Chapter 6: Amanda
The penthouse was a mess, but it had potential.
"Just like me," I thought as I looked at myself in a dusty, flour-length mirror that hung in the little hall. I really looked like a mess too, my hair sticking wildly out everywhere, my way to tight, purple t-shirt had crept up, exposing more skin than necessary, and my jeans were dirty (no idea what so ever how that happened).
But at the same time, it looked kind of cool. I looked way to skinny, I had to gain some weight, but the messy style felt good, and the tight t-shirt actually looked good on me. The jeans didn´t fit, they were a little big, but if I eat some more, I could actually pull this messy style off. I hadn´t packed any cloths, so why not use my money to buy myself a new wardrobe. I didn´t need my college found anymore, no way I was going there, so why not start living by starting to create a new style. I didn´t need to be so perfect anymore, I wasn´t perfect.
For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to go shopping.
"Oh, Alice, I hope you see this moment and that you are proud of me. I want to go shopping," I murmured, feeling incredibly sad. But I didn´t feel that much pain anymore. It gave me hope that maybe someday, I would be able to remember the Cullens and the little time I got the share with them not only with pain, but also with happiness.
"But not yet," I whispered to my self as the pain in my chest increased as I fell deeper and deeper into the forbidden pool of the Cullens.
To get my mind of things, I started to analyze the penthouse. There was dust everywhere, but all the furnishers were covered with white sheets, so I hoped they weren´t half bad. It had a modern look to it, because Mr. Norths father had gotten it renovated five years ago when he thought he was going to be kicked out of his own house for lying about some money to his wife.
It had a slanting sealing that was more a giant window, and it was the most amazing thing of them all. The sealingwindow went all the way down to the floor at the right side of the combined living room and kitchen. On the left side, there was two doors, one that led into a bedroom, and another that went into the bathroom.
"Well, might as well start cleaning," I thought as I pulled my hair up in a ponytail. I would go out shopping when I was finished, so I at least had some clean underwear and cloths when I met my band tomorrow. The real shopping trip was going to have to wait. Mr. North had given me tons of cleaning equipment and wished me goof luck, so I got my iPod, turned up the volume and got to work.
***
Three hours later, I was finally done. It was now three in the afternoon on a Saturday, and I was so tired, I could have fallen asleep at my feet. But I had to go shopping before I went to bed, so I wrote a shopping list.
The place had towels, bed sheets and stuff like that, and all the furnishers were in good shape. The chairs in front of the small fireplace were all soft, velvet chairs in a deep, green colure that I really liked. Ironic, I liked green now? Hu...
All the wood in the house were a dark brown, almost black, and so was the kitchen. The living room/ kitchen walls had a creamy, off-white color, and the bedroom was painted in a nice, light, purple tone and the bathroom was white and light blue, with a bubble bath and a fancy shower. The place cleaned up nicely. I hope the same went for me.
While I was cleaning the bedroom, I reached up to pull of the white sheet that hang over what I presumed was a normal wardrobe. But when I pulled the sheet off, I immediately got Narnia associations. It was massive, with beautiful carvings of horses and birds. When I opened it, I almostexpected to see trees and snow, but what I saw, almost gave me a heartatack anyway. It was agiant, walk-in closet, complete with a giant mirror at the far end. Despite of not finding a magical land inside my walk-in closet, I decided to name it Narnia.
So the things I needed, was things like, soap, hair-products, food and some cloths. That had to do for today, because I had to get some sleep, soon! Christopher had told me that there was a little shop around the corner that sold every day things, so I went there first, and next door to that, there was a second hand cloths store. Perfect!
I got everything I needed in no time, I found two pair of well used jeans that looked really cool and felt really comfy. I also got a vibrantly blue, tight, v-necked t-shirt that said: Shine like a STAR! and some other t-shirts and tube tops. But the coolest thing I got, was an awesome, dark blue, chest length leather jacked. They also sold some first hand underwear (thank god!), so half an hour later, I dragged myself back to North Star Records, into the elevator, dropped everything in the hall and then collapsed on my bed. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. I didn´t hear the buzzing of my phone from my handbag.
***
When I woke up, I was confused. This wasn´t my room. I sat up and looked around. My purse was at the far end of the bed, and I grabbed it and dug out my phone. Five missed calls from Jacob Black. Then realization hit me, and it hit me hard. All the good feelings I had felt before I fell asleep was gone, and I felt empty inside, like there was nothing left of me anymore. I couldn´t breath.
I had slept with Jacob, and I had left him. He, my one love had left me. I had run away from home, I HAD SLEPT WITH JACOB!
Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I sat beside the toilet after I had said hi to my mini lunch again, and I felt so cold on the inside. I was shivering, so I quickly turned on the shower, I didn´t even striped of my cloths, and sat down in the hot, glass walled shower. Then, I cried.
I was so hopeless! I was a mess, and I was surely going to screw up this thing in Seattle too. I was some kind of terminator, I destroyed everything in my path.
"Hello? Anyone there?" I got such I fright, my heart went from "a little upset" beat to "crazy fast" beat in one second. Who the...? But my mind was too panicked already to care enough about the intruder.
"Hello?" The voice was near the bathroom now, and somewhere deep in my mind, I registered that it was a female voice.
"Hello? Oh, Jesus!" She exclaimed as she walked into the bathroom and saw me sitting in the steaming hot shower, fully dressed. She ran in to me and shut of the water, and then proceeded to try and get me up of the wet bathroom floor.
"Bella, are you OK?" The woman, or girl, somewhere in between I guessed, had dark brown eyes that looked worried, and long, braided black hair. She was tall too, and kind of beautiful. She put me down beside the counter, and looked around quickly until she found a big, fluffy white towel.
"Bella, look, I think we have to get you out of this wet cloths before you start freezing, then you´ll get sick." I just nodded, knowing she was right, but still in a state of panic. She helped me undress and then packed the towel securely around me. Somewhere in the process, we both ended up on the bathroom floor.
Finally, I managed to gather myself a bit and speak.
"I´m sorry..." I had no idea who this person was.
"Amanda," the woman said helpfully. "I´m the bassist in your band."
Oh crap, way to make a first impression.
"Well, I´m sorry Amanda, I-I just kind of had a panic attack w-when I woke up." I drew my fingers through my wet hair and shook my head. "I did something really stupid last night, and when I woke up this morning, going to Seattle seemed like my only choice, and I did feel better. And then, when I woke up just now after a nap, I just realized that I had slept with my best friend, and I broken his heart and lost my virginity and..." I cut myself off, I had really said too much. Poor Amanda, she was probably going run for the door screaming, and then call Mr. North and tell him that I was completely insane, and that he had to fire me.
Wow, I was really rambling...
I looked up at Amanda, expecting to see disapprovement, disgust or some other kind of awful, judgmental look, but all I saw in the brown eyes, were understanding and sadness. She smiled sadly at me.
" Oh Bella, I know the feeling. Though I didn´t sleep with my best friend, but rather with her boyfriend," she said shaking her head in shame. I looked at her more intently. Bur I was to polite to ask about what had happened. I just put my head in my hands and sighed.
"God I hate tequila," I muttered, and Amanda laughed a bitter laughter.
"I know the feeling. I was just so drunk at this one party, and when I woke up the next day, my my best friend´s boyfriend was in a bed beside me naked and my best friend stood in the door, crying and yelling at me to get out." Amanda shook her head at the memory, like she could see it all happening again in her head. "I ran away to my grandparents house, and I locked myself in there for a week. I was so ashamed and scared, because sex had been a big deal for me, and now I had just, you know, lost it. And I couldn´t even talk to my best friend about it, because she hated me."
I leaned my head against the wall, thinking how un-typical this was for me, sharing one of the biggest mistake of my life with a complete stranger. It was weird, put at the same time oddly comforting to know that I wasn´t the only one that had done something that stupid. Amanda seemed kind, even if she had done something stupid and hurt her best friend.
"How did you move on? How did you stop feeling so disgusted with yourself?" I asked silently. I felt like I never wanted to see my own face again in the mirror. I hated the wet, brown hair that hung around my face.
Amanda smiled halfheartedly at me. "Time I guess. It was the band that brought me back. My grandmother had rented out there garage to a local band, and I´d played the bass in a school thing, so I knew some bass-stuff. The bassist had moved to Nevada, so I just waited for them in the garage one afternoon and demanded to be a part of the band." Her smile widened at the thought. Then it turned into a grimace. "Oh, and I colored my hair bright pink. I am actually a blondie."
I managed a small smile. "I would´ve liked to look a little different too right now. I just need a change" I mumbled and pushed my hair away from my face aggressively. Amandas eyes widened as she got an idea.
"You know what Bella, I think it actually would help. I have a coloring-kit in my purse, I was going to do something crazy with my hair tonight, but why don´t I bleach your hair? It might make you feel better."
I had to laugh at the thought. Me, a blondie. Oh well, why not. Anything was better than the me I was now.
I nodded. "Sure, bring it on."