For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.

Thank y'all for reading! I'm excited that people seem to be liking this okay.

Ohmygod. I'm so freaking excited for Monday. My best friend and I are going to watch Castle together for Halloween and it looks like an absolutely AMAZING episode. I'm trying not to get my hopes up though.

This chapter was hard because I knew what I wanted to happen and how I wanted it to come across and perfection was eluding me. But I think it turned out alright. Also I know nothing of New York's set ups or medical things so… bear with me when I say stuff about that. :) This story's almost over. Maybe 4 or 5 parts left. :D It's a little exciting I have to say.

Anyway. Drop me a review if you've got time or something to say! I love all the feed back! Yall rock.

Thank :)

M

Part 15

The walls of the hospital were stark and impersonal as Castle and I followed the doctor through a maze of hallways. At one of the junctures, the ER doc's pager went off. He tensed as he read it and then turned to us.

"I've got another, serious case coming in, so I need to go, but her room's the third on the left, 1204. She should be awake soon. A nurse will be in shortly to talk to you," Without further ado, the doctor turned and ran down the hall.

Castle took a deep breath as we approached the door to Alexis' room. I couldn't imagine how he must have been feeling. He probably just wanted to be alone with her. Especially if it was me holding on to him. So, gently, I slipped my hand away from his and stood off to the side of the door.

"You go in first. She'll want her daddy to be the first one she sees when she wakes up."

He sighed, "Thank you," After a quick kiss to my cheek and a deep breath, he slipped into the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Sucking in my own lungful of antiseptic laden air, I tugged my phone out and composed a quick message to Martha. She's going to be okay. Rick's with her now.

I got a quick response. Thank god. I'm almost at the airport. Tried to get Meredith but her agent says she's off in some jungle filming a movie.

Alright. I shot back, confused. Meredith. Ugh I didn't even want to think about her. She was off doing her own thing while her daughter was… well not really fighting for her life anymore but she had been. But on second thought, how had Meredith even managed to leave Alexis? My phone chirped again.

I called Ashleigh. He said he's coming back from the Hamptons to see her.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I had to half chuckle. Castle was going to love this. At the very least it was going to score him major brownie points.

After sending Martha a final text wishing her a speedy trip, I returned my phone to my pocket, sinking into the chair by the door. I was sure she was going out of her mind. I knew I was and I was neither related to Alexis nor all the way across the country. She was just in the other room and I felt short of breath.

Barring any unforeseeable complications she should make a full recovery. That meant good, right? She would be alive and well and a normal kid again. But, she'd surely have a scar and that would be hard for her. Girls, no matter how much we tried to deny it, were affected when huge gouges were torn in our skin. We felt… imperfect. It was going to bee to much for Lex.

Not only that but there would be residual pain through the scars. She didn't need to be dealing with that for an indefinite amount of time. She was just a kid, she needed to be out with her boyfriend, running around, being goofy, going to parties, anything but worrying about residual pain, or scars.

And then what if something did happen? Unforeseeable didn't mean impossible. If something did happen to her, would there be a way to fix it?

With some therapy of course. Therapy… Another kick in the teeth for her. Physical therapy was a definite just to rehabilitate her shoulder but what kind of trauma was there going to be left behind? A psychiatrist would probably be recommended. She could easily get PTSD from this and that would just lead to a lifetime of bad dreams, haunting memories, and a whole host of other tings that I didn't even want to fathom for her.

Unconsciously my hand crept up and pressed against my chest. I found myself doing it more and more today. It helped pull me back into my body when I got too in my head. I gasped for breath and curled my knuckles into the stitches. The guilt was blurring my vision and making me dizzy. I didn't want to carry on with this case when I was near them. Not if this was the price. Alexis and Castle and Martha. I could give this up to keep them safe. Just for a little while. Then when I was back to myself I could leave them alone and end this.

But I hadn't even done anything this time. Castle had just told me about the case. The boys were kind of looking into it. Maybe I had to call them off. Tell them to let it cool again. The thought of loosing the minimal leads we had on Darling burned me up inside. But if it kept the boys, Martha, Alexis, Castle safe, it was a price I'd gladly pay. I owed it to them ten fold.

The opening of Alexis' door dragged me out of my own head this time, instead of the pain. I was becoming somewhat immune to it. Castle sidled out into the hall then closed the door behind him, leaning against it heavily, eyes closed.

"Hey," I mumbled, standing.

"Hey," he sighed, opening his eyes and grabbing my arms to pull me against his chest, "She's asking for you."

I was stiff in his embrace, unable to understand how he could stand to touch me, but I managed to choke out, "Me?"

"Yes," he rubbed slow circles over my back, "She wants to thank you. I want to thank you too."

I couldn't stand it anymore. Quickly I stepped out of his arms, gasping for breath. "Kate, what-"

"Thank me?" I rasped, unable to look at him, "Alexis wants to thank me? For what? Getting her shot? Because that's what I did."

"No, Kate, you-"

"No, Castle, I did get your daughter shot. You shouldn't want to be anywhere near me. Hell, I don't want to be anywhere near me. Lord knows it's not safe for you to be but you've got some kind of insane death wish or a desire to put the people you love in danger or something. Because that's the only logical reason I can think of for you to want to be around me." I was freaking out. My voice was getting higher and louder and I couldn't seem to stop. Get a grip, Kate. This isn't the time or place. Calm down.

"Kate, you know that's not true. I love you. You know that. Why won't you believe it?" he took a step in my direction and I took an according step back, almost against the wall again.

"Because it doesn't make sense! I'm a fucking mess, Castle. I pushed you away for so long and I hurt you and still you say you love me. I used to have control, I used to be able to protect people but now I'm just making things worse just by being around. This shit has to end and the only thing I can think to do is get the hell out of here."

Castle stared at me in some mixture of dismay and horror. God, I was being selfish. His daughter had just been shot and all I could think about was how it affected me and how bad I was freaking out. What I was supposed to be doing was taking care of him and I'd failed at that. The pain in his watery blue eyes was drowning me and I had to turn away.

Several moments passed before he spoke again, "Kate, did you shoot her?"

"What? No." I stared up at him, opening my mouth to say more but he cut me off.

"Did you tell Thomas Darling to?"

"I've never met him, Castle, you know this. What are you talking about?"

He ignored me and plowed through, "Did you do anything less than try to save her when she did get shot?"

"I-" He didn't let me answer then either.

"No you didn't. You were putting pressure on the wound before I could even wrap my mind around the fact that she was shot. You probably saved her life. You're the victim here. And the hero."

This time it was me who interrupted, "No. I am not a hero. I am not a victim. You and Alexis and Roy and McCallister and Raglan and my mom. You're all the victims here. I mean, yeah, Roy and McCasllister and Raglan brought this on themselves , but they didn't deserve to die this way. They were doing what they thought was right… Everyone else is the victim here. This is all my fault." I ground my back teeth against the lump in my throat and glared up at Castle, trying to get him to understand.

Castle snorted and reached over, placing his hands against my cheeks, "What are you talking about, Kate?"

"I'm the common denominator in all of these damn cases, Castle. Everyone else is gone! There's only you, the boys, and me left and I'm their target. I might as well paint huge bulls-eyes on all of your backs and say, 'Hey, take shots here' because that's what I'm doing by being around."

"What makes you think that we'd stop if you go hurt again?" He was shouting now too, "What makes you think we'd be anywhere but in your position if it was you next? As much as you don't want to admit it, we're in this. All of us together."

I held back a shriek of indignation, just enough so that it came out as a low groan. He didn't get it. He was bias.

"Because we would be," he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.

"I don't want you to be. It's not right for you to carry my load on top of everything else." My hand came up and wound into his of its own accord.

"I've been here and I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

"No," I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning my head against him, "You can't be."

His response was silenced by the ringing of my cell phone. Taking a deep breath I pulled away from him and answered.

"Beckett."

"We found him, Becks," Esposito's voice was filled with a kind of hard delight.

"What?" I hardly dared to hope or breathe. It couldn't be…

"Darling. He went back to his warehouse. Plain clothes spotted him about three minutes ago. Said he went limpin' in and hasn't come out. Ryan and I are on the way over."

"Come get me at NY Presbyterian. I'm coming with." I felt Castle's arms snake around my waist, trying to listen in on the conversation or maybe sensing that I was about to leave.

"Boss, you know I can't do that. You're still technically supposed to be at Castle's place, resting up."

"No, Esposito, this is my case. This is my mom. I have to be there."

"No can do, Beckett. Time's a-wastin' and we've gotta catch this guy. Now." Ryan's voice joined Esposito's and I knew I was on speaker phone. I felt my rage growing in my chest. They could not be shutting me out of my own case. 12 years of my life I had dedicated to it and they were going to go without me. Not a chance in hell. I had to see it ended, had to have a part in it ending.

"Javier Esposito. You will bring me my badge, my gun, and a vest and come get me. Kevin Ryan, you will assist him. If you don't I'll have you bumped down so far, you'll be wishing for traffic. I am coming with you," I was trying to stay calm but I could hear my own voice shaking as I spoke.

"No," Castle breathed, his arms still secure around my waist. Gently, I covered his mouth with my free hand.

"Do you guys understand me? You're not going into this without me."

I heard Esposito sigh and I could imagine him and Ryan exchanging looks, weighing options, and grinding their teeth, "You stay behind us and you be careful. We're not letting you take point on this one."

"Fine. I just need to be there."

"We'll be there in eight minutes tops. If you're not out front waiting, you get ten seconds. If you're not there, we go without you. Got it?"

"Fair enough."

There was a click and the call went dead. Oh my god. This was it. This was really almost the end of it. I couldn't believe it.

"Kate." Castle tried to say something around my hand but I shook my head.

"Shh. No. Don't…" I leaned in and pressed my forehead against his.

He reached up and tugged my hand away from his mouth, "No, Kate, you can't go. Please. Stay here. The boys are more than capable. You're not fully healed. You can't go. Come one, please."

I leaned back and took his face in my hands, "I have to go Castle. I have to see this ended. I'm healed enough, I'll be fine."

"Then I'm coming with you," he growled, "I'm not letting you do this alone."

"You have to. You can't leave Alexis here alone! Your daughter needs you here. I can't have you there. You'd be all I'd think about. Worrying if you were going to be hit. I'd be putting you in even more danger and I can't do that. I'll be fine. Like you said, the boys are more than capable."

"Kate…" For the umpteenth time that day I found us both fighting back tears and guilt was roaring through me.
"I have to go, Rick."

He sighed and pulled back slightly, his hands still tight on my waist, "I'm not going to be able to stop you am I?" A hint of a smile played across his lips.

"Not a chance," I sighed, fighting a reflection of his grin off my face.

"Please," he pleaded one final time. It was almost a whisper. It almost broke me hearing him.

"I have to," I whispered back, not trusting my voice to be any louder without cracking, "For my mom. For Roy. For Alexis.'

"For you?" He interjected, staring into my eyes. I wasn't alone in his eyes. He was always with me. This wasn't just about me anymore…

"No. For us." I heard his breath catch and mine hitched too.

I'm not sure which of us moved first, all I knew was that in the next second his lips were on mine in a searing kiss. Our undercover kiss had nothing on this one. This one was better, real. I'd gotten lost in the last one but I didn't even exist in this one. I wound my arms around his neck, feeling the heat radiate from him over me, reveling in his lips brushing, softly at first, over mine, before pressing more firmly. One of his hands was tangled in the hair at the back of my head, the other still secure around my waist.

I clasped his face in my hands and sighed, opening my mouth as his tongue ran over my bottom lip. I was pinned between him and the wall and I didn't want it any other way. It was clear that I was right in not having kissed him the first night. Given the chance, I'd never stop.

It was as I'd expected. Every thought that had been running through my head was gone and there was nothing between us. No words, no walls, no air. Just us. Just passion and love and warmth.

After a minute, kiss ended slowly, each of us pulling back, exceptionally short of breath, and leaving our foreheads against each other.

"You come back to me," he murmured ghosting his lips over mine again, before gliding up my jaw to whisper in my ear, "Promise?"

"Always," I twisted my head and crashed my lips to his again, in a much shorter but no less passionate kiss. The kiss… oh God I'd kissed him. I wanted to stay here between Castle and the wall forever, but inevitably I had to pull away again. By my estimation, I had about four minutes left. Or maybe less. The kisses had thrown me, left me thoughtless, breathless at the very least. Nothing like that had ever happened with anybody else. It could have been hours or days that we'd been kissing and I wouldn't have known any differently. But either way I had to get going.

Gently, I pried his arms from around me, "Tell Alexis that Martha loves her. And I do too." I didn't know where that last part came from, but seeing the emotion flood Castle's eyes was worth it. I knew I'd said the right thing.

"Martha should be here in a while," I continued, "And Ashleigh's coming back from the Hamptons to see her. Try not to scare him while I'm away. I know she's your baby girl, but having her boyfriend around will help. And-" I was cut off by Castle's lips. Before I could get sucked in again, I grabbed his face, carefully, firmly pushing him back.

"I love you," he stated simply, staying close enough so that I could feel the electricity crackling in the minimal space between us.

"I love you," his eyes drifted shut at my words and with a final brush of my lips over his I turned and hurried down the hall. I didn't trust myself to look back.

Hang on, Mom, here comes your justice.