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Chapter 7: What do I have to do?

BPOV:

I needed to get away from here, from this meadow, from him. If I remained here too much longer, surely I would break down, beg him to never leave me again, and ruin any chance he may have at a happier existence. My brain and my heart felt so overwhelmed, it threatened to overtake me, my legs felt wobbly and unsteady, my knees threatening to buckle beneath me any minute … there they went. His arms circled me, steadying me. God, I could get lost in his arms, his scent, his touch.

Get control of yourself! I chastised myself. If I was unable to gather the strength now to leave him, to walk away this instant, I never would. The anger, that is what I had to hold onto, that, would have to fuel me until I could make it home. Hell, I just needed to make it to my truck. Who was I kidding? Be realistic, concentrate on making it out of this field first, and then worry about the remaining distance. Then I heard him, declaring his love for me, explaining his pull to return to me, his refusal to leave my side ever again. My head was spinning in confusion, was he lying now? Was he lying then?

Before my mind could begin to sort through his words, sift them in my brain, sorting them into categories of what was believable, what was probable, and what was logical, I felt Edward's body stiffen beneath my own. His arms held me rigidly close to his chest, a low growl simmered in his chest, and I could feel him shift my body in his arms, prepared to run if needed.

"She might not be able to make you leave leech, but I bet I can," the familiar voice was angry, so angry. I could practically hear his teeth grinding together across the meadow, could feel the hot angry waves roll off him.

In that split second, everything and nothing changed in the meadow. Everything was still the same, the atmosphere thick with tension, hurt, betrayal, and a boiling rage quickly reaching the surface. The air was so thick with these emotions, one could taste them in the air, bitter and hot in my mouth, leaving my tongue swollen and dry, my throat parched as the rage withered the air.

"Jake," my heart ached for him. I felt Edward's hand twitch on my shoulder, the moment subtle, breaking rank for only a thousandth of a second. Jake had wanted so badly for me to love him, more as a friend. Charlie had pushed so hard for me to love what was good for me, to try again, to try to love with Jacob. I did love him; he was my best friend, my protector, the one who pulled me out of this black hell I lived in.

Edward had forever altered me. My heart belonged to him. I knew there would never be anyone for me after he had left. Forever a huge piece of me would be gone, taken with him in the dark moment in the woods. Unintentionally, he had ruined me for anyone else in my life. Jake refused to believe that I had really loved Edward, that I was capable of loving a leech, or even more impossibly – that a leech was able to love anyone, anything, let alone his dinner. Incredulously, Jake believed that I would get over it, move on, and learn to love again. That he would be there for me, and when my eyes finally opened, they would see him.

Weeks passed, then months. Nothing changed. Jake grew frustrated, angry. How could I begrudge him this? At least he stayed with me, never giving up on me. Shuddering, I wondered how lost I might be if Jake had given up, walked away, sought someone better who could love him back. I laughed darkly. It had not escaped me the changes I had gone through in the past nine months, a sane girl did not chase delusions.

My thoughts were caught short as the air rippled as Jake phased into his giant russet wolf. I was behind Edward then, pulled tightly to his back as he faced the giant wolf before him. "No!" I screamed, muffled against his back. Wiggling and kicking, I managed to break free, knowing it was only because he was distracted. "No! Don't fight!" I ran between the two of them, forgetting my state of only being half dressed. This however did not escape either Edward or Jacob, who roared angrily in Edward's face. Jake's massive shoulders dipped and slumped and he bared his teeth at Edward.

"Bella get back!" Edward called, not loosing contact with Jake's gaze.

"Stop! Both of you! You cannot fight each other without hurting me! Stop!" I placed myself in the middle again, one hand up, pleading with them to stop, the other clutching the blanket firmly around my body. How I wished I had gotten dressed sooner than this, rather than standing boldly between them, half naked and vulnerable.

Jake moved further, his fur still bristling angrily, growls low in his throat. Edward took the opportunity to hand me all my clothes and then shield me with his body as I quickly dressed myself in my jeans and t-shirt.

"He wants you to go back to Charlie's house," Edward said, his eyes sliding back and forth between Jake and I. "He wants to talk to you, alone." He turned to Jake then, "How do I know I can trust you dog? You could kill her if you phased too close to her!"

Jake whimpered and snapped at Edward, who took a visible step back. Their gazes held one another, never blinking, never turning away, never backing down. Just staring. I placed my hand on Edward's shoulder, breaking the spell, he turned and looked at me, "I'll go home and talk to him. I can call you after; we can finish this talk later." He looked impish then and I swear if he could blush, he would have. "What?"

"I kind of smashed my phone a few months ago."

I groaned, "Fine, then come by the house at 6 tonight. That should give me a couple of hours to get home, clean up, talk with Jacob, and think. Okay?" Nervous that Jake would pursue Edward if we simply turned and ran, I turned towards Jake, my eyes met his angry and hurt ones. "Jake, Edward will take me back to my truck, do not follow him or attack him. Understood?" Jake whimpered but his head dipped down and then pulled back up a nod. "Thank you Jake. I'll meet you at my house."

When I turned to face Edward again, his gaze was still intently focused on the large wolf behind me, low growls were vibrating in his granite chest. "Stop it Edward. I need you to take me to my truck," he nodded silently, then scooped me up in his arms and ran. The sensation of coming home hit me as his arms enveloped me and pressed me to his chest. My body ached in remembrance of those precious months together and of the previous night. My resolve to be strong, if just for this short time, waivered as I inhaled his sweet scent, then I made the mistake of opening my eyes to gaze up at his face. The trees were whizzing by, blurring together, branches and leaves dancing together, till I was unable to separate where one branch began and another ended. Close your eyes. I reminded myself, willing my eyes to shut. The nausea was coming quickly now, I had to breathe in and out, in and out, in and out. I could handle this, I would not throw up on Edward like this, would not waste this time I had stolen.

He stopped. We had arrived to the clearing where I had parked my truck. As Edward put me back on my feet, I instinctually reached out to a nearby tree to steady myself. "I can help you with that," he said.

How could I tell him I had slowly adjusted over the months? That I had learned to only rely on myself to catch myself when I fell? That I had learned how to deal with the fall itself, the impact? Now was not the time to share thoughts like this.

"Go hunt Edward, or go home, whatever you need to do. I'm going home now." Then I opened the door to the driver's side of my rusted Chevy. It groaned in protest as I pulled it open and climbed inside, the engine roared to life, stomping out my thoughts and forcing my concentration on the task at hand.

Edward tapped on my driver's side window, his face set in decision, I rolled it down, "I will be there at six Bella, dog or no dog." I understood his point.

"See you then," I murmured and began pulling away from the clearing, my heart hammering in worry as I drove home where I knew Jacob would be waiting for me.

My skin tingled as I drove back to Charlie's house, I nervously looked around, expecting to his unexpected face to jump out at me. Yet I saw … nothing. I chuckled; do I really expect to be able to catch a glimpse of him if he did not want me to see him? No, of course not, I thought, remembering his very effective demonstration that first day in the meadow.

As I neared my house, my heart rate began climbing in nervous anticipation of my discussion with Jake. What could I really tell him? How could anything he saw or thought he understood be acceptable? It was Jake that had really helped me survive, if only to exist, these past nine months. It was his always happy personality, his easy going warmth, and the familiar family that I had bonded with from spaghetti parties, to bonfires, and even cliff diving.

The gravel protested under my old truck as I pulled into the drive. Sighing, I turned the engine off and began to breathe in and out as deeply as possible. If Jake was here, he was ignoring my arrival, probably giving me the time to sift through my emotions and himself time to become calm. Glancing at my clock, I realized that regardless of my actions or inactions, time was going to move forward and I knew I would most defiantly not want Jacob to still be at the house when Edward arrived.

I pushed the door open and swung my feet out to the muddy gravel of the driveway.

One foot in front of the other Bella, you can do this.

Sighing heavily, I pushed my feet forward, tumbling up the stairs and through the door. Jake was already there waiting for me, hunched over my couch. "Jake," I began, my mouth hung open as I tried to find the right words. What could I really say?

Sorry I've rejected you these past several months, but see Edward just breezed right back into my life and oh, between my legs too?

No, that wouldn't work at all. My mouth shut audibly with a soft snap.

His head jerked up then, I noticed his eyes were red rimmed – from crying. I had never seen Jake cry before. I had seen him angry, frustrated, confused, soft, warm, gentle, and even loving. Never had I seen him cry before. The back of his hand roughly wiped across his eyes, his chest shuddered as he breathed in, and he stiffly stood to face me. "Bella, what the hell happened out there? Why were you … you know, not totally dressed? I thought that leech had left!" His face was distorted in a mask of anger as he spit out the last part.

"Jake, I – uh, I just don't know what happened. They did leave. The last time I saw any of them was a few months ago, when Alice came to visit. I had no idea Ed" – oh God, my lungs felt compressed again, the hole shimmered inside me, as the mention of his name threatened to tear me apart from the inside. Get a hold of yourself Bella, I commanded myself. "No idea that he was planning on returning."

"How could you have no idea? Bella, you were practically naked when I got there! Did he, did he – Bella, did he hurt you?"

Yes Jake, in so many ways he hurt me. None of which are the ones you are implying.

"No Jake, he… I know what you're thinking and well," my frustration built as my inability to communicate with Jake grew. "Jake, he didn't force me. I wanted to, with him," The blood rushed to my cheeks, pooling there as I felt the heat radiating from my face.

"God, Bella. That's disgusting!"

"Jake, this isn't your business. I know what it must have looked like, when you got there. I know we were fighting, but this is private. This is something I have to work out with him." I kept my eyes averted from his face, not wanting to see the disgust, anger, and betrayal there. There was no reason for me to feel so incredibly guilty while explaining this to him, but I did. The conflicting emotions – anger and hurt at his disgust, embarrassment at the whole conversation, fought within me. As the heat rolled off his body, now so close to my own, I knew that he also was waging an internal war with his emotions.

The words came spilling out now, "Bella, I've wanted you for months. I have loved you for so long; I cannot seem to remember anything else before you." With one large stride, his body moved closer to mine, mere inches away and his arms enveloped me, his scent filling my senses. He murmured into my hair now, "God, Bella. I kept thinking, if you only had more time, that you would move on. That you could learn to love me like I love you. Bella, I have been aching for you. I've been good to you, so good for you. I could see you getting better before my eyes, healing, and becoming more whole. I know I've been gone these past few weeks, but it's been to hunt that fucking redhead. For you. Then I get home and go to find you and smell him all over your house…." His tone had turned angry now, his fingers began to tighten around my arms, and I could feel his mouth pulling away from my hair. "Bella, I was out there for you, keeping you safe. Where has he been? Not here. He hasn't kept you safe, just me Bella. Then I find you and you're …. With him, like that! With a leech! He could have killed you! I can't believe …. that … you let, you allowed – ugh, that you wanted him to touch you like that!" His voice began to tremble and shake with the deep emotion, his fingers digging even deeper into my arms. I kept my body very still, hoping his anger would pass. The next words he spoke were barely a whisper, "That you let him touch you, but you never allowed me, not once, to even kiss you."

He looked down at me then, eyes blazing, anger and hatred radiating from his body, hands tightly bound around my arms, and he lowered his head to mine. "You are not his. You are mine, I love you, I am here and I would never hurt you like he has," then his mouth was on mine then. Warm lips crushed against mine as I whimpered against him.

"Ow, Jake, please stop, you're hurting me," I pleaded, but he did not hear me. My words were stopped then as his lips crushed back to mine, his tongue pushing against my tightly pressed together lips.

"Let me kiss you Bella," he growled, his voice rumbling deep within his chest.

I tried not to, but I cried out then, "Please Jake! Please stop, you're hurting me!"

The air was very full then; Jacob's hands were no longer gripping my arms, his body no longer pressed against mine. Now he was against the wall separating the living room and the kitchen, with Edward's slender fingers encircling his throat.

Most surprising was Jacob's lack of fight, his eyes were closed, head rested against the wall, with the exception of his hands, which were loosely around Edward's wrist, his body was totally limp. Had I not known better, I would have already assumed that Edward had somehow incapacitated him. "She asked you to stop, Jacob – you were hurting her." The smooth, velvet voice was very familiar; the lethal coolness however, was not.

"You can have her, I don't want her anymore," it was just a whisper now, "You deserve each other. I should have let the leech get her, better her really dead than with you."

"It's because of your protection of her that I don't kill you right here dog. Never speak to her like that again." Slowly, Edward lowered Jacob to the ground, releasing his throat when Jake's feet touched the floor. Without glancing over to me, Jake scuffled out from the house, ran towards the woods, and then he was gone.

The door remained open from where he had left, the only evidence of him being here, of the altercation that had taken mere moments to play out. Automatically, I stepped forward, closing the door until I heard the soft click of the chambers locking into place. I pressed my forehead against the door, hoping the coolness and the pressure would help my sort through my thoughts. It didn't.

Time moved forward, first seconds clicking by on the clock hung over the kitchen, then minutes. Feet frozen, head throbbing, and heart aching; I simply lacked the willpower to move from that location. Eyes squeezed shut; I slid down the door, until I was curled into the corner behind the door. A sob escaped me then. I tried desperately to hang onto it, to lock it inside me, to not show him this weak part of myself.

Until this moment, he had been so still, if my body did not seek out his, feel his presence when he was near, I would have been fooled into thinking he had left. Yet the air hummed with his nearness and the hole began to throb with his distance.

I just couldn't breathe.

My arms wrapped around my sides, trying desperately to hold myself together, the hole growing larger and larger, the pain slicing through me.

Then it was gone.

He was beside me now, tenderly shushing me, rocking me in his arms. There were no comforting words in this moment, as my world stopped spinning in its axis and I tried desperately to make sense of the last twenty four hours.

In less than a day I went from my detached, zombie shell, running towards the pain if only to feel for those agonizing moments, to giving myself completely to Edward, to losing my best friend, and now back in Edward's arms. I should be happy that he was back, declaring his love for me, loving me so completely. Right now, I could not absorb what should be, as I mourned the death of who I was and all I had lost in his absence.

/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Sorry it took me a little while to update this chapter. If you'd like a teaser for the next chapter, leave me a review. :)