~Sorry about the delay folks. Working on finishing up War Beyond Words, and it's getting hard. So anyways… Here ya go!


Jasper's List

Jasper danced into the living room, humming the Circle of Life to himself as he sat down on the couch. Just as he sat down, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, and Edward walked into the room with frowns on their faces. "What's up with you guys?"

Carlisle leaned against the wall and sighed heavily. "I'm just happy to be wearing clothes! Sam punched me in the balls, and it hurt like a motherfucker."

"Hey, at least you still have some dignity," Edward whimpered as he sat next to Jasper. "People probably think I'm turning gay!"

"I wouldn't be surprised." Rosalie snickered under her breath.

"I wouldn't be talking if I were you," Edward countered, "since you were molested by a clown. Some vampire you are."

"Can you two stop bickering?" Emmett snapped. "I don't feel good right now, so I don't want to hear any of your voices. I think I have banana poisoning…"

"Is that even possible?" Edward laughed.

Esme, Bella, Alice, and Reneesme walked down the stairs, none of them excited about Jasper's challenge.

"Great! Everyone's here!" Jasper grinned, getting up. "Who wants to go first?"

"Can I go to the bathroom first?" Emmett moaned. "I think I'm gonna be sick…"

"Just suck it up so we can get this over with." Alice snapped. "There's a horde of cheeseburgers in my stomach and they're not happy."

"Just tell us what we have to do, Jazz," Carlisle said flatly."

"Okay! Carlisle, you have to eat nothing but rodents for a day!"

"Aw, c'mon!" Carlisle wailed. "Rodents?! Are you serious?!"

"Alice," Jasper snickered, pretending not to hear Carlisle, "you have to shop at the local swap-meet."

Alice glared at him before muttering, "Tomorrow, expect to see divorce papers in your bed."

"Oh, that's not that bad, Alice." Esme giggled. "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"

"Esme," Alice wailed, "the swap-meet?! You cannot be serious!"

"Keep going Jasper." Esme giggled again.

"Okay," Jasper smiled, "mom, you have to flirt and come on to Carlisle's interns─"

"I swear to God, Jasper, I'm gonna kill you." Carlisle growled.

Emmett fell to the ground laughing, totally forgetting about his stomach ache. This caught Jasper's attention. "I wouldn't be laughing, Emmett. You have to sing 'I'm a Barbie Girl' all day long while walking in the streets."

"Ha!" Edward laughed. "Make sure to get that falsetto going, Emmett!"

"Fuck you, you gay motherfucker." Emmett snapped.

"Edward," Jasper continued, "you have to flirt with Tanya in front of Bella…"

Edward froze and stared at Jasper. "Um…"

"You don't look too mad about that, Eddie," Emmett sneered. "Hopeful wishing?"

"Naw, I'm not planning on pulling anything your wife pulled, so I'm good." Edward retorted, causing Emmett to snarl at him.

"You really are hoping for a death wish, Jazz." Bella said calmly. "What do I have to do? Do I get to punch someone, because it's gonna be you."

"No, no. What you have to do," Jasper said carefully, "is to never say no throughout the whole day, no matter what."

"Uh oh." Rosalie murmured.

"Well, it's about time!" Alice screamed with glee.

Jasper continued, even though he could sense Bella burning holes in his head with her eyes. "Rose, you have to dress up and pretend to be a prostitute."

Carlisle and Edward fell to the ground laughing while Emmett and Rosalie glared at Jasper.

"I hate you, Jasper." Rose snapped.

"Carlisle should of never let you in the house. Dogs belong outside." Emmett said in a clipped tone.

"Reneesme," Jasper laughed out loud, no longer able to hold it in, "you have to ask Jacob about orgasms in front of his friends!"

"But I already had the talk!" Reneesme wailed.

"Well, you parents failed miserably, so…" Carlisle snickered.

"Listen here, gramps─" Edward growled.

"Call me gramps one more time, I dare you…" Carlisle challenged.

"This is gonna be fun!" Jasper laughed.

"I wonder what you'll say when I shove my size 11 up your ass…?" Emmett pondered aloud.

Next chapter is gonna be up… I think today (let's cross our fingers!). If not, then tomorrow morning!