So yeah, I realise this has been a horribly long time to wait for this chapter, and there is no excuse. BUT the situation with my laptop has not improved (I had it fixed a month ago, and I need to take it in AGAIN - that makes it 3 times in about 4 months), so that hindered me loads. Anyway, I apologise for this chapter being a bit Hawke-centric, there will be more Anders squidgeyness soon, I promise, but the events in this one are kinda filling in the blanks between the previous and what's going to happen next.

Anyway, I'm actually uploading this on my birthday, how's that for dedication? ;) Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 3 - Of Saucepans and Sweetness

"I hate to admit it, Blondie, but watching thatsaucepan bounce off the top of your skull was hilarious" Varric chuckled, as he walked in pace with the mage.

"You don't hate to admit it at all. You're loving this" Anders replied ill-humouredly. He rubbed the top of his head absent-mindedly, "It bloody hurt too."

"Well, if you're going to suggest to a woman that she's only angry because it's her 'lady time' then should expect swift retribution. Especially considering said woman is Hawke" Varric said, shaking his head.

Anders frowned, "It is that time of the month though-"

Varric stopped dead in his tracks, "That, my friend, is too much information." He raised an eyebrow, "And I think you're missing the point here."

Anders sighed, "This is ridiculous. I don't understand what she wants from me. Either she wants me around, or she wants me to leave. Instead I'm in this limbo."

"You don't think you deserve it?" Varric asked him, lightly.

Anders rubbed his eyes, "Of course. I just don't understand..."

"You blackmailed your way into getting your mage rebellion." Varric said, matter-of-factly, "Don't complain when it's not everything you hoped for, especially considering Hawke isn't the only one you lied to."

"It's not like that. I thought that I was going to die, that those people were going to be avenged... That it would make it better" Anders replied, and something in his voice rang of bitterness.

"If you think nearly forcing us to kill you makes it better then I think that demon's done something to your brain, Blondie" Varric replied, and for the first time Anders thought he sense some shortness in the dwarf's tone.

Earlier that morning, Anders had carefully awoken a sleeping Hawke, He had knelt over her, watching her closely as he brushed the hair out of her face. He was transfixed for a moment, as her fair eyebrows knitted together into a frown and she took a deep, exquisite rush of breath.

"Anders..." Hawke mumbled, stirring slightly.

Anders froze, gazing down at her surprisedly.

"Anders. Stop watching me sleep, it's creepy" Hawke continued, as her lips curved into an impish grin. Hawke opened her eyes, her expression alive with mischief, already recovered from the events of the night before.

Anders ignored this, stepping back and extending a hand towards her. Hawke regarded him for a moment, her silvery eyes sharp. It always unnerved him when she gave him that look. It was the kind of look that would stop a herd of charging buffalo in their tracks, one which seemed to strip you completely naked, right down to the bare bones of your soul. But there were only certain kinds of naked Anders wanted to be in front of Hawke, and he hated how one such look could be so utterly debilitating. He stared back defiantly, pulling her roughly to her feet as she accepted his extended hand. She fell against him, frowning slightly and he was struck as he had been many times before by the almost indecipherable hint of something feral in her eyes. Perhaps it was the flecks of mint green which flickered at the heart of the irises, fringing her pupils. Or maybe it was that something remained of the child that used to sneak out of her small ramshackle house to run with the wolves, only to be dragged home by a hysterical mother and a father who could barely hide his amusement. Whatever it was, there was something intangibly untamable about Hawke, as though something wild lurked beneath her beautiful features. Such a thought sent a shiver up his spine, something which she must have noticed as her features softened, as she smiled at him beguilingly

Anders cupped her cheek with one hand, unable to keep a grin from spreading over his own features, "How are you feeling?"

With a sweetness that a moment before he would have thought impossible, Hawke stood on her tiptoes before kissing him softly on the nose, "You shouldn't fret. I'm fine."

At this, she strolled off to rally the others. Anders often marveled at the subtle power Hawke held over others. It was something that perhaps even she was unaware of, but it was undeniably there. It was something few others possessed, and Anders had only met one other person whom's very presence demanded such loyalty. Though Hawke was both incredibly charismatic and charming and perhaps even a little intimidating, it was not this that defined her. It was as if there was something within her very bones dictated that she should lead, something written into every cell in her body. Whatever it was, it amazed and terrified Anders in equal measure. He watched her go, smiling ruefully. Despite every one of her faces, every paradoxical facet of her personality, she was, as always, his little wild thing.

Unfortunately, despite their rather warm greeting that morning, things had deteriorated from that point onwards. Hawke was back to her normal feisty self, and had gathered the others together once again in a matter of minutes. She had forsaken her Champion's armor for much simpler ranger armor she had worn when she had fought for the King of Fereldan. Over the top of this she wore a short green cloak, tied at the shoulder. All together, it was very fetching, and Anders couldn't help himself as his eyes travelled up Hawke's bare legs. She flashed him a grin as she saw him looking, before tying up her pack and stringing both her bow and blades across her back. At this, she folded her arms, waited for the others to gather around her, and explained her plan.

As for the plan. Well. Anders did not like it at all.

Hawke's plan was a deceptively simple one. It involved tracking a path to the nearest village, purchasing horses and traveling by coastal roads to the nearest major city; Ostwick. Once there they could lay low for a while, recuperate and assess their situation. She was slightly more hesitant as she revealed the second part of her plan, as she nibbled on her bottom lip and glanced briefly in Anders' direction. Once they reached Ostwick, Hawke stated that she was going to return by ship to Ferelden. Anders recoiled immediately, as though slapped. Yes, Ferelden was his place of birth, yes he often returned in hazy sunlit dreams, but the thought of going back made him physically sick to his stomach. The others, however, had reacted far less dramatically, Varric had even lamented the fact he could not join them. This was due to his having to remain close to Kirkwall, and to Bartrand. His brother was now being taken care of in a hospice not far outside of the city, and Varric was understandably reluctant to leave him. He had however, promised to travel with them to Ostwick, until things in Kirkwall had calmed down and he could return to the city. Hawke had joked that he would have to, or who would remain to exaggerate and expand on her tale until it not long resembled what exactly had happened at all. The humour in her smile didn't quite reach her eyes however, and it was obvious she would miss the dwarf more than she was letting on. Merrill had remained quiet throughout most of the conversation, and had been very vague about her intentions. Anders assumed this was because of what had happened with her clan, whom had effectively banished her. The little blood mage's future was incredibly uncertain.

Anders had turned away angrily, a bitter taste in his mouth. He felt Hawke's eyes on his back, as the others shifted uncomfortably around him. At this point, however, another voice had interrupted them.

"I'll come with you, if you wish me to remain" Fenris said, sweeping a lock of white hair from in front of his eyes, looking at Hawke thoughtfully. Anders glared back at him, incredibly doubtful of Fenris' sincerity. Since Hawke had spent a night with him all those years ago, Fenris had always kept a respectful distance from her. Lately however, Anders couldn't help but notice how much closer they seemed. Hawke however, was practically beaming from ear to ear, and Anders felt an all too familiar stab of jealousy. He was well aware of the stern young elf's effect on most young women's libido, and clearly Hawke was no exception to this. She had at least had strong feelings for him, and Anders found himself wondering if she had even at one time been in love with him. Something heavy stirred in his chest, gnashing it's teeth and unfurling it's claws. Fenris was too late, if he wanted her, he would have to come through Anders.

Anders' turned his bitterness on Hawke, and in a somewhat ill-considered fashioned expressed his very definite and intense dislike of her plan. A few harsh words were exchanged and, rather inevitably, the saucepan was launched at Anders' head, and Hawke had resumed giving him the silent treatment.

Later that day, and still walking alongside Varric, Anders continued his tirade, "She didn't even consult me."

"She was pretty angry at you. You're not surprised, surely?" Varric asked his friend, doubtfully.

"I know. But you know what they'll do to me if I go back to Ferelden."

"It can't be worse than what they'd do to you in Kirwall." Varric shrugged.

"How comforting" Anders replied sarcastically. "Look, I'm not completely unreasonable. But you don't know how it feels - just the thought of the Circle in Ferelden terrifies me. The thought of what they would do to me if they got hold of me again..."

"Make you tranquil? You have just as much chance of that happening if you stay here-"

"You shouldn't speak of it so lightly, Varric. Can you even imagine what it would be like? To lose yourself so entirely like that? Would you even want to imagine it?" Anders replied, looking at the dwarf earnestly.

"I'm not taking it lightly. I just know you would be better off staying with Hawke, that's all." Varric backpedalled slightly, "Not that you're a man who needs protecting, Maker knows you can protect yourself, but you and Hawke have been there to watch each other's backs and you've made it through things others wouldn't. Doesn't that tell you something?"

Anders shifted uncomfortably, "Yes..." He scratched the back of his neck, "I suppose."

"And wouldn't you rather be with Hawke?" Varric asked him.

"Undoubtedly."

"Well then just talk to her" Varric said, patting him on the shoulder.

Anders frowned, "You're good at this. Since when were you so good at this?"

Varric grinned, "Why do you think I stay single?"

"You're just too much man-muffin for one woman to take, Varric?" Anders asked, keeping a miraculously straight face.

Varric chuckled and shook his head, "You'll learn, kid."

"Sister!" Bethany called out, jogging to catch up to the senior Hawke.

After her argument with Anders in the camp that morning, Hawke had stalked off ahead of the others, making some flimsy passing excuse that she was going to scout ahead. It was fairly obvious however, that her real reasoning was that she wanted to as far away from one of her mage companions in particular, as possible.

Though Hawke's bow was tense in her hands, and her eyes did not leave the path through the trees in front of them, she lowered her bow a fraction as Bethany approached. Hawke's hound was trailing behind her, snuffling happily at the ground. apparently very excited about the new, alien smells of the forest. Remarkably, he was the only member of the party who seemed unaffected by the argument.

Without turning, Hawke replied softly, "I don't want to talk about it, Bethany."

Since Hawke had stormed off ahead, the group had become somewhat segregated. Anders himself had become even more brooding than usual, and had dropped to the back of the group. Varric has joined him, perhaps hoping to talk some sense into the young mage. This had left Bethany with Merrill and Fenris. Bethany had always had a somewhat strained relationship with both such companions, but there was little animosity left between her and Fenris since he had sided with Hawke and the mages. Since Merrill has been uncharacteristically quiet for most of the journey (perhaps somewhat subdued at having had to leave her home) Bethany had been making polite conversation with Fenris. It amazed her sometimes that a man who could come across as such an ogre, was in actuality so intelligent and... decent. Despite this, he still made her nervous in a way she didn't like, and after several hours of traipsing through the woods and sharing a few strained words with him every so often, she grown weary of it and gone on ahead to speak to her sister.

"Well. you're just going to have to, because I'm not leaving, at least not until you explain what's going on" Bethany replied, stubbornly.

Hawke turned, running her hand through her blonde curls. She gave a sister a long look, one which would have turned many a templar's legs to jelly. Bethany merely raised an eyebrow, "You know that doesn't work on me."

Hawke sighed, though a shadow of a smile tugged at her lips, "It was worth a try." She lowered her bow, kicking at the dirt with her boot, "I told you about Anders and me years ago."

"Yes, but I didn't realise it was so... " Bethany paused, scrutinising her sister carefully. "I only had letters to go on. Besides, I always thought that you and Fenris-"

Hawke rubbed her face, "Oh, don't go there. We were. It's complicated. But afterwards Anders was there, and he was so..." Whatever he was, Hawke did not say, but from the faraway look in her sister's eyes, Bethany could tell she was remembering happier times. As though suddenly refocusing, Hawke looked at her, "Well, we've been together ever since."

"I've missed out on a lot haven't I?" Bethany said, regretfully.

"There's nothing you can say that I haven't already heard or thought myself. I know what he did. Maker, the whole of Thedas probably knows what he did by now..." Hawke said shaking her head.

Bethany shrugged her shoulders sympathetically, "It's... Difficult. What he's done is unforgivable. But I always liked Anders, he reminds me a little of dad."

Hawke nodded, "Me too."

"For what it's worth I think you did the right thing" Bethany said, agreeably. "He needs to atone, somehow."

"I don't know if that's why I did it, though. That's what I tell everyone, but deep down it's not that" Hawke said, resting her hand against a nearby tree, averting her eyes from her sister's. "I love him, Bethany."

Bethany stared at her sister for a moment, a smile tugging at her lips.

Hawke looked at her quickly, her voice sounding a little harsh, "What's funny?"

Bethany stepped forward, placing a hand on her sister's arm, "I just never thought I'd hear you say that. My fiercely independent big sister, who used to break the fingers of any man who was foolish enough to try anything. Well, that or steal his coin purse... Or tell his wife."

Hawke rubbed her eyes, "We all have our weaknesses, Bethany."

"And yours is a runaway mage with a split personality and a cat fetish?" Bethany asked laughingly. "That is brilliant."

Hawke frowned, "There are worse people. Like Sandal for example."

Bethany sniggered at this, before continuing, "You know what I meant. As I said, I like Anders. And I think it's incredibly sweet."

Hawke groaned, embarassedly, "I knew you would... You're almost as bad as Merrill."

"It's just all so very romantic, K-"

"Don't" Hawke cut across her quickly, her voice much sharper than usual, before she amended, "Please. No one's called me that since mother died."

Bethany blinked, "But that's your name."

"Everyone else just called me Champion, or Hawke."

Bethany folded her arms, frowning, "What about Anders?"

Hawke glanced away, and for perhaps the first time since they were young girls, Bethany saw a pink tinge appear at Hawke's cheeks. Hawke was blushing, quite furiously too.

"He calls me other things..." she replied, awkwardly.

Bethany couldn't help herself. Giggling profusely, and without warning, she embraced her sister. Hawke tensed, momentarily stunned.

"Oh dear sister, you're completely smitten aren't you?" Bethany grinned.

"Shut up" Hawke replied, tersely, thought it was too late to hide the slight smile that had stretched, unbidden, across her face.

"What are you two giggling about?" an intrigued sounding voice enquired.

The pair turned around, only to find themselves faced with the entirety of the rest of the group, who during the sister's brief pause had caught up with them. Anders stood at the forefront, his arms folded, waiting expectantly for an answer to his question.

"Nothing, really..." Hawke replied, nonchalantly, before her sister dragged her off into the treeline, laughing as she cried, "Tell me everything!"

Anders stared at the others, nonplussed, "Why are my ears burning?"

But Bethany and Hawke didn't get far. Hawke stopped suddenly, grabbing at her sister's arm and pulling her backwards. Her hound sniffed the air and barked uncertainly, before charging off ahead of them.

"Wait Boy, come back!" Hawke called, though she did not follow him, freezing instead and listening intently. Gingerly, she stepped forwards, shielding Bethany protectively as she discerned figures among the trees. "Whoever you are, come out. I don't want to harm you, but if you force my hand I won't hesitate."

Her hound was still barking nearby, and as she moved closer, Hawke could hear him growling. There was a sudden yelp, a crunch, and a figure staggered towards them from the shadows. In a moment Anders was at her side as, as one, the group surveyed the potential threat.