The Impossibly Handsome Talented Charming And All Around Super Awesome Dude revealed his identity to the Doctor. It was Jeff the Good Looking One. Amy's friend with the naughty laptop. The town must be Leadworth. The Doctor had thought it looked strangely familiar.

"Jeff?" The Doctor said in disbelief. "Why? I thought you were going to be the Master or Omega or the Rani or Borusa!"

"It's always the one you least expect isn't it?" Jeff said with a smug grin. A gentle breeze blew across the flat rooftop.

"Not really. If it were the one I least expect you would have turned out to be Buzz Lightyear."

"What? Why Buzz Light – oh nevermind. Prepare to die Doctor!"

"But why, Jeff? Why are you doing this?"

"You took away what was most important to me. After you caught me looking at German scat bestiality porn on my laptop, my Gran found out too. She was furious. She hates Germans! So she installed a parental block on my laptop. I could no longer look at my precious porn. That was your fault Doctor."

"Forgive me if I withhold my guilt."

"Don't interrupt me when I'm monologuing!"

"Sorry." The Doctor said as he rolled his eyes.

"I vowed revenge on that day! My suppliers supplied me with the money, resources and technology to kill you. They even provided me with the Time Scoop for Plan E!"

"But who are your suppliers?"

"The Time Lords!"

The Doctor gasped. "Really?"

Jeff snorted in derision. "No! I can't believe you fell for that! Idiot!"

"I'm guessing you're not going to tell me who they are then?"

"Nope."

The Doctor sighed in frustration. "Okay then. But what's all this business about me destroying the universe?"

"Oh, I just made that up to give my underlings some extra motivation."

"Ah. That's an anti-climax."

"But you and your little friends had to ruin everything didn't you? Almost blowing up Kovarian, taking Rassilon for granite, trying to kill Davros with fire, making me get a tummy ache!"

"Look," The Doctor used his best voice to try and get Jeff to calm down. "I know you're angry Jeff, but I can help you. Let me help you."

Jeff paused for a few seconds. It looked like he was considering the Doctor's offer….

"Oh fuck off you self-righteous prick!"

Or maybe not.

Jeff produced a knife from one of his pockets and threw it at the Time Lord. He missed and struck the ectoplasmic sombrero instead. The cool hat flew off the Doctor's head and landed a few feet away with the knife still embedded in it. The Doctor knew that the hat was unharmed due to being made from ectoplasm, but he couldn't help but feel very angry. He thought of all the hats he had lost; the fez, the Stetson, the deerstalker, the tricorn hat and the flat cap. He snapped.

"There's one thing you never harm." The Doctor said. "If you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans on seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never, ever harm."

"And what would that be?" Jeff asked nonchalantly.

"My hats."

The Doctor produced the Rubik's Cube from the inside pocket of his tweed jacket and threw it at Jeff. The sharp corner struck Jeff in the eye and caused him to stumbled back in pain so that he was right on the edge of the roof. He wobbled precariously…it looked like he wasn't going to fall…..

Then the gentle breeze blew again.

Jeff fell off the rooftop and onto the road below.

The Doctor rushed over to the edge and looked down. "Jeff?"

Jeff was sprawled out on the road below in the most unnatural position. It looked like he was dead.

But then he got up.

Then a car ran him over.

Then a lorry ran him over.

Then an ambulance ran him over. Which was kind of ironic.

Then a passing marching band of approximately one hundred and fifty members walked over him.

Then he went into cardiac arrest.

Then he was struck by lightning. Despite the fact that there was no storm going on.

Then a meteorite crushed him.

Then a pack of wolves came along, pushed the meteorite away and began feasting on him.

Then he defecated all over himself.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor turned around and saw Mark there. "Yes?"

"You should come downstairs. Something's happened."

"Can't you just tell me what it is now?"

"No, it's more dramatic this way."

"Gotcha."

The living room was looking very crowded now. The TARDIS was parked near the window, the remaining members of L.A.B.I.A were tied up in a corner, the TARDIS crew mulled about making conversation, a giant man-sized beetle sat in one of the chairs and sipped tea and Jeff's Gran and the Ood (now free from the evil, perverted, time-wasting influence of the internet) were giving sandwiches and tea to everyone. Professor Snape was rocking back and forth and muttering to himself in one of the corners.

Oh, and all ten of the Doctor's previous incarnations were there too. But that's not very important.

Wait.

Yes it is.

Sorry.

"Well, this is awkward." The Eleventh Doctor said after several minutes of awkward silence as he looked at his previous incarnations. "I'm guessing the Time Scoop snatched you out of your timelines and brought you here?"

"Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring." The First Doctor said. "It appears my observational skills have diminished in my old age."

"Oh, shut up grandpa!" Eleven retorted.

"Grandpa? You're several centuries older than me you idiot! I'm dreading the day I become you. I think I might throw myself into a star to avert it."

Meanwhile, the Second Doctor and the Third Doctor had their backs turned on each other.

"What's up with those two?" The Eight Doctor wondered aloud.

"They don't like each other remember?" Eleven said. "It's not Two's fault that Three's a stuck-up ponce with a nose roughly the size of an island nation!"

"Oh, is that right?" The Ninth Doctor said. "Well, it's not Three's fault that Two is a moronic man-child with hair that looks like his mum cut it for him."

Nine and Eleven stared daggers at each other as each of them waited for the other to make the first move.

Meanwhile, the Fifth Doctor and the Tenth Doctor were deep in conversation.

"You're brilliant you are!" Ten said.

"Oh, go on. No really, go on!" Five said.

"I love your celery. And the trainers."

"Your trainers are nice too."

"Oh, why don't you two just get married if you love each other so much?" The Sixth Doctor said as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, shut up." The Fourth Doctor said. "You do realise that we all think that tacky coat of yours is hideous. At least some of us have style. I'm particularly enjoying that fellow's hat." Four pointed at Eleven's ectoplasmic sombrero. "I can't wait until I get to wear that!"

"So, how does it happen?" The Seventh Doctor asked the Eighth Doctor. "I mean, how do I regenerate?"

"You do not want to know." Eight replied. "Trust me when I say that it was really, really, really stupid. Embarrassing even."

"So you're my replacements eh?" Nine said to Ten and Eleven. "A lanky freak and a dork in a bowtie?"

"At least we don't have ears that could act as landing sites for Cyberships." Ten retorted.

"Excuse me?" Four said as he approached the giant, man-sized, tea-sipping beetle. "What are you doing here?"

"Drinking tea." The beetle replied.

"But where did you come from?"

"Oh, I live next door."

"Okay then."

"Aren't we getting a bit off topic here?" Seven said to the whole room. "What about this whole Time Scoop business?"

"He's…ah….you've got a point Doctor." Mark said. "Isn't eleven different versions of the same person all being in the same place dangerous?"

"Meh." Eleven said. "What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

Without warning, the whole world seemed to begin shaking.

Suddenly, the First Doctor exploded and turned into a pile of ash. Then the Second Doctor did the same. Then the Third. Then the Fourth. Then the Fifth. Then the Sixth. Then there was a slight pause as Seven finished off his tea. Then he exploded too. Then the Eight. Then the Ninth. Then….

"Huh." Ten said after several moments of non-exploding. "I guess I'm going to be…"

Then he exploded into ash too.

Before anyone could register what had just happened, there was an almighty noise what sounded like paper tearing but on a massive scale.

The remaining Doctor, Sophie, Mark, Clucky, Jeff's Gran, the Ood, L.A.B.I.A, Professor Snape and the giant beetle all looked out the window. There was a gigantic red crack in the sky that seemed to stretch for infinity in both directions and also seemed to loom over the entire world.

As the Doctor looked up at the cosmic abomination, he could say only one thing.

"Oh balls."

THE END

OR IS IT?