Author Notes: Don't own HP
The next morning Rose sat at the dining room table, she already eradicated the whistling socks, when Lynn slipped into the door.
"Morning." Rose sipped her tea, startling Lynn.
"Uh, morning." Lynn replied, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before sitting down. She rubbed her temple. "Boys up yet?"
"No, incidentally, why were you moving around so much last night? I heard you in the library, then upstairs, then back to the living room. The voices again?" Rose folded her hands and examined Lynn over her fingertips.
"Yeah, mostly I think they are excited by our visitors." Lynn said. "And I may have thought I heard my name being called so it sent me running..."
"I see, so what were you doing upstairs?" Rose closed her eyes patiently.
"Was going to sleep with Quirrell-" Lynn started to say but glanced at the door wide eyed when Voldemort pushed it open, yawning and scratching his stomach. He wore a pair of over-sized black pj's and looked half asleep.
"You were going to do wha?" Voldemort squinted at Lynn like he had just been thumped in the belly.
"Sleep with Quirrell," Lynn said quickly, "Now if you'd excuse me. I, uh, I am going to find some pep-me up potion..." She left the room, entering the kitchen.
Voldemort looked stunned, "Dude, what the fuck?"
Rose sighed and rubbed her eyes.
"Is that what Quirrell meant when he said she wanted to make her intentions know? That crazy moves fast!"
"No, she just likes him."
"LIKES him, fuck, she wanted to sleep with him!" Voldemort waved his arms around in exasperation.
"Maybe, but Lynn is...different." Rose sighed.
"No shit. Quirrell's a sensitive, quiet little-"
At that moment Quirrell shuffled in clutching a stuffed squirrell. "Were you guys talking about me?" He asked, rubbing an eye with a free hand.
"Uh, see? See what I'm talking about? Look at him! He's fucking adorable, she's gonna take his innocence!" Voldemort gestured up and down at Quirrell. "And I can't live with that!"
Quirrell looked over at Voldemort with a confused look. "Okay? Your welcome?"
Voldemort wrapped his arms protectively around Quirrell, covering his ears, "She can't do that to him! He's too young for that sort thing! His innocent, virgin ears are now scarred for life!"
"Uh, Voldemort, you're a virgin too." Rose stifled a giggle.
"Bu- that's besides the point! Quirrell so innocent, he covers his eyes when he showers, for goodness sake! He never even saw himself naked until I attached myself to his soul!"
"Really?" Rose snickers.
"I find that hard to believe." Lynn said coming back with a goblet.
"You shut up, you, you, pedophile!" Voldemort backed up with Quirrell in tow.
"Well that is a new one," Lynn said, with a sigh. "And may I ask why you are calling me a pedo?"
"Just keep your hands off his man parts, or else, you whore!" Voldemort put Quirrell behind himself, pointing accusingly at her. "He is too young for your shenanigans, back off and take a step back!"
Rose calmly watched the scene, lazily waving her wand and muttering, "It's too early for this shit."
"Um, I am a virgin, so I can't be a whore." Lynn said sipping her potion, feeling quite drained from lack of sleep. What she was on the third? fifth day now? No, it had to be longer then that, since the potion wasn't working too great. "Plus I agree, it is too early in the morning for this, plus I am to exhausted to fight with you over things I have no idea what caused you to grow this upset... I mean seriously."
"I-I, uh, hm...How did we get on this subject anyway?" Voldemort released Quirrell and sat down, now totally drained from his tirade. Quirrell sat down with a nervous glance at Voldemort.
"I don't know..." Quirrell said, clearing his throat. "So how'd everyone sleep?"
"Like the dead." Rose sighed.
"I hate all of you..." Voldemort moaned from where his head was buried in his arms. "Except Quirrell..."
"What about you, Lynn." asked Quirrell politely.
"Oh," Lynn said draining the potion before saying, blankly, "I didn't."
"You didn't?" Quirrell asked confused.
"Lynn is a chronic insomniac." Rose poured Voldemort some tea.
"Ever since...what almost a year ago?" Lynn sighed. "My brother still doesn't look at me the same way."
"..." Voldemort, after considering what just was revealed about Lynn's character, chose not to comment. (Or rather what he thought was her character)
Quirrell on the other hand, ask curiously, "Why what happened a year ago?"
"Something I wouldn't wish on my darkest of enemies. Two years... Two fucking years I can't remember," Lynn said laying her head on the table, moaning, "I'm so tired."
"So, now that that's out of the way, what should we do today?" Rose calmly patted Lynn's head and passed her some tea.
"We could see a movie," Quirrell threw in, glancing over at Lynn worriedly.
"I was thinking of something more aesthetic, like a walk or we could go down to the park and jinx small children." Voldemort lifted his head up.
"Yes, we could do that, and we have a roller-rink, so Voldemort can break in his new skates." Rose took out a scrap of parchment and started to jot down notes.
"That sounds like fun," Lynn said, pulling herself off the table and sipped a bit of the tea.
"Right, I'll get out the family broomsticks and Lynn, grab everyone's cloaks." Rose strode out of the room with Lynn close behind. "We can get breakfast at this little cafe down the road.
"They always make the best hot chocolates." Lynn said her voice carrying, "And Rose can you explain to me why Voldemort was making such a racket."
Voldemort sat watching Quirrell sipping his tea. "Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell. My little Quirinius."
"Yes, Voldemort?" Quirrell smiled at Voldemort.
"You little Casanova, you. All this time you were holding out on me. Making me think I had to pick up chicks for you. Now I know your secret." Voldemort smiled and patted Quirrell's head gently.
"I'm afraid I don't follow you." Quirrell said, confused.
"You've got that girl so hot for you, she's burning up the chair.." Voldemort chuckled softly.
Quirrell blushed a deep red and clutched his stuffed squirrel. "Why do you say that, Voldemort?"
"That right there! You get ten times more adorable when you blush like that. Fuck, I'd do you in a heart beat. I-If I was a girl, I mean." Now Voldemort blushed, though out of embarrassment. The two stared at each other in awkward silence.
"Boys, we're leaving in twenty minutes!" Rose called from the stairs.
"Okay!" Voldemort shouted back.
"So, I'm going to get changed... You stay here..." Quirrell said. "I'm going to my room. No following now." He zipped out of the room, fully knowing but just wanted to deal payback to Voldemort for treating him like a child. He was a grown man was he not!
"Quirrell, that was hypothetical! I-I'm not gay! I like bitches!" Voldemort whined as he dashed to his own room.
Rose and Lynn buckled under hysterical, muffled giggles.
"Oh my gawd, that was hilarious!" Rose wiped away mirth-tears and put the recording device back in her pocket. "This is good blackmail material."
"Not every day you get that on the Dark Lord." laughed Lynn. "Poor Quirrell though. I hope he knows he was only kidding."
"I think he does, but you gotta admit, that was frickin' hilarious." Rose straightened up and went back to the kitchen.
Today Rose was dressed in a crimson robe that had buttons from navel to neck and split at the waist, her tall leather boots were knee- high, and a snake headband. Lynn was wearing a black robe with an under color that showed of yellow. It had a hood that's inside was the same color as the underside of the robe. She wore black boots and was fiddling with her wand will she waited for the boys to come down. Fifteen minutes went by.
"Boys, if you aren't down here in five minutes, we will come up there and tickle you, whether you are dressed or not is entirely up to you." Rose warned.
Meanwhile-
Quirrell paniced and started throwing on any article of clothing he could find.
Voldemort smiled, sprawled out on the bed, buck-naked, "Come and get it."
As if knowing his plan, Rose yelled, "I'll send Lynn!"
"EEEKK!" Voldemort shrieked and pulled on his boxers.
"Wild Lynn appearing soon!" giggled the older girl.
"I'M DRESSED! DAMN YOU! I'M DRESSED!" Voldemort pulled on a black sweatshirt as he flew out of the room, smacking into a frazzled Quirrell.
"Three... Twoo... Two and a half men... Onee..." Lynn called out.
"Out of my fucking way, Quirrell, every man for himself!" Voldemort shoved Quirrell out of his way and leaped down the stairs. Quirrell was following quickly after him in the midst of a panic attack.
"An- Oh look, here they are." giggled Lynn, pointing at the two frazzled men rushing down the stairs in utter panic. Quirrell was wearing a pair of baggy jeans, a blue T-shirt and had his wand stuffed in his front pocket.
"Is that a wand in your pocket," Lynn asked teasingly. She raised her eyebrow, bursting into a fit of giggles, "Or are you just happy to see me."
Voldemort hastily took Quirrell's wand and put it in the back pocket. Quirrell tugged on his shirt nervously. "Uh, no."
"Shall we?" Rose handed out broomsticks to everyone.
"Right let's go." Voldemort mounted his broom and glared at Lynn.
"Oh, Quirinius, that broom isn't working, but you can ride with Lynn." Rose took the broom from Quirrell.
"I don't bite." Lynn said, with a soft smile.
"NO! He will ride my broom and noone else's!" Voldemort pointed at Lynn.
They all stared at Voldemort. "Uh, I didn't mean that quite the way I said it..."
"Oookay." Rose turned and opened the door.
"I'm not gay!" Voldemort shouted.
"Fine, he gets your broom." Lynn shrugged, making it sound dirty as she said before leaving, "But I gets to ride him the way back,"
"You sick twisted whore!" Voldemort ran after them.
Quirrell shrugged, either not really catching what Lynn said or perhaps not caring, and followed Voldemort outside.
Later...
"And here we are." Rose slipped her broom back into her robe. She walked calmly into the cafe and took a seat in a booth. Voldemort slid into the spot next to her. Quirrell and Lynn took the opposite spaces. A waitress came and gave them menus.
"Thanks," Lynn said, looking over the menu, her eyes darting back and forth from page to page, before glancing over at the rest of the group. "So what you all getting? I'm personally having some french toast and hot chocolate."
"A waffles with some hashbrowns."
"I think I'll have an omelet." Voldemort set his menu aside.
"Definitely eggs and bacon with hash browns." Rose pulled out a napkin and set it on her lap.
Lynn scrunched up her nose. "Ew."
"What you don't like egg?" Quirrell asked.
"No, I usually get eggs... Just today is a day I don't like them." Lynn said softly.
"Odd, aren't you?" Voldemort scanned the dessert menu.
"Quiet Tom." Rose took the dessert menu from him. "No dessert after breakfast, you'll get an upset tummy."
Voldemort went rigid. "What did you call me?"
"Your name is Tom is it not?" Rose coolly held the dessert menu out of reach as Voldemort made a snatch for it.
"No one calls me 'Tom"! My name is Vol-"
"How y'all doin' today?" The waitress smacked her gum and held onto a pad of paper.
"Just fine, I'll have the eggs and bacon with hash browns and an orange juice. Lynn?"
"French toast with a hot chocolate, please." Lynn said with a pleasent smile.
"And I'll have some waffles with a side of hash browns. With a coffee, black." Quirrell gathered the menus.
"And you?" The waitress tapped her pencil on the table.
"Um..." Voldemort stared blankly at her.
"What d'ya want to eat, Tom?" Rose nudged him in the ribs.
"Oof! Uh, I want an omelet, and coffee, five sugars and three creams." Voldemort glared at Rose as she walked away.
"You said creams."Lynn giggled, leaning on Quirrell, though went unnoticed by everyone.
"Don't call me 'Tom'. Such a common name..." Voldemort traced the mug-circles on the table.
"Nothing wrong with that." Rose raised an eyebrow at him.
"Easy for you to say, Rose...oh."
"My siblings names are Hondrous, Kysis, Barin, Minatte, Siluliah and Tiluliah, and my parents names were Satara and Romulous...don't talk to me about common names." Rose narrowed her eyes, "Besides there's nothing wrong with 'Tom', I like it."
Voldemort blinked, leaning closer to her, "You do?"
"Yes." Rose leaned in.
"Guys, I'd hate to ruin your moment but," Quirrell pointed at Lynn who was asleep. Her head on his shoulder. "What should we do about this?"
"Hm? Oh, just leave her." Rose sat back in her seat.
Voldemort shot death-stares at Quirrell, for ruining his moment, then at Lynn, for being Lynn. "She's doing that on purpose..."
"Doing what on purpose?" Rose stared at him.
"Don't you see? This is her plan! She 'falls asleep' on Quirrell and BAM! she hits second base without poor Quirrell being aware of what's going on! I must stop her!" Voldemort leaned forward over the table.
"What are you talking about Voldemort?" Quirrell said swatting him away with his only usable arm. "Let her sleep. The poor girl is exhausted, can't you see it, Voldemort, she's not planning anything. Rose, you said she is an insomniac, when is the last time she actually slept."
"Hm...about a week ago, I think." Rose grabbed the back of Voldemort's sweatshirt, forcing him back into his seat. "Tom, behave, you make a scene in here and I'll ground you for a month. Gods, I can't take you anywhere."
Voldemort crossed his arms and brooded, "You can't ground the Dark Lord.", until the waitress came with the food.
"Here ya go." She passed out the dishes at which time, Lynn's head snapped up in full alertness.
"Foods here? Wow that was fast." Lynn said, glancing in awe of the food in front of her.
"Lynn, you've been passed out for almost ten minutes. Oh, and you drooled on Quirinius's shirt." Rose pointed her fork in Quirrell's direction.
"Did I?" Lynn asked rubbing the back of her neck, before looking over at Quirrell, rather embarrassed. "Er, sorry about that. I don't often fall asleep in public."
"See, she practically ate his shoulder, now do you think I'm being silly?"
"Tom, you're making a scene." Rose quietly ate her eggs.
"But, Rose, I-"
"Do I have to start counting? Quirinius is a big boy, he can take care of himself. Now eat
your breakfast."
Voldemort sat back down, ate his omelet, but not without grumbling.
"Yeah, he's a big boy!" Lynn said sipping on her hot chocolate.
"Lynn, don't add to the problem." Rose sipped her orange juice.
"Sorry," the older girl replied lowering her head as she began eating her waffles quietly.
"Can I ask why exactly, Voldemort began feeling the need to defend my virtue?" Quirrell asked finally.
"Never mind, Quirinius, that matter has been taken care of, right, Tom?" Rose poked Voldemort in the ribs again.
"Ow, er, yes...it has." Voldemort sulkily finished his food.
"Um, okay?" Quirrell said still confused on the whole matter.
The waitress came back with the bill. "So, who gets the bill?"
"She does." Voldemort pointed at Rose.
The waitress smiled and handed Rose the bill, "Well, usually the boyfriend pays." and walked away.
Voldemort whipped out his wand, Rose grabbed his sweatshirt. "Please, please let me kill her..."
"You're grounded!" Rose pulled him back down to the seat.
"What? Why?"
"Tom, I warned you, now shut up or I'll take away your wand."
Voldemort gasped, clutching his wand. (Interpret this any fucking way you want X3)
Quirrell covered his mouth smirking into it, amused that the Dark Lord had gotten grounded. He was tempted to say something more, but just instead watched in total amusement. Lynn did less to hide her amusement, as her laughter trinkled through the area.
"Okay, on to the park. Come along children." Rose stood and led the way back outside.
"Why am I always the one in trouble?" Voldemort muttered.
"Maybe because you are causing trouble?" Lynn tossed in and Quirrell had to bit his lip from laughing.
"Ergh...Quirrell stop that." Voldemort thumped Quirrell's arm, none too gently.
"OW! That hurts you know," Quirrell said rubbing his arm. He smacked him back.
"THEY'RE FIGHTING!" Lynn yelled.
Rose sighed, turned around and walked up to the three, grabbed ahold of Quirrell's hair and Voldemort's ear, and jerked her hands down, hard.
"OW!" Voldemort yelped.
"OW! He started it!"
"I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it! Tom, say you're sorry." Rose let Quirrell go.
"No..." Voldemort tried to wrench her hand off of his ear.
"Now, Tom."
"No! He deserved it!" Voldemort grimaced as Rose let go.
"Okay then, we're going home. Mount up, people." Rose pulled out her broom.
"What? But-" Voldemort got all wide-eyed.
"Nice going, Tom." Lynn muttered, with a drawn out sigh.
"But-" Voldemort started to cry.
"Thanks Voldemort..." Quirrell said, rolling his eyes.
"I'M SORRY!" Voldemort grabbed Rose's robe. "There I said it, see? I'm sorry!"
"No, now don't make another scene. Quirinius, you'll ride Tom's broom, Tom you'll come with me. Lynn, you can take Quirinius to the park if you wish. I'm taking Tom home."
"You get 'em girl," Lynn said with a teasing laugh. "Come on Quirrell."
"Lynn, he is being punished!" Rose shouted as they took off. "Humph, come along, Tom."
By this time Voldemort is a weeping mess, "But-But I-I brought my skates..."
"Get on this broom right now."
Voldemort climbed onto the broom and they were off.