hastily waved his hands, trying to stave off any impending boiling rage. "No, it's all right! I'm… There's something I have to say, Igari."

The boar's dark eyes shifted to him.

He bowed. "Thank you."

The other visibly startled.

"Thank you for saving me. And thank you for pushing me as hard as you did. I … suppose I was kind of bad as a Lord, wasn't I?"

"What brought this on, all of a sudden?"

"These people, they know me. They were my friends, and they know who I was. What I was. I want to learn more about myself; that's where I belong. I'm sorry I can't stay, but you never really needed me to begin with. I just attracted more trouble for you, in the end. In the end…" Here, he choked. "In the end, Kousetsu died. I couldn't protect you in the end."

It was Ren who replied, from behind him. "That's n-not… That's not your fault, Nushi-sama. It was all that exorcist's…"

Igari snorted. "No, he's right. It is his fault. He should go back to where he came from. We were better off without him."

"Igari-sama … please…"

"Go, we have no more need for you here."

To Ren's surprise, he smiled brilliantly, probably the lightest he's felt this whole time. "I probably won't ever see you again, but if you do need help, I think… Ask for 'Natsume.' You'll probably find me."

A tug on his leg, and he looked down. "Y-you're really … leaving?"

He nodded. "Don't worry. You'll still have the others with you. Kakuyuki should be fine, I think. I still sense her presence, and it feels like Rinne is in a coma. He probably just exhausted himself. You'll be fine." He ran his hand through Ren's fur, hoping to comfort the quivering ball.

"Let the boy go, Ren. He is no longer our Lord."

After a moment, and very reluctantly, the tanuki released his death grip around his ankles. He knelt down and swept the boy into his arms. "Thanks. You'll always be welcome." He held him tightly, but eventually, he had to put him down and stood. "I have to get going now." Turning, he made his way back to the posse of people that had come to pick him up.

"Nu-shi… Natsume!" shouted a shaky voice.

He turned.

"D-don't forget what I taught you… I'm sure it'll be helpful for you in the future."

He nodded.

"And … I'm sorry. We're sorry, for not helping you. For tricking you. We're not really all that good; we like to steal. We never told you."

"I knew."

Ren didn't seem too surprised, but the waterfalls from his eyes doubled. "Y-yeah, you probably did."

He tried to put on a comforting face, but he wasn't sure how successful he was. Ren looked miserable. It made him feel bad that he was the cause of that, but there was nothing to be done. He wanted to go back. He wanted to find out who he was. He was tired of being at the halfway point between knowing and not knowing.

He got what he wanted.

When he'd climbed onto Madara's back, he didn't know why, but it felt very comfortable. Comforting. Like it was something he'd always done. Perhaps they were telling the truth, and it was stupid to doubt them. When Natori whispered into his ear what he'd called the spirit beneath him before his memory loss, he practically snorted. Really? A name like that?

But then he could see himself doing it, especially if Madara stayed in his ball-shaped cat form. It was kind of … adorable, really. Cuddlable, if that were a word.

The wind blowing past his face was chilly, but the thrill of traveling, of galloping through the air was exhilarating. The scenery scrolling by, faster but smaller than he ever could have imagined. Somewhere along the way, the other two spirits, Misuzu and Hinoe their names were, bid their farewell and went their separate ways. Behind him, Natori clutched the fur for dear life and he found himself chuckling at the sight of the man so nervous.

"Natsume," came the deep growling voice.

"Yes, Nyanko-sensei?"

"…Stop saying my name on purpose like that. It's creepy."

"Sure thing, Nyanko-sensei."

The dog spirit growled. "With your memory gone, it'll be hard for you to adjust to your previous life. Will you be all right?"

He found his lips twitching at the thought of the big, gruff demon being so thoughtful. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Some of my memories are vague. They're there, but I can't quite grasp them. It's all right, though. After all, I have you with me, right?"

"Don't count on him so much," cut in Natori. "It was his failure as a bodyguard that got you into this whole mess in the first place."

"You. Shut it. You're the one on my back and a km into the air. If I flip, you're going down to the ground, mister."

"Natsume's on your back too!"

"He can hang on just fine. He's used to this stuff!"

Panicked he cried out, "No I'm not! Stop lying!" When he realized the words that had spilled from his mouth, he startled … and started laughing. It wasn't hysterical laughter, but one filled with gladness. Glad that he was heading back home, and where everything would be right again.