All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has added Save Tonight to their favorite stories and/or Story Alerts! You have no idea how excited that makes me! Thank you for the awesome reviews, hang in here with me: I promise you I hear what you're saying! Just keep reading. This is a hurt/comfort story after all. ;-)

Chapter 4: Breathless

Hopefully you'll be fine without me by your side

Hopefully I will too

Times have change, now why I don't even know myself

Do I event want to?

You can breathe will I suffocate myself

What is it about you?

That leaves me breathless

You leave me so breathless

And now I can't be

Out of sight, out of mind, out of sight of you

You believe in lies

Like the one you told yourself

BPOV

I could feel the sun's warming rays on my body, the warmth caused a tingle in my hair all the way to my scalp, moving downwards to my lips, my throat …. To my shoulders, down my arms, until my fingertips tingled. The warmth continued to roll throughout my body, towards my very center of my being. I wanted to moan again, entice his return, and be one with him again. How well I knew though, that it was only a dream, as dreams faded away with the night and was replaced by the brightness of the day, I could feel him also slipping away. If I held absolutely still, maintained my even breathing, perhaps I could still hang onto this dream, put off facing the daylight and resounding pain that it would bring.

No one can fight the sun. It cannot be prevented from rising.

There I lied, breathing evenly, willing myself back to the swirling darkness of my unconscious. Yet, my body refused to cooperate and within a fraction of a second, my battle was lost. My eyes opened to the bright sun overhead, a light breeze coursing through the meadow sent a light chill through my system. As I lay there, forcing myself to breath, I could feel the emptiness growing inside. Just a dream.

Though I knew this dream would bring with it irrevocable damage, I could not regret it. For a night, he had loved me again, held me with passion, wanted me as I wanted him. For a night, I was his again. The emptiness was seeping through my veins now, first numbing me and then burning from the inside. This pain would be different from the pain of his memory, it would be more harsh, more searing – a reminder that our relationship was merely imagined. "I have to stop pretending," he had said. Pretending to love me, to care about me, to want me.

I choked on the sob that made its way up through my throat, my breathing now labored and ragged. Slowly I pulled my knees up to my chest, my only thought to contain this ache inside me, to breathe, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My lungs were slowly pressed downwards, squeezed in sharply, my throat felt closed, my body aching for the oxygen it desperately needed. The pain was vast and immeasurable; it was an abyss that I could not escape from, a stone that slowly pressed into me … crushing my vital organs, my spirit, even my will, leaving me broken in the meadow.

I'm not sure how long I lied in that meadow, frozen by my own pain and the longing ache. It was no surprise when I finally rose from this position how sore my body was. Granted how well could it be for my body to spend an evening on the meadow floor?

Slowly, I stretched one arm above my head, followed slowly by the other. My fingers uncurled towards the sun and sky, feeling each muscle uncurl in suit. Even though Charlie would be away through the end of the week, I knew I should return home. Reluctantly, I moved away from the meadow back towards the trail. It was a five mile hike and with the afternoon already halfway through, I knew I should get back before it became too dark to find my way. As I moved slowly and carefully down the trail, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise, goose bumps covered my arms, and I could feel each nerve come alive inside me. My heart began to race and my breathing became quick and unsteady. Get a hold of yourself! I admonished. Yet, I could not help but feel my body's reaction was a warning of danger.

I glanced quickly behind, then forward again, nearly stumbling into Victoria. I shuddered and took a few unstable, staggering steps back. "Victoria…." I whispered.

She smiled lazily at me, taking one step forward.

Where was the voice? Would it deny itself to me in my final moments? Was I worth so little, it could not be bothered to care about my death? I could feel the sting of tears behind my eyes, gathering, and spilling over to my cheeks. This made Victoria grin widely, creating a chilling effect. Here she stood mere feet from me, fire red hair in a tousled, tangled mess, tattered jeans and a low v-cut tank top clinging to her curves, feet bare again. Yes, it was the smile, with the slight tilt of her head that really chilled me. She glided effortlessly close to me, within arm's reach now. Her fingers shot out and caught one tear as it slid silently down; she brought it to her lips, tasting it. Bright crimson eyes slowly closed as she savored the flavor, then shot open again, her lips pulling back in a beautiful yet terrifying snarl.

I knew it was hopeless to outrun a vampire, yet still I stumbled back a few paces. With perfect clarity I recalled Laurent's warning, mere yards from where I now stood. "Victoria plans to kill you slowly." A strangled whimper escaped my lips. I could not imagine a more slow torture than these past few months, yet I did not want to put this theory to the test.

Victoria took another slow step towards me, her lips remained pulled back, a growl escaping her, and she crouched – prepared to attack. I held my breath, waiting for the spring, the tearing. Yet there was nothing. I opened my eyes, nothing.

My heart beat throbbed in my ears, my palms sweaty, my head pounded … had I just imagined it? I could not think of any alternatives, had Victoria really been there surely she would have attacked, if I had been saved by the wolves, I would have heard them as they raced by in pursuit. Surely, I must have imagined it.

Concern began growing inside my head as I considered this, first the night of passion in the meadow, then Victoria. What was wrong with me? Would it get worse?

Suddenly eager to escape the darkening forest, I began to run almost blindly through the leaves, branches, and underbrush. Before I knew it, I could see the clearing where I had parked my truck. As I registered this, my foot caught on a root, and I went flying downwards. My hands stretched out in front of me to catch my fall, scraping against the large, rough moss covered stones. I pulled myself up to my hands and knees, the sat back on my heels and examined my hands. My left palm was torn and bleeding, dirt and small pebbles were indented into the skin, my other hand had escaped unharmed, but I could feel a sting in my left knee as well, it also was bleeding. As I brushed the dirt and pebbles from the palm of my hand, I heard a giggle. The giggle bubbled in my chest, rose through my throat, and escaped my lips. Was that me?

The giggle continued to burst from my lips, evolving into laughter, unexpectedly erupting from me. Why on Earth was I laughing? In horror, the laughs changed gradually, became deep sobs, my shoulders shook below me as I muttered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Images of my last birthday flashed behind my eyes. It was this blood that caused all the heartache I felt now; it was my inability to stand on my own two feet that had caused him to flee. My painfully normal self that had made him pretend. A scream escaped me then, a strangled, broken sound; pulling me to my feet, and I turned towards the tree and began hitting it over and over with my inefficient fists.

"I loved you!" I screamed as I hit it again and again, "Why did you leave me? Why did you pretend?" The sobs, the screams, rolled through my body as it began to slowly slump back towards the brown and green earth below my feet. "I can't breathe without you," I murmured, feeling the soreness in my throat from the screams. "You left me, all alone. You were my everything, and now I have nothing. You left me…" I relaxed further into the tree, feeling all my energy sapped from my outburst.

The hole did not care if I had already spent all my energy in the forest, the acknowledgement of him, of the pain, of the emptiness I felt was all it needed to gain hold of me again. The truck was only a few feet away; surely I could make it there. I just needed to get to my feet, but I could not make my body respond. Already, it was going numb as the hole began to spread, and without a fight, I surrendered to the darkness.

It was morning again. I could tell because of the red haze that lit up the backs of my eyelids, but it was a muted effect; I could not feel the sunshine on my body. My legs began to shift restlessly, I felt a sensation on my legs … was that a blanket?

My eyes shot open. I was in my bed, at home, in Charlie's house. What the hell? How did I get here? Wasn't I just in the forest? I looked down at my body, my breath catching in my throat. I was wearing one of those bedtime outfits, loose fitting light blue shorts with a royal blue tank top. For the thousandth time, I heard myself asking, "What is wrong with me?" This outfit had been pushed firmly to the back of the floor of the closet, one of the reminders of him. I strictly evaded all clothes, gifts, even music itself that could trigger a memory of him.

Kicking the covers from between my legs, I threw my feet over to the side and scrambled to my drawers. Agitated, I threw the clothes from the drawer seeking the jean capris I had worn to graduation. They weren't there. Chewing on my bottom lip, I tried to reason where I would have put them. The hamper. Practically tripping over my feet I swung open my bedroom door and crossed the space in the hall to the bathroom. I tore open the hamper lid, and there on top were my capris and t-shirt. My fingers curled around the fabric, bringing it close to my face for inspection. No visible stains, rips, or tears, pulling them close to nose, I was unable to smell the forest, mud, or anything else to indicate I had been in the forest. Slowly I sank to the bathroom floor, feeling the handles dig into my back as I slid my body downwards. Had I even been in the forest? Had all of it, the visit to the Cullens' house, the meadow, Victoria, stumbling through the forest – had all of it been a dream? A violent nightmare? I could not, with any amount of certainty be sure.

Slowly, I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with air, pausing, holding it in while thoughts and questions swam about in my mind. Just as slowly, I began releasing the air. I continued this pattern until I felt steady enough to stand. Pushing against the heels of my hand, I began to rise, when I felt a sharp sting in my hand. I gasped at the sharp pain, and pulled the offending hand closer, there were shallow scraps along the underside of my palm. As my mind whirled and spinned, searching for an answer to hold fast to, all I could do was think to myself, it was just a dream, wasn't it?

Chapter Note:

Make sure to check out Alex Goot's song, Breathless on his YouTube Channel: Gootmusic. Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but hopefully I'll get a chance to pick it up again this weekend.