Chapter 9: Far, but yet on the same spot
"My good sirs, let me introduce you to the spanking new band Seattle Sunrise, and this is our very first hit, Once upon these days. So just sit back and enjoy the enchanting voice of Bella Swan and her amazing band!"
Amanda and I looked at each other and roller our eyes at Jacks overdramatic presentation of us, but I had learned quickly that Jack was a bit of a dramaqueen, or in his case, king. It was quite funny, actually, the way the different personalities of everyone in the band fitted together.
Allen: warm, kind and brotherly. He really had a gift when it came to playing the drums. He also liked to challenge Amanda to her limit of difficulty when it came to the bass voice, and Amanda challenge both Allen and Jack. They made each other better and the music more exciting, and Johnny made sure they all sounded good together and that no one was playing something too wired. Johnnys' word was law, which was good, because Jacks, Allens and Amandas discussions could get a bit heated.
"Ready Bella?" Johnny asked into my headphones, and I nodded nervously. Christopher and Mr. North were looking intently at us, and I could feel my palms go cold, as they always did when I was nervous, and I was glad that I didn't have to play the guitar.
"Count us in Allen!" shouted Jack.
"One, two, three four!"
The piano and the guitar started to play, and I closed my eyes and sang:
What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
Make me a storybook
Write me away from here
I need a different now
Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow a smile
I'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days
There's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Let's take a moment out
Go were we never go
Let's make a new world now
Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days
Then one day we'll find
 when we're looking back at this time
Wondering how we've come so far from this
When we close our eyes
What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What are we doing here
Who are we supposed to be
I'll take a better world
I'll take anything
I'll take our little world now
Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days
I tried to relax and sing the words of the song as personal as I could, because they were my words, my feelings, put into music. It was a bizarre feeling, the way all the band instruments made my song more than just a melody in my head, more than just a feeling in my ruined chest. The music filled my chest, and made the pain just a little more bearable.
The last chord faded away, and I looked up at Christopher and Mr. North, hoping not to see any kind of negative emotion on their faces. My fears were without reason, because the first thing I saw when I looked into the sound-booth was Christopher punishing his fists in the air and I had was sure he was shouting "Yes, yes!" inside the soundproof booth, and Mr. North was smiling that brilliant smile of his and talking on the phone.
"Pst, blonde, I think they liked your song," Allens voice stage-whispered smugly in my earphones, Amanda and Jack agreeing with a murmur of approval. I shook my head silently.
"Not my song, our song," I said back, "It's Johnny who is the musical genius, not me."
To my astonishment I could hear Johnny laughing. I guess he was out of his crazy-musician-mode and back to his old, joking self.
"Blonde," he said, Amandas nicknames had rubbed of on the other members of the band, and I was afraid that I was stuck with the nickname now. "I honestly don't care who did what, but you are the best inspiration I have had in years. Jesus, this is going to be one hell of a band."
"Johnny, you are more right than you can imagine." Christophers voice gave me a bit of a fright, I had gotten so used to the bands voices in my headphones, that his dark, excited voice came as a bit of a shock really. I looked back at him, his eyes were shining with some enormous feeling, with joy, a joy I would never feel again. Stop thinking about it Bella!
Christopher looked back at Mr. North, like he was looking for some kind of approval. Mr. North nodded and Christopher leaned into the little microphone right in front of him.
"Mr. North called some people while you played your song, made them listen to it." I felt my face get white, both from fright and expectations. What had those people on the other side of the line thought about our song? And what kind of people had they called anyway. I could feel the others expectation too.
"Guys... Congratulations, you have your first gig monday night at the Music Box!" I couldn't believe it! Our first gig, and from the sound of the others cheers, the Music Box wasn't just any music bar. What Christopher told us next, confirmed my suspicions.
" This is great, the Music Box is the place for new bands to show off, make an impression, make people look. Everyone that matters will have someone there, major music-magazines, managers looking for warm up bands to tour with their bands, music critics."
Oh my, this was big, REALLY big. Suddenly, someone was pulling my headphones off, folded two arms around my waist and lifted me up, spinning me around and yelling of pure happiness. It was Jack of course, and he spun me to the place where I had met the whole band for the first time only two short hours ago, and everyone else joined us there, yelling, smiling and laughing.
I was glad to of course, but I still felt a bit remote, like I wasn't a part of the ceos of happiness that surrounded me. The tough of Jake and him, the people that had was the source of my music. Sure, the music helped me, but it also made me think about them. And that made me think about dad. Shit, I had to call Charlie, he was probably freaking out right now. But I had left my cell, and my purse for that matter, in the apartment upstairs.
"Hey guys, I just have to go call... someone," I said hesitantly, I didn't want to spoil the mood for the others. Allen nodded.
"Yeah, I have to call Rebecca and tell her too," said Allen and pulled his cell out of his shirt pocket and walk out the door, me following him. I saw Amanda sending him a weird glance, but I didn't think much of it. I just sprinted out of the recording studio aria, took the elevator up to the third third floor and locked myself into the apartment, my apartment.
I had five missed calls, and the las one was from Charlie, so I didn't wast time checkin who the others was from, they were probably from him too. He picked up on the second ring, it was after all a monday and he'd be at work at this time of the day. He sounded a bitt stressed out, but when I told him everything was fine, and that I had gotten the contract, a band, an apartment for free and a job already, he seemed to calm down.
"Well Bells, maybe this wasn't a bad idea after all. I mean, you seem to have gotten everything in order." Then he paused, and I sensed that there was a "but" coming.
"But are you sure this is what you want? Moving out and quitting school and everything. Have you talked to your mother about this?"
He had found the grand flaw in my not so well planed plan. Mom. I had no idea what so ever what she would think of my sudden wish of becoming a musician. Sure, this was the kind of thing she easily could have done herself when she was my age, but she always wanted me to be something more that she ever was.
"Dad, honestly, I am not so sure this is the wisest thing to do, but it is what I really want to do," I said, deliberately not answering the part about mom. I closed my eyes, and sat down at the soft bed. "All I know right now is that I need this," I whispered into the cell, and I could almost hear Charlie shaking his head.
"Ok Bells, I trust you honey, I always have. But are you coming home to pick up some of your stuff soon then? I mean, you need your clothes and... stuff." I smiled as he said that, yes, I REALLY needed my clothes.
"Sure sure, I'll come by tomorrow," I said, but then I remembered I had left my car at home, and quickly added: "or something." There was some kind of turmoil at the Charlies end, and I hear him talking to someone.
"Look Bells, I have to go, but be careful. I'll se you tomorrow then. Bye."
"I will, bye dad."
CLICK
I looked at the my cell without really seeing it, thinking. Number one: how was I going to get to Forks tomorrow without a car? Number two: I really should call mom.
I decided that calling mom could wait another day, and was about to put my cell away when I saw that I hat four more unanswered calls and two messages, and I froze. They were from Jake.
The first text said:
Bella, where r u? Look, I'm sorry, please call me, OK?
Tears stinging in my eyes, read the next one two, best to just do it now.
Bella, I've read it, please call me back.
Three of the unanswered calls were from him too, and I couldn't hold back the tears that slowly rolled down my checks. Oh Jake. What should I do? What should I do? Crap. Shit.
I had to answer him, I couldn't just keep him hanging. He might become so desperate that he would go see Charlie, now THAT would be a full blown disaster. He deserved the right to something more than a stupid letter. So I walked into the living room, dried my eyes and tried to compose myself.
He picked up right away.
"Bella, my god, I am SO glad you finally called, I was so worried. Bella, I am sorry OK? I know it was stupid and a huge mistake. I mean, I don't regret it or anything, but I understand that you don't... Look, are you home? The woman at the reception said that you had taken a taxi home, so I knew you were safe home at least, but I didn't want to intrude on you. Can I come over? We really need to talk and..."
"Jake," I said, interrupting his babbling. He stopped and I could hear him breathing heavily on the other end, like he had ran a marathon or something. I took a deep breath, and decided to start with the thing that was the easiest to talk about.
"Jake, I am no at home," I said. "I'm... Well I'm kind of home, but not in Forks," I said silently, turning my back to the door and looking out over the little part of Seattle I could see. "I'm in Seattle."
"What? But, how.. Why? What's in Seattle of all places?" Jake spattered, confusion and frustration coloring his voice. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the cool glass of my window.
"Actually, I got a job here and an apartment." No use in prolonging the inevitable, best just to jump into it. "Jake, what happened... My feelings... The motel..." This was so hard! I tried again. "Jake, you know I love you, you read my letter. But we... we crossed a line that night, and..." Tears, so many tears. Wasn't there a limit to how many tears one person could produce in such a short time?
"Bella, don't," Jake whispered, but I had to get it out.
"Our friendship is over Jake. I'm so sorry, but. It means something so different to you, everything that we do together. We just can't." I was weirdly calm, the tears had even stopped falling, at leas for a little while.
"No, NO! I won't let you run away from me like this, from everything. I can live with us just being friends, I get it now. Please, can't we just pretend like it never happened?"
"Like it never, LIKE IT NEVER HAPPEND?" I was shouting now, I was so frustrated, and a little angry. "Jake, we had sex, SEX! Not that I remember anything of it, I was way to drunk, but that's not something I can just forget. My first time was supposed to be different, suppose to mean something to me. I can't... Jake, I'm not blaming you, but..."
"I see." His voice was stone cold, and I felt like someone had dropped that cold stone on to my stomach again. "You don't remember do you, so that's how you're going to play it." What was he talking about. Hadn't be been just as drunk too. Then it hit me. Drunk, yes, but not totally gone. He remembered. Oh my god, what had I said while I was waisted?
"Jake, I swear, I blacked out in the bar after the tequila shots, I don't remember..."
"Bullshit Bella, you where the one that initiated it. YOU told me to book us in to that hotel, YOU kissed me back Bella, you told me..." He stopped, swallowing loudly before continuing. "You weren't that drunk, hell you even insisted on using the condom, you put it on for god sake!" He was yelling now, and I was banging my head against the window harder and harder. I couldn't remember anything, to the... condom, oh my god, I had put a condom on... or anything else.
"You got to believe me Jake, I don't remember anything of it, I swear! If I had been the leas bit present, I would never have kissed you." I knew the words were the wrong once the second they were out of my mouth. But I was so angry and sad, I didn't really care.
"OK," he said silently. "I think you're right Bella, we can't be friends anymore." How I hated to know that right here and now, I had finished of the job of totally and thoroughly breaking Jacob Blacks heart. The tears I that had so magically disappeared still kept their distance as he hung up on me, and all I could hear was my own breathing. I slowly lowered the cell from my ear and opened my eyes.
There, it was done. I had let him go. Even if he thought that I had lied to him, it was better that he hated me and moved on that way, that waiting around for something that was never going to happen. He'd be broken for a while, sure, but he would move on, meet someone new, someone much better than me and have a wonderful life without me. It stung a bit, to think of Jake with an other girl.
I turned around to got to the bathroom and clean up a bit before I'd run back down to the others, pretending like everything was all right and try to get on with my new life, when I stopped dead in my tracks. There, standing in the doorway of the apartment, my apartment, was Johnny, his face filled with so many expressions I couldn't find one to focus on.
A.N: Sooo, thats the next chapter. I hope you like it. It's harder to write a fanfiction than I thought, but it's fun, so I'll keep going.
Pleas review if you liked it, or if you didn't.
This is the same song as the one that I used in the last chapter.