There are windows in her room. They've long since been cemented over so that no reminders of the outside world can be seen. Once Lenneth had been allowed the simple joy of looking outside. Of seeing birds and clouds, even rainbows and the sun. The entire forest had stretched out before her, a sea of emerald green that sometimes rippled with the fierce winds.
There used to be sounds to liven up her prison. The pitter patter of rainfall, the howl of the wind. The soothing chirp of a bird come to rest on the window's sill. Lenneth misses it. Misses the sounds, the sights, the smells she used to be able to experience. She wishes for the sun, to see it's brightness, to feel it's warmth. She longs for the rain to soak her skin, and to feel the wind blow back her hair.
It is stagnant in her prison. Hot and heavy, the air seems to choke her, leaving her longing for that which she has already forgotten. The clean pure taste of fresh air unpolluted by the magics that fill this tower. The magics that help to hide this place, hide HER from the Gods' notice. There are runes painted throughout the tower. She hasn't seen them all, but she has felt their power. Even in this body made so helpless, so mortal, Lenneth can FEEL the power thrumming through the tower. The ancient and forbidden magics that work against her and any that might be searching for it.
But Lenneth doesn't think anyone is looking for her. Not at this point. Not when it's been so long. She'll never know what they decided, what the others must think has happened to her. It hurts to think she's been abandoned, and it's even worse the thoughts that she might be forgotten. Lenneth wonders if anyone will even think of her, once enough time has passed. Or if she will be relegated to just another mystery, an idle curiosity that is ultimately never solved.
Lenneth has little hope left. It's being destroyed bit by bit by her circumstances. Every failure at escape earns her another piece lost. She hangs on valiantly to what remains, even when Lenneth doesn't know what exactly to hope for. Escape? Rescue? Death at Lezard's hands? Or does she wish for the impossible? Lenneth doesn't know anymore. Sometimes she doesn't even care, the energy needed too much to muster up.
She's often lethargic and listless. She is being poisoned by her surroundings, by her lack of contact with the outside world. Lezard's constant demands also play a toll on her. What little energy she does have, Lenneth often expends fighting him. Her body is so weary, so broken and abused. Lenneth wishes she could have even a day to herself. Just one day to recover. One day where Lezard would make no demands of her.
He's dragged her down into darkness and depravity. He's stolen her from the world, from Creation itself. Just as he's taken from Lenneth, the woman having lost out on so much. It's all some sick bid to force her to cleave to him. To render her dependent on him. To make Lenneth acknowledge that Lezard is the only one left to her, the only voice in a realm of silence.
He tries to give her his own variation of what's he's taken from her. She doesn't want his attempts at compassion, doesn't want what he offers her. Because Lezard can never truly offer Lenneth anything without a price. Lenneth misses the warmth of people, of their compassion. She yearns for the casual touches that don't demand anything of her. And she'd trade just about anything for eyes that don't look at her with predatory intent. Lenneth wants-needs a friend. But she has no one. No one save for Lezard, the mad man who strives to possess every last inch of her, right down to her soul.
He wants to consume her. To be in Lenneth's every thought, every dream and desire. He doesn't know how close she is to that point, doesn't know how often Lenneth thinks about him. When he's with her, hate, despair, humiliation and sadness fill her. Just as fear takes over when he leaves, Lenneth constantly worrying about when Lezard will return. On just what he will do to her, and how much her body will like it.
He's even begun to invade her dreams, ruining what had once been her only respite from this hell. Lenneth relives the things that have happened in this room, the abuses, the fear. The attempts at escape. She no longer sees Lucian when she sleeps. It's Lezard instead. Pinning her down, holding her. Kissing and caressing her. Raping her. Making it so she wakes up screaming, choking back sobs.
A person can only take so much. Lenneth knows that even she is not unbreakable. With the relentless assault of both reality and the dreams, how much longer before she cracks apart completely? Before she changes into exactly what Lezard wants? She doesn't know the answer to that question. And that perhaps is the scariest thing of all to Lenneth. She doesn't want to lose any more of herself, and yet she feels helpless to stop the changes she feels are coming. The changes that have already warped her body, turning it traitor against her feelings.
Lenneth thinks about this often, wondering and worrying about how close she is to falling. It's not as though there is much of anything else to do in her tower prison. Trapped in a single room, with only books and Lezard to keep her company. Is it any wonder Lenneth is falling prey to her thoughts, to the insecurities her mind throws at her? She's walked the floor a thousand times, been angry, been sad. She's railed against her fate, at the life denied to her. She's fought him, and fought herself, Lenneth at war with her own body's craving for pleasure.
She's long since stopped praying. There is no point, her voice cannot be heard. Not with the magics that infuse this tower, hiding it from the God's notice, and suppressing the powers of Lenneth's prayers. She's living in the darkness Lezard has sealed her into, and slowly but surely, inevitably, Lenneth will succumb to it. Completly and totally, the darkness all consuming, swallowing up everything of her. And then she will truly be lost. As lost to herself, as Lenneth now is to the world.
Eh...iffy about the ending lines. Had a real hard time with figuring out how to end this. Actually sat on this for like three days. Had most of it written, then it took me three days to come close to an ending. I'm not exactly thrilled with the ending lines. But hey, at least I kept to my goal of no sex for this drabble chapter. Even if it's probably the shortest of the drabbles so far. Which probably makes it a drabble in the true sense of the word.
T.B.C.
Michelle
Phoenix Blade, no don't feel bad. Truthfully I kinda enjoy it too, but I also get kinda embarrassed. And worried...some people really overreact to the content of this fic. X_X But don't worry, sex will return! Just not this chaper or next. But it will be back for 18! Yay!
BoOts, thanks. I am glad too! XD