~I do not own these characters

Carlisle's Laugh

Esme looked at the empty cup as Carlisle grabbed something out the fridge. I don't wanna do this!, she thought. Carlisle pulled out a milk carton and put it next to the empty cup. He couldn't help but smile in triumph. Esme was never going to forgive him for this, but man, was it worth it. Carlisle opened the carton and turned his face in disgust as the smell of 3 month old milk filled the room. Alice left that milk in the fridge 3 months ago because she saw a vision of this game and she knew Carlisle would make Esme drink it. Alice was just as evil as Carlisle.

Esme flinched when Carlisle tried to pour the milk in the cup. A few drops came out, but nothing else. Esme thought that someone dumped the rest out, but Carlisle knew better. He grabbed a large spoon and started scooping out chunks of milk into the cup. Esme almost passed out from the sight of it. It was thicker than yogurt! It looked like ice cream with frost bite.

Maybe I can just pretend its ice cream, she thought. That won't be so bad.

Carlisle walked to the other side of the room and leaned against the wall. "Go on, Esme. Bon appétit!" Esme pinched her nostrils and picked up the cup. Even though she was pinching her nose, the smell still reached her. She gagged and put the cup down. The smell made her nose burn and her eyes water.

"Carlisle─" she whined.

"Nope. Drink it." Carlisle laughed. Esme glared at him, pinched her nostril again, and this time, she grabbed the cup quickly. She put the cup rim to her lips quickly and tried to drink it. The moment a milk chunk flew into her mouth, she almost threw up. It tasted extremely sour; and it burned her tongue. The flavor of it was indescribable, and to call it disgusting was an extreme understatement.

Edward sat on Alice's bed, practically ready to burst into tears. Alice, who was very mute for once in her life, was putting on a sizeable amount of eye shadow on Edward. Since Alice stopped talking, she's been quietly fuming. Who the hell does Carlisle think he is?! I'm not that loud, am I?

Having read her thoughts, Edward couldn't help but laugh. "Actually Alice, you're extremely loud. You could set a world record─"

Alice slugged Edward in the arm, making him cry out. If you don't shut up, she said mentally, I'm gonna make you look like a clown. With that, Edward shut up. But he couldn't help but smile at how pissed Alice was.

Bella pulled down at her skirt. Sadly, if she pulled it down anymore, the skirt was gonna come off. Bella was walking down a terribly busy street trying her best not to cry. She was wearing a noticeably short blue skirt and a see-through white tank top that said "Barely Legal" on it. It was bad enough that Carlisle said she had to wear this, but then he insisted that she wear a pink and blue lace bra that anyone could see a mile away.

Every person she passed did a double-take and stared. About 10 car crashes almost happened in the last 3 minutes, which is a record for Forks. As she passed a stop sign, she saw a man walking down the opposite way. He looked like he could be in his forties or something. Perfect

As the man passed her, he looked up and dropped his mouth. This time, Bella stopped and smiled at him. "Hey baby, do you like what you see?" Bella purred. The man almost dropped to his knees in anticipation. All he could do was nod.

"Then I bet you'll like what you'll see when I walk away." With that, Bella turned and kept walking; she made sure she swayed her hips for the old man. God I hope he doesn't have a heart attack…

Jasper walked around the house quietly cussing Carlisle out. That son of a bitch! Jasper hoped no one would try to talk to him, but his wishes were crushed when Jacob showed up at the door. Since no one was close enough to the door, and Carlisle was in the kitchen torturing Esme, Jasper had to answered the door.

"Hey Jasper!" Jacob said smiling. Crap, here we go. It looked like Jacob wanted a response, so Jasper just got it over with.

"Hey Jacob!" he squealed in the most flamboyant way he could. "How's it going, hon?" Jacob looked at Jasper in shock.

"Are… Are you okay?" Jacob said wide-eyed.

"Hon, I've never felt better. Especially since I'm getting my nails done later today. God knows I need it! What color should I get? I'm thinking of hot pink, but Emmett said I should totally get sky blue. He said that's what's in these days. What do you think?"

Jacob stared at Jacob with a gaping mouth. He was deciphering whether he should turn and run or entertain him. He decided to entertain him. Jacob closed his mouth and grinned. "You should totally get hot pink. Emmett doesn't know what he's talking about."

Jasper wooted while he mentally thought of different creative ways to kill Jacob for going along with this. I fucking hate you, he cussed mentally. Jasper moved aside and let Jacob into the house. Little did Jasper know, Leah was standing right behind Jasper and trying her best not to crack up laughing.

"Jasper…" she snickered. "When did you decide to be so flamboyant?" Jasper swooned against the door frame and sighed happily.

"It all started when I finally realized my love for this boy I met at the supermarket…" Leah couldn't help but stare at Jasper in surprise.

"Tell me about it," she dared. She knew about the Cullens' little game, but she pretended to be oblivious. She wanted to have fun with this while she could. Nothing's better than talking about boys with gay Jasper.

Dammit. Jasper grabbed Leah's arm and towed her into the house. "OMG don't even get me started on how hot he is! He's… well… He's hotter than Morris Chestnut!" he squealed as he pulled her onto the couch.

"Get out of here! No way!" Leah shrieked. "Anyone who's hotter than him has to be a god or something!"

Jasper worked up the best giggle he could. He pretended to swoon. "Gawd, child, don't get me started. If he's enough to turn me gay, then he must be a god."

Jacob stood and watched them squeal and giggle over this guy in shock. Let's hope to God that I don't run into this guy. If he's enough to turn Jasper, then he's enough to turn anyone.

Rosalie stomped down the street as she heard people behind her talking about her.

"Ew, her hair is so dirty. Ugh, there's been an invention, and it's called shampoo." The girl behind her coughed.

Just ignore the bitch, she doesn't even know how to walk in heels without tripping, Rosalie told herself. Rosalie passed a storefront mirror and looked in hit. Her usually bright blonde hair was now almost the color of Bella's. It was so dirty that she could see something crawling in there. Dandruff? Ew. Rosalie kept walking down the way too busy street in hopes that this day would end soon. God, I fucking hate Carlisle.

Rosalie passed an old man, probably in his forties, who looked dazzled. Hm? Bella must have passed by here too. I wonder if I could charm him. With that, Rosalie walked up to the old man and tapped his shoulder and said hi. When the man turned, he almost had a heart attack (and not because she was cute).

He couldn't help but take in Rosalie's visibly dirty hair and shuddered. "Um… Hello ma'am…" He walked away from Rosalie with noticeable speed, leaving Rosalie fuming on the sidewalk. Ma'am? Are you serious?!

Reneesme sat there while Jasper gushed in the other room. She didn't go into the kitchen because the first time she did that, she saw Esme eating smelly chunks of white with a fork while Carlisle was laughing on the floor. At first glance, the white chunks looked like powdered doughnuts. But once Reneesme got a whiff of the chunks, she almost went into a coma. They smelled worse than rotting dairy, which was ironic because they were rotting dairy.

Reneesme's been walking around with a bottle in her mouth all day long. The baby bottle that was in her mouth was filled with baby formula. Ugh. I hate grandpa, Reneesme muttered mentally. Reneesme could taste all of the powder mixed in with the water, and it tasted like, well… crap. Reneesme knew how much Edward hated it when she cussed mentally, but now she couldn't help it. Son of a

"Now, Reneesme, what did I tell you about cursing?" she heard Edward behind her. Reneesme turned around and almost choked on the formula. She pulled the bottle out of her mouth, swallowed hard, and started cracking up laughing at the sight of her dad. She practically went to tears.

Edward stood in front of her with a pretty sizeable amount of make-up covering his face. Alice put an ocean of blue eye shadow on him with a river of eye liner outlining his eyes. There was a lot of pink blush on his cheeks, making it look like he was blushing. His lips were covered in blood red lipstick that could replace a stop sign any day. His eyelashes were longer and darker, due to heavy amounts of mascara, and Alice even added an extra line on each side of his eyes to make him look extra girly.

Edward glared at his daughter and cussed under his breath. "Just put that damn bottle back in your mouth before you get hurt."

Reneesme, still trying to stop laughing, grabbed the bottle and put it in her mouth; she was still giggling when he left the room.