A/N: Alright, ladies, I'm back in business! It's been a long time since I've updated, but no more! Updates are going to be faster now that summer's started! Hazah!

Disclaimer: Somewhere, in a distant universe, all of these characters are mine :D

Emmett's List

Emmett lied down on the living room couch and covered his face with a nearby pillow. The 90210 episode just wouldn't leave his head, and the words of each character kept invading his personal space. I'm gonna kill you, Alice. If it's the last thing I do, I swear I'm going to take your life.

"Not if I don't take it first," Edward grumbled as he descended down the stairs and over to where Emmett was lying. "At least your dare wasn't embarrassing."

"What exactly was your dare?" Emmett asked, sitting up. As Edward sat next to him, Emmett couldn't help but grin. "Come on, Eddie, what was your dare?"

"Don't call me that!" Edward snapped. He then looked away, his face slightly red. This only fueled Emmett's fire.

"It had something to do with Carlisle, didn't it?"

Edward winced and bit his lip. "Um… I had to… I… um‒"

"Edward had to kiss Carlisle." Alice giggled as she entered the room with Esme on her tail. Emmett couldn't help but notice how sad Esme looked. In fact, she looked scarred. But as Alice's words sunk in, Emmett forgot about his mom expression.

"You… kissed… dad…?" Emmett choked. Edward looked reluctantly at Emmett and smiled sheepishly.

"Well‒"

"They ended up making out passionately on his bed," Alice snickered.

"You go to hell, Alice!"

"It's true," Esme whispered. "Those two were kissing like there was no tomorrow."

"Mom!"

"Edward?" a voice said from the doorway of the living room.

Edward and Emmett both looked up to see Bella, Jasper, Rosalie and Reneesme standing there with gawked expressions. It was silent in the living room for what felt like forever before Jasper finally fell to the floor laughing. Emmett couldn't help but join in.

"Does incest run in the family or something?" Rosalie murmured to herself.

Reneesme looked up at Bella and tugged on her cotton dress. "Mommy, what's incest?"

"Ha!" Emmett fell on the floor clutching his stomach. "This family would not be complete without Reneesme asking inappropriate questions!"

"Edward?" Bella asked sternly. "What the hell is going on? Are you… going gay on me?"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Edward stood up in shock. "I am not gay!"

"I don't know, Eddie," Esme giggled. "You and Carlisle looked awfully comfortable."

"Papa's a flaming homosexual?" Reneesme tugged on Bella's dress again. That was just too much for Emmett. He couldn't stop laughing, even though he felt Edward's burning glare on his back.

"Alright, that's enough." A new voice ordered severely. Emmett stopped laughing at once and looked up to see Carlisle sitting where Emmett sat. Everyone stared at Carlisle, including Reneesme, in silent awe. Carlisle looked pissed.

"Carlisle… are you… okay?" Emmett whispered.

"Isn't it your turn to give the dares, Emmett?" Carlisle grumbled, ignoring the question.

"Oh yeah!" Emmett jumped up in excitement.

"Oh no," Edward muttered.

"Is everyone ready?" Emmett beamed.

"Just hang me now." Jasper mumbled under his breath.

"Aright," Emmett snickered, "but first, Jazz, you have to sit through a lesson about a woman's menstrual cycle!"

"Oh dear God, hang me first!" Jasper wailed. Beside him, Rosalie giggled.

"I hope you have fun, Jasper, because there is a lot to learn about the woman's vagina."

"Ugh," Jasper shook his head, "I'm probably going to never have sex again afterwards."

"Don't count on escaping me, Jasper," Alice grinned.

"Moving on! Alice," Emmett laughed, "you have to get on the floor with a color around your neck and pretend to be Jacob's pet."

"You have a sick mind, you know that?" Alice grimaced. "You pervert."

"You have to call him 'Master', too." Emmett added. Alice stopped grimacing and gawked at Emmett.

"You know how much I hate S&M, Emmett! Do you know degrading that feels to me?" she screeched. "You want me to tie myself to the wall, while I'm at it?"

"And all that other good stuff." Edward sneered.

"Shut the hell up!" Alice growled.

"Edward," Emmett continued, "you have to make an awkward conversation start between Renee, Charlie, and Phil."

"That bear should have ate you whole," Edward grumbled.

"Bella," Emmett could hardly contain his laughter, "you have to talk about nothing but your sex life, no matter who you're talking to!"

Bella's mouth drooped open at Emmett as Rosalie fell to her knees laughing. "You… you son of a… I hate you!"

"You love me!"

"What's my dare, Uncle?" Reneesme asked excitedly.

"Oh, your dare is that you have to pretend you hate Jacob for a whole day!"

Reneesme's smile disappeared as quickly as it came as she reveled in what Emmett said. "But… I thought you loved me…?"

"Not today, sugar-plum!" Emmett grinned. "Rosalie, you have to kiss as many frogs as you can."

"EW! Emmett, that's DISGUSTING!" Rosalie screamed. "What the hell?"

"Maybe that'll teach you to keep your mouth to yourself," Jasper muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Rosalie to hear.

"You mother‒" Rosalie began.

"What's my dare?" Esme asked quickly.

"Oh my God… Okay, mom?" Emmett shook with withheld laughter.

"… What…?" she said warily.

"You have to watch The Notebook without crying."

"Sweet mother of God!" Carlisle fell of the couch cracking up laughing.

"Carlisle, you have to eat sushi non-stop for 3 hours." Carlisle stopped laughing immediately and glared at Emmett.

"You're grounded," he groused

"Not laughing anymore now are you, Mr. Hot Pink?" Esme sneered.

"Oh, be quiet." Carlisle grumbled.

"I can't wait!" Emmett squealed with joy.

"I can't wait to shove me foot where it hurts," Alice muttered.

Alice's dare was written off the bat because I forgot to write one for her when I wrote the list from Emmett. It sounds interesting to write and S&M segment on her Lol