Prentiss and JJ were sitting together in Prentiss's room, flipping through channels on a lazy Monday evening and taking advantage of both of their roommates being gone. This didn't mean sex, though- Prentiss thought she would never be able to get to that point, even with someone she loved. How could JJ find her attractive, when under her clothes, she appeared to have been attacked by a saber-toothed tiger who raked its claws over every inch of her? She wasn't ready to even let her closest friend, her girlfriend, see what she had done to herself. While it was annoying, and often hot, to cover up all the time, to have to select clothes based on whether or not they would hide her scars, she couldn't stand to have anyone see. Everyone would stare, whisper, know what she was. A monster. And the thought of purposely showing someone, even JJ, sent her into a mini-panic.

But she knew JJ would respect her. Right now, they were just sitting on the couch, JJ's arm around her, her hand sometimes rubbing her neck, her shoulders, as they tried to alleviate their boredom. Prentiss wondered when she would be able to say "I love you," or even if she truly did romantically love JJ at this point, real love. Saying that opened her up to the possibility of so much hurt in her eyes; after all, her mom had claimed to love her, yet constantly screamed at her, and the people in the past who had claimed to be her friends were actually bullies, pretending to like, to love, her, then stabbing her in the back. Prentiss would wait to say it until she was sure it was true, she really meant it. Hopefully JJ could be patient.

A knock at the door interrupted the two's happy haze. They jumped away from each other like they had been burned; they didn't want anyone outside of their friends finding out they were together yet. The last thing Prentiss needed was more drama. JJ reluctantly got up to open it, and when she did, a confused happiness filled Prentiss's face.

"Dad?"

"I had to see you, Emily," he said. "I don't care what your mom says. I usually let her deal with you how she wanted, never stood up for you, to try and save my marriage. But this time, she's gone too far. She might say you can't come home again and tell me not to see you, but I will anyway." He smiled. "I told her one of my clients had an emergency and needed their social worker right away."

"I thought I'd never get to see you again, either. This means a lot," Prentiss said softly.

Thinking Prentiss didn't want her to hear details about her family life, JJ got up to leave, but Mr. Prentiss said "JJ, you don't have to leave- I know you two are good friends, and I was going to take Emily out to eat while I'm here. Looks like she could use it. Do you want to come with?"

Prentiss insisted on that, and she let JJ pick the restaurant, since they had gone to her favorite a few nights ago. JJ liked Asian food best of all, and over pad Thai, stir fry, and sake, Prentiss got the courage to speak up. "Dad, JJ…well, you know I can't come home again because I'm bi. We're, well….dating," she said nervously, barely able to control a stammer in her voice.

"That's great! Am I going to have a new daughter-in-law anytime soon?" he asked half-jokingly.

"Maybe someday," Prentiss smiled a little.

"Look," her dad said clumsily. "No matter who you date or…if you're a switch hitter…if you get a B…end up with a girl, or a guy, I'll still be okay with it. I love you no matter what. And JJ's a good choice."

At the end of the meal, he passed an envelope across the table. "There's a check in here that should cover the next three semesters of tuition, along with enough cash to cover your personal expenses up through spring semester. Your mother had a special account for your college money, and since she flipped out at you, I figured she might not finance you any more, so I emptied the account before she could get to it, and the cash is a gift from me. I'll still take care of you. Don't worry. Do you think I'd let you drop out of school or go hungry?"

Prentiss grinned widely and walked around the table to hug him. "Come see me again, okay?" she asked. "Whenever you can get away."

"I will. Do you have somewhere to go for the holidays? I'll come see you, but…" he trailed off.

"She'll be with me," JJ explained. "I talked to my family- they're okay with me liking girls- and told them that Emily can't come home, and why. They said any time there's a holiday, or she just wants to get away, she has a place with us."

JJ had worked that out with them yesterday; her mother had insisted on talking to Prentiss and telling her to be strong and that she'd have a home with them. She had nearly cried, but they would have been happy tears at their kindness.

The rest of the week slipped quickly by; Prentiss felt much better this week than the last several, only cutting once, and it was minor. Now that she had JJ, had a sense of security, and didn't have to worry about money, it was so much easier to fight, to try an alternative whenever the urge hit. Not that this fight was easy. Before she knew it, it was Friday again, and she was ascending the stairs to Dr. Lake's office again. Her heart still pounded, nerves still jangled, but this time, it was a bit easier, like her situation was. Easier to bear, bit by bit.

"Emily, how are you feeling this week?" the doctor asked.

"This week is better than the last, that's for sure. I started dating someone- my friend JJ- Jennifer-, actually. And all my friends have been really helpful lately. Plus I saw my dad. He's not going along with my mom's idea of disowning me. It's…easier to fight now. Because I do want to stop."

"That's great that you have some support. Do you mean that you want to stop cutting yourself?" Dr. Lake asked. Prentiss nodded. "That's something we'll work on, then. We'll see how your thinking might be feeding into the self-harm and change those thoughts, and look at coping mechanisms and how to make your life easier, reduce stress, so you can get better. Now, I've reviewed the questions I had you answer last time, and I think I might have…well, not answers for you, it's not my job to give you them, but more of an idea of where you're standing now."

Prentiss shrugged. "Okay. What do you think?"

"Emily," Dr. Lake said gently, showing her the paperwork. "You're severely depressed right now, and although your anxiety isn't enough to be a full-blown disorder, I can see that it's a problem for you, too. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you use self-harm as a way to cope with these things, because it does somehow mitigate negative feelings."

Prentiss swallowed a lump in her throat, nodded again, tried to collect herself- why did she feel like crying? "There's more pain, way more, inside me, than what I create. If I face it, I think I'd die. When I…cut, I don't have to deal with the inner pain."

Silence. It made Prentiss uncomfortable, just sitting there. She felt the need to fill the chasm. "I'm still skeptical, though. I've been sad, if not depressed, for most of my life, and I was always on edge. And I was seven, seven when I started self-harming. That's…thirteen years, with very little time when I wasn't doing it. I'm not sure you can fix me."

"I'm not going to. We'll work together, but in the end, you have to fix yourself. But if you'll do that, there's no reason why you can't get better. And I promise you won't die from facing the pain."

Later that day, JJ and Prentiss were doing homework in JJ's room. JJ wanted to watch her, because she'd admitted that she felt terrible for some reason, the need to cut like a caged beast inside her. She'd turned to homework, both as a distraction and because the work just continued to pile onto her, instead. But in the middle of a chapter on the structure of U.S. judicial power, she found herself laying down the book and crying for no discernable reason. This scared Prentiss a little; she wasn't in control. It was like she was someone else.

"Emily?" JJ asked. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "Really I don't. I'm sorry."

"If you apologize for your feelings again, I'll smack you!" JJ tried to tease. "It's okay to cry. Seriously. Even if you don't know what's wrong."

JJ's support made Prentiss think of something. If she wasn't going to die at facing the walled-in pain in her heart, her head, could she bring down those walls, even for a little bit? Almost as soon as she made the conscious decision to do so, pain flooded her, like so many East Germans climbing over the barbed wire and stone that split Berlin.

"JJ, it hurts," she choked. "I said…die if I face the inner pain…I can't keep it in me now." She could barely get the words out due to the intensity of her sobs. No one had ever seen her cry like this.

"You're not going to die," the blond assured her, guiding her to lie down, holding her tightly. "It's okay. Cry. You'll feel better." Prentiss was sobbing so hard the force shook her whole body; JJ could barely hold her still.

"I know it hurts. But you'll get through everything," JJ said. Her friend cried for so long that JJ gave up trying to talk to her, and just held her, stroking her hair. Finally, the flood slowed to a drizzle, and JJ smiled.

"See, you're not dead, are you?" she joked, kissing Prentiss's forehead. "And before you try to apologize for this- because I know you will- remember that this was what I meant when I said you could come to me for anything. Even if "anything" is hours of incoherent crying. Do you feel better now?"

"Oddly, yes," Prentiss sniffled. "I don't feel like hurting myself at all any more. I don't know why, I just don't." The pain inside her had gone from a roar to a whimper; barely even strong enough to notice, let alone necessitating creating physical pain because the other pain was that huge, that overwhelming.

It had been almost four days since Prentiss last cut. If you had told her that she would make it even that long without it, at the beginning of this school year, she wouldn't have believed you. And a new emotion, stronger now, poked its way out from between the hurt, sadness, and anxiety, started to flower. Hope. She thought of the blades in her bag, was surprised to find herself considering throwing them all out, starting over, going cold turkey. Perhaps that "someday" that she had told herself she would do that was closer than she had thought.

(A/N: Sorry if this gets boring, the "middle" is hard to write for. I have some good ideas for future chapters, though; there will be a CM team Christmas chapter, and a conclusion where Emily does throw those things out, and a nice epilogue. Stupid middle! Why must you be so hard to write? Please R & R!)