Lady Bandit

Tony Stark stepped out on the balcony and leant on the rail.

"Not bad," he said critically. For once, the pictures in the travel brochure hadn't overstated the truth; the view was 'breath-taking' indeed. And the honeymoon suite wasn't shabby either. "What you and bride deserve," the unctuous hotel manager had said, and Tony readily agreed. Not that he had a bride -he and Pepper were keeping things simple- but that was what made this trip all the sweeter, in his own humble opinion: He was reaping the rewards of matrimony while avoiding the trappings of ceremony.

Now, if Pepper would only hurry from that conference... He stole a glance at his watch, and noted that only five minutes had passed since the last time he checked. Where was she, anyway?

So preoccupied was he, he didn't realize he wasn't alone in the room till he was violently seized from behind.

"What the...?" Tony instinctively turned to meet his assailant, but stopped when he felt the cold nuzzle of a gun on his temple.

"No te muevas!"

Tony winced. It was a woman's voice; cold and authoritarian; 'don't move', she said, and he instantly obeyed.

"Who are you?"

"Cállate!" She pressed the gun into his flesh, the message unmistakable.

"Ok," Tony said. "Not saying anything. Not one word."

The woman started patting his pockets, even his shirt pockets, and after a moment it seemed to Tony that she was taking longer than was necessary, considering they were obviously empty.

"Look, lady; if you want money -"

"No quiero tu dinero!"

"You don't?" he said slowly. He looked down at the hand roaming his body. "Then why are you still pawing me? You don't think I've got a gun on me, right? Unless it's flab you're looking for," he added, trying out for humor, "In which case, you're wasting your time. They don't call me Iron Man for nothing."

His attempt at levity fell flat. She brusquely pulled him into the room until they were standing right next to the bed.

"Quítate la ropa!"

"Wha...? My clothes? You want to steal my clothes?"

"No quiero tu ropa!" she retorced, "Te quiero a ti!" And she roughly patted him some more.

Tony frowned as he translated, "You don't want my clothes… You want me. Me." He paused for a couple of seconds, then, "Oh, boy. You want to kidnap me. Riiight." He snorted. "You wanna take me from the biggest hotel in town, in the middle of the day. Lady, you've got to be kidding me."

"No estoy bromeando!" she hissed, and this time she smacked him on the side of the head with the gun.

"Hey!" he protested. It didn't really hurt, but he objected on principle.

"Desnúdate!" she demanded. "Desnúdate ya!"

"Desnúdate," Tony repeated, then, in sudden understanding, "Oh, you want me to strip. Wait, what? You want me to strip? What the hell for?"

"Oh, tú sabes muy bien..." she said, and she pointedly grabbed his ass.

Tony jumped.

"Now, wait a minute," he protested. He instinctively tried to turn, only to have his head smacked again.

"No me vuelvas!"

"Ok, ok, I won't turn around! Ok, look;" he said, in a conciliatory manner, "You don't wanna do this, Lady; I can give you enough money so you hire yourself an escort -how 'bout that?"

But the woman wasn't listening. With her intentions now in the open, she firmly wedged her leg between his, and then started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Lady, you shouldn't – huh- " She shouldn't, but she was, anyway; she was pressing her breasts against his back, and she was whispering sweet things in his ear.

"Oh, mi hombre de hierro," she said as she fondled him. "Qué rico se siente -"

"It does feel good," Tony agreed. He'd been trying to resist but what the hell; the woman knew what she was doing. Besides, if she could make him feel this good with a single hand, who knew what she could do with two?

He just had to find out.

With that thought in mind, he leant into the woman's embrace.

"You're really tall, aren't ya?" he muttered. "And athletic. Just my type." She was just like Pepper, in fact. Pepper! He instantly pulled away as if she'd burned him. "Uh, I can't do this, Lady. I've got a girlfriend, and -"

The woman wasn't listening; or if she was, she didn't take his protests seriously. She simply grabbed him back and unceremoniously licked the back of his neck.

And if there was one thing that turned Tony Stark head over heels -yep, that was it.

"Oh, God," he gasped.

She seemed quite happy, too.

"Mmmmh, qué rico sabes," she moaned.

"Really? I taste good? I mean," he added, clearing his throat to erase the eagerness from his voice. "You've got to stop doing that!"

"Voy a hacer lo que yo quiera," she retorted. She was going to do whatever she wanted, and to prove it, she pressed her mouth to his ear and whispered, "Te voy a -"

Tony shivered when he heard what she was planning to do to him.

"Now, look," he said with some difficulty. "That's, huh, very generous of you, but -"

"Y después, te voy a -"

"G'ya!" Tony gasped when he heard what she was going to do next. "Ok, that sounds awesome. But..."

"Pero nada," she replied. "Esta noche serás mío, Antonio."

"Look, I can't -" he started, then he paused. "Antonio?" he repeated incredulously. "Did you call me Antonio?"

"Tony," she amended. "Mi Tony. Todo mío."

"Uh, that's not quite right, Lady, I belong to someone else. In fact, she's coming later today. Pepper's gonna freak if she finds you here."

"Ja! La flaca esa?" the woman said contemptuously.

"She's not skinny!" Tony said indignantly. "Now, you've crossed a line, here! Sorry, Lady, but you'll have to find yourself someone else." And with no warning, he grabbed the woman's wrist and gently twisted it.

An empty lipstick tube rolled on the carpet.

Tony turned and smiled at the woman gaping at him. She was tall and athletic and quite beautiful. The black hair didn't quite suit her but the tight black clothes did, and he took a moment to ogle her.

Finally, he looked up.

"Sorry, Potts," he said

Pepper's mouth moved but she couldn't quite articulate a sound. Finally, "Wha -why?"

"I can't do it," he said sheepishly, and he reached out and tugged at the black wig till it fell.

Pepper looked at it as if it were a dying pet, then she looked up.

"You… You weren't supposed to do that! You were supposed to let the lady bandit have her way with you!"

Tony smiled. "I'm sorry, Lady Bandit."

"But why?"

"I don't know," he said with a frown. "It felt wrong, somehow."

"Wrong? It's not like you're cheating -"

"But it is," he said, still frowning. "Kinda. Can't really explain," he shrugged.

She stared at him for a moment. "I guess I should feel flattered," she said reluctantly. Despondently, she sat on the bed.

"Hey," he said. "You all right?"

She shrugged. "I just thought it would turn you on -"

"It did turn me on," Tony said eagerly. "Jesus, you were so sexy and so... so... I mean, look at you." He waved a hand at her. She did look sexy, with her clothes clinging to every curve. He sat beside her. "You were great, Potts. So menacing. And those things you said... You've got quite a mouth," he said admiringly. "And a tongue," he added huskily. "Speaking of which," and he leant closer to her.

To his surprise, she leant back.

"You ruined my fantasy," she pointed out.

"So? We can still do all those things..." And he leant until his lips brushed her ear. "I'm all yours, mi bandida. Do whatever you want with your Antonio..."

Pepper didn't move.

"Aw, come on," Tony muttered. Gently, he kissed her ear. "We -" kiss. "Can -" kiss. "Still -" kiss. Kiss. "Do -" kiss. "It." It took him a moment to realize she wasn't responding. Frowning, he pulled back to look at her.

She was blushing.

"Pepper? You still want to, right?"

"I... I'd like to," she said with some difficulty. "But I... I'm..." The blush deepened.

"What? Hey," he said, and he patted her leg. "Go on. Tell me. Dime," he added with a mischievous smile.

She smiled reluctantly. Finally, she sighed. "Tony, I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to sex. Ok?"

"Ok," he said slowly -and a bit mystified, too. He would have never called Pepper a prude...

But she seemed to think she was.

"There are things I'd like to do that I can't quite bring myself to do," she said. "So, I thought maybe if I... "

"Oh." Tony was silent for a moment. "Well... Would it help if I closed my eyes? You could still talk to me in Spanish." He smiled, hoping she'd take the initiative, but she didn't. "Ok," he said. "All right. I... Uh..." He felt awkward, all of a sudden. "I guess you're gonna take off that suit now." Actually, he was hoping she wouldn't, but he wanted it to be her decision.

"I guess," she said.

"Ok. Ok," he added, more to himself than to her. "Well, I'm gonna..." he hesitated. I'm gonna take a cold shower, he thought dejectedly. "I'm gonna go to the balcony now, ok?" he said.

Tony leant over the rail. He was wondering where to go to dinner that night, when suddenly, someone grabbed him and dragged him into the room. He instinctively turned to meet his assailant but stopped when something cold and hard was pressed on the back of his head: the nuzzle of a gun.

A woman's voice hissed.

"Ne bouge pas!"

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded angrily.

"Tais toi!"

"Ok," Tony said. "Not a word." No use arguing. Especially when a talented hand started patting him all over. "If you're looking for flab, you're wasting your time, lady," he said smugly. "There's a reason they call me Iron Man, you know."

"Oh, oui," she whispered eagerly; "Mon homme de fer!"

Tony smiled. He was hoping things would work out well this time. And if they didn't, there were still a couple of languages more they could try…

The End

I'd like to tell you what Pepper offered to do to Tony, but I'm a prude when it comes to sex.