17. Unrequited Love
Word Count: 1773
Yamamoto was bleeding.
It repeated itself over and over in Tsuna's head as Yamamoto stood at his bedroom door, the night had already long past settled, and oh my god, Yamamoto was bleeding.
A cracked grin broke out on Yamamoto's face.
"Yo, Tsuna."
Tsuna tore his gaze away from the gaping wound on Yamamoto's chin and looked up at his Rain, panic and concern filling his features.
"Yamamoto, what happened?"
It didn't escape Tsuna how Yamamoto's grin widened with too much strain. Tsuna shook his head, "No, that can wait. We need to get that healed. I should go wake up Onii-san and-"
"Maa, how about you not?"
Something was very wrong with Yamamoto, and it wasn't just the cut. Tsuna's words died in his throat as he looked into Yamamoto's eyes. The smile was sad, weak, almost desperate on his lips.
"You can fix me up, right? Please…just let it stay between us two. Just us."
He eyes showed it all tenfold.
Tsuna felt a bubble of anger rise as well as a sinking in his heart at it.
"…You do realize if I do it'll scar right? I don't have any Sun flames, only medical tools."
His smile only eased slightly. "That's fine."
Tsuna sighed, tiredness not from waking up in the middle of the night, and gripped Yamamoto's hand, ignoring the warm tingles that spread, and lead him into his room and to his bathroom. He tried to ignore how much blood was still flowing as he seated Yamamoto on the lid of the toilet and moved to gather supplies. The restroom seemed loud despite how the only noises made were sounds of Tsuna's quick movements and arranging, and the sound of Yamamoto's labored breaths.
Tsuna knelt down in front of Yamamoto and brought his eyes to Yamamoto's bloodied chin, briefly pausing to watch the blood trail down a muscled tan neck and felt his stomach curl. He took in a deep breath, both for the effect of calming and anticipation, and picked up a small box covered in tints and shades of yellow.
"I thought you didn't have a Sun Box Weapon."
Tsuna's smile was wry as he lit his Vongola Sky Ring, "I said I don't have any Sun flames. My Sky flames will work, you know, as it does for all the other ones, but it won't be as strong and effective." Tsuna inserted the flame and a medical spatula, dosed in Sky flames and a hint of Sun, flew out the box and into Tsuna's hand. "The best I can do with this is stop the bleeding."
Yamamoto only nodded.
Silence once again enveloped the two as Tsuna channeled the flames and worked on the injury. Tsuna could feel Yamamoto's eyes trained on him and he chose not to acknowledge it; the intensity of his stare was making him nervous and sending butterflies fluttering about his stomach, but now wasn't the time for that.
Yamamoto needed him, just for this moment.
Tsuna eyed the wound critically before deeming the blood stopped and grabbed a towel at his feet and a bottle of alcohol. He felt Yamamoto stiffen and Tsuna only smiled apologetically at him. He poured the liquid on the towel and leaned in toward the wound. "I'll be as gentle as I can," he spoke lowly as reassurance and a warning, and pressed the towel to the wound.
Yamamoto's hiss seemed to echo and bounce along the tiles, and Tsuna grabbed Yamamoto's hand with a comforting squeeze. Yamamoto's eyes snapped to Tsuna in surprise but it quickly vanished as Tsuna pressed the towel to the wound again.
Tsuna wasn't sure how long he kept pressing the towel to Yamamoto's chin, how many times he heard Yamamoto hiss, how many times he squeezed Yamamoto's hand or how many times he squeezed back. He was just glad when he felt Yamamoto grip his hand tighter and said in a voice coarse and raw from exhaustion and pain, "It doesn't sting anymore."
Tsuna nodded numbly and set down the alcohol soaked towel, making for another towel, lightly soaked as well, only with water. Tsuna gingerly placed the cool towel on Yamamoto's neck and swiftly wiped the blood away, not doing anything else, trying not to do anything else, and then lightly dabbed the blood away on his chin. There was a breathy chuckle.
"I can't feel my chin, Tsuna."
Tsuna paused, eyes flicking to Yamamoto's with a small, barely noticeable, wry smile. "That's because the alcohol has a numbing solution in it." He continued dabbing, "You'll need it for when I…you know."
Yamamoto didn't respond. Tsuna figured his nerves wouldn't have been able to handle it if he had as he leaned back.
He placed the towel down, eyes already on the sterilized needle and thread beside him at his feet.
Tsuna released a shaky breath and picked up the materials.
His hands were shaking.
"Tsuna, I-"
Tsuna quickly shook his head, eyes hardening yet still lingered hesitation. "This is something I have to do. I'll just do it with my Dying Will." His words quirked up Yamamoto's lips in faint amusement that vanished when the needle sunk into his skin.
Tsuna willed himself not to pay attention to the light tremors Yamamoto's body released as he pushed the needle in and out the layers of skin, tried not to let tears into his eyes at every little pained whimper that Yamamoto made, and willed his hands to stay steady though Yamamoto's hands spasmed on the toilet rim, unclenching slightly and tightly clenching, and though Yamamoto's smile never returned to his lips and was replaced with a pained grimace.
Tsuna was only faintly aware that he was talking, soothingly, apologetically, though nothing could calm Yamamoto as Tsuna accidently pierced the raw broken skin with his needle. Yamamoto gave a shout and his hands curled around the toilet snapped to Tsuna's biceps in a vice grip that would bruise and tears welled in Tsuna's as he apologized repeatedly and pushed the needle in and out and tugged and let Yamamoto's muffled whimpers sew holes in his heart, without a binding thread to keep them sealed.
And Tsuna finished as the tears spilled over his cheeks. The needle and thread fell from his hands with a small sound; it seemed to echo as it hit spool of thread clambered to the ground and Yamamoto's whimpers were silenced, his only sound was his harsh breathing. Tsuna could feel in the back of his head that Yamamoto was staring at him but he couldn't bring himself to care as he stared at his trembling hands wide eyed and nerves burnt out. His body started to tremble and he knew he needed to calm down. Thumbs smoothing circles on his arms helped as he took deep breaths and closed his eyes.
Yamamoto was alright.
He was in pain, he caused some of that pain, yes, but he was okay.
Yamamoto will be okay.
Tsuna's body stopped shaking and he gave Yamamoto a gentle, appreciative look, "Thank you, Yamamoto. I honestly needed that."
Yamamoto tried to grin; Tsuna could tell by how his face twitched when his smile got too wide, and it became strained because of it, "I should be thanking you. You're the one who sewed me up. So, thanks, Tsuna."
Tsuna only gave a slightly forced smile in return. He reached out and tried to grab the bathtub knobs, to get a bath running for Yamamoto, but his arm moved up slightly and the grip Yamamoto had on him tightened, keeping Tsuna's arms at his side. Tsuna took in a sharp breath, pain and a fluttery emotion in stomach as the cause, and gave a nervous look at the taller male. "I-I'm going to run the bath for you, Yamamoto. But I'm going to need you to, um, let go."
Yamamoto's grip tightened; Tsuna knew something was wrong.
The dark shadow around his eyes and the grimace only attested to it.
"Yamamoto," Tsuna reached with his forearms and only managed to touch his knee, "what's the matter?"
Yamamoto's brows furrowed tight to the point the crinkles were the only force not allowing them to conjoin.
"Tsuna…
"Did you feel like you wanted to die when I rejected your feelings?"
Something dropped to the pit of Tsuna's stomach and his throat constricted so tight he felt like he couldn't breathe.
Yamamoto's smile became wry.
"I confessed to Squalo today."
The hand at Tsuna's side tightened into a fist and his already long broken heart seemed to break even more.
Yamamoto laughed; the sound was broken, "He rejected my feelings. Said he wouldn't even give a brat like me that kind of time. And of course, like the idiot I am, I didn't give up," his next laugh seemed more broken than the last, more crushed, "I tried to kiss him. To show him I was worth it."
The hands around Tsuna's biceps dug into muscle through skin and clothes. Tsuna tried to hold back fresh tears as Yamamoto's laugh was false, shattered, almost crazed.
"He tried to slash my whole face. I moved and he only nicked my chin but he kicked me to the ground and stared at me with all the bloodlust he had to offer. Squalo- H-he told me to leave, that I had fallen lower than scum, that I was w-weak and I-I-"
Yamamoto's face crumbled and the tears in Tsuna's eyes fell as Yamamoto's spilled.
"I-I couldn't take that intensity so I ran. I ran and I crawled back to you because I felt like sh-shit and you've probably felt like that for years e-every time I-"
And in a second, Yamamoto had Tsuna in his arms, body shaking in suppressed sobs. Tsuna stared at the wall behind him, eyes wide and tearful, mind blank and feeling empty though feelings burst in his heart and accelerated its pulse.
And Yamamoto held him closer, yelling out apologies and his guilt. He yelled out how he was sorry, how he was stupid, that he shouldn't have shot him down, not like that, not like Tsuna's feelings didn't mean anything, that he never should have talked about Squalo like everything was okay when it wasn't, that it shouldn't have been Tsuna to pick up their friendship by himself, that he should have given Tsuna a chance-
Tsuna only wrapped his arms around Yamamoto's waist, eyes watery and so inconceivably sad, and whispered,
"But that's unrequited love, Yamamoto. The one loving is supposed to get hurt like that."
Yamamoto's cry was pained and he held Tsuna closer, tighter.