Part II

So, what did Max find, you ask? He found a big bunch of hairy-ass monsters, that's what! They were tearing the shit out of these balls of sticks, and Max wanted to destroy shit, too! So he went and started destroying stuff, but then the biggest monster, a pimp named Carol, stared sniffing him. Well, Max sniffed him right back! No one scared Max!

And Carol was all, "Oh, you're okay! You can help me tear the shit out of our homes!" So they continued with that. But the other monsters were all, "Um, what the hell? Why are you doing this, you ugly little bitch-ass?" And Max was all, "That pimp told me I could!" And the others were all, "Well, we're going to blatantly ignore you said that and eat your ugly little ass, motherfucker!"

But Max was all, "BE STILL! I'm a king, dammit! If you eat me, I'll kill all your sorry asses!" And they were all, "Omigod, he's a KING! A fucking king!" And so they crowned him king. And then he said, "Let the wild rumpus start, bitches!" And then they slammed into trees and lost brain cells and did a bunch of pointless shit, but it doesn't matter! They had FUN!

Then they all slept together in a big orgy - I mean, pile! And Max talked to this one female bitch who looked kinda like Carol, and no one really knew if she was his whore or not.

Whatever, in the book by Dave Eggers, it states that Max has feelings for this chick, so much that his stomach starts oozing down his legs. I'm not joking! Go check out the book and find it! I swear it's there! What, is he having an erection or something! That's fucking disgusting!

Anyway, Carol kidnapped Max the next day, and they walked across the desert and shit. And Max was all, "Yeah, the sun's gonna die. Just sayin'." And Carol was all, "Hellz to the no, it can't die! I'll beat its sorry ass if it ever tries to!"

So then they found some lame-ass creation Carol made. It was a model city of all the monsters, because Carol is a creeper like that. And Max was all, "We should do this in real life!"

So all the monsters decided to make a giant fort that looked like the Death Star. Oh, yeah, REAL ORIGINAL THERE! But the the other monsters were pissed. They were all, "Max, why is Carol your favorite? Are you two together or something?" And Max was all, "Oh, hell no! You're just being a bunch of whiny-ass fuckers!"

Then that one bitch was all, "Yo, let's bring my Harry Potter owl rip-offs to live in the fort!" And the others were all, "Fuck yes!" And Carol was all, "Fuck no! They suck ass!"

So Max was all, "Let's have a dirt clod war!" And the others were all, "We don't know what the hell this has to do with making a fort, but fuck it!" So they threw shit at each other, and everyone got hurt. And they were all pissed off again.

Then more pointless shit happened, because this movie doesn't really have a plot, but whatever! Carol got scared that the sun would die, and he tore one of the others' arms off! Holy fuck, isn't this a kid's movie? There was no blood, though! There was SAND! That makes it better!

Well, now the shit has hit the fan. Carol decided it was time to kick some ass, so he chased after Max to try and eat him. But that bitch ate him instead, to hide him. Yeah...that makes sense!

Then Carol felt like shit for doing that, but he wouldn't talk to Max. And Max was all, "Yeah, I fucked up big-time. I think I'm gonna go back to my crib, suckers!"

So he got in his boat and ditched the sorry-ass monsters. And they howled, because they were sad. Even though Max had ruined their lives, they would miss him.